With the very best holiday ever fast approaching (take a hike, Arbor Day/Grandparents Day!), it's time to start thinking seriously about what costume to wear this Halloween. Luckily, from drama to comedy to reality and beyond (...not that much beyond), television offers a plethora of excellent choices. Let's take a look:
This October 31st, why not be "the one who knocks" ...on doors for treats that is! At this point there are enough versions of Albuquerque's finest Chukka-booted drug lord to rival elements in the periodic table, but if we're talking just this past season, then fans have a few main iterations to choose from:
1. The flashforwarded, 52-year-old, scruffy-hair-having, black-frames Walt
2. The behatted, growly-ass Heisenberg Walt
3. The always welcome chemical-suit-and-facemask, "up in the cook," "Mr. White" Walt.
Whichever you pick, here's a tip: Instead of gluing on a fake goatee, just heat up a bag of fun-sized Three Musketeers in the microwave for about 22 seconds, stir the gooey contents in a bowl, sit on your hands, and consume that nougaty mix faster than an alley tweaker on a blue-hot bender. Instant facial hair!
All Hallow's Eve is the perfect time to be a fake person/creature/idea AND get political. Why not do some of that, and hit the streets as Homeland's Carrie Mathison. Simply slap on a pant suit, plug a finger in your ear, and stare down everyone in the vicinity like they are a secret terrorist (ESPECIALLY folks dressed as M&Ms;). For added realism, phone in an actual bomb threat to the same party you are at, then keep your cool while others scramble for safety. Stand on the couch and announce "remain calm citizens, I found the bomb: it's... ME!" If the host doesn't make you leave, then sidle up to the oldest person with a beard and whisper "That was a close one, Saul. That was a close one." (WARNING: You may never be invited to things again).
This quirksotic gal is a great choice for those who can only afford thrift-store costumes, OR for boring mainstream sorts looking for an excuse to get bangs/dress "indie." Either way Jess from New Girl is a simple charmer sure to please the room. IMPORTANT: The key to a convincing Jessica Day is her stunning peepers, however one should NEVER purchase used cosmetic contact lenses from any sort of thrift store, or person standing by a car, in order to change one's eye color—even if the lenses have been sterilized by soaking them in a glass of water that is sitting in the sun (beware eye fleas). Also, it is imperative to monitor one's adorkable levels throughout the night. If you find your head jammed inside a trick-or-treat pillowcase singing made up songs to candy, know that adorkability has reached dangerous levels and it is time to go home and draw a bath. Just remember to wash the towels!
Or how about "Honey Boo Boo" from the critically acclaimed Here Comes Honey Boo Boo? Ah, the diabetic cheeks that launched a thousand eyeballs (at the TV) and captured the heart of a rubber-necking nation. This charismatic pageant competitor/adorable victim of circumstance (nee Alana Thompson) is Halloween incarnate: flashy outfits, a biological make-up that is mostly sugar, and a day-to-day existence mirroring the unchecked wildness of the holiday. Plus, her nickname already has ghost words in it ("Boo!"). Simply whip up a bottle of "Go-Go Juice" (Mountain Dew and Red Bull), spray down a ballerina tutu with gold paint, pop on a sparkly cowgirl hat, and strut the streets like your parents lost track of your whereabouts five hours ago while eating Domino's Brownie Squares and "sketti."
Of course, no list would be complete without a costume option that is just scary as crap. Enter this dope-looking prison zombie from The Walking Dead's Season 3 premiere. All this nasty number takes is some prison blues and artfully applied neck gunk (like food-jelly). Do you know someone from prison? Are you allowed to buy strawberry jam? If not it's cool: just march into your nearest Lucky's supermarket and shoplift some fruity preserves, rub the stuff on your neck, then get arrested for said shoplifting. Go through the penal system and receive a free haircut (like this zombie), making sure to never wash off your fake wound. If necessary, lie about the neck-berries and say it is wet eczema. When the glorious day comes for your release, check the box that says "Yes, Would Like to Keep Prison Clothes Please" on the exit forms. Hopefully it is still Halloween when this happens and your made-up gash is still intact. If not, maybe a real zombie apocalypse has occured and you will have bigger things to worry about.
So gang, what TV character do YOU think will make the best Halloween costume this year?