Guys, it's happening again: The every-four-years hot weather time-suck known as the Summer Olympics has returned! Not a complaint: The Olympics are really fun. They're well-packaged and exciting, and best of all: They END. That last part is important because of how straight-up addictive the Olympics can be. As someone who doesn't follow sports with any kind of regularity, I get completely sucked in by sporting events that haven't even crossed my mind in THREE YEARS. Swimming? Obviously. Ladies' gymnastics? Sure. Ping-pong? Bring it on. Not only will I get completely invested in specific athletes, I'll be checking scores and results on the internet all day. I get Olympics fever BAD and the only cure is more Bob Costas. Right?
Below are the things most likely to suck me in for the next few weeks. Do YOU get overly obsessed with specific Olympics events, too?
What is it about women's gymnastics that is so captivating? Even though we usually come into the games with very little working knowledge about the individual athletes, by the end we feel like we've watched a Dream Team assemblage of superstars flipping and prancing around a zero-gravity zone. Perhaps there's a bit of a freakish appeal at work here too: These grown women occasionally look like buff children and it's hard not to imagine the intense psychodrama playing out between parents, coaches, and other upper-echelon personalities behind the scenes. Think Black Swan with thicker necks. I don't know, you guys. It's just fascinating. Men's Gymnastics is pretty interesting too, but it's nowhere near the magical weirdness of the ladies' competition.
Duh. While the actual act of swimming is not the most TV-friendly athletic competition, it's crazy how tense these races can get! The results are so close that medals are basically determined via computer touchpad. You could lose by .001 seconds and it could all be because you missed a spot while shaving the back of your calf, you know? Aerodynamics.
All right, let's be real, these people are all just trying to outrun their demons. Haha just kidding, they are elite athletes. (But come on, don't you think at least some of them being chased by ghosts? It's a statistical certainty!)
What are you even DOING, you delightful water pixies??
I love how mad rowers look when they're competing. I also love the tiny people who sit in the front of the boat yelling at everybody. See, picked-on nerds really DO inherit the earth.
Water polo is a lot like soccer but it's WAY wetter. Also there are bonnets. Okay let's be real, I probably think about water polo even when the Olympics aren't happening. Why isn't there a specialty cable channel devoted to only this sport? BRB gonna write a letter to the president.
I love tennis, deal w/it.
Guys!! I CALL NEXT GAME.
YOUR TURN! What Summer Olympic events do YOU get overly into?