The wise poetess Shirley Manson put it best when she said "I would die for you / I would pray for you / I will sell my soul for something pure and true / Someone like you" in her noted song-poem "#1 Crush." Dramatic? Sure. But we're talking CRUSHES here, and what is the point of a crush if you can't write songs for the Romeo + Juliet soundtrack about them? In this case Manson was referring to her #1 TV crush Matt LeBlanc (Friends was big in the late '90s, just FYI). But we ALL have our TV crushes, don't we? Plus, now that it's 2013 we're all about to become inundated with tons of NEW faces and characters, each more crushworthy than the last.
Which of these people will YOU develop an intense TV crush on in 2013?
The guy from The Bachelor
Laaaadies! Sean Lowe is the new Bachelor. I don't know anything about him, I don't watch this show (Lily does!). There is a chance he doesn't speak in complete sentences, but there's also a chance he's made out of golden riverstones? Nobody knows. But maybe he will give YOU a rose.
The lady from Deception
Deception is the new Lifetime movie that is actually an NBC drama, it stars Meagan Good, and MEAGAN looks GOOD. But her main character will also get to the bottom of things and also get the scoops. (Is she a reporter or a cop? Or maybe a thief?) Whatever she is, expect her to don a sequined evening gown and steal your heart.
Mance Rayder from Game of Thrones
Famous character actor Ciarán Hinds has been cast as Season 3's heretofore unseen King Beyond the Walls, so expect tons of intimidating speechmaking as his particular brand of savage reign will undoubtedly make a peasant-slave of your affections!
Commie Keri Russell from The Americans
Keri Russell, where you goin' in that coat, girl? U okay? FX's The Americans is an upcoming drama thriller about a couple of Russian spies living in America and one of them follows her crush to NYU and then falls in love with her RA instead? I'm not sure, I should probably read the synopsis.
Shain from Buckwild
As the most rural cast member of MTV's new
exploitation reality series Buckwild, Shain's the, um, brains behind such hillbilly innovations as the dumptruck swimming pool and any number of projectile-firing explosions. Sure he may not have attended some fancy liberal arts college, but he MIGHT still show you a nice, salt-of-the-earth good time, Sweet Home Alabama-style. Or he might drive your go-kart into a hay baler. Either way!
Shirley MacLaine as Martha from Downton Abbey
Just look at her in that frock and chapeau! What a flirty little flibbertigibbet!
Hunky Leonardo Da Vinci from Da Vinci's Demons
Someone at Starz was like, "Let's make a Batman show but set it in the Renaissance, and let's actually hire the same guy who WROTE Batman Begins to write it and also make sure Leonardo Da Vinci looks like a Chippendale basically." That's Tom Riley as the famous inventor and even famouser hunk btw. AND WATCH IT WE SHALL.
The new judges from American Idol
It doesn't matter which one you choose—Mariah Carey, Nicki Minaj, or Keith Urban—you'd just better be a fan of time-consuming hairdos! I heard a rumor that this season Nicole Kidman herself will be backstage helping Urban do his hair every night. So if at some point he starts showing up to the panel with a ponytail in a scrunchie it's probably because they got a divorce.
A diving board
Somewhere a mad genius cackles triumphantly into the night because he or she figured out how to get celebrities (A) into swimwear and (B) nearly killed on the regular. Because last night we got to see Fox's Stars In Danger: The High Dive and soon we'll have ABC's Celebrity Splash. But nevermind all the washed-up former Baywatch stars or Real Housewives, the real star of these shows will be that long, sexy, and pliant fiberglass board launching C-listers into the blue watery oblivion below. Great job, diving board!
Teen Norman Bates from Bates Motel
Freddie Highmore takes on the role of America's creepiest motel purveyor, but in A & E's new take on the classic shocker, it's set in the modern day and long before Mama Bates turned into yammering skeleton. So what do you say, will teen Norman Bates be your #1 TV crush? Will you take him home to MOTHER?
This Edgar Allen Poe mask from The Following's press kit
It's not clear yet whether The Following TV series will actually feature the above, nightmare-inducing mask, but Fox's marketing department sure felt like it was a good idea to mail these to TV critics. First of all, AAAAAAAHHH NOOOOOO WHYYYYY!!! But also, GUESS WHAT? There is no way The Following will be as scary as these masks. Ya blew it, Fox, this mask just served up some ultimate nightmare realness. If I want to be scared I'm just going to stare at THIS for an hour every Monday. So yeah, do you guys have a crush on this mask yet? Y/N?
This guy from 1600 Penn
Josh Gad plays the ne'er-do-well son or brother or who even cares because CUT IT OUT JOSH GAD. Get this face out of my face!! (Y'all crushin' though, huh?)