Ranking ABC's Wednesday Comedies: How'd The B---- Do in Week 2?

Monday flew by, Tuesday came and went, and then we found ourselves in the middle of the week on Wednesday, a day like the air in the middle of a donut hole. Unless your donuts are actually fried dough envelopes for cream or jelly, in which case, hats off to you, life-liver. But which of ABC's Wednesday comedic delites were the light and delicious Krispy Kremes you'd walk a mile in the snow for, and which were the crushed-up, mushed-up, day-old crusty cruellers you find at the bottom of the Dunkin' Donuts box when you get to the office last? It's time for us to pour a cup of coffee, tuck a napkin into our collars, and bite into another...

FOR THE WINSDAY!!!!


The Middle

REEEERUUUUN. I made popcorn during and caught the first half-hour of Charles Dickens' "The Mystery of Edwin Drood." What did YOU do?


Suburgatory: "Entering Eden"

Okay, Clueless reunions aside, how adorable is it that Alicia Silverstone took time out of her busy schedule of chewing up different foods and spitting them into her kid's mouth just to be a sultry pregnant temptress on Suburgatory? This is one of the more twisted love triangles I've ever seen. I'm not sure if I am okay with the idea of a guy dating a woman carrying his friend's kid. It is weirdly incest-y, yes, but I think the bigger issue is, if a lady is having a baby for money, she probably isn't in a place in her life to make serious commitments, so maybe don't start a romance: Let her work on her "ish" (short for issue). As much as I loved the concept (and Noah/Alan Tudyk's hilarious announcement that he was going to have to top George with his announcement of a goo-goo ga-ga baby), the triangle was still completely overshadowed by Carly Chaikin's hilarious dead-eyed action-film stylings. After sweeping Yakult out of the house, Dahlia teamed up with Tessa to find the dog. There was a moment when Dahlia was shown putting on lip gloss in mid-stride during a slow-motion chase alongside Tessa that was amazing. Something about the way she did it—completely casually, not playing it up—just says everything about why this girl is a budding comic genius. Carly is just the best, guys. SHE WINS. Forever.

Score: 6.2


Modern Family: "The Last Walt"

I didn't realize it until Phil pointed it out, but we almost never see Claire smile. And when she does, damn. She goes from a 10 to a 10.5. Like, not to undermine her comedy skills but Julie Bowen is a lady Brad Pitt.

Jay being concerned that Mitch was seen as "the wife" in Mitch and Cam's marriage was a kind of cool and specific take on an older generation's view to same-sex relationships...the two dads veered into homophobic territory but made it clear that it was THEIR problem, not their sons'. It was way more believable than Phil trying to trigger a very pregnant waitress into delivering while he and Alex were eating at a diner. I think I can promise you no father has ever dreamed of delivering a stranger's baby alongside his teenage daughter. Nor would a mom creepy crawl a dead neighbor's house with her son...I hope.

Another slightly failed concept: a party at the Pritchett manse with Manny as a chaperone? I believe ultra-mature Manny would have that instinct, but not that he would get away with it. Kids who are strident or eccentric at that age get cut down fast. I don't think Manny would get far after snatching a red cup from a peer's hands...and Gloria's reaction, her fury at her son? Bizarre, considering she usually supports Manny's uniqueness.

Score: 5.1


Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23: "Daddy's Girl"

Okay, so setting your roommate up with your dad is maybe the creepiest plot to ever air on primetime. We know Chloe is a sociopath, and that’s part of the show, but it really makes me question if I can bear to root for the character. Seriously, everything about this show is hilarious until it starts to sink in that Chloe is a sociopath and I'm like, "I don't know if I can watch someone with the emotional maturity of a shark be treated like a person." Do y'all know what sociopaths are? Educate yourselves. They do not get better. Just as I was getting close to being okay with Chloe being heartless yet sporadically invested in her roommate, she pushed her own dad into a bike path and I thought, "I don't know if I can laugh at pure evil in a pretty ponytail. There is enough pure evil out there for realsies." Currently I am watching this show for James Van Der Beek, who spends each episode slyly winking at his former heartthrob status. And okay yes, for the overwhelming appeal of '90s nostalgia. You're not truly old until a show about two girls living in New York City brings back a memory you'd lost from your childhood. This episode, McGruff.

Score: 5.9


It's Suburgatory for the Winsday!!! Uh-oh, Suburgatory seems a lot stronger than former champ Happy Endings' intended replacement, Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23. Of course, in a couple weeks when we know The B----'s characters more, that could change. Especially if those characters are less evil? Just a suggestion.


But what about last week's Viewer's Choice Blue Ribbon Win?

Suburgatory crushed the competition with 7.6!

Don’t Trust the B----: 6.7

The Middle: 5.45

Modern Family: 4.95 (ouch!)

Overall Score: 6.2

So we all seemed to agree that Suburgatory was the clear winner, The B---- was okay and could get better, and that Modern Family was definitely lackluster last week (and this week, I’d say). Why is it that Modern Family is getting on our nerves so much? Is it too much of the same or simply that the show's writers are not providing enough stakes for the characters' problems? Or is it the cartoonish action married to the now-kind-of-dated single-cam, mockumentary style? Fill me in or just rate this week’s episodes to help your favorite show take the Blue Ribbon Win next week.


QUESTIONS:

– Did you watch the Middle rerun?

– Would you date a pregnant lady/date a guy if you were surrogatin' another baby?

– Would Claire look even more beautiful if she gained five pounds?

– Is Chloe such a sociopath that you can't even bear the show or is that what makes the show fun?

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It was probably (I hope) unintentional, but there was a line that sounded extremely sexist to me in the talk between Jay and Walt in modern family. It was something along the lines of, "Neither or them are the woman, they're equal." To me that sounded way too much like they were implying that the woman in a relationship is not equal to the man. The wording of that definitely bothered me.
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Suburgatory: 7.5/10. It's been a while since I last saw a sitcom that managed to pull off sharp satire without coming off too over-the-top (maybe not since AD), but this show's been changing that. The scene where Dallas sells broken glass to Lisa like it was some kind of miracle product was GOLD, especially thanks to Allie Grant's perfect comedic timing, and I also loved the way they made fun of Cameron & Mitchell with Mr. Wolfe and his boyfriend. Plot-wise, though, I felt this episode didn't quite get there; even with Alicia Silverstone in the middle, George and Noah's plot was a little bland and confusing. And, as much as I loved the chasing scene, the Yakult storyline was basically a recycled trope.



Modern Family: 8.5/10. This was exactly the episode I have been waiting for. The Cam/Mitchell/Jay plot was excellent, the kind of approach to modern relationships that made this show great in first place. Claire smiling when telling bad news was downright hilarious, and Luke's indifference to his 80-year-old friend's death complemented that storyline perfectly. And, sorry, but watching Phil try to create a memory with Alex was just sweet, and I mean season-1-finale sweet here. I'm also glad that they gave more relevance to the interviews like they used to. I wish the Haley/Manny/Gloria plot had lasted longer, though, because it had so much potential.



I didn't like the pilot for B that much, so I'm not watching it. On the other hand, I really missed The Middle this week.
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Julie Bowen's actually gotten more attractive since her Happy Gilmore days (aside from her overly skinny frame), whereas Brad Pitt was basically the same face in Cool World just slightly smoother. No question though that she has a charming smile.



Annnyway, Modern Family was ok, I was mildly touched by Phil's storyline, and Jay & Cam's dad was alright too. Manny party was weak but didn't fail for me. Modern Family: 6.5



The Bitch was suuuuuch a letdown though, the pilot was brilliant and this second episode was just sitcom junk. All of the characters have become lesser-thans, Chloe was way too unselfish this time around, while the roommate June was incredibly grating and self-absorbed. JvdB's stuff was amusing but felt like a different show considering how disconnected from the main story line it was. That said, just before each commercial break there was massive jaw-dropping joke revealed, so to be able to wield such power even on a misfired episode gets points... this many: 7



PS - Bitch's "Mark", June's co-worker? I swear he's the black Seth Rogen, both in voice and comedic pacing and acting style (watch his eyes when he does a scene and how they engage and withdraw with the other character as the material demands), and somehow I think it works even better for actor Eric Andre but he's just late to the party and won't get the credit he deserves.



So, no I didn't watch The Middle rerun, but I dropped that and Suburgatory a long while back now.



Yes, pregnant or not, a connection is a connection.



Claire would look more beautiful if she gained any weight, 5lbs or 25lbs.



Chloe's sociopathism is what makes that show for me, and also its watered-down aspect here is what killed this week's episode for me.



BTW, according to TV.com's episode guide numbers by seasons, Suburgatory is the clear winner this year, followed by The Middle, followed by Happy Endings, and Modern Family is taking up the rear by a large margin (I think that's more about people's expectations coming off the first 2 years though than it is the actual episodes' quality). The Bitch's first 2 episodes have very high scores, high enough to tie with Suburgatory if it keeps up, but that seems unlikely just based on the way voting trends go.
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Suburgatory - 7.5

Modern Family - 6.5

Don't Trust the B - 8.0



The B in 23 was hilarious. Every one of the characters makes me laugh. I like the more edgy humor. It is, at the moment, the antithesis of Modern Family for me, which has gotten dull and simple over the past 2 seasons. Among the many funny scenes and lines, Chloe pushing her dad into the bike lane really made me snarf, yo.



Oh, and yes, Claire/Julie Bowen would look much better if she gained, uh, maybe 10 pounds? She's lost quite a bit of weight since taking on Modern Family -- before it, she was skinny, but seemingly more slender and fit compared to the bony body she has now (and way more attractive).
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-Did not watch the "The Middle" rerun.

-I would not date a lady surrogating another baby. If that makes me shallow, I'm shallow. I'm allowed 1 thing (right? Or maybe that's my own wishing). Also, given that it was his best friend's baby... not gonna happen for me.

-Probably. Julie Bowen is quite easily not unattractive. And I am starting to get sick of the mockumentary style

-I don't know. Right now I can enjoy the sociopathy. They are trying to redeem her, I think, so I think I'll be able to go with it. Personally, this episode was great for me just because that first act twist caught me SOOOOOO by surprise. We all knew there would be a problem with Scott, and I was trying to figure it out, and thought it would have something to do with his age, but the dad thing wasn't even in my brain.



Pcsjunior002's scores:

Suburgatory: 6.0, not as high as its been, but still very enjoyable. And Dahlia is awesome.

Modern Family: 5.0, I felt fine with the Phil and Claire storylines and Jay's was good, Manny/Hayley's storyline was the one that bugged me.

Don't Trust The B****: 5.5, still room to go, I'd love to see more with Van Der Beek. Dawson stuff is good, but his character needs a little more or I will start to get sick of it. There's only so much of that I can take.
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I loved Don't Trust the B---- in Apt 23 and think Chloe's sociopathic tenancies make the show fun
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Chloe is proving to be a bit more cray-cray than I thought but so far it isn't putting me off yet. I found myself enjoying more the James Van Der Beek love/hate relationship with Dawson's Creek though.
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Modern Family - 5.0 - Nothing special here. The only thing I particularly liked was the fact that Claire has a problem smiling when delivering bad news because I can relate. I tend to do the same thing, and also laugh when I'm arguing or angry (which especially sucks). I don't mean to.



Apartment 23 - 7.0 - I might potentially love this show. JVB is hilarious and Chloe is definitely a bit twisted, but I think there's a human in there somewhere.



Suburgatory - 7.1 - I don't see anything too wrong with dating a pregnant girl. I would need to know details before things get serious is all. It would be more weird, maybe, after the baby was born, at least for Eden.

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Modern Family: 9/10. The Jay/Merle storyline and the Phil/Alex storyline were handled extremely well. Good amount of humor and heart in both. I'm sorry, but Manny chaperoning had me LMFAO!!! That was perfect for that little man-child! Gloria's reaction was hilarious too, especially her "two birds, one stone" line or something like that at the end. LOL!!!



Don't Trust the B---- in Apt. 23: 8/10. The fact that Chloe is a sociopath doesn't just make the show fun, it makes it freakin hilarious!! I nearly cried when she pushed her father into the bike lane! Also, James Van der Beek and his class?!! Couldn't stop laughing at how he was taking it.



Modern Family and Apt. 23 for the win!!! Putting those two comedies back-to-back was genius!
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- Nope, but I watch TV online so I had no reason to.

- Sure, just because you're having someone's baby, doesn't mean you can't date. I wouldn't, however date the father's best friend...

- Yes! Or 10 pounds, or 20...

- I kind of enjoy the crazy. If they toned it down now, the show would just become a sitcom about two friends who happen to know Dawson. Even if that sounds kind of awesome, it's not the same show. Also, the pilot wouldn't fit the show anymore at all.
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Would Claire look even more beautiful if she gained five pounds?



Maybe if she gained 20 pounds. She is way too thin imo.
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In another era, The Middle would be considered a top tier TV sitcom.



IF it lasts seven season, I believe it will become a classic.



But the whole comedy lineup above is pretty strong.
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didn't like "Don't Trust" even with Krysten Ritter (Breaking Bad!). that's very unfortunate because the concept seems perfect. silly Van Der Beek and crazy roommate! But why would someone continue to live with someone as crazy as Chloe? That question dominates the rest of the show. If my roommate had sex with my fiance, I'd be out the door that day!! I agree that if they toned down her sociopathy (a real word) and make her slightly more likeable.. then maybe.
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The B i t c h in apartment 23 is awesome I would give the episode a 9
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The song in early moments of B in 23 reminded me of the Chang/Britta moments in Community
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B in 23 is amazing, I seriously can't wait for the next episode. That is the mark of a great show IMO. And I loved when she pushed her dad in the street! In my head that's what I was thinking and then she did it. Should I see someone about these sociopathic tendencies?! I guess I just like dark humor. Plus you can't help but adore Van der Beek in this. I loved when Chloe tried to use his speech on her roomie!
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A middle rerun is still better then DTTB, sorry but just cant get into this show, even if it has VDB!

And SUB is a good show, but seriously, Alicia?? She still talks out of the side of her mouth!!!!! And she has aged!!!!!!
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You mean in 17 years, Alicia Silverstone has AGED?! That's preposterous!
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It's interesting that you've mentioned sociopaths. I see a certain tendency of comedies presenting characters that are just selfish and mean being popular. I don't really get that. When I see a character like that, I want something bad to happen to them too. When that never happens, it gets frustrating.
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WTB an edit button. Forgot to add that I don't think Julie Bowen is all that hot. Definitely not a lady-Brad. Too thin and old and skeleton'ish. The chick that plays Hailey(?) is way cuter.
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i don't believe a stronger argument has ever been made in the anals of history...



GIVE US THE EDIT BUTTON
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Oh and the reason Modern Family is getting on my nerves personally, is the tacked on sentimental morale moment at the end of each episode. It's nothing like the way South Park handles their "I learned something today" moments, it feels like the showrunners are totally up their own butt's and believe they have so many life lessons to tell.



Oh and the way they act at award shows, as if they reinvented comedy makes you just lose all sympathy. And the fact that you always hear people talking about just hooow goooood that show is makes you annoyed. So I guess all of that factors into being annoyed with Modern Family.
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So your problem with Modern Family is the way they end an episode with a kind of "Family" moment? That's Brilliant.
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i don't know, the learn a lesson thing does get stale, and let's face it, Modern Family is good but very over rated
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What, the fact that she is a sociopath makes that show awesome. Laughed so much at her pushing the dad into the street, awesome writing.



And also all the mocking of van der Beek's status as an idol and him just living on it is hilarious. That chick shouting DAWSON all the time in the coffee house, haha.
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Now that Happy Endings is done for the year, I've no reason to watch ABC on Wednesday.
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An Apt 23 related story: in high school my friend told me she hated her dad's girlfriend and loved my mom so she made me help her devise a surprise blind date for them. It wasn't until said date happened that I found out that his girlfriend was actually her step-mother, of eleven years. Awkward.
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Subergatory was great and I think Dhalia is just the funniest part of that show but I have to say, I enjoyed Don't Trust the Bitch way more. Chloe setting her roommate up with her father, who's still married to her mother, was just hysterical and I couldn't help but laugh at how she handled her wheelchair mother sobbing. Maybe I'm just cool with dark humour or maybe I'm just evil.
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I would ONLY date a pregnant lady if she were a surrogate.
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Yeah Suburgatory FTW. Though Don't Trust the B**** was pretty funny too.

Quick Note: Alicia Silverstone is still gorgeous.
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Suburgatory was great last night. I wish they would have left off the whole Clueless thing and just focused on Dahlia and Tessa chasing down Mr. Wolfe, that whole scenario was fantastic. And Carly is just getting better and better in that role. I am not aware of any of her previous roles but damn she is good. I give it a 7 for the chase seen alone.



Modern Family, was another just non funny episode. There was nothing that I could laugh at. The smiling while giving bad news has been done. The mature kid that is the adult at the party has been done. The only thing that hadn't was the tormenting of a pregnant waitress in order to somehow induce her labor so that he and his daughter could have a memory. That was unfunny and in a way just disturbing. 4



Now B in 23 on the other hand. I kind of liked it. If only for the plot being essentially an Electra Complex by proxy. Which in the way it was done was kind of interesting. And at least they explained it through the creepy guy next door. And though Chloe may or may not have ASPD (Anti-Social Personality Disorder AKA sociopathy, [we don't call them sociopaths anymore, it is a subset of ASPD like psychopathy] ) It was done well, but Chole needs to have ASPD in order to further the story. The story isn't about NYC and its effects on two girls. It is Chloe on June. And them not being that different. (June did even after knowing that he was her dad, made out with him and got in bed with him) And the June needing Chloe in order to make her a more complete person. She thinks she is going to get and or succeed at a job on wall street. But as she is right now, she has little to nothing in common with Wall Street. As Jon Ronson has shown in his book about Robert Hare's psychopathy checklist. Chloe has more in common with Wall Street than June has. Simply because of her ASPD tendencies. It is fairly well documented that many high power types that make a lot of money and gravitate towards wall street type jobs, and that there is a statistically significant number of them that score fairly high on the checklist.



Though I don't think she has ASPD, because if she did she wouldn't be likable to us as third party observers and she wouldn't have that talk over drinks at the ends of both episodes. She does have relationships, even though weird. I would say they are writing her with an amalgam of various personality disorders, some Narcissistic Personality Disorder, mixed with ASPD, and probably some "Borderline" personality disorder.



Chloe is going to be whatever the writers need her to be in order to further the story. So sometimes she will be vile and almost unlikable. I don't think they will ever go over the top. But last night, was good. And because I got to talk a little psychology on here. I give it a 7.5. Also how hilarious was Beek last night. He really makes the show. I do wonder though, how long it is going to take for people to tire of them poking at his former role as Dawson.
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What a surprise - one of the best shows on TV, Modern Family (which just happens to air on ABC), is AGAIN bashed by TV.com (which is owned and operated by CBS). Please, these articles are not going to convince the masses to stop watching Modern Family.
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Modern Family's been very dull since season 2. And no, I don't have any affiliation with CBS and I consider most of CBS' shows to be more boring. In fact, Modern Family should get off ABC and go to CBS where dullness and "the same thing every episode" is appreciated.
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I'm aware that I'm in the minority but Modern Family has never been funny.
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Oh, believe me, you're not in the minority. I know tons of people like you (and myself) who don't think Modern Family has ever been funny.
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As I recall, she loved Suburgatory... but then again, you probably had your viewpoint before you sat down to read the article, didn't you?
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That's not true. For a website your claiming to be bias to CBS, the company that owes them, they don't seem to like CBS very much. CBS programming is rarely the top "What to watch tonight" and shows like Rob, 2 Broke Girls, and The Big Bang Theory are often given negative reviews. If anything the website is bias to NBC, always giving high praise to their programs, with the exception of Whitney, like Community, so many posts about Community!

And even if TV.com was biased to CBS, that doesn't stop the fact the Modern Family is bad sometimes, and it's no where as good as it's first season. This is my opinion, just like that review was that person's opinion. No bias, no conspiracy theory about how CBS is trying to take down other networks by giving them negative reviews on a website, which frankly all sounds like a stoner's journal entries, just OPINION.
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TV.com is owned by CBS????
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Yes, and I gotta say I've never noticed any bias. Their favorite shows are rarely CBS and they beat up on some CBS shows pretty severely. And note that they dedicated this entire series to ABC comedies not CBS comedies. I'd say this is a completely baseless accusation.
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props for including the how-to-know-if-someone;s-a-sociopath list, that was an interesting read. i can;t decide if that show is genius or just overwhelmingly creepy, i;ll give it another ep.

i watched the middle rerun and was reminded that sue heck is the most awkward looking but most endearing daughter on tv today
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I thought that Chloe reaching new depths and figuring out why she's so crazy is what made the episode good (not great). Without that scene, it would've been weird and boring.
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Modern Family 5/10

Suburgatory 8/10 (i knew the lipp gloss would be in your review)

Don't trust the B 7/10
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Don't Trust the B----: 6.5/10. I don't really mind the dad-dating, or the sociopathy, This episode made me like the main character (Which in my mind is Dreama Walker) and the smaller role supporting characters, more. (Especially.. Mark? Just the way he was thrown into a conversation with Chloe and Van Der Beek made me laugh a lot.) Still, my favorite thing about the show is probably James Van Der Beek.



Modern Family: 5/10. I kind of liked the Dunphy parts of the episode more than usual. Other than that, usual boring stuff.



Suburgatory: 9/10. Maybe its the lack of Happy Endings in my life, but another hilarious episode. I love how they returned to the "Dahlia dislikes Yakult" thing from last episode, and the entire chase sequence was hilarious.
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Loved the chase scene. Haha



Dahlia has always had a hatred feeling towards Yakult though, even way back in the Thanksgiving episode. It's a continuous theme that never seems to get old, because the relationship Dahlia and Yakult have just keeps on being hilarious. lol
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