Ranking ABC's Wednesday Comedies: The B---- Reigns Supreme

Ah, a Thursday in May: The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and as always, we're feeling judgmental. We've had a lot to think about from the comedy cavalcade that marched across our nation's screens last night like a middle school costume contest. But which kids were wearing polyester costumes from Rite Aid that their parents shoved into their nanny's hands seconds before they spun out the door, and which kids had painstakingly stayed up all night for three months crafting a period-correct '60s era astronaut costume complete with a bloody alien hand ripping out of the tummy panel? Let's pull out our gym teacher whistles and clipboards and award some cheap candy prizes, it's...

FOR THE WINSDAY!


The Middle: "The Guidance Counselor"

Whoopi freakin' Goldberg, am I right?! Seriously Sue is my favorite part of The Middle and I was so in awe of how unflustered she was being across from a bona fide Great Comedian like Whoopi. Iconic comedians helping fledgling comedians, it's a beautiful thing. And when she tossed her hair to one side to assume a new high school name as Suki (all teens do! Even me, and I have the coolest name in the world! Yet at one point I considered having people call me Robyn. Can you imagine?) and then when she said "GLAADDDLLAAAY—that delivery was madness. Comic genius. Like, thank you Eden Sher, you are my jam. Meanwhile, Frankie and Mike's marriage death spiral slipped into the realm of projection, where they physically disassembled the bed they slept on in a desperate attempt to blame the discomfort of the mattress for their discomfort with each other. It's clear at this point they'd probably both rather sleep on the floor in that jumble of two-by-fours than next to each other.

Score: 6.1


Suburgatory: "Hear No Evil"

Okay, I am really sick of Eden. I don't think it's "looking for an opportunity to heal the world" to sneer at people watering their lawns instead of using them to do some subsistence farming. It's judgy. Having someone, even a loved one, rub your unclean feet hot out of your Pleather clogs should be illegal. And asking a doctor about how sex effects your fetus in front of your boyfriend's daughter is what a crazy person does!! (Although baby covering its little ears was a sliver of the lunacy I prize this show for.) Dallas described Eden best: She's a pregnant vagabond! I can't wait for the character to hit the road and head for her next insemination. Also I'm a little bothered by Tessa suddenly turning into a money-grubbing saleslady. And George inviting someone into their home without consulting Tessa first? It feels a little rushed, but I appreciate that the writers are stirring up some drama... (Is Lisa adopted? Will her DNA matzzzzzzz) and you can make the medicine go down with that spoonful of sugar called Ryan Shay. More of him, please!

Score: 6.4


Modern Family: "Planes, Trains, and Cars"

"Planes, Trains and Cars" should have been called "Toys." Lily lost a toy, Phil bought one, and Jay was desperate to show his off in Pebble Beach (a.k.a., Gloria). The car plot was the strongest arc. When Claire staggered out of the house like a twiggy marionette, her femur bones shakily balanced on her whisper-thin shin bones, clinking like a wind chime, who knew she would be turning cartwheels and cutting loose by the end of the episode? (I was kind of worried she would break a finger on a grain of sand.) Although I have to say, I didn't appreciate Mitch and Cam going out of their way to find a stuffed animal for Lily. Guess what, kid, the bunny's gone! End of story! Learn to deal with it! What is it with rich Los Angeles parents that they are so afraid to say no to their kids? No concept of discipline. It's called "spoiling" for a reason. Oh, she can't sleep without Bunny? It's called Nyquil! Look, I might be a terrible caretaker.

Score: 6


Don't Trust That Bitch in Apt. 23: "The Wedding"

Kevin Sorbo, am I right?! Also, I like confident Dreama Walker. She does a bitch face that will make your knees weak in the best way. Also, the name Dreama sounds like something Manson would christen one of his maybe-babies with up at the old family ranch, maybe her parents are hippies, and that explains her 1960s doe eyes? Anyway, I loved James VDB friend-cheating on Chloe. I loved his line that a wedding full of Midwesterners is his Academy Awards. JVDB has redefined the comeback in this role and it took a lot of chutzpah. Kevin Sorbo is right to jump on that bandwagon. How good was it to see him again?! (and being so sophistiqué and dry and effing funny! Give this man more roles!) Also, Dreama's hateful ex is so effing cute. I'm glad the show brought him back as well and please, stir him in like ginger ale into a Dark and Stormy. Also, autoharp player, also...this episode was effing rad. Agreed? Shake, spit.

Score: 7.2


Which means our winner is…



The mask of confidence and the stiff upper lip of Sorbo scooted Don't Trust the B---- in Apt. 23 right to the top of the pile. Whoopi Goldberg's comedic talents cannot be denied, giving The Middle a giant boost. Suburgatory was lackluster, but still a gem, and Modern Family continues to bore me on every level. But more importantly, what did YOU think of the comedy block this week?


QUESTIONS:

– Did you try to pick a new name in high school?

– Does Eden get on your nerves on Suburgatory?

– How would you have handled Lily losing her toy?

– What was your favorite episode of the legendary '90s series Hercules?

Comments (29)
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The Middle: 8.75/10. This might have been the best episode of the show's weakest season yet. You can't not love an episode that puts Whoopi effin' Goldberg and Eden Sher in the same scene, and their interaction was so perfect it got me drawn into the Counselor's dilemmas after only a few lines of dialogue. I actually really liked Frankie and Mike's plot; it was very relatable and Patricia Heaton and Neil Flynn were at their best. I know some people think their characters are annoying, but I actually love the way this show approaches the relationship problems of "normal" couples like Frankie & Mike, and in that sense this episode was apotheotic. The Middle always went dark in portraying married life, but, strictly speaking, it's nothing short of realistic. The Brick plot was a little too simplistic, but it was relatable nonetheless in that I, too, get annoyed by the constant employment of the word "presidential".



Suburgatory: 5/10. One of the show's worst episodes yet; quite possibly the worst. I'm with everyone else about Eden being unbearable, and Tessa's transformation was ridiculously out of character. Overall, the way things were resolved was too feel-good to my money. The only okay thing about this episode was Lisa's storyline, not because of the plot itself, which wasn't given enough time, but because of the comedic antics of Lisa's family -- Sheila never fails to kill me, and the adoption video was deliciously surreal, as was the fetus covering his ears.



Modern Family: 7/10. Not as good as I would expect from last week's episode, but it was fine. Claire escaping to the beach worked very well, and gave the show an opportunity to showcase delightfully quirky outdoor footage like it hadn't done in a long time. I generally liked the Pritchetts' storyline, except for Gloria agreeing to serve as a trophy wife, which just felt too over-the-top. Manny was great in this episode, though, especially at the end when he wrapped up his sentimental voice-over speech with compliments to the hotel and was revealed to be actually talking to the clerk over the phone. The Mitch/Cam plot was weak in terms of story structure and overall course of action, but the dialogues were pitch-perfect and the cast did justice to them.



Still don't plan to watch Don't Trust the B---; I found it too overdone for my taste. Either way, I feel like the internet is being too harsh on Modern Family and The Middle; these have not been great seasons but both shows are excellent family comedies most of the time. I do get where the hating comes from, though, because Modern Family is a tad bit over-awarded and Suburgatory and Don't Trust the B--- are very hip-friendly.
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I don't care for Eden.
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OMG! I loved Alicia Silverstone circa Clueless, but I cannot stand to watch her onscreen now... so I cannot stand Eden! I can't wait to see how this whole move in thing plays out with Tessa and her dad... and I can't wait to see what happens with Lisa. As for B in 23... I love June and JVDB!
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How would you have handled Lily losing her toy?

Wow, Lily!! Got a little glimse of Mommy Dearest there!! LOL

Agreed with all your ratings this week.
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- I wanted to change my name to Veronika, because that was what my dad wanted to call me and I liked it better than my real name.



- I don't know... I loved Alicia Silverstone in Clueless and I haven't really seen anything else with her, so her clueless persona is still in my head.



- I know that if I lost my favorite stuffed toy (a pig in a dress named Fredrick), I would never have gotten over it. I remember I forgot him at a hotel we stayed at once, but they were nice and mailed him back to us. I only slept for a few hours a night for several days until he was returned. So I would have tried hard to get the toy back for my kid as well. I don't think I'm spoiled... maybe a little...



- I can just barely remember watching that show... I think I was five or something.
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Suborgatory : 6.0

The Middle: 5.0

Modern Family: 6.5

Don't trust the B: 8.0

James van der Beek: 100.0
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Staff
LOL. Agreed on JvdB
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Suburgatory 5/10. Practically no Dalhia means the best this episode could have done was maybe a 7, but too much Eden, not much Lisa and some slack writing dropped this down to the lowest score I've ever given to one of the comedy block.



Appartment 23 8/10. Great episode. JVDB was great, again, and the addition of Sorbo was inspired. The cameo's from the two neighbours were great, in fact the whole supporting cast was great (the reaction from the bride to seeing JVDB was priceless). The relationship between the flatmates is getting very interesting and it's looking more and more like Chloe is the insecure one of the pair. I was a little worried in the begining that both Chloe and June would be lacking any depth but the writers are doing a good job of filling them out.



The Middle 6/10. I never thought The Middle would beat Suburgatory, but this week proved me wrong. Whoopie was fantastic (so was Eden Sher but I've come to expect that). This episode could have done better if there had been more Brick and Axl, but instead the writers decided to go with another does of arguing parents. The parents are now basically killing the buzz I get from the kids, what are the writers intentions for them? Divorce... perpetual apathy... what?



Anyway, as always I'm going to state my desire to see Happy Endings replace Modern Family in this comedy block. And I hope Whoopie is back on The Middle sometime soon (if only because the kids are going to need some guidance councilling because of the way their parents are behaving).
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We are on exactly the same page with the Middle. If we're supposed to relate with Frankie's marriage then this is the darkest show on TV.
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Take that B**ch!
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I was actually begrudgingly starting to like Suburgatory. This episode was a big turn off. Alll the character were just annoying and the story was forced. The only pretty interesting one was with Lisa. Most of all they left out the best and most interesting character Dalia. She pretty much sat in the background. This was the worst episode of the season.

3,0- yeah it was just that bad



The Middle



The middle is funny in The Middle way. The best character has to be Sue or should I say Sueki...well whatever her name is. Eden Sherr is pretty much the star of the show. When an episode let Sue be Sue than its a good show and that what this episode did. Sue being invisible and going on a quest to get her wrestlerettes in the yearbook was funny. The b- story was okay but not great. I kind of did not care about them remodeling the room. It was not all that interesting



The Middle 6.0
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Patricia Heaton may be the most annoying TV mom of all time, The Middle could be a pretty good show if anyone but her took over the mom role.
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They could pull a Hogan Family and replace her with Sandy Duncan...
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Wow, you sure were hard on Claire, do you have some weight issues of your own Lily?
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PSHHT! I grew up in the 90s,didn't I? Geez louise you show me a woman 13-35 who doesn't have weight issues and I'll show you a blind person!
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And the "boys" raising Lily? Making another spoiled brat that thinks they deserve the world for doing nothing except for being a kid!!!!
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Sorry, just cant stomach Eden/Silverstone!!! She talks out of the side of her mouth, and just dont like how this once great show has slid to this! I do like this show a lot, though!

But someone GONG Eden!!!
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If Eden was played by anyone else I would most likely hate her. But Clueless nostalgia and Alicia Silverstone love make it impossible. But I did hate Tessa changing like that, and all in one episode? It reminded me of the pilot when she dressed up and pretended to be like the other girls, except this time she wasn't mocking. But it seemed really out of character and weird.

Apartment 23 was the best though. My new favourite show.
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Yeah I absolutely love Alicia, but the character Eden gets on my LAST NERVE.
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Been van der banging all day.
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I miss Happy Endings,

Although in its absence Apt 23 is the next best
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Apt 23- 7.7

Suburgatory- 6.9

Modern Family- 6.0



I don't watch The Middle but I'll try to catch it On Demand cos of Whoopster.
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-Did not pick a new name. Everyone called me by my last name. Like they always did. Yay.

-I hate her character. Get her off, now.

-Toy's gone girl. It happens. Daddys did it, so they should apologize, but it be done. Move on.

-Never watched it. Though I do not ind the Sorbo.



Pcsjunior002's Rankings:

The Middle: 6.5 - Absolutely shining this week with Whoopi and Eden. And the rest of the cast were just fine, Axel and Brick taking a well played background role and the parents had the fun man vs. woman stuff (Also, I think I'm this page's biggest The Middle fan. Just noticing.)

Suburgatory: 4.0 - I gotta call this one low. As you said, Tessa and George somewhat out of character, and I do not like this Eden (if I said I did last week, I do not remember, whatever, I'm finicky and I'm okay with that). Still my favourite new comedy, but this episode did not represent.

Modern Family: 6.0 - This episode, on the other hand, was stronger than this show has been of late. More things like this please, and Phil's relationship thing with the kids this week was what this show is all about (for me, at least).

Don't Trust The B****: 6.5 - Very good, and JVDB shone brightly. I like that they're giving more to the minor characters and that the B isn't a complete B. But they're keeping June's character right where she needs to be for the moment (I gotta disagree on the ex, though. Get him off the show).
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Yeah Don't Trust the B easily won this one. I loved Suburgatory yesterday but Don't Trust the B was super funny.
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Sub. did seem rather forced but that is how some parents do , make choices without asking their kids when it matters. I loved Middle, especially the bed assembly fight. I still have Apartment B on my dvr. Waiting for 30 minutes of no interference during viewing . Rare. Great to know Sorbo is in it, needs more roles indeed. I don't Lisa is the one adopted but her brother. lol [Sub]That would funny if so.
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Suburgatory; When I first heard that Alicia Silverstone was going to appear on the show I thought that would be a grew cameo. A cameo. But no, like her character she looks to be moving in. I have to say other than Noah freaking out about George dating his incubator and Sheila rambling on about things there is nothing appealing about the situation. Part of the hilarity of the show is both Tessa and George's adapting to the environment. And him having a weird pregnant girlfriend just isn't funny. Tessa's temporary conversion isn't funny right now, but it will be when she has the realization of what she has become and then goes to the opposite. As for Lisa. no. She is the Shay's. Ryan is the one who is adopted. Which is why he gets the attention and adoration. And is a star athlete, there is no way he could come from a guy that can't grow a beard. And that is what is going to be funny about it. Lisa is going to find out that the cool sibling is the adopted one. It was good in parts but the whole Eden thing drags it down to a 6.5.



Modern Family, It was better than the last few. If they had focused more on Jay and Gloria and then reversed the desire to Gloria to try to get to pebble beach that would have been funnier. That and Manny adjusting to the motel was kind of funny. Claire and Phil was kind of blah, Kevin Hart was funny in aspects but the whole thing was just kind of lame. The whole bunny thing just wasn't funny. And who thinks the subway is a great example of a train to show kids? It seemed ill conceived and ill presented, that dragged the whole episode down. Also who the heck puts their number on the Subway station. You set up a dummy email account. Or dummy google voice account. They get a 5



B in 23 was great. Every aspect of it was fantastic. I thought it was a little early to do the whole June version of Chloe but it was done well. Beek playing himself is working quite good, he was great this week as well. The whole sleeping with the bride was hilarious and it was done well. Add Sorbo to that whole mess and it was just a fantastic episode. I give it a 7.5



Questions:

My name has two versions of it so I go by either.



Eden is perhaps the most annoying character. She takes over for Noah's wife.



You tell her the bunny is gone. Then take her to the toy store and have her pick out a new toy to replace it.



The introduction of Xena.
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Suburgatory: 6.0

Modern Family: 6.5

The B in 23: 8.0



For the first time since Suburgatory started, I am ranking it BELOW a Modern Family episode. I know, right?! Crazy! The Jay-Gloria-Manny story was as weak and boring as most episodes, but I quite enjoyed the Mitch-Cam-Lily story and thought the Claire-Phil plot was great.



I didn't care for this episode of Suburgatory; and yes, Eden does annoy me quite a bit... as did everyone else in this episode, especially Tessa.



Don't Trust the B in 23 was great and my favorite episode of the show so far. JVDB was awesome, as usual, and I felt that June and Chloe were both strong in this episode. Kevin Sorbo's dry ignorance was hilarious. Both of the creepy neighbors were fun, and although I usually dislike douchy jerks, June's ex was somehow great, too.
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Didn't really care much for any of the shows this week. Pretty much agree with everything you said, except that I hated all the Modern Family storylines equally. I'm not tuning in next season.

Suburgatory: 7/10

Modern Family: 5/10

Don't Trust the Bitch: 7.5/10
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Phrase: That's so Sorbo:

Definiton: Anything of middling quality, just good enough to not turn off.



Spread it around.



The middle: Even when this show is good for the Middle, it's not good for a show. I actually only watch it to be able to comment on all four in this particular segment. 5.5. (not even so Sorbo, it was like so Iolaus) E-ol-us.



Suburgatory: Loved the nail lady having an opinion on whoever that film festival was for. Tessa was annoying for the episode and the 'she's stealing your husband plot line seemed really forced. It came out of nowhere but seems that it will somehow tie into the adoption plotline. Alan Tudyk remains star every week. Not nearly enough Dahlia. So Sorbo. - 6



Modern Family: Julie Bowen is so pretty! I don't think she's unhealthily thin at all. Best part of the episode was when Lily said her bunny was gay. Other then that, standard fare. Not enough Luke. Sorbo. 6.



DTTB: It seems like the 9:30 slot automatically guarantees an extra point in your reviews.

Good episode, the I'm James Van Der Beek doing un-Vanderbeekian things I don't think will stay funny in the long-term. Good for him banging the bride though, that's taking your freebie responsibility seriously. For me, Sorbo gives it an extra point.

BETTER THAN SORBO!! - 7
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