Revenge "Retribution" Review: What Revenge? What Retribution? Move Along, There's Nothing to See Here

Revenge S02E15: "Retribution"


If you were hoping Revenge would return with a vengeance, well… it didn't.

After a three-week hiatus and Fauxmanda's Titanic death (My heart will go on. It must!), was it too much to ask for a little retribution in an episode titled "Retribution"?

In a word, yes. The Revengers are still the Initiative's bitches, and instead of taking action against the Graysons (dammit, she promised!), Emily is boohooing over the loss of her BFF. You know, that chick who took half-a-million bucks from her only to return and steal Emily's one true love. (At least we know that Fauxmanda is positively, absolutely, undeniably, and reliably dead: The Coast Guard retrieved her body and Charlotte identified it as that of her stepsister.)

Widower Jack has the sads too, but he's also mad. Grrr! Watch out, Conrad Grayson, because the schmuck who's been duped by everyone who ever set foot in his bar is gunning for you!

And that's not all: Jack also has his weepy sights on Emily, whom he blames for corrupting his wife, endangering his family, and generally just being a liar liar pants on fire.

While recovering at home (thanks to the Graysons footing his medical bills), Jack discovered Fauxmanda's hidden key to a storage locker in the marina. (He seemed awfully mobile for someone who nearly died from a gunshot wound, but vendettas can be galvanizing. Grrr!) There, Mr. Porter found not only the Hamptons' most-wanted computer, but also the juvie records linking his late wife to the respectable Ms. Thorne.

So now that Jack hates her, Emily seems to be pining for him even more, and feeling even more protective of her little boy blue.

And when Aiden stole back her computer from the Stowaway (Jack suspected the Graysons, of course. Grrr!), Emily tossed it in the ocean. Suddenly prison is too good for the Graysons, and she wants "no more distractions."

Really? She seems pretty distracted by Jack, no? Even worse, her attention is about to be diverted by a brother. Who also happens to be her brother—or more specifically, Eli James, the foster brother she hasn't seen since she burned their house down 14 years ago.

And unlike the dimwitted Jack, Eli actually recognizes her. He didn't say so when they first met at Fauxmanda's grave, but in the preview for next week's episode, he jibed, "Looking pretty good, for a dead girl!"

Amid all this finger-pointing, Nolan identified the recently severed appendange as indeed belonging to Padma's father. And even though his ladylove's pops might already be dead, Nolan finished the Carrion program and gave it to Padma. Now she has a finger and a thumb… drive. Will the R-Team ever gain the upper hand?



NOLANISMS

– "I know you didn't come all the way across town to deliver your halfhearted condolences." (To his new boss, Daniel.)

– "Control, Alt, Delete. Got it." (To Daniel again, while threatening to "break (his) digital kneecaps" if he didn't hand over the Carrion program.)

– "Nolan Ross, life's pawn, how can I help?" (Answering Emily's phone call.)



QUESTIONS

1. How cold does this dish of revenge need to be before Emily finally serves it?

2. Am I being too hard on Jack? Is his anger finally going to make him a badass?

3. This episode was directed by Helen Hunt. Should she stick with acting?


4. Mason Treadwell, Mr. Trask, or Jack Porter: Who has the worst hair?

5. Is Jack and Daniel's new swagger sexy, or are they just acting like dicks?

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