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Saturday Night Live: Lohan a Lo-Point

Well, that was Lindnevitable. Lindsay Lohan hosted arguably the worst Saturday Night Live of the season. A case could be made for Charles Barkley’s episode being worse, but there’s a natural absurdity to that guy that made his ineptitude funny. Lohan was just, well, what? What’s the word? I have no word, because I have no memory of anything she did on that stage. She’s like the girl in your new improv class who you’re like, “Kinda hot, but not funny. Can’t act. I hope I don’t get paired with her, but I'd be down for some beers later.”

And it wasn’t like you were the only one thinking this–the entire cast was thinking it too, as were the writers, who produced mostly phoned-in material. Psychic Awards? Rude Buddha? That thing with the radio guys that I couldn’t even make it 30 seconds into? Come on, guys! You were on such a hot streak! Thank god for Bill “James ‘King of the Snakes’ Carvill” Hader, or the night could have easily been a total wash.

Now let’s check out some of the highlights and lowlights from the show.

The cold open was actually pretty good. With Mitt Romney looking to be the inevitable Republican nominee, we’re going to have to start getting pretty used to Jason Sudeikis’ impression of him. It’s not a great president character in its own right, like Will Ferrell’s Bush or Dana Carvey’s Bush Sr., but it’s kind of amusing. And the introduction of the five creepy sons (anyone know who the fifth son is? I’m guessing a writer) was definitely a winner.

Now let’s talk Lindsay’s monologue. This was just kind of depressing to me. Has there ever been a host in SNL history whose whole monologue was predicated on the fact that their career is in the toilet and the industry is doubtful they can fulfill any obligation? Well, now one has, as Lindsay opens her monologue with, “I know, right?” Actually, I don’t know. You know that you shouldn’t be hosting SNL? Anyway, there’s ankle monitor jokes and pat down jokes and then Jimmy Fallon pops up and then Jon Hamm pops up! And suddenly it’s a party! But then it’s just Lindsay again, and you’re all, eh, whatever.

Okay, this was like, the gayest sketch in SNL history, and I mean that in the best way possible. Marrying the Real Housewives to the Disney Princesses?! Inspired. Another oasis of awesome in a sea of mediocrity this week.

As long as we're praising highlights, the other instance of comic bliss was Bill Hader’s James Carville on Weekend Update. Without overstating things, I think this sketch may have just elevated Hader to the status of American treasure. Of course, the moment it will be most remembered for is this line, followed by a cobra-like swivel of his bald head: “I know Romney looks like a president, but we don’t always get the job we look right for. If we did … I’d be King of the Snakes!” Check out this photo of the real Carville and tell me if that isn’t wholly accurate.

“Delinquent Girl Teen Gang” was probably one of Lohan’s stronger sketches, if only because she looked good in her outfit as the star of one of those bad-girl B-movies from the 1950s, a genre I can get totally behind. Of course, Lohan wasn’t given anything funny to do. That fell to Fred Armisen, who looked surprisingly good in drag. The joke: His character keeps getting hit by a car. Sound dumb? It was, but I found it kind of funny. I could have watched him get hit by a car a few more times at least.

The “Scared Straight” sketch, which I know has its fans (of which I am not one) was pretty laugh-free until the very last second, when Sudeikis hopped onto his desk, sending a cup onto the floor with a loud “pop,” which for some reason made everyone laugh, which in turn made me laugh.

Finally, here is a short, absurd clip parodying those CD-bundle TV ads hosted by some dude in a turtleneck stoking a fireplace. Except without the songs, it’s just some dude stoking a fireplace.

Overall, a not-so-hot effort from SNL. Hopefully we can expect better things from Skinny Jonah Hill next week. In the meantime, what did you think? Was I too hard on Lindsay? Did I leave out any sketches you happened to love or loathe? Let us know.

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" She's like the girl in your new improv class who you're like, "Kinda hot, but not funny. Can't act. I hope I don't get paired with her, but I'd be down for some beers later." "



This is a thing a gross idiot would say. Are you a gross idiot, or are you just assuming that's who your audience is? GENUINELY CURIOUS! Thanks!
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Just a regular "actress" playing the usual SNL sucky scripts... What were you expecting people?.. :P
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Bill Hader is always hilarious. But I loved the real disney princesses bit, it definitely made me laugh. Also shouldn't LL know how to act, being an ACTRESS and all? Sheesh...
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That was Mike O'Brien, I think he's a writer. Not really sure, though. I know one thing: You should look for "Seven Minutes in Heaven With Mike O'Brien" on YT. I find it pretty funny.



And they all laughed at the "Scared Straight" sketch, cause one time Sudeikis hopped on the table, no one was expecting it and they all cracked. It was hilarious.



I did like the Housewives of Disney bit... To me, it was the only thing funny in this episode, besides Jon Hamm and Snooki. To me, Lindsay Lohan was horrible. She didn't make me laugh one single time... That job was left to my beloved Bill Hader.
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Lindsey ruined scared straight for me. She was flat, boring and kept messing up the lines. It was one of my favorite recurring sketches if not the only one.



RIP. Scared Straight 2009-2012
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I liked the monologue, laughed throught the whole "disney housewives" sketch - which i think is one of my fav sketches from this season but then I sort of drifted...



Dear SNL, next time a great idea like Lindsay Lohan hosting pops into your head IGNORE IT
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What made me sad about this episode was that you could see she was really trying, she didn't want to read from cue cards, she wanted to get into the moment, but she either was too nervous or didn't do enough prep work for it so she stepped all over her own lines.



Weren't there several recycled taped bits to fill this show as well as several new ones? Kinda sad.



Also, when you have your face bloated from either substance indulgence or plastic surgery, you REALLY need to keep bangs away from your face. I know you gave yourself extra forehead, but it's bad news.
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At one point during the skit "Scared Straight,' you thought here's a chance where Lilo can come clean with viewers as the piece was essentially a thinly veiled allegory about her. Here was a chance to finally win us back. Instead she hacks this piece (like her life) with missed beats, mumbling, searching for her lines and strangely looking over her co stars shoulders. In the end the public has to blame itself for thinking we can extract something that once existed in her because on some level we are using her as a metaphor for the magic we'd like to see in ourselves. Surely there are more deserving talents that need our attention? Rest in peace Lindsay



http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/03/httpscallywagandvagabond-comwp-adminpost-new-php/
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I thought Keenan was very funny in the scared straight sketch.

Real Housewives of Disney and King of the Snakes, also great.



Also loved how no one let LiLo talk during her monologue.
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Way to backpedal Seth - I thought you felt Lindsey would be a good host? She was just as dull as expected and clearly can't remember more than a line or two at a time. Not a real surprise since SNL is mostly shiite, thank god for a DVR and fast forward.



What happened to her face? Did she eat her old one?
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Put your claws back in Seth. She was fine. Meow.
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2/3rds of the show was either pre-taped or musical performance. When Lohan was in a live sketch, she badly messed up reading cue cards (favorite joke from this: 1st time in years Lindsay had trouble doing lines). They also re-aired not one, but two parody commercials from previous episodes (Verizon and Chantix). I don't know that I've ever seen that before. Imagine how bad the sketches were in the live dress rehearsal that they replaced!



The Real Housewives of Disney was one of the best parodies of the season (if it were a real show, I'd watch the shit out of it!). And Bill Hader was the other bright spot for the show (especially his James Carville). Otherwise, one of the worst shows of the season.
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Bill Hader was HILARIOUS. Weekend update was HILARIOUS. The scared straight sketch was awful until Lohan left and Sudeikis popped on the desk, and everyone laughed, I laughed. But that was why. When people can't hold it in, it totally cracks me up. Oh, and don't forget Seth Myers "Chuck Norris" joke. That was great.
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Well,, the final ratings are in,, looks like Lindsay Lohan was so horrible that made snl highest show for the night and brought the second highest ratings of the season... hmm,,.
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The hole in your logic being that you don't know how horrible she is until you've actually watched it (and to echo Faithin1 - people love a train wreck).
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Well, sure, people were tuning in to see the train wreck. Just because there wasn't one doesn't make it good. It was still not funny. Well. With few exceptions.
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I think it wasn't Lindsay's fault, i mean, if there is someone to blame that would be the writers, and is not like its the only bad SNL lately, actually it only get worst every week. And lets not even mention the musical guests....
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All of them are reading cue cards... its awful how bad all of them are. They don't even try to look away, the first couple she looked bad, but only slightly worse than the others. she seemed to warm up as the show went on... but SNL has been terrible for a long time. It's painfully obvious that all of them are using cue cards. I don't care about Lohan, but SNL sucks bad anyways. I bet the only reason most of the people complaining only watched this time because of Lohan. Try watching them all the time. Everybody sucks at reading teleprompters on that show.
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Sudenkis always makes Bill crack at the end of those Scared Straight sketches. Hilarious.
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Lindsay was terrible. In the scared straight sketch you can literally see her reading her lines off a cue card.
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there are no highlights and did she do with her face she can't make any expression at all

worst SNL of my lifetime,who is gonna hire her to "act" she can't remember two lines

I just don;t get people who thing "that thing" is beautiful
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Lindsanity was horrible!
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The writer/mystery guy in the Romney cold open was Michael Patrick O'Brien. He's played bit parts on SNL in the past, but this was his most substantial role to date.
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I actually liked the Disney princess sketch! It's probably the only one though :x
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I knew Seth was going to hate this episode the minute I saw the Scared Straight sketch, but you have to give props that she played herself.
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Spot on. Lohan was reading most of her lines off the cue cards. Every sketch she forgot a line and looked away towards them. It was very unprofessional. They should've ditched her in the monologue and made Jon Hamm step in immediately.
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You were a bit harsh on Lindsay Lohan, cause she wasn't that bad, but at the same time she wasn't that good. SNL as a whole had some really funny skits like (in my opinion) the psychic awards and real housewives of disney (and a couple more that I am not to bothered to go into details) The other one in prison was only funny when Lohan actually said her name as the experienced prisoner. In addition, I personally thought that Lohan's monologue was funny but I also found her performance in general, poor, like she wasn't there. Plus,,, she forgot her lines on many occasions. Finally this episode, as a whole was ok,, with a some funny skits and some not so funny. ... oh, and the digital short was surprising really bad, cause many times, that's the most decent part of the episode
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This bitch does NOT deserve a second chance. A comeback for Lindsey Lohan should NOT be allowed. It's time for her and her messed up plastic face to sit home and get fat as she slips into further irrelevance and oblivion as Hollywood washes its hands of her.



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Lohan was horrible, she kept messing up the lines and looking in weird directions, it was like she wasn't even present. She also looked really fake when she was supposed to "be herself", trying to look happy and thanking everyone with this plastered on fake-smile and some pretended voice. She really annoyed me.
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The fifth son was writer Mike O'Brien.



And I agree with herropreez14... Lohan's lack of comic timing can take a large part of the blame. Her delivery of potentially funny lines was so lifeless.
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Didn't watch it. But just from the clips, that was bad. I still don't understand why she got to host. She has nothing. Nothing to promote. And is a ashy shadow of what she once was, if she was ever even that. I don't understand Michaels' rationale for letting her host. She begged him? So.



SNL has sunk to some serious lows this year. Not just with their hosts, Channing Tatum? Really? Weekend update is hit or miss, I am not sure what Meyers' issue is. He was great when it was him and Amy back together again. I think they need to bring in another host, I since Abbey is looking like she is out after this year. I would suggest Nassim. Or maybe replace Meyers with Sudekis, since he seems to be the only one accidentally saving it. But that isn't enough, they need a top down restructure and get some new people in there. Too many of them have side projects, movies, etc to be focused on presenting a good show. Fred Armisen is good. But look at the contrast between this and Portlandia. Portlandia is fast, succinct and more funny than not. This show just needs help.



One suggestion I would have is until they fix themselves, they should be a vehicle to help promote the few shows that are actually good on NBC. I would love to see any of the cast from Community,(and any of them would be funnier than Lohan, or even half of their hosts from this year) or even the whole freaking cast. Shake it up and make it an interesting show for once.
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the skits were funny, its just lohan herself was aweful. dont blame the sketches
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