We Watched It For You: Sharknado 2 (Caution: .GIFs!)

Sharknado 2: The Second One


The first Sharknado was not so much a movie as it was several animated .GIFs padded out to feature length by scenes of Ian Ziering yelling at the sky and Tara Reid staring into the middle distance. Was it a good movie? No it was not. Was it better than Frozen? That is for you to decide. But despite being almost fatally boring, Sharknado became an instant internet sensation based on its title and some very hilarious visuals peppered throughout. So the arrival of Sharknado 2: The Second One was about as inevitable as the arrival of a second sharknado in the world of Sharknado, if that makes any sense?

Much like the first movie ("movie"), Sharknado 2 is mostly about the wrath that God brings down upon innocent sharks. Scooped up from their natural oceanic habitats and dropped unceremoniously upon land-dwelling jerks, the sharks must once again face what can only be described as a shark genocide, and all because of God's cruel whims. Whereas Sharknado posited that this sort of thing was a once-in-a-lifetime freak occurrence, Sharknado 2 essentially confirmed that God HATES sharks. It's no wonder, then, that they seem to hate His children right back. And they especially hate Tara Reid, an angel on Earth if there ever was one.

You guys, let's talk about Sharknado 2! Here is the beautiful title card:

See, first it looked like a fin coming out of the cloud but that was a fakeout because it was a plane. Two seconds into this movie and it's already playing games. But, question: Where's the hashtag? Shouldn't the title have a hashtag?

Oh, phew. Okay now we can rest easy. Thank you, interstitials. 

It's pretty telling that Sharknado 2 began with both a product placement and a C-list celebrity cameo, since this movie was basically just a montage of those two things over and over for two hours. In this case, the product was a can of carbonated, brackish runoff.

And the celebrity was, I don't know, Nicole Richie? 

So Nicole Richie was a stewardess on a plane and she wanted Tara Reid to sign a book she'd written about the first sharknado. Because in this world Tara Reid writes books.

Also here is her character's signature:

Note that she signed a page in the middle of the book. Also note that the book was an owner's manual for a Samsung Galaxy Tablet.

Then we got some sort of Twilight Zone "homage" where Ian Ziering started seeing things out the window and nobody believed him:

Oh, and here were the pilots:

The late Leslie Nielsen and also Stacey Dash from Clueless:

Meanwhile Worf was walking around with a badge and a gun like he owned the joint. Relax, Worf, this is a airplane not a saloon.

So then a storm of sharks arrived and bit off a chunk of the plane and things just went from bad to worse.

Nicole Richie got ate BAD. So did Stacey Dash. A shark busted into the windshield and ate her right out of the plane!

Fred Savage got it bad also:

The lady who got ate while taking a sh*t in the bathroom is Twitter famous somehow, doesn't matter.

So then Tara Reid almost flew right out of the plane!

Luckily she was a quick thinker, so she grabbed Worf's gun and started firing indiscriminately into the open air. But that really annoyed one of the sharks, and so this happened:

A shark bit Tara Reid's arm off!

Her stump looked so juicy and disgusting and her screams sounded like those of a crestfallen manatee! Poor Tara Reid.


So luckily Ian Ziering was able to land the plane after both the captains got eaten by sharks.

Then we were in Times Square for some reason and this family was just hugging and talking at each other about whatever. And one of them had a Michael Myers mask on?


Then Brian Williams started reporting on the plane crash.

But he FAILED to mention anything about all the sharks that had crashed the plane and eaten all the celebrity cameos? What was the deal with that? Lamestream media! 

Look who was a cop at the press conference:


Yep, Tom Green.

At the hospital Tara Reid was still trying to deal with her whole bitten-off arm situation and Ian Ziering was just going around talking to all the other celebrity cameos, such as MTV's Daisy Fuentes.


Meanwhile Tara Reid was bummed because she was supposed to appear on a local community access show to promote a book she'd written that had mysteriously become twice as thick since the last time we saw it.

But she was still at the hospital being tended to by one of America's top surgeons, Garth Brooks.

Meanwhile all the weather reports were being provided by America's most trusted weatherman, Al Sharpton.

But the celebrity cameos didn't stop there. Like at some point Ian Ziering decided to go meet up with his brother-in-law at the baseball game and he caught a cab driven by none other than Independence Day's Harvey Fierstein:

And then at the Mets game we met a former baseball great played by Jason Alexander:

It was honestly just such a thrill to see all these familiar faces even though I wasn't 100 percent sure who any of them were or why they mattered.

Meanwhile Ian Ziering ran into an old friend:

It was his ex-girlfriend, Vivica A. Fox! And after all these years she still really wanted a shirtless hug from him. That was her plotline here, basically. Will Vivica A. Fox ever get to have another shirtless hug from Ian Ziering? Stay tuned. (Also Vivica A. Fox remains perfect in every way.)

So then the Sharknado showed up finally because no duh. Where you been, Sharknado? Come cleanse this city of bad cameos.

So obviously Ian Ziering was going to go ahead and stop THIS Sharknado also. That is sort of his thing now. Except there were like, TWO of them. So that's just more work right there and it's all just so time consuming. 

Meanwhile Sugar Ray's wife was chilling on Ellis Island with a random menagerie of acquaintances and one of them was eaten by a shark WITHOUT the use of gale-force winds?

That's honestly just a regular ol' shark attack. Fortunately our main gal Kari Wuhrer (Hellraiser 6: Deader, one of the better DTV sequels) used quick thinking and TAZED THE SH*T out of that shark. 

Unfortunately, it may have been too late:

Not sure what was going on here or why it mattered, but a sewer guy was attacked by an alligator and the alligator was attacked by a shark:

K thanks, Sharknado 2. A lot of this movie  felt like someone who doesn't live in New York just brainstormed every cliché about the city they'd ever seen on TV and then added all of those things to the script and then slapped product placements on top. This guy knows what I'm talking about:

Here's famous blogger Just Jared getting eaten by a shark:

Because yeah, there were sharks in the subway now and you better BELIEVE they'll jump a turnstile.

It's not clear how sharks managed to bite off the back half of a subway car (as far as I know there weren't any mechalodons in the mix), but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that Ian Ziering had to murder a shark with a broken baseball bat right there in the subway car (we've all been there). Also he had to deal with this darling scenario:

So then Russell Simmons was running around with a briefcase of money and you can guess what happened next.

Just kidding! There were no sharks involved at all, only this lady:

Yeah, so, again. The main problem at this point was probably just the tornados. (Which nobody ever called hurricanes even though they were definitely hurricanes.) Like don't tell me sharks did THIS:

See, look at 'em go:

Get out of here, you twisty assholes. Stop throwing sharks at all the buildings.

Then things started to get VERY interesting indeed:

Oh Tara Reid you rascal! What are you up to, girl?

Then Ian Ziering went to a pizza store where he met LL Cool J.


They bickered for a minute about where the propane tanks were, but then a shark came through the ceiling and they teamed up to deal with it:


But Ian Ziering wasn't the only one getting RESULTS. For example, his nephew and brother-in-law ran into a liquor store and bought super soakers in the dead of winter.


The ladies of Ellis Island finally took a boat back to Manhattan and decided they needed wheels and FAST. That's when one of them got a great idea:

Back at the hospital Tara Reid was being a hero by saving all the sick children. 

Sela Ward did the same thing in The Day After Tomorrow and we all know what happened to her. (What happened to Sela Ward though?)

Tara Reid did NOT appreciate the look this shark gave her when it slipped right on by her and rolled into the driveway:

It was a truly poignant and powerful moment. You know that Bette Midler song "From a Distance" where "you look like my friend even though we are at war"? This was like that but with Tara Reid and a shark.

Then Ian Ziering used sharks like delicate stepping stones! 

Ian Ziering pranced atop sharks! I honestly never thought I'd live to see the day, yet here we are. What a world.

Vivica A. Fox was being very helpful about everything but it was very clear that she had one thing on her mind still and it was NOT makos.

So then Wendy Williams started lagging behind the other ladies on their CitiBikes!

And then a WHALE SHARK landed on her. That's right, one of Neptune's most peaceful citizens got swept up into this hellish melee. Just a damn shame. Definitely the God of the Old Testament was behind this.


This concierge did not seem very concerned about the carnage going on outside, but he seemed VERY concerned about Sugar Ray's family. Get your own family, guy.

Then Vivica A. Fox finally got out a sword. Not the sword she REALLY wanted to get out (Ian Ziering's penis), but an actual metal one:

Then they ran around the building and Ian Ziering tripped over a basket and fell down for some reason:

Also they'd fired propane tanks into the sharknado but it didn't die, but it DID drop dozens of flaming sharks onto citizens:

So, to be honest, that whole propane tank idea did not work. Yes it worked perfectly in the first movie, but times change and so do the ever-shifting realities of shark-based weather systems. But still, Ian Ziering had faith that he was the only person who could bring calm to this terrorized city:


And just when it looked like he was losing everybody's attention, he got it RIGHT back:

A lot of you may not know that Great White Sharks are made of soft marzipan, but it's true and Sharknado 2 finally got it right.

Meanwhile Tara Reid saw a table of circular saws and got a very good idea.


Tara Reid is the Platonic Ideal of a lady. "Ohhhhhhh yeah." —Plato.

So then the idea was, I guess, to spray the sharknados with Freon before they joined up into a super duper sharknado, and the only way do that was to harness the lightning, duh, I'm surprised you didn't know that. But these characters don't know a lot about electrical currents because suddenly this was happening:

But credit where credit's due: THEY DID IT. The killed those sharknados. But unfortunately Vivica A. Fox didn't make it:

But Ian Ziering DID make it, and he was up in midair kicking shark butt all over the sky.

I mean, yeah, the tornados were dead so that meant the people below had to deal with a sudden rainfall of carnivorous fish:

But the greatest death was not by trident, nor super soaker, nor stiletto...

DEATH BY EMPIRE STATE BUILDING!

So then Ian Ziering and Tara Reid were both on top of the Empire State Building and he really needed a gun to shoot indiscriminately into the sky with, so luckily the shark that had bitten off Tara Reid's arm while she was holding Worf's gun was just lying dead nearby. So look what he did:

It was honestly a very romantic moment, especially when he threw Tara Reid's old arm on the ground. (It was too slimy, nobody wants that.) And then he proposed! Again!

And then a fireworks truck caught on fire and the Empire State Building started acting like it thought it was cute:

Probably the least deserved fireworks display in movie history, but that's fine. Anyway, finally, during the credits, Ian Ziering ate pizza:

So that was Sharknado 2! It was definitely the second one, the big, spared-most-expenses sequel to the internet's favorite movie. Did it have highlights? Sure. Did it have lowlights? I can't remember. Will there be more of these? Count on it, dude. 


QUESTIONS

... Are sharknados real?

... No really, are they?

... Should Ian Ziering have picked Vivica A. Fox instead of Tara Reid?

... What was your favorite product placement?


Comments (87)
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When does TEEN SHARK come out?
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Price, you are brilliantly funny, and this review was !one of your best ever
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Sharks. In. A. Tornado. No matter what you watch afterwards: No other movie will have sharks. In. A. Tornado.
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Well, I think, it's safe to say, that there will be Sharknado, the 3rd One! *lol* Perhaps it will be a crossover with Canadian Bear Blizzard, somewhere I saw a hilarious picture of polar bears in a snow storm. Will we watch some heads bitten off and then reattached?
Where should it Play? Hawaii? Minnesota? Or, Paris, perhaps? The Eiffel Tower could impale dozens of burning sharks.
And before that, Ian should be in next season's Dancing with the Stars. He'd have a great theme for his Quick Step.
Go, go, go, go, go. Run away from a Sharknado.
It's your greatest foe, foe, foe. Don't wanna get eaten by a Sharknado...
Enough said. ^^
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Not a whole lot can be said about this movie, save that they seemed to have even more fun with it this time around. The cameos were pretty funny, for the most part, and a couple of the hommages were cute, like the "kiss for luck" before swinging over to the next car, and the inevitable Dr. Strangelove... and of course, the Evil Dead. Truly horrible movie, but it knew that going in, as did anyone watching, and it was quite fun.
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I LOVED this AND the film, i also want to be in the third one and have a fklaming shark land on me :) How cool would that be
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I'm pretty sure this review was at least 10 times better than the movie (I didn't watch it), thanks Price is was a fun read!
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Makes me mourn for the days of actual good sci-fi shows on a real sci-fi channel. Farscape, Lexx, The Invisible Man, Battlestar Galactica, Caprica, The Lost Room, etc. It would be nice if we had a REAL sci-fi channel instead of a "B-movies and lame tv shows syfy channel". These days, if you want good sci-fi, the one place you know NOT to look for it, is on the syfy channel. Sigh...
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This is silly and revisionist. The Sci-Fi channel had plenty of bad sci-fi, and the current SyFy has great sci-fi, like the truly wonderful Defiance, probably the closest thing we've gotten anywhere on TV to a true successor to Farscape.
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I like Defiance and never miss it, but if only Defiance had the sense of fun and wonder that Farscape always had.Unfortunately it's post-apocalyptic and Earthbound like every TV show now. Is there nothing for those of us who like to dream of a future in the stars?
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Let's not go putting words like "good" and "Lexx" in the same sentence. Lexx has a lot in common with Sharknado 2, in the sense that the large majority of people watching new it was bad and watched anyways.
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Have you been watching Defiance? It's not great overall, but it is interesting scifi that's well-made and has some great moments along the way. Dominion is all over the map, but still interesting fantasy.
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And rastlin'
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We all mourn for the loss of Farscape.
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That we do. I hope we have a movie soon to remove us from our sadness
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No one should be surprised, especially since this seems to be typical fare for the SciFi channel...or SyFy, whatever that is. I just noticed, there's a whole marathon Saturday of twisted shark related movies, including the two Sharknado movies. You can learn all about two-headed sharks, mega sharks, dino sharks, the sharktopuses, pteracudas, and pirhanacondas as you waste your whole day watching bad movies! Heh
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SyFy? Syfy is a hypocorism for "The Syph" or syphilis. As in, "you slept with cindy and got the syfy, now you need penicillin or your winky will shrinky".
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Wow. That was hilariously bad. And - this is gonna sound weird - 'better' than the first one. I'm gonna have to invent some adjectives to describe it because 'ridiculous' doesn't do it justice. And the acting! If Tara Reid doesn't win best actress at the next Razzies it will be the biggest miscarriage of justice since the OJ Simpson trial. Tara Reid has turned bad acting into an art form! The way that she (unconvincingly) wailed as the shark bit off her hand brought tears (of laughter) to my eyes. The phrase 'jumping the shark' should now surely be changed to 'hurtling through the Sharknado'
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Truthfully, the only reason Tara Reid ever got any notice is that she happened to fall on several young men's ILF lists. Take away the looks and it reveals that she never was anything.
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I watched the first one and just couldn't stand the thought of another, you know, once bitten, twice shy (see what I did there?), but darn it, it looked funny. I'm going to have to watch it now. Darn you, Price Peterson and your hilarious reviews. I curse you with having to watch another Danny Bonaduce Bigfoot movie.
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1. Hahahahaha the book! The autograph written by my 7-year old!

2. Hahahaha I love all the mixed-up “celebrity” cameos’ names. Price Peterson, you da bomb


3.
I love how the sharks chomp through steel like it’s cake, but they themselves are completely weightless and made of the softest, “rippable” material ever.


4.
I love the Avengers mid-credits finale (shawarma = pizza)
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I like it better than the first one , i was watching it and reading this review at the same time , and you missed a few stupid moments like the shark homerun ^^

but yeah it was kind of fun , the first one was really boring and I wasn"'t sure about this one , but it was better.

the problem is that in the so bad it's good category , the best ever is under the dome so if I compare sharknado to under the dome , it wasn't in the same league.
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Why is intentionally naming celebrities with "look-a-likes" considered funny? I would never watch the Sharknado films but i bet they are intentionally funnier than Price's recap.
To think this dude recaps a great show like Teen Wolf.
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@kevbuffylost108 and &shanecf As Fred Savage would say, "Don't be a dick."

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To be fair. Vivica Not Actually A. Fox is in the movie. And actually there are other B to C celebrity cameos there. Maybe some D ones if you know some obscure stuff.
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Well, look at the level of wit behind most of the pictures with text on them on this website. Are you surprised when the text is equally as lame?
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funny...almost as good as the Under the Dome recaps.

the wife and i love watching these things just to make fun of them. good times.
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LOL at your recap, reading it was a great way to start my morning and I am certain that it is far more entertaining than this show, which will be on the rock bottom of my "to watch" list.
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Robert Hays got a great cameo in that first scene but lets think a second, Robert Hays was in 'Sharknado 2' this week, his 'Airplane' love, the still funny Julie Hagerty guested (as she has been for a while as Ryan's dad's former secretary) on 'Wilfred' -- Who got the better part this summer?

The Ted Hays scene may have been the only watchable scene in the entire movie. Wonder if Bryant Gumbel and Willard Scott would have been funnier than Matt Lauer and Al Rocker? (The Answer is Yes) SyFy is really making Wil Wheaton work for the show they gave him. Have Richard Kind and Robert Klein really sunk this low for a pay check - their appearances were kind of depressing.

Not enough sharks.

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Great recap. But this "movie" makes me sad, it's such an obvious grab for money through self-conscious notoriety. Too bad people fall for it.
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Indeed.
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Haha, loved the Toronto Mayor Rob Ford impersonator cameo. Was hoping to see it here too.
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Price, you really need to write an all-inclusive guide to recognizing celebrities. Too many celebrities have known faces, but unknown names. We need you to correct this problem.
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Fred Savage? That's Wil Wheaton
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Almost all the names are wrong, so he's clearly doing it on purpose.
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The subtlety of the prose was obviously lost on me.
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I mean, you can make fun all you want, but ... the subtlety of the prose kind of was lost on you.
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the recaps on this are hilarious, but I will never watch this movie or the one before it... i am all for humor, but i think it would kill more brain cells than a week long binge.
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My Soul Hurts...
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I love how you get every cameo wrong ROFL! Brilliant! This is so bad it is funny.
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Personally I think the insane number of celebrities appearing was funny enough instead of having to purposely get almost every single one wrong in the recap

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"Because yeah, there were sharks in the subway now and you better BELIEVE they'll jump a turnstile." &-- THIS!

"Also they'd fired propane tanks into the sharknado but it didn't die, but it DID drop dozens of flaming sharks onto citizens..." And THIS, too!

Gosh, Price, I love this recap! Thank you so much for watching this "movie" for me.
I'll bet the only reason all these notable people showed up in this movie was because Sharknado has now been made into an even bigger joke than it already was. If that's even possible.

But hey, at least Sharknado 2: The Second One seemed to be just plain ridiculous... or at least I get that feeling from this review. (No, sorry, I didn't actually watch the thing.) I felt like the staff behind the first one actually thought it was a legit piece of made-for-television cinema, which was a little scary. But mostly funny. A tornado of sharks? Really??

Must've been the same guy that came up with giant octopus-monsters fighting T-Rexes in the middle of the ocean.
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Price, you can now take a well deserved vacation... at least until Monday, when you have to photo recap Teen Wolf.
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"See, first it looked like a fin coming out of the cloud but that was a fakeout because it was a plane. Two seconds into this movie and it's already playing games.

Actually, it was a homage to Airplane!, particularly since Robert Hays was playing the pilot.

He didn't have a drinking problem here, though.
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Great work Price! It must have been a truly debilitating experience to photo recap this thing. And the celebrity references were fun because I can't remember what the real ones look like anymore. And even a Frozen reference, you spoil us Ser.

Lucky I don't have to watch the movie now, it looks abysmal.
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I swear I laughed so hard at this I was crying the entire time I was reading this. Price, you are the best!!
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No Donald Trump cameo?...no Zombeavers vs Sharknado sequel as of yet?....sadness abounds...
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Longest troll is best troll.
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I think it'd have been funnier to not try and be clever with fake names.. because it's a damn ridiculous enough of a plot as it is lol
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Wow. I can't believe what I just saw. This film is frickin' hilarious!
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Where is the photo recap, for G's sake??????? I need to laugh a little today.
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I NEED it!
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a little sharknado, a little price? CAN TODAY GET BETTER no i don't think so.
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And for the end of the trilogy...
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TOTALLY!!
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Oh god yes! YES YES YES!!!
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Sorry.

SHARKNADO vs POLAR VORTEX ©


Whew! That was close
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someone would have to pay me, very well, to watch either of these movies, but that is a great idea for the 3rd one lol
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Yeah Agreed. I just came for Price's recap. I still haven't watched either
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Can't wait for the recap P²
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Tara Reid is incapable of displaying emotions facially. Happy, scared, worried, contemplative....same face. Also, 10 points to the hero who decided to start throwing active chainsaws into the sharknado.
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they made a mistake doing the first one so they said "hey lets make a SECOND MISTAKE and waste more people time"(not actual quote)
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Can't wait!! (For the recap, not the movie)
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'Was about to totally bypass this whole thing... but, now that I know Price's going to photo-recap it... now, I have no choice, but to watch it. Goddammit.

Thanks a lot, Peterson - forcing me to watch show I have no business watching since 2009.
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I saw Sharknado 2 last night and it was way better then the first one. I enjoyed all the cameos including Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan. Tara Reid surprised me, I mean her character was helping during the shark filled tornado. I laughed in some parts, and I hope there's a 3rd one and it's released in theaters like High School Musical was.
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Wil Wheaton and Anne Wheaton sighting on the plane at the beginning.
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But who is the twitter bathroom person he referred to?
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Whatever name their parents bestowed them is nowhere near as fitting as "Twitter Bathroom Person".
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Well that climax was all kinds of crazy pants. Flying through the tornado and chopping them up, then riding one down to the spike on top of the Empire State Building. Tara Reid having a prosthesis that would make Evil Dead's "Ash" quake in his boots.

And the movie was like 90% cameos. My personal favorite being the airplane pilot.
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And the opening tailfin-in-the-clouds bit.
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It comes across like the writers knew their 15 minutes of fame are on their 13th minute.
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I don't even know what to say.
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So happy you'll be recapping. Can't wait.
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I'm one of the few people (apparently) who found Sharknado (the First One) too ridiculous to watch more than a few minutes of, though I REALLY tried (on several occasions). Whether Sharknado 2 (the Second One) is better or not, I think I'll settle for Price's photo recap instead. I KNOW it will be entertaining.
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I tried for ten minutes but it wasnt even pervertedly bad - you know when its so bad you have to keep watching - and I just couldnt waste my time.
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Being ridiculous is kind of the whole point of Sharknado. What were you expecting when you sat down to watch a film about a tornado full of sharks?
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I dunno. I KNEW it was going to be really campy and stupid, but felt a kind of obligation to watch anyway, because of all the buzz. I thought I could dial my brain down enough to get through it just for the sake of water cooler talk the next day. But once it actually started, my reaction was like:

I just wasn't strong enough to survive more than a few minutes, We all have our limits.


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Sharkspear?
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Best acting Rob Ford has ever done...and since he's been acting since he became Toronto's mayor, that's saying a lot!
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