Spartacus: Vengeance: Human Piñata Party!

Spartacus: Vengeance S01E04: "Empty Hands"

At the end of last week's episode, the gladiators had been split up. Crixus and a few others were captured by Ashur and his men in the mines, while Spartacus and the rest, accompanied by Mira and the rescued Naevia, escaped. At the start of this week's "Empty Hands," they were hiding in the woods, but Naevia, suffering some serious PTSD, freaked out and gave them all away. A battle ensued, Mira saved Naevia's life, and one rebel was lost. With more Romans on the way, they left the body there, where Ashur and Marcus found it, and strung it up as a warning.

In Capua, Glaber and Virinius faced off over the absence of Glaber's soldiers at the games; he'd dispatched them to chase down Spartacus. Illythia showed up, and offered to throw him a proper celebration. Glaber put on a friendly face, but later angrily confronted Illythia for betraying his loyalty to the creepy Roman Praetor who had his hands all over her baby bump. Illythia instructed her slaves to see that Virinius's needs were always met, when she ran into Lucretia and Sepia. Seppia was giggling like a school girl, announcing she'd chosen Virinius as a husband. Illythia could barely conceal her disappointment—she wanted him to toss her Ceasar salad—and told Lucretia, "Virinius is a Praetor. The wife of such a man must possess refinement and poise, traits yet lacking in a spoiled little girl." When Lucretia responded that perhaps Illythia wanted him for herself, Illythia said, "The morning cock has better chance of crowing to such heights." Well, if anyone would know the odds on morning cocks, it's Illythia.

At the ludus, Glaber received a special delivery: a bloodied, swollen-eyed Crixus and three other gladiators. As much as it delighted him, he was disappointed to see no Spartacus among them. Illythia gloated in Lucretia's face, as once again her prophesies had failed to materialize. Illythia placed a hand on her scarred womb, and let her know she was fully on to Lucretia's little act. She knew that Lucretia knew that she knew that Lucretia knew, or something like that.

In the jail, Oenomaus told Crixus that he "falls to ruin for love... She is woman, a delicate creature at the best of times." I mean, of course he was going to say that, having learned recently from Ashur that Gannicus was giving his own wife the ol' gladiator in-and-out behind his back.

Elsewhere, at yet another ambush in the woods, another battle—Nasir was stabbed. It looked really bad! Like, Nasir shouldn't be alive at all, but Spartacus soldered him back together. Meanwhile, a guy had his aortic artery severed on top of Naevia, who barely looked like she was holding it together.

Later, at Verinius's party, a human centerpiece had slow-motion sex for the revelers. I didn't think you could find those outside of Las Vegas! Glaber trotted out the gladiators and offered them up to Verinius as gift sacrifices. Verinius chose instead to have them fight to the death in the arena, but one was set aside as a party favor. Lucretia chose one gladiator for a human pinata party, and while she lingered over Crixus, she spared him, and chose the equivalent of a gladiator redshirt. Seppius had the honor of slicing off his tongue, and everyone else took a turn at stripping off his flesh. Just lovely! Meanwhile, noting that Seppia favored him, Illythia's father pushed her toward Verinius, whom he considers to be in possession of better Praetorly qualities. Never mind that she's supposedly pregnant with Glaber's child! Glaber's a ninny who can't kill a simple Spartacus when he's asked to. Seppia was offered the honor of delivering the fatal stabbing, but when the gladiator looked into her eyes, she couldn't go through with it. But Illythia could! She viciously stabbed him to death, and even the hardened party attendees found it rather startling. Yes, even in ancient Rome, Illythia stood out as a sociopath. (By the way, anyone know where you can buy one of those bone thongs?)

Big Man on Campus, a.k.a. Verinius, was cornered by Illythia, who gave her a little Don Draper Special, if you catch my drift, and she seemed perfectly happy to oblige. It was filthy and I truly hope you sent the kids to bed before watching it. (Unless this was the week you wanted to teach them about manual stimulation, in which case it was a great conversation-starter.) They discussed having her father annul her marriage, and Illythia, delighted, winked at her husband on her way to earn daddy's blessing. But oops! There was Lucretia, riding him like an Arabian steed. Lucretia! Come on, you may have a nasty scar, but you're still really hot. Date in your league! Of course Illythia thought this was more than pure old-man lust; no, she thought Lucretia was doing it to undermine her power, moving into the stepmother position. She attacked Lucretia, but Lucretia said she only slept with Illythia's father to earn her his blessing to dissolve her marriage to Glaber. The scene, the creepiest this season, ended in a kiss between the two women.

In the woods, the Romans were still hunting down Spartacus, and in a final ambush, a loyal warrior was killed by Ashur. Mira took a punch to the face by Marcus, and Spartacus reacted by spearing him right in the abdomen. Ashur threw him on his back and carried the big lug off, warning him to keep quiet should Spartacus find them. But Marcus, loyal soldier that he is, screamed that he would fight until "the last drop of Roman blood" is spilt in his pursuit of Spartacus—leading Ashur to do him in. "I'm not Roman," he said. RIP Marcus. You were supernaturally hot.

The episode ended as yet more footsteps closed in at dawn—but the survivors were relieved to see it was Agron and the rest of men, back to fight alongside their leader.

QUESTIONS:

1. Where are things headed with Illythia and Verinius?

2. I have to admit that Spartacus is getting overshadowed by some of the other characters, particularly Crixus, who seems to be the true lead this season. Thoughts?

3. A liberation of Crixus and friends from Glaber's prison is imminent. Which side will Oenamaus choose?