Teen Wolf Season 3 Premiere Review: The Madness Continues (PHOTO RECAP)

Teen Wolf S03E01: "Tattoo"


Dang girl, you got hot over the summer! What have you been up to? Clearly you've been moisturizing or eating right or doing Zumba or, I don't know, finding spiritual apotheosis in the mountains of Peru? Whatever it is, it is WORKING because when I look at you I want to dunk my head in hot lava just to COOL DOWN. As for me, my summer was nothing special. I mostly just ran up and down the beach wrapping myself up in seaweed and shouting at seagulls. To be honest, I look like the sunburnt grandfather of a sea witch and on top of that none of my family will return my faxes. I'm in a bad place, girl, but at least you and I get to hang out again. Specifically we get to hang out again and talk about TEENAGE WEREWOLVES.

Because if life is just one big house party (in that some house parties are abject nightmares), then Teen Wolf is your really hot friend who MIGHT have mental problems and who you don't necessarily trust or feel comfortable around but they are hilarious and amazing and you don't want to leave their side because Lord knows they will do something insane at any moment and you don't want to miss it. That's what Teen Wolf is, basically. Slowly over the course of its first two seasons the show went from a much-derided punchline to something inching ever closer to critical hit and that is because TEEN WOLF IS AMAZING. In addition to its crazy-fast storytelling and wildly appealing characters played by wildly attractive actors, what makes this show so irresistible is that it feels like a secret. You know? Like it's just made for weirdos like you and me, and we watch while silently chuckling about how everyone else is missing out. Teen Wolf is this truly arresting combination of snarkiness and sincerity, both high AND low quality production values, with a sophisticated comic book knowledge but a fondness for dopey coming-of-age drama. Nearly every element of Teen Wolf is something we've seen before, but recontextualized and recombined into something completely unpredictable. And now it's back! Boy is it.

First things first: I'm no Nikki Finke over here, but some big things happened behind the scenes of this season and it feels weird to not bring them up. First off, no more Colton Haynes. I don't know about you, but when I heard he wouldn't be returning this season I fell to my knees and shook a fist at the heavens. No offense to the other fellas, but he was amazing and often my favorite thing about the show. Nobody will ever deliver lines and/or towel scenes like Colton Haynes, but that's okay. We must move on. Teen Wolf is bigger than one jock-turned-lizard-turned-werewolf. Second thing is that Teen Wolf's production left Atlanta and moved to Los Angeles. It probably shouldn't have been a big deal except remember when The X-Files traded Vancouver for L.A.? I do. The show just didn't feel the same. Anyway, yeah. In addition to introducing a new baker's dozen of hunks, Teen Wolf looked slightly different in its Season 3 premiere, "Tattoo," but so far everything seems pretty much in order to me. Phew! 

Alright, speaking of "Tattoo," let's talk more about this absolutely insane hour of television!

We began with a cryptically edited montage showing a dead-seeming Isaac dragged through an alleyway and electrocuted back to life via car battery courtesy of some unknown lady:

At first I thought it was the guidance counselor from Season 2 but then it wasn't and then I felt super racist for thinking it was. My bad! Anyway, motorcycle chase:

We were only like 40 seconds into the episode and it was already just totally ludicrous. The chase was SO computer generated that it looked like an outtake from Tron: Legacy, but also, how big is downtown Beacon Hill? This lady was speeding at easily 50mph down some kind of uptown Autobahn and THEN suddenly and out of nowhere a pair of twunks CAUGHT UP to them ON FOOT and kept trying to box Isaac's ears. 

Uh, leave Isaac alone you twunks!!

Anyway, after the mysterious lady and Isaac crashed their motorcycle into a warehouse, the twins got down to business, which on this show meant becoming nude from the waist up. And then, oh holy hell, where do I even begin? AND THEN:

Reader, send your child from the room. Because I am here to tell you that one of the twins FISTED the other twin and went ALL UP IN HIM.

That's right, they fisted and then combined into one BEHEMOTH WEREWOLF.

Luckily the mysterious lady fired a taser at the hulk-beast and it popped apart back into teen twin twinks!

And thus concluded the instantly legendary Isaac-Terrorized-by-Fisting-Werewolf-Twins cold open of 2013! Holy jeez, Teen Wolf. You scare me but I love you.

Ooh, and the opening titles got a face lift! First of all:

Haha that's Scott LEVITATING. Fair enough. Also this made me LOL:

I don't know why but Lydia just looked so funny to me here. For the record, the Teen Wolf opening titles are still the best on television and the music makes my heart race every time. I was kinda hoping Daniel Sharman would be added in to replace Colton Haynes, mostly because then I won't have to constantly worry about Isaac getting killed off, but oh well. 

So here's what an L.A. version of Beacon Hill looks like:

Yup, it's basically the same weird combination of greenscreen and composited night sky that it's always been. I saw no difference really! I love that Beacon Hill seems to have brownstones though, what a weird town.

So it was the night before school started and Scott was out doing what any normal teenage werewolf would try to do the night before school starts: GET A TATTOO BRO!!

Stiles was there mostly to make jokes about the Kanima and also faint at the sight of a tattoo needle. Also his hair is longer now LADIES. 

But the thing about being a werewolf is you heal too easily and that includes all your sweet ink bro. Bummer! Just kidding, not a bummer. Scott leave that bicep alone!

Meanwhile in another car, Allison and Lydia discussed where Jackson went. London! Because American Werewolf in... Oh nevermind. All that mattered was that Lydia was back on the market. Also I guess Allison went to France all summer, I think? I don't know, and I don't mean to sound like an old man, but sometimes I couldn't hear the dialogue over the music. Does that sort of thing hurt my enjoyment of Teen Wolf? Not really!

At this point Scott and Stiles pulled up alongside the gals and it was obvious Scott still liked Allison even though they hadn't spoken all summer but then everything was awkward and the girls sped off but then stopped in the middle of the road because they felt guilty and then this happened:


HAHAHA. 

Then Scott used his Powder-like ability to feel what animals feel and discovered that the deer was "scared." Fair enough!

The next morning Scott did one-armed pull-ups while reading because LOL. Also he had an app that provided him with a word of the day:

Ephemeral! I don't know about you, but I get a feeling that Scott's newfound responsibility with regard to his academic life will be very ephemeral. Pretending to know how to read only gets you so far in life. You can be a TV recapper at best.

Meanwhile in the Argent household, Mr. Argent was acting way more chill than we remembered, and Allison was still pretty bummed about Mrs. Argent getting bit up by a werewolf and then mercy-killed. And in that exact same moment I completely related to Allison. Mrs. Argent was truly one of my favorite TV characters of all time. Anyway, despite that massive loss, Allison was trying to put on a brave face about going to school that day:

Meanwhile we checked in with the other characters and got updates on their home lives (and new sets):

Uh, Lydia had casual sex in her bedroom the night before school started. Where was her mother? Had she ALSO been drowned in a fountain by a one thousand-year-old vampire?

Haha this show.

So Scott drives a motor-bicycle now. Is it for dirt-biking or something? I'm guessing there will be dirt-biking this season. 

Aw, I forgot about Boyd and Erica. And I guess I never knew that Boyd was his LAST name? At this point I don't know if they got ate up by the pack of alphas or if they just ran away from Beacon Hill and got themselves cast on other TV shows. Who even knows in this day and age? I liked those characters, though.

Oh, the new principal found former principal Gerard's sword. Man, Gerard was such an old weirdo. Remember when he turned into a fountain of black ooze and then yelled at everybody?

Look who enrolled as new students!

These guys. If there's one thing I know to be true about handsome monsters it's that they LOVE doing high school classwork. Enjoy it fellas!

There was also a new faculty character, this English teacher who was so hip that she began class by sending everyone a mass text that quoted Heart of Darkness. Which, actually, pretty cool! I've seen a quarter-million terrible classroom scenes in teen dramas, and this was actually a clever idea! Also she seemed nice, so that means she's either a villain or she's gonna die or maybe sleep with Pacey.

Even though Scott's mom spent the summer holed up in a post-apocalyptic zombie wasteland allied with the Governor, she was back to nursing hunky werewolves just in time for the school year to begin. Both Isaac and his mysterious companion were brought in for medical attention, and they REALLY wanted her to call Scott for some reason.

But then a different nurse came in to treat Isaac and he seemed suspicious of her intentions, especially when he saw her choice of footwear.

And her weird peace sign that she gave.

Whoops, looked another member of that alpha pack!

Meanwhile at school a hundred thousand bird .GIFs decided to commit suicide.

All the birds just busted into the classroom and slapped everyone around!

It was honestly very disruptive to the class and if we're being honest, just plain rude of those birds. 

But Scott didn't experience the birds being a-holes because his mom had called him out of class to come to the hospital and deal with werewolf probs. At that point a blind man got in the elevator with him and we immediately knew he was a werewolf on account of his hunkiness. Like, come on with that sweater. Get real, werewolf!

And by that reasoning it was also a safe bet that this seven-foot-tall American Gladiator-looking nurse was probably also a werewolf. And to make matters worse, he was trying to kidnap a drugged-up Isaac!

Scott caught sight of this guy and immediately got super mad because everybody needs to stop stealing Isaac already! Isaac does not deserve that kind of treatment, he is like a Greek statue come to life and all he wants to do is live a chill life and also stand in golden light posing, but NO, he can't, because alpha werewolves want to hassle Isaac all dang day and Scott was VERY TICKED about it.

So Scott had no choice but to put on his dog-face and jump into the elevator and tussle with an alpha werewolf because he's Scott and that's WHAT HE DOES.

It made me laugh that, while a brutal throwdown was happning only inches away, Isaac was still getting his Zs. I'm the same way.


HEY DEREK! Guys, then Derek busted into the elevator and threw the giant nurse into the hallway and it was a major hero moment. Plus, you know, Derek so sassy.

I just like when the dads talk to each other. In this case they made small talk about all the dead birds and Stiles' dad was like 'Haven't you historically been involved in every weird thing that has happened to this town since you moved here?' and Mr. Argent was like 'No why?' and that was it. I hope they go bowling soon.

Ooh, look what also made the move to L.A.: Derek's house! Yup, that old burnt-down haunted house Derek used to live in is back in play. It wasn't clear whether he sublet out his place at the abandoned subway station but there's a chance he was evicted. Life is hard out there for an unemployed, uneducated werewolf who only chooses to live in nightmare hovels, you know?

Scott is good with priorities, which is why he interrupted Derek's attempts to save Isaac's life by making Derek give him a tattoo.

Also, Isaac's mysterious motorcycle lady friend escaped the hospital and put on some sweatpants and then went to the high school where she was all sweaty and hassling everybody. 


At one point she grabbed Allison's and Lydia's wrists and instantly bruised them! But that didn't seem strange to me, I just figured they'd been on one too many cleanses recently.

Oh, so this is going to be a thing now. At the clinic run by the town's local, possibly Illuminati veterinarian, all the kitties and doggies had COMMITTED SUICIDE. I swear at one point there was a closeup of a kitten's bloody paw hanging out of its cage and my heart hurt so bad. Why you gotta do me like that Teen Wolf? But yeah main thing is all the animals in town are just OVER IT.

This episode of Teen Wolf ran an extra five minutes probably because this tattoo subplot was so important. So here we were, finally learning how it is that werewolves can have tattoos. If you were wondering what kind of clever magic would render a werewolf tattoo permanent, that magic is called a "blow torch."

Yup! So now the burning question of how werewolves get tattoos was finally answered. Interesting stuff right?

Oh but then Scott got mad because Derek had painted the front door of his haunted house, so he scratched off all the paint and uncovered this:

It was that symbol that we'd all seen in the Season 2 finale. I guess Derek and Isaac and Peter had kept the alpha pack's arrival a secret all summer, which seemed like a weird decision considering that the very dangerous gang had now been in the vicinity for three months and maybe Scott should have been alerted to that fact? Look, I know, I know. The writers needed to reset the characters and give them all vacations so that the story would start in September. But still, that's just— Oh shhh Issac woke up:

(Sighhh.) Anyway, yeah. Isaac finally filled them all in: Boyd and Erica had been kidnapped and now everyone was in trouble because the alpha pack seemed very nasty and they probably also had a super nasty leader. Speaking of the pack...

The mysterious motorcycle lady was holed up in the locker room with nothing but a broom handle to keep monsters at bay.


Unfortunately the barefoot lady werewolf kicked her in the face and knocked a half-gallon of fruit punch out of her mouth. And THAT'S when we met the alphas' leader:

OBVIOUSLY it was this guy. He seems like he'll make a good villain, and not just because he kind of reminds me of Jaime Lannister. Anyway, they exchanged some meaningful yet cryptic dialogue about how SHE knows he's afraid of Scott, but HE's confident that Derek will murder Scott instead of him, or you know, whatever. Season-long plot stuff. Then he raised a claw and slapped her head off and I guess she died.

Meanwhile Lydia and Allison were trying to decide what color to paint Allison's wall (let's be real though, beige really suits Allison) and they realized that the bruises on their forearms formed a symbol!  And it ended up being the same symbol we'd then see on the floor or whatever place this was:

Erica and Boyd (or at least their stand-ins) were still alive and being held captive in some weird place affiliated with the dead motorcycle girl! Or something. I don't know and I'm not supposed to know. That's just how this show rolls!

So we know how it works by now, each season of Teen Wolf has overriding mysteries to uncover, but clearly Season 3 seems to be less 'whodunnit' and more 'whattheydoin.' Because WHAT THEY DOIN? What are those alphas up to? What do they want with the teens of this tiny podunk town? Why do they fear Scott? Who opposes them? What do they want with Erica and Boyd? And WHAT EXACTLY do they wear while working out? I'm guessing we'll learn all of this and more as the season progresses! Can. Not. Wait.


QUESTIONS:

... Should alpha werewolves do a better job of wearing shoes and getting manicures?

... Have you ever been attacked by CGI birds?

... Do you miss Colton Haynes?

... Exactly how much fisting are you willing to tolerate on a basic cable drama?

... Did it make you mad that Stiles and Derek didn't have a scene together?

Comments (476)
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I'm just starting this season and OMFG I laughed till I fell out of my chair with your fisting twins, Price!!! You really are priceless! Loved the episode, but damn the cgi sucks so much. They should have gone with prctical stuff and not shown some cgi entirely like Scott's blow torch which would have made the scene better. Loved seeing Allison and Lydia back. Colton was the worst thing on the show and I'm happy he isn't around this time.
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Was this the single craziest episode of Teen Wolf yet? I think it was! Price, this was hilarious, as always! So pleased you're back!! Haha, sleep with Pacy!! I don't miss Colton Haynes, but it is a bummer that there was so much mystery in his background that will never be revealed now. Still, he's the only character of the core cast that I don't mind losing. I don't even think the actor is that hot. I can objectively see that he is. . . but he just doesn't do it for me.

As far as I'm concerned, the more fisting on television, the better. But I prefer less fisting in porn. 'Cause I don't need ALL of the details, you know?

I want Stiles and Derek to have scenes together constantly!!

Haha, Scott is such a teenage tool, with his tattoo-wanting. I loved all of Stiles' sensible comments about how tattoos should mean something and his relief when it healed. Of course, I get that it WILL mean something, but Scott was just being such a TEEN WOLF about it!
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You are hysterical!! Colton Haynes is MUCH better viewed on "Arrow" and will not be missed much on this show. He probably got tired of playing such a complete a-hole!
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I 'm so late for this but price eyiqf yENF YOU'RE BACK oh my god it has been centuries yes this whole time I realized how much I needed your photo recaps and here you are my life is at peace hooray
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Wow. You are back. So glad, missed you. The Vampire Diaries was never the same without you.
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Stopped reading this half way through because "she's either a villain or she's gonna die or maybe sleep with Pacey". HAHAHAHA sleep with Pacey.
BEST.
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I have litterally been waiting almost a year for you're recaps and when I saw this I litterally started hyperventilating... you are awesome lol
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How is it that the motorcycle lady was able to last in a fight against five alphas with just a broom stick. even though she lost in the end
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Hmm i reckon there is something special about her - especially cause she left that mark on the girls' arms. Also, by nature an Alpha is like one big wolf controlling and leading a bunch of other wolves. No surprise that they would all attack one by one instead of working as a team.
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DUUUDE! YOU'RE BACK!!!! <3
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I'm quite sure I just sobbed when i saw you were back
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I've been missing your photo recap so much! Very glad you're back because you're the best!
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"Did it make you mad that Stiles and Derek didn't have a scene together?"
No, because they had a wonderful scene together with lovely snark that gave me yet another point on my long list of reasons why Derek and Stiles are perfection. They just complement each other beautifuly
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I <3 U Price!
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Hi everyone. I really like the episode, but sometimes the cheesy effects bother me. In general was a great premiere and i enjoyed it. Jeff is really a great fan of comics books and use this material in the story he is telling. When I saw Deaucalion and saw he is blind immediately thought of daredevil, and with the twins I obviously think in hulk (sorry Im not a fan of animes or voltron). In season 2 was the kanima making a reference to the lizzard. Like everyone else I also missed Price photorecaps. It's not the same without him. The motorcicle girl I think she is from the future (theory) and is she is really death ( like all of us think) maybe (like Terminator and others movies) we will be able to see her again but in present time.
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Price, I have missed your photo recaps like a witch high on magic crack misses pizza. (ALOT) #PIZZANA4EVA
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Minor nitpick, but the show takes place in Beacon Hills, not Beacon Hill. (I'm from Boston and if the setting was actually the Beacon Hill neighborhood, all those brownstones would make a lot more sense!)
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lol this was funny as a chicken attacking all the savages who eat him and his buddies! lolol! cant wait till next episode where scott teams up with derek thatll be awesome as a penguin flyng from antarctica to the south of Florida...
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I felt like I was reading a recap from every Sterek fan on Tumblr. "Make fun of Scott and downplay his importance and make Derek out to be the hero." Where was Derek the entire time Isaac was getting attacked? Scott was the one who ran to the hospital and saved his life. Derek was out somewhere not answering his phone like the responsible adult he's always been.
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Really? Quit getting so butthurt over a recap. Price usually downplays the intelligence of the main character in his recaps, based on questionable decisions that have been previously made. I'm going to assume this is the first you've read, since you're assuming he's an asshole instead of hilarious. Look at what he says about Elena Gilbert or Cassie from TSC?

And I'm sorry, but this show doesn't just have one hero. Scott may be the main character, but the protagonists have all been given the opportunities to be a hero/heroine. Also, we as viewers don't know where or what Derek was doing when Melissa was trying to get ahold of him. Why you think he was sitting around eating bonbons, I'm sure he was busy looking for Erica/Boyd, or had some other pressing problem to deal with. I notice he arrived only five minutes after Scott, and saved the kid's ass to boot. That's pretty good timing, or else Scott might be splatter on the wall like that pretty black girl at the end.
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lol really? this was done as a joke not meant to be taken as a life changing opera. dont be such a hard boiled egg about. its not like this post will change Jeff Davis' outlook on the show or your life so who gives a fried piece of tofu?
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I am willing to tolerate ALL the fisting on a basic cable drama :P

And Stiles and Derek did have a scene together. There was even a friggin' wink that Stiles gave Derek! ... Just, Scott was also there.
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Except, no. It was a scene between Derek and Scott and Stiles was *just* there.
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What happened to Allison grandpa
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Dead...watch the season two finale
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um he didnt die he escaped they turned around and he was gone just a puddle of goo from where he was slowing dying in the ground, except he was gone.
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Price! So glad to see you're back. Really missed you when during the second half of this season of TVD. Is there any chance you could still do some sort of recap of that?

It's great to have you back, it makes shows much more fun to watch. I'm also glad Teen Wolf is back, though the episode wasn't as good as I'd hoped.
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Hmm...
A rearranged swastika and a German iron cross as werewolf symbols.
What are they, an old-school motorcycle club or the were-arian nation?
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I enjoyed it but... The Alpha pack supposed to be something like The Originals, right? But how on earth can I compare these mediocre actors with Klaus, Becca or Elijah?
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Love the recap. I'm waiting for all the TVD recaps that you missed.
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also over the moon price is back! you make the shows so much better!
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im still waiting to find out what stiles gave lydia for her birthday last season, what was in that massive box?!
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Hahaha oh yeah, the box!
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I didn't miss Colton at all, to be honest.

The ZZZZZ cap made me laugh out loud though.
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I love love love the show, especially with recaps from Price. Soooo glad that your are back. The show wouldn't be the same. Just joined the tv.com community only to give my excitement some outlet. Can't wait for next week.
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Price. Is. aMAHzing.
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PRICEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!! Can I like hug you? because I kinda want to hug you, which is always weird because I'm not really a hugger, but I give virtual hugs like a boss. Pink Starburst then? *Dances around like a no rhythm having 40 year old white dude* Dude I missed these!!!! So much funny!
This show is bat shizz insanity. Like I didn't even realize how much I missed it until that cold open. I actually paused the TV and wriggled further back into my seat, (yes my feet were dangling off the floor, I'm short, okay?), bouncing up and down like a freaking toddler I was so excited. Grown women shouldn't do that. But I have Peter Pan Syndrome so it's okay. I don't know when this show went from being something kinda campy that you reluctantly admitted to watching to something you talk to people about at the convenience store.
-No worries, man. I totally thought that badass, leather wearing, motorcycle riding babe was the guidance counselor too. If you're bad, I'm freaking worst. I'm black for crying out loud. I should have known better. She was soo awesome though. I kinda loved her. Even when she did stupid things like tell Isaac my little cuddle muffin, to hold on to her as tight as he could when dude was barely conscious.
-Can we all agree that Isaac is so adorable that you just want to squeeze him? Because he is.
-Oh my goodness. When the Scavo twins from Desperate Housewives did some crazy Animorph shizz and became when giant werewolf beast I dropped the remote on the floor. What. The. HELL? At that point I was legitimately looking for a seat-belt to strap myself in because this is going to be one hell of a season.
-"The deer was scared." No sh!t Sherlock! Stevie Wonder could have told you that, and he wouldn't have needed Ray Charles to help him. It's going to be so amusing watching Scott attempt to be smart. Cute kid.
-I'm not trying to slut shame Lydia. If she wants to get her swerve on and engage in a little sex therapy, I ain't mad at her, but she's that smart girl that's prone to making not so wise decisions in every other aspect of her life. She's a bit fragile, susceptible to going dark places. It can be interesting to watch or annoying. We'll see.
- I missed Boyd. Does Derek have two cell phones in that contact info because he sure as hell doesn't have landline.
-The new teach seems kinda awesome. That was a very clever scene. I love the new school of a teacher sending kids literary quotes via text message, mashed with the old school of Scott and Alison passing notes in class. Kids today have it easy. They don't know the stealthiness and sneakiness it took to pass notes in class. Sometimes it required teamwork, or at the very least mad skillz...and that mini anxiety attack you had when you almost got caught was only rivaled with that mini-heart attack when you leaned your chair back just a little bit too far...Nostalgia.
-I LOVED how the sex crows from The Secret Circle came at them full force. Those are some scary, vengeful creatures. that scene was terrifying and awesome. So awesome. This is about as far as I get in anything remotely close to being considered horror so me likey.
- Someone needs to make a show where Derek Hale and Elijah Mikaelson make super badass entrances. I'd watch the hell out of it, and freeze frame too. Oh how I've missed Tyler H. Yumm.
-I love how I can't even bad mad that all these supernatural creatures are so damn pretty. Like that would typically annoy me but they're just stunning. All of them. So what this chick is in dire need of a mani-pedi...she's drop dead gorgeous. Werewolf Alpha version of Cyclops? Handsome. Ugh these peeps.
- Suicidal animals. Pretty, pretty Alpha packs (seriously how does a pack of Alphas even work? The fact of the matter is, as much stake as our society puts into having type A alpha personalities and being successful, too many of them in one room pretty much means that shizz ain't gonna get done. That's what we Betas are for. Holla! So I'm hoping this means some internal struggles down the road for the alphas). Stiles being Stiles. The quest to save Boyd and Erica. Cryptic symbols and vague statements. I love it already.

-Yeah. Those nails were looking gnarly.
-No. There was this one time I was attacked by CGI butterflies though.
-No. I actually think they carried on quite well without him. I was mostly indifferent to his character. I do wonder what that means for the other half of his bromance, Danny.
- How much is too much?
-Ah, but they kinda did at poor Isaac's expense.
More+
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Oho, you live.

Y'know, I thought the same 'No shit, Sherlock' line at Scott talking about the deer, but only after reading you say it did I picture Scott wearing the Sherlock cap with the pipe while thoughtfully rubbing his chin. Another good laugh at the show's expense, so thank you for that.

I didn't think the new black girl was the guidance counselor (because I know her face a little better than I should admit), but I was quick to assume that they swapped the actress out for her. Y'know,

- "OhHELLno! Minority Swapping Trick!! Patents!!"

Then, when I saw she was supposed to be new, I was pleasantly surprised. Something like,

- "Wow, maybe it *has* become 2013 this year. Why *can't* we have two hot black girls walking around this show--OOH! Ohh. Likely dead. Back to status quo. L.A. club rules."

And ftr, I'm glad they didn't kill Isaac. When I saw him appear so soon, I didn't have high hopes of him surviving the hour.
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Barely bro. Barely. Life gets in the way some times. It's been a while. I still have to squeeze in some time to make the rounds and what not. I missed you man.

Only after reading you say THAT, did I picture it myself and crack the heck up. So ditto.

Uh huh. I won't ask and you certainly don't have to tell. Minority Swapping Trick. Patent Pending. I loves that stuff.

Isaac should never die. He's just the werewolf equivalent of Stiles in that he'll receive all the whump.

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Missed you too. Glad you live.

And Isaac's not bad. It's the difference between being stupid and being new. He's scrappy.
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I feel ya! When they first started with the twunks morphing thing I think I literally shouted "NUH-UH!!" at the screen. So crazy!
Sex crows?? I didn't watch TSC...do I even want to know?
I would totally watch that show. I got a teensy bit fangirly when Derek showed up cause it was pretty cool and like you said, YUM-MY. Didn't realize how much I missed him. Wait til Peter shows up :D
Scott trying to be smart is totally gonna be fun :) He was showing some improvement last year & he's working hard at it!
Right on, what you said about Lydia. I thought the exact same thing. I'm leaning towards interesting because I like how her arc last year played out. But she can also feel a little forced sometimes so yeah we'll see.
How about that full-on stroke you would have when the teacher caught you and read your note out loud to the class!
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Twunks. LOL! I know! I whisper screamed at that so much.

I've kinda loved Tyler H. ever since he was on 7th Heaven, and then he grew up and went from cutesy and adorable to sinfully sexy. Plus, for once, he's actually an age appropriate crush for me, not that that means anything at all when you look like a 12 year old, but a girl can freaking dream. He's just so badass,witty, and hawt.

Joss. Now you are speaking my language. That was the worst!
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When I first saw Tyler here I kept wondering where I'd seen him before...I didn't watch 7th Heaven but would check in once in a while because I thought Barry Watson was hot (yep we can be just as bad as the guys lol). When I realized who he was I was like dang, he grew up WELL. Badass, witty & hawt is right on plus he seems like a cool guy in real life which only makes him sexier!
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CGI butterflies are the worst! You just want to shout at them "You're computer-generated! You shouldn't be bothering me!"

Anyway, glad to see you'll be along for Price's TW ride of sharp quips and sharper toenails (click-click-clack!). With you, Ciara and Mey, it's like the TSC crazy-commenting gang is back together! It's gonna be a fun summer.
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Of course I'm along for the ride. There is no height requirement right? If so I'll have to bring my super high top sneakers. Also, if we're sitting together in the same car, I shall warn you that I'm that chick that kinda slides back and forth because gravity hates me. *buckles seatbelt* Always a pleasure embarking on these journeys with my fellow ACP/ crazy commenters. Good times will be had, dammit.
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Hey Price! Brilliant recap mate, ta! My ribs still hurt!
I had barely realised how much I had missed this show until the credits rolled in!
BTW I totally agree bout the credits they are super cool!
+ All the time I was thinking we could do a fortune in that town if we opened a Beauty Shop for werewolves... now, what could we call it?
+ I am curious to know if it is v difficult for actors imagining those birds attacking them... do they get a description of how they will look like at least?
+ Yes indeed, Mr Haynes is sorely missed, especially in the credits where he looked hyper hot in mud...
+ I can tolerate anything in cable... hell I am paying for it ;-)
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thought the twins at the beginning were badass then got their ass kicked in the lockers.. Deucalion looks sick might be my third favorite character this season. #1 Derek Hale the best and biggest badass on set.. Peter Hale can't wait to see him.. Of course I miss Jackson Derek and him were why I stay tuned... If they decide to kill someone off I am cool with that just leave Derek out of it cause once he is gone so am I...
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Yeah I can't wait for Peter either!
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I know he is to badass
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I almost cried happy tears seeing that you're back writing recaps!!! And then I cried laughing tears as I read it... Is there any chance you'll do some short recaps on the TVD episodes that I had to watch without you virtually by my side? Maybe the way you did them for the first season... or pleeeeeaaaase at least one recap for the final two episodes of the last season? (Imagine my girly voice going up reeeal high at the end of that question)
Pretty please?
And, really everybody does the cherry, so how about a few gummy bears on top? :)

Sorry. I should try some humility every once in a while. I am just over the moon to have gotten just one more recap from you. I would regard every single future one as a gift from the recap God - which is you, said the sycophantic beggar. So, no pressure. Just thank you so much for coming back. I'm sorry SupaNatural didn't get picked up. You guys deserve having you're work and wits being given more attention. So just know that your fan base on tv.com is going to keep growing since you're too amazing to not let the world know.

Peace Out, YOU ARE AWESOME :)
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First things first: WELCOME BACK, PRICE! Also, welcome back, Teen Wolf! How I've missed you and your let's-get-down-to-business-shirtlessness (and your sketchy CGI)

QUESTIONS:

... Should alpha werewolves do a better job of wearing shoes and getting manicures?
I'm still like 100% side-eyeing the fact that people actually didn't notice some chick walking 'round the halls barefoot, I feel like maybe Deucalion should be getting her some shoes, you know, like how Derek gave his pack some cool leather jackets? IDK

... Have you ever been attacked by CGI birds?
Yep, truly scarring experience.

... Do you miss Colton Haynes?
SO MUCH?????????? I'm moving to London ASAP, just can't handle not having Jackson Whittemore in my life.

... Exactly how much fisting are you willing to tolerate on a basic cable drama?
Aw, dude, I'd pretty much take anything Teen Wolf throws at me (except those twins, pls don't throw them at me)

... Did it make you mad that Stiles and Derek didn't have a scene together?
THERE WAS SOME EYE CONTACT! And some general chest touching. And a wink. Let's be real here: I giggled.
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Ha yeah I talked about the barefoot thing below. Preeeeetty silly. I just hope she wasn't also doing that ballet stepping thing, too lol. He could get them all like some alpha-boots. Or alpha-sandals, to accommodate the nails coming out.
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I enjoyed the complete lack of explanation regarding the blowtorch. How did that make the tattoo visible? *shrug* Oh well! Teen Wolf, I missed your crazy self. (Derek should have said "I can do it but I'll need 500 grams of pink frosting, the starter from a '47 Ford, and a green teacosy" *smash cut to tattoo reveal, Derek mopping his brow*)
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One of my favourite things about Teen Wolf is it doesn't feel the need to explain everything immediately. We'll probably find out more about the tattoos later in the season, or maybe not for another 2 seasons. But I love that they don't explain it until they want us to understand.
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WTF Price, you left? As usual, this is the only show I watch that you review, so when it started up again this week with your review, I simply said "Yes, World, you are as you should be. You may carry on...but I'll be watching."

The next guy might not laugh at Scott using da big wurds, or deer tweakers headbutting cars, so you can't...

*Manly tear*

*Leaves*
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... Should alpha werewolves do a better job of wearing shoes and getting manicures?
Yes. The only alpha I want to see bare (human) feet is Derek. Or Stiles, but we're not there yet.

... Have you ever been attacked by CGI birds?
Nope. Can they be roasted?

... Do you miss Colton Haynes?
Yes. I also miss Jackson. Not that I miss the douchebaginess, but it owuld have been interesting to see how he'd have evolved now that he'd gotten what he thought he wanted.

... Exactly how much fisting are you willing to tolerate on a basic cable drama?
Ugh. From those ugly ass Bogdanov-faced twins? No more.

... Did it make you mad that Stiles and Derek didn't have a scene together?
'Mad' wouldn't be the word. Disapointed, yes. I would have loved to see some awkward silence filling chat / banter while Scott was out, for example.
A TW episode with Sterek is like an SPN episode with Castiel. The comic relief is greater.
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By far the scariest thing in the episode was having to look at werewolf ladies feet, ugh
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As many other people here said, this show is absolutely ridiculous! I mean, even from the first several minutes into it you realize that - the long bike chase on a road that just keeps going forward until it hits a dead end, the twins taking off their shirts, the slow-mo when Scott looks at Allison... It's a teen sci-fi soap - AND I LOVE IT! :D

p.s. Dylan O'Brien makes it watchable for me!
p.p.s. Tyler Hoechlin will be missed :(
p.p.p.s. (wut?) Awesome review, Price!
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wait, Tyler Hoechlin is going somewhere? (if this is going to be a huge spoiler please don't answer the question)
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i'm not sure it's a spoiler, it's kinda old news, he didn't sign the contract for season 3, so... there's a whole bunch of new hunks, though :)
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Do you mean Colton Haynes (Jackson)?
Tyler Hoechlin plays Derek Hale
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ooops! yeah, i mixed them up :/
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Phew, had me worried for a little while there!
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Tyler Hoechlin is contracted for the entire season 3. It's Colton Haynes that's not returning.
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THIS SHOW!! So weird and ridiculous and straight up hilarious (intentionally and otherwise). I don't even know WTF was happening for most of the episode, but I loved it all. Except for Scott's tattoo talk, cuz ain't nothing less interesting than listening to someone earnestly explain their tattoos.

Also please don't be dead, motorcycle lady! You're my new hero! Walk it off, ok?

And WELCOME BACK PRICE! We missed you ril bad. I can already tell it's gonna be a great summer!! Ps, I watched Secret Circle to get my photo recap fix during your absence and everyone was right, that show was super great :(
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When I'm walking in the woods I will audibly self-narrate my actions with "clomp-clomp!"

*Sigh*

I have problems.
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Poor little Clomp Clomp.

*clomp-clomp, clomp-clomp, clomp-clomp, clomp-clomp...*
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I totally do the clomp-clomp too. While humming the TSC lullaby.
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I can't wear my boots in public anymore. All I hear is "clip clop clip clop" and then I start giggling to myself and then people carefully avoid looking at me. You've ruined us, Price!
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This episode was hilarious. Not in a good way, but still managed to be in a good way, and I appreciate that. It's funny, I'd just watched the Dark Skies movie right before watching this (no spoilers, but you'd get it if you've seen the movie).

The deer made me laugh the hardest, not necessarily because they were both conveniently looking behind them when the rearview mirror was still up there, but because it immediately reminded me of that Louis C.K. deer joke. He'd almost killed me with that joke. Literally, though. I was eating Mike and Ike's, and I inhaled one. Worth it, but still.

The other one that really got me was when Derek told Stiles to 'hold Scott down' while Scott was enduring the pain of the Perfect Blowtorch Wolf Tattoo. The only thing that got buffer on Stiles was his hair. Admittedly, he does look cooler now. He doesn't *act* cooler, but still.

The one thing I wonder about with Jackson's departure (huge mistake, whoever) is, what about Danny? Can he cross over into inner circle without Jackson as a buffer?

And that part with Scott and Skinny Vin Diesel wasn't a throw down, that was an ass kicking...all Scott's. Basically:

Scott: "OW! Give up?"

Scott: "OWW! Give up?"

Scott: "That's it! Now I'm gonna--OWW!"

Aside from the immediately stupid new black chick holing herself up in a secluded locker room with a giant toothpick to get killed or memory wiped without interruptions, Scott looking brave and badass to show us all that he's been working out and reading stuff so he could get his ass kicked 15 minutes later was the only thing I hated about this episode. I like that he's trying to be not-dumb, but I'd like it more if they let him actually do it a bit.

I loved that bit with Lydia and sensitive she left in...her bed? His? I dunno. Him laying there, pretty much saying "Call me, kk?" kinda made me cringe on behalf of Man, but something in this show always does that to me. I know what I'm getting into. Anyway, it was all ridiculous, but I was happy for Lydia.

Basically, this episode was as ridiculous as I was expecting and pretty damn fun. I expect disappointment, but there's still always some fun in with it. I really miss Allison's mom, though.
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Ooh bad idea, never eat anything while watching Louis C.K., recipe for disaster. The man's kind of a god.

Ha yeah I thought the same thing about Stiles holding Scott down. Like what good is little human Stiles gonna be against screaming werewolf pain, even if Scott wants to be held down. Haha this show.

I wondered about Danny, too...but I figure if nothing else they'll be able to work him in when they start the obligatory lacrosse stuff. Ugh, the lacrosse is the one part of this show I could do without, I wish we could lose the actual lacrosse & just keep the locker room stuff cause that's usually fun!
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Yeah, I didn't mention it, but just remembering that they do Lacrosse made me laugh again.

This show: slaying me for all the wrong reasons. This show.
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I was wondering the exact same thing about Danny.
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They could bring him around, but Jackson's departure could be juuust the excuse they need. I really wish that patent was real. I'd be a bazillionaire.
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I'm so glad to have you back, Price! You make this show twice as insane.
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Very late to the "welcome back Price" party, but happy to add my HOORAY to the pile. You're the bestest.
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I can't believe my eyes - a review by PRICE PETERSON- it's too much. (weeps joyfully into hanky)
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Well if that hour of television was just the best sober acid trip ever! Can't wait for more insanity. Also I must be the only one who's happy to see the back of sour-faced Jackson. And of course welcome back Price.
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Yes to acid, noooo to "sour-faced Jackson". He was the best! I HAVE A RESTRAINING ORDER!!!
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My restraining order (if I had any - I swear I don't!) would be for the gorgeous Dylan O'Brien everyone else on TW are just background characters albeit pretty ones.
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Sober acid trip might be the best way to describe Teen Wolf, with all the most positive connotation intended. Love it!
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Is it just me or does Scott get more hotter every season?
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I haven't seen the episode so I'm not gonna read the recap just yet. Just hear to express my excitement that PRICE IS BACK! WHOOP!!! *twerks
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omg typo. *here.
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I'm so happy Teen Wolf is back and I LOVE the Price Recaps!!!!!!! Thank You SOOOO much!!!!!!
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Yay - this is going to be a great summer: Teen Wolf back with a bang and Price here to recap - 2 nights for the Price of One :-)
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Btw - I really loved Stiles and his father, they seem to have reconnected over the summer, there didn't seem to be any of the "I'm disappointed and don't trust you"-vibes there.
Especially with the "Blackmail?" - "You've got nothing on me" comment.
I love those two; you can just feel the love between them.

So - how many of you hope the Sheriff will be "read in" on the whole supernatural thing this season? :)
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I love how parents/adults are portrayed on this show. They're real people, dimensional, with strengths & flaws...not just clueless impediments to the teens doing whatever they want (not that they ever stop them anyway). And Stiles' Dad is one of the best :)

I think he probably will be brought in. Like bleu said, it's good to have somebody that's on the outs, but I'm not sure it should be Mr. Stilinski. He has access to information that another parent wouldn't see and he's too smart not to know that something hinky is going on. If they do decide to include him, he could be a real asset.
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Personally I always like for one person to be on the out. Mrs.McCall knows now, which could be interesting if they do more with that. So far she's conveniently around when Isaac is healing supernaturally in a hospital, and she's playing go between/secretary in relaying Scott his werewolf messages.

I was one of the few who enjoyed the ridiculousness of Aunt Jenna being so damn aloof to the supernatural around her on TVD. When she found out it bugged me. I think it'll be the same with Stiles dad for me. Though he's smart so he's already suspecting things and trying to figure stuff out. Makes it interesting to watch. Him in the "know" could be a fruitless as Sheriff Forbes, spending the rest of her days covering up and cleaning up messes.
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I honestly don't understand why they are still keeping him in the dark. Ms. McCall proved to be chill about the whole werewolf thing... eventually. And Stiles isn't even supernatural (unless you count his hotness! ... Note to self: You are a heterosexual male), only his friends are. I mean, Stiles' dad isn't an idiot. He probably knows by now his town is a little effed up. Plus, I'm sure the kiddies could use his help fighting off the forces of evil and whatnot. Stiles needs to man up and say "Dad, our town is infested with werewolves. Oh, and a giant lizard, but he's gone now, so pretty much just werewolves."
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*Note to self LOL
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Hopefully soon, like you Stiles and his father are my favorite dynamic on the show, I can't take anymore lying and I feel Sherrif Stilinski deserves to know. Luckily, if they choose to continue the trend a new person learns of Scott's secret at the end of each season, Allison in S1, Ms. McCall in S2, hopefully Sheriff Stilinski in S3.
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I really hope so. I love the Sheriff! Stiles and his Dad have a wonderful dynamic.
But come to think of it... Season 3 has much more episodes than the previous two. So it would be nice, if the sheriff got to know the werewolf thing at midseason. Please!
With the mighty Alphas Scott's pack needs every help it can get! And I bet Stiles' dad would be great at kicking ass.
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