Hey there, kiddos! In case you missed the memo, Thanksgiving is almost upon us, and there will be wine, football, and probably many unsuccessful attempts to dodge questions about your non-existent career from your-cousin-the-surgeon's oh-so-proud parents. If you're doing the family thing, there's a good chance you won't get to pick and choose who's passing out on your sofa after the gluttony session, but what if you could? And what if your choices weren't limited to, you know, actual real-life people?
Think long and hard about the warm, welcoming glow of the television and the imaginary people who live inside it: If you could invite a select few of them to come over to your place for dinner, who would make the cut? What would you serve? And if you're feeling really squirrelly, how would you seat everyone? (Something tells me sticking Pete Campbell and Bob Benson within sight of one another will lead to endless awkwardness—sweet, sweet, endless awkwardness.)
Here's my dinner party. I'm going with a roster of 12 because 12 is a good number and the nice lady at the Fancy Dishes Store insisted that I need 12 fancy-pants table settings even though my dining room table is, like, one step above a collapsible poker rig. Which also means that at my house, Turkeyween is BYOC (bring your own chair).
Anyway, post your own guest list in the comments! Feel free to get as crazy or conservative as you want, and don't forget to reveal who's exiled to the kiddie table.
1. New Girl's Winston Bishop
We can count on Winston to bring the weird, the cat, and the greasy strip-club food.
2. & 3. Supernatural's Sam n' Dean Winchester
We all know Dean will provide the best pie, the cheapest whiskey, and the most emotional baggage.
4. The Vampire Diaries' Elena/Amara/Katerina
You know what? Let's just invite Nina Dobrev and see who shows up. With blood, obvs.
5. Mad Men's Sally Draper
Sally can mix the old-fashioneds! I mean, she's been practicing since she was like, four, so I'm sure they'll be better than the abominations I slapped together last year. FYI: NOT ALL BITTERS ARE CREATED EQUAL.
6. Shameless's Frank Gallagher
SOMEONE needs to get inappropriately drunk and ruin everything. He'll bring the good drugs.
7. Downton Abbey's Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess of Grantham
You know that crabby great aunt who never fails to mention that her dearly departed mother's stuffing was SO MUCH BETTER than this boxed shit (even if you're not even eating the boxed shit) and OMG, there's a scratch on Nana's good silver and don't you know she brought that all the way over from the old country? Don't you know it was a present from QUEEN VICTORIA HERSELF? Why are we even EATING off of it?
Yeah, that's the Dowager Countess. She'll bring nothing but her sass and we'll LIKE IT.
8. & 9. Grimm's Monroe and Rosalee
BECAUSE THEY ARE PRECIOUS. And someone has to eat the tofurkey.
10. & 11. Being Human's Josh Levison and Nora (if we must)
Ugh. It's your cool cousin (who also happens to be a fantastic cook) and his awful wife (who insists on eating everything raw, even red meat—especially the red meat). We'll just stick his casserole on the table and sit them in the corner with the other not-exactly-human guests and hope the Winchesters don't notice.
12. Breaking Bad's Jesse Pinkman
Dude had a rough year, but things are looking up. Sort of. I mean, he survived, and that has to count for something. We'll make sure to serve him some green beans with slivered almonds from the deli at Albertson's, and then we'll send him home with all the leftovers.
Kiddie table assignments: Dean—but not Sam—Winchester, Winston, Frank, and Sally until she throws a tantrum and pulls the bottle of vodka Glen bought her out of her purse.
Okay, your turn! Who's at your perfect Thanksgiving Dinner in TV Land? What's on the menu? Who's sitting where?