The pedophilia-fest known as Toddlers & Tiaras has always been guaranteed to put an unsettling feeling in your stomach. The TLC show, which is directly responsible for a recent boom in creepy uncles, showcases young girls and the occasional confused boy like candy as they strut their prepubescent stuff at baby beauty pageants. It's equal parts disgusting display and car crash/exploding fireworks factory/Bigfoot riding a unicorn, making it a spectacle that's nauseating yet oddly compelling to some (not me, Chris Hanson!).
But I'm drawing the line of arguable decency at fake tits. TLC has released the following clip to promote tonight's episode of Toddlers & Tiaras, and gosh darnit, I fell right into its trap. Watch as four-year-old Maddy brings out the big guns with a Dolly Parton costume.
Toddlers & Tiaras, it's the stripper minor leagues. The next time you see Maddy her stage name will be Jolene and hicks will be throwing quarters at her through chicken wire while she strips to "9 to 5."