The Bachelorette: WTF, Chris Harrison?

I am furious about the latest episode of The Bachelorette. If I see a red rose, I might punch it in the face. Maybe I’m confused, because I thought the premise was as follows: A bunch of guys compete for one lady/free vacation time, to the vicarious delight of viewers. But the show broke Ashley down last night. The producers are supposed to be on her side, but last night we saw them set her up and be an accomplice to Bentley knocking her down. It was rough. Like, if she had been a snowman, last night would have been the equivalent of shooting her into the sun. If she was a tree, last night would have been a dog peeing right in her face.

Y’all remember Rozlyn Papas? How she was shamed out of the house by Chris Harrison for ALLEGEDLY making out with a producer? Chris Harrison made her pack her bags under his watchful gaze and drive out into the night, then pulled Jake aside and apologized profusely, laying out all the allegations and assuring him that the rest of the girls were there for him.



To recap:

Meanwhile, we had Bentley sh*t-talkin’ Ashley and callously outlining his plans to leave the show in every confessional he gave, and the crew was doing nothing to protect or inform Ashley. I’m not saying there’s a double standard. I’m not saying that Chris Harrison puts bros before hos. I’m not saying this show has become a sadistic mind game like the one in that Michael Douglas movie The Game. All I’m saying is NEVER, EVER on The Bachelor have the contestants been encouraged to get up and make fun of the Bachelor they way they did last night on the Bachelorette. Its usually the ladies who get humiliated on The Bachelor. And now they’re humiliating the lady on The Bachelorette.

I mean, the date was A ROAST??

“We roast the ones we love.”—Jeffrey Ross

Well, naturally, I remember when we roasted my 12-year-old nephew, and my first roast from this one guy I liked in high school, and, Oh wait NO I DON’T, BECAUSE THAT DOESN’T HAVE EVER HAPPENED EVEN ONCE IN EVER!!! Most of the guys understood immediately that they'd been dropped into a perverse no-win situation, but Thick William, who is an aspiring comedian, immediately pulled out his little pad and started refining COMEDY GOLD:

Jeff “Its Whats Inside that Counts” fired the first shot in this war of attrition by joking about Ashley’s boob size. The boob theme became a running joke. Seriously? This is 2011. If boobs are your biggest criteria for a mate, then please just have some implants put into a golden retriever and call it a relationship, because you do NOT need to be reproducing. Like, eff y’all. I don’t care what size boobs you have, you can’t listen to this roast, be a lady, and not feel personally degraded. Shame on them, shame on The Bachelorette, and shame on Thick William, who merrily horrified the entire audience.

Bentley is smart—Hannibal Lector smart. He knows little sensitive gestures that imply the kind of caring he cannot feel. When Ashley curled up in a chair to quietly sob after the roast, he made a point of going over to her, because:

It was clear that everyone on the “group date” was feeling the awkward in the air. The roast had ended with a stunned, silent crowd. Even Thick William took to the streets in shame. So, in that atmosphere, for Bentley’s reaction to be “Ha HAAA messin’ time!”—like, did he just sadistically enjoy the hurt in the room? Because:

Ashley revealed to Bentley that she'd heard he'd come on the show for the wrong reasons (what are the right reasons again? Librarian won’t let you use the public computers for match.com?) and he correctly guessed she’d heard about him from Michelle Money.

Holla girl! I love you. Can you, Jillian Harris, and Gia come jump in my ’99 Chevy Tracker and take a road trip with me to Vegas? Because y’all are my FAAAVES!!!

Bentley denied everything, but in his "talking head"s he gave it up to Michelle. He’s here to promote his business…which is investment banking. Investment banking. Nothing like a couple weeks lying in someone’s face on national TV to make investors more confident.

So, after denying up and down that he wasn’t going to leave after two weeks, Bentley chose the two-week mark to leave, because Ashley “isn’t his type” and Emily Maynard is.

By the way, here’s a pic of Bentley and his ex wife.

I’m trying to think of the word here…is there one word that means “treating women who look alike like interchangeable objects”? I don’t think so. Can I make one up? How about "dickbraining"? Can I propose that as the word? “I dickbrain when it comes to blondes” would be a usage in context.

Having congratulated himself on playing his fellow contestants for idiots (well played, Bentley, you confused a room full of rejected catalog models—you’re a MASTERMIND), he drove over to break the news to Ashley.

Watching this straight up hurt. It felt gross to see. I’m not even angry at Bentley, who described kissing Ashley’s neck the way a serial killer talks about drowning a kitten, and said her crying was “annoying.” Let me bullet point why I’m furious:

1. To stand there and film this guy making out with Ashley after hearing his confessionals—gross. My skin is crawling. WHERE WAS CHRIS?
2. This is not a nature documentary! Rozlyn Papas was booted off the set, R-Rated hobbled off in a boot. WHERE WAS CHRIS?!
3. Bentley is really pleased with how awful he is. He was trying not to laugh when he talked about his little angel asking about “Daddy.” Ha ha, bro! Coolest single dad in the frat house! Does the alimony eat into your sweet snowboarding weekends?
4. The way producers edited this scene was hostile to Ashley. Bentley would say Ashley cried too much and they’d show her crying. Don’t illustrate Mr. Toad’s points. He’s not funny, he’s disturbing.

Just like Ashley, I was too traumatized to acknowledge her date with JP. She looked like a million dollars for the Rose Ceremony, but let's face it, the Haunted J. Lo eyes are back:

Hey, Chris? Rose Ceremony Pre-Game is where you pull out a portable DVD player and show her the Bentley’s daily confessionals. You were supposed to be on our side, dude. This show was supposed to be advocating a predominantly female view of the value of romance. Instead you slapped us all in the face. You think I can pay attention to the Old Navy commercials when I’m being deafened by the shattering of my childhood ideals?

Yeah, I’ll still watch next week. I can’t give up on Ashley now, no matter how much it hurts.

QUESTIONS:

... Will anyone ever agree to be the Bachelorette again after seeing this ish?

... What former Bachelorette contestants would YOU take in my Tracker to Vegas?

... No one here is a psychoanalyst, but would you say that Bentley has all the traits exhibited by a sociopath? (See: http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html)

... Will you watch next week?

Comments (15)
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Jun 16, 2011
"I'm going to make Ashley cry... I hope my hair looks good" NO, NO IT DOESN'T
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Jun 11, 2011
i find it all hilarious!!
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Jun 09, 2011
i also was up set by Bentley talking bad about how he was there to make her cry and acting so good about him self . all i got to say id lady,s out ther e look out for him . if any lady out there would want to hook up with him i would it would seem crazy after he did that . i hope he never finds true love and i feel the show should of told her what he was saying . it would hurt her but at she has a right to know.
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Jun 09, 2011
I'm still in shock of the lengths a network would go to get ratings. It was so painful to watch, I was furious when Chris came in before the rose ceremony and talked to her about being upset over Bentley's departure, but didn't even mention the truth behind it. I could only imagine how Ashley must feel right now watching it over with the rest of the world. It must be even more humillating to watch it over again! I'll keep on watching it because of Ashley, but after this I'm done with The Bachelor/Bachelorette.
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Jun 08, 2011
I usually think these pathetic bachelorettes who need all this attention get what they deserve. But I did feel bad for Ashley and I know she signs waivers and all, but when they said they were going to roast her? I would have been like back the f up. Most of the ladies get praised and dances and silly plays and she got her s*** ripped apart. She has to be able to stand up for herself. I would really love to know what she thought after seeing this episode too.
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Jun 08, 2011
What a load of crap this show is! Is there a reason ANYONE gives a damn about any of these losers? The only people who seem pleased with the show are its producers, the drones on other ABC shows who yak about it, and the tabloid-y magazines that run the "stories." Please!
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Jun 08, 2011
Half the show is scripted, and it's people like you that make them do things like this, because regardless of how upset you get, you talk about it, advertise the show, and then continue to watch.

Also, I'm not sure when TV.com decided they wanted all of their writers to channel 12 year olds in their writing and include "witty" captioned screen grabs, but these things are becoming hard to read.
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Jun 08, 2011
Clearly the setting up has been a constant of the Bachelorette for a long time, but never has it been more obvious than in the latest episode. Ashley *could* have suspected production was going to play her based on past seasons, and she *should* have questioned Bentley's motives after being warned about him. Maybe since she didn't heed those warnings production just figured they'd let her bury her own head in the sand if that was what she really wanted to do? It's her funeral after all... But for them not to show her the eye-opening confessionals from her 'guy' after she was more or less ready to quit? That's not only wrong as far as she's concerned but also unfair to whatever honest man there might be in that mansion.
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Jun 08, 2011
Lily, I would apologize to you and all women for the actions of Chris Harrison. This was obviously looked on by editing and production as "good drama"and he went along with their decision based on his conversation with Ashley post-Bentley. At the cost of Ashley's dignity, a decision was made NOT to show her the confessionals(read: gloating) by Bentley presumably thinking it would "sell tickets"!! Chris clearly has the obligation to protect the bachelorette/bachelor from ANY abusive behavior. He failed. Miserably. Bentley should have been removed from the show after his first confessional stating that he was indeed there for his own agenda. I think Bentley falls short of being a sociopath (only because we haven't found the bodies??) but certainly fits the criteria of Meglomania. As for Chris Harrison and the production crew responsible for this mistreatment of a fragile ego at best, they should be held accountable. Perhaps the advertisers should be shunned until the accountable parties PUBLICLY apologize and resign.
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Jun 08, 2011
I was so upset during last night's Bachelorette, mainly upset with Ashley that she seemed to have been fooled, and giving William a rose in the ceremony, and sending Jeff home was just ridiculous, maybe she likes the pain?
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Jun 08, 2011
Either he was an actor or a complete sociopath bastard who I really wanted to punch in the face.
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Jun 08, 2011
I will be honest and admit I don't watch the bachelorette, but I did watch the scene with the two this time because it was on yahoo. I agree with you that its wrong and offensive; however, I think you should calm down and write a rational piece about it before spewing this out in rage. I could almost picture you in fury mode smashing the keyboard in anger. Anyway, just a thought.
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Jun 07, 2011
I honestly think it has nothing to do with Bentley's business but that he wants to get on the next Bachelor Pad to win some money...without being the villian of this season there would be no chance for him to get there.

BTW I completely agree, where the hell is Chris Harrison?!?!?!
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Jun 07, 2011
This was the most contrived episode I have ever seen! Can't have good ratings without drama!
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Jun 07, 2011
He is a sociopatch....
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