Happy Thanksgiving (or whatever holiday your country chooses to associate with the slaughter of indigenous people)! Day 5 of our look at the best and worst credit sequences of the new season is the biggest one yet, with nine intros to judge. There's fantastic variety here, and some legitimate contenders for the People's Choice Award for Best New Credit Sequence. Oh, that category doesn't exist? Get on it, People's Choice Awards. As for you, dear reader, don't forget to come back tomorrow for the final installment of this series, provided you can roll off the couch and find your laptop (we'll still be sleeping off the turkey).
A nice throwback to its source material and a dripping wet Minka Kelly make this intro better than any 30-second snippet of the (now-canceled) actual show. Creating it wasn't rocket-surgery, and ABC wisely went the obvious route with a sequence that promised viewers fun, action, and hot girls. If the credits had shown us what the show would really be like, this would have just been 30 seconds of a dog farting. Grade: B+
F! F! F! F! F! Can I hand out an F-minus? Grade: F-
In 14 seconds there are six sunglasses put-ons and take-offs, three explosions, five punches, at least two strippers, a boat, a surfer, and a whole lot of Paul Scheer! And four of those seconds are spent on the show's name! You don't have to be a brain-scientist to know this is awesome! And you can't spell "awesome" without an A. Grade: A
I'm really torn on show's using so much exposition in the credits. On one hand, if I came down with amnesia right after I started each episode, I would still know what's going on. On the other hand it's as cheesy as a 20-cheese burrito. But going back to that first hand we talked about, Person of Interest is a love letter to action series of the 1980s, so it's supposed to be cheesy! First hand wins! Grade: B
This doesn't even give you enough enough time to go to the bathroom, even if you have an empty Gatorade bottle on your couch. And it doesn't even show Jane Timoney's hat! I honestly don't know how to grade this. Grade: Somewhere between an A and an F
Uhhh guys? This is almost too cool: Ravens are so in, and so is creepy singing. Great use of color, fantastic font, and perfect audio. The song is now my new ringtone, door bell, and car horn. Grade: A
Talk about a forgettable intro! Hoo boy, that joke never gets old when we're talking about Unforgettable. But seriously, this could be the credits sequence to any show, ever. It could also be the intro to a corporate training video or an online resumé. This is like the default video transition in iMovie or something you grab from the checkout stand at the generic video openings store. Grade: D
Well GEEZ! You don't have to get so bitchy about it, Whitney! I DID hear you, and I still think you're lying. There's also no mention regarding the well-being of the audience while the show is taped and the soundstage becomes a macabre collection of audience members suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. And what kind of horrible person rides around on her boyfriend's back while covering his eyes? Grade: F
Simon Cowell shows his subtle side in this humble intro. Apparently The X Factor is from space and crash-landed on earth, and it's giving a few measly humans the opportunity to go back to its home planet, where they can work in the cabarets and be worshiped like gods. Or is it an extinction-level event and we're all doomed? Either way, this rules. It's SO X Factor, you guys. It's also nice to see the composers for the Xbox Live Arcade game Geometry Wars get more work. Grade: A-
Which new Thursday-night credit sequence do you like best?
» The Best and Worst Credit Sequences of the 2011 TV Season: Sunday Shows
» The Best and Worst Credit Sequences of the 2011 TV Season: Monday Shows
» The Best and Worst Credit Sequences of the 2011 TV Season: Tuesday Shows
» The Best and Worst Credit Sequences of the 2011 TV Season: Wednesday Shows