Day 3 of our week-long look at the new opening sequences of the fall season includes three shows in which men find themselves under the cruel, oppressive whimsy of women. But sadly, none of them feature a stiletto heel being driven into a man's crotch. If I were the producer of one of these shows, that's what I'd go with. If you're going to start a gender war, you may as well drop a nuke, right?
Last Man Standing
A pair of men's shoes falls into a pile of women's shoes, to the sound of adult contemporary music. Lame? Yes. But does it nail the show? Yes. And why spend so much time on a title sequence that will only take time away from the comedy stylings of Tim Allen? This is adequately satisfactory. Grade: C+
The people who made this opening obviously didn't give a f**k. This sequence tells us absolutely nothing except the show's f**king title. Grade: F
Goshdarn right if you have a show starring Zooey Deschanel, you're going to put her front and center in the opening credits. What works about this sequence is that it shows the three dudes literally stuck in her goofy fantasy world. It's as if they're trying to clean up her weirdness and live with it at the same time, which sums up the series as well as any 22-second intro can. New Girl fans must eat this up, while the rest of us blast speedmetal into our ears at max volume to get the sugary song out of our heads. Side note: Do you also get the idea that this is exactly how Zooey wakes up each morning? Winking and singing a song? Ease into your adorkability, girl! Not all of us are made out of rainbows and ducklings. Grade: A
The Nine Lives of Chloe King
This one loses points for poor time management. Almost half the sequence is devoted to telling us the show is set in San Francisco, when it really should be focusing on showing us that Chloe is a frickin' cat-person! Where's the catnip mouse and the litter box? Grade: C
This is bare bones even for The CW. When a show's real title sequence gets its butt kicked by fan-made ones, it's impossible to give it a good grade. Cool music, though. Grade: D+
Whoa whoa whoa! A FAN made this? Grade: A
Which new Tuesday-night credit sequence do you like best?