It's easy to put on a pair of dark-rimmed glasses and call yourself Liz Lemon from 30 Rock, but everyone knows a real TV-themed costume requires a bit of acting -- you've got to sell it! With All Hallow's Eve upon us, we've compiled a handy and in-no-way-serious list of easy-to-throw-together, last-minute costumes to wear while bobbin' for apples this weekend.
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
Barney StinsonThe costume:
What you'll need: Charm, some liquor, a nice suit, and a skinny tie.
How to sell it: Apply charm liberally, holding glass of single-malt Scotch in right hand. Keep top shirt button unbuttoned, and while you're at it, top pants button unbuttoned for convenience. In conversation, use your arms to get your point across. Bro it up, bro.
Extra credibility: Become a wuss and be way less interesting whenever one particular Canadian woman comes around.
Bonus: Costume can also double as The Soup host Joel McHale.
Random ActiveThe costume: One of Dollhouse's imprintable bodies for hire.
What you'll need: An American Apparel tanktop (or T-shirt, for the guys) and a bland personality.
How to sell it: Dress normally, but walk stiffly with your chest jutting out. Stare blankly, smile, and make sure that for every 44 minutes you spend hanging out with people, you're only interesting for 10 minutes (fill the rest of time time by talking about some boring adventure you went on). Announce that you probably won't be able to make next year's party.
Extra credibility: Repeatedly ask, "Did I fall asleep?" until it gets on everyone's nerves.
"We have to go back" JackThe costume:
What you'll need: A band-aid, a Scottish Terrier, electric hair clippers, Irish Whiskey, and onions.
How to sell it: Place the Band-Aid on forehead and spill whiskey on your clothes (jacket, white tank top). Next, shave the Scottish Terrier and apply the clippings to your face using non-lethal adhesive. Finally, cut onions and rub into your eyes for that emotional misty-eyed look (the scowl will come naturally with the pain).
Extra credibility: Finish every sentence with a word that rhymes with "back," such as "It's time to hit the SAAACK!," "Yo, this party is WHAAACK!," and "No, I don't want to buy any CRAAACK!."
FBI Agent Mark BenfordThe costume: FlashForward's brooding protagonist (played by Joseph Fiennes).
What you'll need: The same things you would need to be Jack Shepherd from Lost: movie-star looks, short, cropped hair...
How to sell it: Start by dressing up as Jack Shepherd, above. The real transformation begins when you act the role out. Do everything Jack Shepherd would do, but with less realism and believability. And make sure you say "FlashForward" way more than you need to.
Extra credibility: Keep the same worried expression on your face all night.
THE BEAUTIFUL LIFE
Dramatic ModelThe costume: Any character from The CW's short-lived The Beautiful Life.
What you'll need: Not much. In fact, the less, the better.
How to sell it: On the Halloween party E-vite, make a big hubbub about how you are going to be the hottest thing there. Get kicked out of party 5 minutes after you arrive.
Extra credibility: Let's be honest, there's no such thing as credibility when it comes to The Beautiful Life.
What you'll need: A collared shirt and lots of talcum powder.
How to sell it: Put on the shirt, but do not button the top two or three buttons. Coat yourself in talcum powder until you are pale white for Bill Compton in Season 2, or use half that amount for Bill Compton Season 1. Repeatedly shout "SOOKAH IS MINE!"
Extra credibility: Hang out with another, more handsome vampire of Norse decent who everyone wants to see bang your girlfriend.
Liz LemonThe costume: 30 Rock's matriarch (played by Tina Fey).
What you'll need: Stylish dark-rimmed glasses, sensible women's wear, and a handful of Emmys.
How to sell it: Be the funniest woman at the Halloween party, but only appeal to a small percentage of fellow attendees. Be just hot enough so people think you aren't out of their league. When no one is talking about you, perform a cheap Sarah Palin impersonation to revive interest.
Extra credibility: Win the Best Costume award every year.
Hank PryorThe costume: Hank's CEO turned family man (played by Kelsey Grammer).
What you'll need: Rich-guy casual wear (sweaters, Dockers), a tape recorder loaded with canned laughter, and a theatrical accent.
How to sell it: Make sure everyone at the Halloween party knows that you've had a lot of success at other parties and with other costumes -- especially that one you wore for more than 10 years -- but be painfully unfunny.
Extra credibility: Tell everyone you will be getting kicked out of the party "any second now."
What you'll need: A blonde Cocker Spaniel, electric clippers, a package of sunflower seeds or chewing tobacco, tacos, and a healthy ego.
How to sell it: Shave the fur off the dog and apply it to your face with glue. Stuff the seeds or tobacco into your mouth to get that chipmunk-cheek look. Eat tacos throughout the evening. Stop the party every 30 seconds to make an announcement about yourself. Make sure it's something no one cares about except you.
Extra credibility: Have a cohort repeatedly ask you, "Who invited you?"
Thanks for reading, and remember not to take candy from anyone dressed as that creepy old man from Family Guy!
Got any more costume suggestions? Post 'em in the comments section, below.