The Biggest Loser: Big Love

I’m going to start by getting the easy stuff out of the way. Victoria is back (the remaining nine contestants elected her to return when all the previously eliminated players came back to the Ranch to plead their cases). Obnoxious Melissa is back (she won a 1,000-step challenge). Team play is over, and the game is back to every-man-for-himself. O’Neal can now walk up steps like an adult. Daris looks awesome but still has mysteriously flabby man-boobs. Lovebirds Sam and Steph fell below the yellow line, and Steph was sent home.

Okay, now we can gossip. Last week, a rumor surfaced that Steph and Sam were dating. This week it became apparent that the new romance may not be sitting well with everyone else.

Is it possible that moon-faced Koli is a devious little sneak who started rumors about Steph because he is jealous of her relationship with his boy? It is!

He had a total bros-before-hos breakdown, padding into Ashley’s room to talk to her about his suspicions that Steph purposely threw last week’s weigh-in to get rid of Ashley’s mom. He did that whole innocent, shoulder-shrugging thing, like, 'I can’t be sure, but I just don’t trust her.' Then, after Steph pleaded for her life right before elimination, he wall smug and aloof, like her tears were just manipulative b.s. and he’s immune. Stone cold is what he is. Stone cold.

The little brain worm of doubt set free by Koli’s speculation squirmed through the house until no one knew whether to trust Steph or not. Steph felt the tension, broke down during last-chance workout and ran out of the gym sobbing.

Enter stern-but-caring Jillian, perched on the edge of one of those tractor tires she occasionally has people beat with a sledge hammer and ready to dole out some no-nonsense tough love. According to Master Jillian, it’s all about Steph’s misplaced need to control. “The more you try to control something, the more it’s going to be out of your control,” she told Steph. She’s like Yoda, but with a killer butt.

After the pep talk, Steph set out to make things right with her friends, but despite the pinkie promise she did with Ashley, things didn’t seem quite right. The seed of doubt had been planted (Imagine Koli laughing like Count Dracula here).

At weigh-in the numbers were small. Everyone's getting skinnier, so the days of massive drops are over. No one even reached the double digits. But Sam, who is looking buff, only lost 2 pounds and Steph only lost 1, so down they went (holding hands!) to await their fate.

I was sure Sam was going to get eliminated because he seems like the bigger threat—and as Melissa keeps saying, it’s a game now; this is no time for making friends. But people seem to dig his booyah approach (“I’m ready to make big moves. Powerful moves. Boss man moves.”) so they kept him. Even Steph’s girls Ashley and Drea voted to send her home. (Imagine Koli laughing like Count Dracula here).

Steph’s reveal coincided with her 30th birthday party. She looked beautiful. Seriously, like a pretty, normal-bodied person. And she announced that she had fallen in love. So take that, Koli. Even huge, jealous Tongans are no match for the powers of Cupid.

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Mar 31, 2010

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