Okay, guys, we're almost there. Just three more episodes, and NBC's The Event will go down in history as that show we all watched because there was nothing else on. I'm already starting to miss it, because—and I'm being totally honest here—The Event was one of the more entertaining things on TV this year. In a Bachelor Pad kind of way.
Let's get the basic recap of "Us or Them" out of the way so I can blabber on about the real talking points. President Martinez fell into a coma and made some funny faces (see above); Jarvis became president and was bullied around by Sophia as though he were a redheaded third-grader; Sean and Vicky continued their pusuit of some human organs infected with Spanish Fly*; and Laila gave a stirring speech about a dead bird that made no sense. For an episode that was supposed to be setting up for a finale, not much happened in the first half, which slithered along at the pace of a turtle with no feet. But things got much better in the second half, which zipped along at the speed of a turtle with one foot. Things are always better when someone dies.
Michael, who must hold some kind of world record for changing his mind, was killed off in a most unspectacular fashion. It's really unfair that he was disposed of in a long-range firefight when other characters on the show have died such amazing deaths. Thomas blew up on a bus after an Apache helicopter shot half-a-ton of explosives at it, and Dempsey shot himself in the head for no reason at all. I imagine Scott Patterson was pretty upset when he received the script for Monday's episode and realized that he was finally escaping this travesty, but in such a disappointing way. Couldn't they have dragged him behind an SUV that was driving over some broken glass? Would it have been too much to ask to drop him into a vat of acid? Or to let him be devoured by a pack of rabid walking piranhas? You really dropped the ball on this one, The Event.
Vicky and Sean did some great super-agent work on the plane as they tracked a courier who was delivering a set of human lungs infected with a half-century old disease. First, they looked for anyone who appeared uncomfortable on the transatlantic flight, which narrowed it down to everyone. Then Sean noticed a guy who liked to bring his carry-on to the bathroom instead of leaving it unattended near a bunch of strangers. So they did what any real CIA agent would do: They tackled the s*** out of him based on a hunch! That's some great work there, Vicky and Sean. But alas, all they found was a huge bag of cocaine. Was anyone else disappointed that Vicky didn't pull out a penknife, stab the bag, and lick the blade to test it? It could have been baby powder. Lord knows I've been fooled before!
Sean and Vicky make quite a team, and we still don't even know why Vicky is helping him. She's been dancing around the subject for about a hundred episodes now. Is it because she wants to save the world? Because she wants to protect her family? Or because she has nothing better to do? No, I think it's much more simple. Vicky is madly in love with Sean. Who can resist his rugged charm and his extensive knowledge of computers? Note to self: Next time you meet a hot chick, threaten to send her family's address "viral."
I think this theory has legs, guys. Have you seen the way she looks at him? The way she gets all defensive when he asks her why she's helping him? She could have shot that guy (who looked a lot like wrestler Triple H) who held Sean with a gun to his head, because she's a trained assassin! But she didn't, because she totally wants to have like 10,000 of his babies. I'm praying that she confesses her love for him in next week's episode. Then he can dump Vicky, and I can have half-alien-half-bad-actress Leila all to myself!
* It just sounds better than Spanish Flu.
Other Eventful things:
... In the most obvious twist ever, the courier turned out to be the poor-man's-Sophia-Vergara flight attendant. Didn't she also look like the (now-former) president's wife?
... For a good laugh, try and imagine that it was Sean Walker who infiltrated Osama Bin Laden's stronghold and took him down. Just imagine it.
... How did Vicky and Sean get seats together if they were the last people on the plane and that other guy didn't get a seat near his wife? Come to think of it, what was the whole point of that guy standing up to say that at all?
... Seriously, what happened with all that youth serum stuff? And where are all the young girls with old faces? And what happened to that agent (played by D.B. Sweeney) who worked with Vicky?
... What's going on in this show? Does anyone know?
Follow TV.com writer Tim Surette on Twitter: @TimAtTVDotCom