Every new episode of The Event fills me with fear. What if the episode I'm about to watch doesn't include an unnecessary car chase? What if time isn't wasted following a character walking down a hallway for no apparent reason? What if things, God forbid, are simply boring without all the nonsense that keeps me so intrigued with this show?
About halfway through last night's episode, sinisterly called "Cut off the Head," I turned to my girlfriend/cat/imaginary friend (choose whichever you believe) and angrily said, "THIS EPISODE IS JUST BORING!" And it was. But later, the show really dove headfirst into that horrible-mess mode we all love. It's pinnacle was the most glorious thing to ever happen in The Event (heck, maybe on TV), and it played out on the screen like a rainbow made out of Scottish Fold kittens.
Dempsey shot himself in the brain.
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa? How amazing was that!?!? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think Dempsey heard Sean say something about how his main objective was to stop Dempsey. But Dempsey figures Sean as the best candidate to stop Sophia, so he decided to help Sean take care of the number-one item from his to-do list. So he shot himself. There, now Sean can move onto item number two, which is stopping Sophia and saving the planet.
That has to be the most dramatic way to pass the torch ever. Imagine if your boss came into the room and said, "Son, I think you're the right man for the job. My job." Then he hands you a job application and shoots himself in the temple. How can you refuse?
Perhaps someone should have told Dempsey he could have chatted with Sean a little longer and actually explained the situation instead of blowing his brains out. Or he could have retired, taken some of that youth serum from an eyedropper and spent the rest of his days doing tequila shots in Cabo. What was that youth serum stuff about anyway? Will we ever find out? I knew this show would end like Lost... I knew it!
Dempsey's suicide/resignation was f$@&ing; awesome, but a close second has to be the epic seduction of the worst security guard ever. Sweet little Leila got her claws out and used her womanly gifts and the promise of sweaty drunken sex on the ADT-reject bouncer guarding her door. The guard was powerless to her Siren call, and protocol be damned! He's getting laid tonight! What's hotter than a girl luring you into her den of sin and immediately saying she has to go to the bathroom? HAWT!
In the end, her plan backfired on her. I can't imagine why.
Elsewhere, Vice President what's his face has no choice but to help Sophia kill the president. Stuck between a pillow and soft place, he gets a poisoned sugar substitute packet from his acupuncturist (wha?) and creates his own Folger's Crystals instant-coffee test. "Let's replace the president's sugar substitute with a poison-y alternative and see if he notices." It's the greatest coffee-related cliffhanger ever. And also the most elaborate poison exchange ever. But if you have a long list of errands and getting acupuncture and a pack of poison are both on them, why not kill two birds with one stone?
President Martinez is dealing with domestic issues, suspecting his wife of being a non-terrestrial. She's the worst liar ever, creating stories about when they first met when she didn't have to because HELLO HE WAS THERE! In the end, she covered up one lie with another--she is an alien, just not of the illegal variety. But seriously, make her take the damn DNA test, Elias.
Sophia continues marching down the path of genocidal rage, and even found time to dress up all slutty with her boobs testing the strength of her outfit. It's a good move: everyone knows that psychopathic alien den mothers need to be sexed up (see: Anna from V). She's also thawing out something or someone up north... anyone know what it is? Is that the weapon? Honestly, I spent the end of the episode picking my jaw up off the floor after Dempsey shot himself.
"Cut off the Head" may not have delivered the type of entertainment the previous few episodes did, but it give us the incredible WTF moments we all watch the show for in the first place.
In the Vicky versus Leila "Who is hotter?" contest, Vicky won in a landslide. It wasn't even close. And my credibility was questioned for choosing Leila. Did any of your minds change after her steamy seduction scene? Thanks to shartman63, bamjoker, ap14rcf70 (and whoever I missed) for backing me up on Leila. Vicky is pretty, very pretty, but she's too normal pretty--like magazine cover pretty. That's okay with me though, less competition for Leila!
I appreciate the show killing off characters in spectacular fashion, but with Dempsey and Thomas gone, who is left to be my favorite character? And by favorite I mean most ridiculous. I guess the honor goes to Leila? I'm open to suggestions if anyone wants to recommend one for me. Just know that if they become my favorite character, they will die.
The "cake is a lie" reference was from the video game Portal. Congrats to all who got it right, a copy of Portal 2 (released today!) will not be showing up on your doorstep courtesy of TV.com. But I just got my copy, so it's time to sign off and spend the rest of the day blowing my mind.
But first, the question of the day: Who would you rather have watch your pets while you are on vacation, Leila or the security guard that was assigned to Leila?
Follow TV.com writer Tim Surette on Twitter: @TimAtTVDotCom