The Insane Fever Dream That Was the 2012 Summer Olympics Opening Ceremony (PHOTO RECAP)

What kind of maniac doesn't enjoy the opening ceremonies of the Olympics? If you're like, "Hey, I don't like them!" then I don't even feel bad about calling you a maniac, you should feel bad as you're putting on a straight jacket and driving to the mental hospital because you are a MANIAC. The opening ceremonies are the best part of the Olympics which themselves are the best part of anything ever in THE WORLD. That's because the Olympics' opening ceremonies are a rare instance in which huge, massive, enormous amounts of money are poured into what is essentially avant-garde performance art! And the spectacle watched by A BILLION people. They are an opportunity for visionary artists to show us sights we've never seen OR conversely (and maybe even better yet), they are an opportunity for total charlatan artists to turn questionable creative decisions into LEGENDARY FIASCOS. In short, opening ceremonies are essential viewing always and forever.

London was always facing a challenge when it came the city's turn at the opening ceremonies table. Not only would it have to follow China's sincerely incredible demonstration of how beautiful conformity can be on a massive scale, London's very culture has been so advanced for so long, that really all it has had going for it in the past century, arts-wise, is some of the brashest, most annoying pop culture in the world. How on earth would YOU turn Yellow Submarine and/or Scary Spice into the jaw-dropping sublimity we've come to expect from this world's stage? Here's how: You'd hire Danny Boyle to supervise!

Now, if you're not familiar with Danny Boyle's oeuvre, he's an incredibly talented filmmaker whose resume is jam-packed with excellent flicks. The problem is, where he excels at energy and emotion, he has not once in his life created a frame of celluloid that's attractive to look at. Whether it's the frantic grime of Trainspotting, the busted-camcorder look of 28 Days Later, or the strobing headache of Slumdog Millionaire, Danny Boyle is basically Britain's answer to Spike Lee: The (occasionally brilliant) ends justify the (frequently gaudy) means. But how would Boyle do with several hundred million dollars, seven years of planning, and a world stage unlike any he'll ever experience again? He created a handful of stunningly beautiful moments surrounded by three hours or so of hilarious, maddening, creepy, insane, and just plain baffling creative decisions. At least it wasn't boring! Officially titled "ISLES OF WONDER," a better title for this opening ceremony would've been "GREAT BRITAIN: NOT AS CLASSY AS YOU THOUGHT."

All right, I know this thing went down on Friday, but can we still talk about it? I kind of think we need to talk about it.

So, NBC might have done an okay job at packaging the broadcast, but it was a little hard to tell because of how badly it messed up A LOT of stuff. Like adding Ryan Seacrest to the mix. Like excising an entire segment (in tribute to victims of terrorism) because it didn't appeal enough to U.S. viewers? Because we only tune into WORLDWIDE SPORTING EVENTS for America-centric content apparently. But also this...

Ugh, these two knuckleheads. What on earth is the point of color commentary when the two commentators proudly admit to not knowing stuff? Tons of interesting imagery was happening on screen but then Meredith Vieira would butt in to inform us that she had no idea what she was looking at. Thanks! I can understand filling us in on fun facts when there's a break in the action, but for the most part this was like an intermittently informative DVD commentary that we couldn't shut off. I STILL haven't forgiven Katie Couric and Matt Lauer for TALKING THROUGH Bjork's performance in Athens. Can we just watch this thing next time? Silence the jibber-jabber!

Haha anyway. Sorry so negative. THIS immediately cheered me up:

The Wind in the Willows gang! So the very beginning of the ceremony began with a very Danny Boyle opening sequence in which a camera whooshed across British locales and was intercut with seemingly random bits of stock footage and cartoonish edits. A total mess, but very watchable. Beginning a theme that would continue into the night, it looked like the world's most expensive internet video.

Then groups of children holding exploding balloons were intercut with enormous digital numbers flashing across the audience. A typical countdown, really.

Then some dude came out and rang a bell and THIS started going down:

As sort of aimless and weird as it seemed, I did kind of like the stadium setup. Actual organic plant life and animals and human beings actin' all British up in there. There were even helium-filled clouds being led around on strings. Definitely off to an expensive and insane start!

Then the children began to sing as is legally mandatory during all opening ceremonies. In this case there was a choir of children in the stadium and then two other choirs standing in remote locations beamed in via satellite. Bummer for those kids!

Then the biscuit man arrived with his perfect biscuits. Relax biscuit man, your biscuits ain't all that. They're fine.

Then Kenneth Branagh came out and started shouting at everybody about whatever. Shakespeare quotes or something.

Then albino Anjelica Huston started banging on drums. Apparently she is deaf? No, yeah, couldn't tell. "SHE BANGS." —Ricky Martin

Oh, okay, so then the tree on the hilltop lifted up and HUMAN MEN erupted out of it as if emerging from a jostled ant hill. It was like a river of hot lava but instead of hot lava HUMAN MEN.

It was unclear what was happening, but men in stovetop pipe hats were doing this:

HOW DARE YOU, SIRS.

So, okay, then all the actors started dragging away the fields! That's right, a major part of the opening ceremony involved cleaning up the stadium! And they apparently rehearsed this act for several months in their spare time!

And the men in stovetop pipe hats were ARM DANCING?

Then some kind of old timey Occupy movement showed up, which I thought was rude. Take your protest outside, Occupy peeps! We're just trying to enjoy the opening ceremony, you know? Don't ruin this for us.

At this point tons of smokestacks began to rise up, because Danny Boyle was like, "You know what the world would be entertained by? A literal interpretation of British industrial history."

Then a moment of silence was observed while everyone stared at poppies.

Then the red coats arrived! Get off our soil! Oh wait, this was London. Carry on then. Tally ho.

And really, what's a British celebration without THIS hot look?

I mean, I'm sure these get-ups were immediately recognizable to anyone with even a passing knowledge of British culture, but to me they looked like Dia de los Muertos outfits. Or, I don't know, Three Amigos cosplay?

So after the Industrial Revolution happened, the workers began to "forge" an iron ring, which rose up just as four more descended from the sky. Whoa, five rings total? That reminds me of...

Oh. Right. This was the Olympics. And here I thought I'd just drank a bottle of cough syrup. This guy was pretty stoked:

I guess I should mention that this seemed to be the first opening ceremony I've ever seen that was explicitly geared to be filmed by cameras in close-up. Maybe that's because Danny Boyle is a filmmaker, or the producers shrewdly decided to appeal to the BILLION people watching on TV, but for the most part this whole ceremony probably looked like a chaotic mess to those in the stadium, but was a lot more focused and sensible (in a manner of speaking) for those of us at home. Like, do you think the spectators in the nosebleeds got to see this self-satisfied smirk on Kenneth Branagh's face? I really doubt it.

Then came this bit of fun: James Bond escorting Queen Elizabeth (BRB brain melting from fictional character mixing with real life person) to the Games.

I loved how over it she looked the whole time. Also, this video was nearly ruined by Danny Boyle's directorial flourishes, specifically his cartoonish insert shots of the Queen's corgis. Oh, and the NIGHTMARISH Winston Churchill statue coming to life!

Then in a moment that might've come off a little bit tackier than intended, the Queen's body double jumped out of a helicopter.

The weirdest part was that it was DAYTIME when they jumped, but now it was nighttime? (Ugh, brain won't stop melting.) Anyway, the parachuting gag was a real hit!

It probably would've worked better if Queen Elizabeth hadn't been basically at her seat already by the time her skydiving double had disappeared from sight. But again, the best part about Queen Elizabeth was how she clearly didn't G an F all night.

Anyway, then some kids came out and sang "God Save the Queen."

But these kids were JERKS. For one thing, they didn't even bother to wear nice clothes? You are at the OPENING CEREMONY, kids! Pajamas are NOT appropriate. Second of all, what's with the gang signs? Totally inappropriate. Youth today, am I right?

Speaking of which, Danny Boyle was like, "You know what'll REALLY dazzle 'em? An insanely lengthy tribute to British health care that somehow segues into a child's nightmare."

I mean, it seriously went on forever and was so elaborate, yet no amount of explaining on my part will ever make it make sense.

At some point a child read a book under the covers. (Just a very TV friendly thing to have happen.)

And then J.K. Rowling came out and shouted at everyone about reading.

And then the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang arrived (finally).

And whatever this was.

At this point several enormous, INFLATABLE villains sprang up, including this slightly special interpretation of the Queen of Hearts.

Oh and Voldemort, because sure.

Meanwhile the whole time this dude was playing some really hot, sultry guitar. Look at him up there, just feelin' it.

Then several dozen Mary Poppinses descended from the sky. Why several dozen? Because GO BIG OR GO HOME. Also cloning?

Anyway, they chased off the villains. And by that, I mean caused them to deflate into the ground.

The kids seemed grateful? But they also seemed worried that maybe they'd lost the battle with Voldemort and were now in heaven? I'm honestly not sure.

By the time an inflatable baby popped up and its blanket started pulsating like the angry seas of Poseidon, I had to excuse myself and just sit in a parked car for a minute. What was even happening?

Mr. Bean had a funny bit where he had to play the same synth note from Chariots of Fire over and over.

Also he daydreamed about running with some dudes except his head was poorly CGI'd onto someone else's body. That was seriously the only thing I could pay attention to the whole time. What even happened during this scene besides Mr. Bean's head disjointedly bobbing above someone else's body? R.I.P. anything not Mr. Bean's CGI'd head.

Lord, then this whole thing. Apparently it was a tribute to both the internet AND 40 years of British music. And it all centered around two teens (again with the close-up storytelling) who hook up after the girl loses her phone.

And there were pop-up texts and status updates the whole time. But if you ask me, there was a bit of a plot hole. So he found her phone and then called her... On her phone?

REWRITE, Danny Boyle. Rewrite.

Anyway, as baffling and of questionable taste the whole thing was, it did have a few things going for it: The music was genuinely great. Plus at one point there were severed heads of David Bowie and Alice Cooper being bandied about. Never thought I'd see that.

Also there was a massive rave-themed dance number that might just live on in my nightmares for years to come.

And during the '90s portion of the routine, Prodigy's "Firestarter" played while b'mohawked ghouls on pogo sticks jumped around because OBVIOUSLY. The '90s were a truly terrible time.

Anyway, in case you were wondering, YES the teens fell in love!

And at the end, the house in the middle of the stadium lifted up to reveal the inventor of the internet, some dude named Tim. I loved how the dude who invented the internet was NOT invited to the massive party being thrown outside. Nope, he was inside playing FarmVille or whatever.

Oh, just a lil' Olympic torch TEASE: The torch was currently speeding up the Thames courtesy of David Beckham and the speedboat he'd stolen from Batman.

And then it was onto the Parade of Nations! (This was the part of the Opening Ceremony in which you fixed dinner or spoke to your children about what they'd done at day camp.)

The thing about the Parade of Nations was, it was nothing if not a reminder that Olympians are basically the most attractive people in existence. And they were all marching in the same stadium! Like, are you kidding me, Belgium?

In addition to that factor, the parade was a great place to check out some sweet uniforms:

Germany color-coded its genders, which was helpful.

I thought it was cool how many Union Jacks the French team was flyin'. For a moment there I almost forgot about those two countries' rocky history!

Mexico was doing BIG THINGS with their uniforms.

These women were rockin' the house.

The best by far were these Independent Olympic Athletes (athletes whose countries ceased to exist or something) who straight-up did the CABBAGE PATCH during the Parade of Nations. So great. I am rooting for them X a billion.

Just FYI:

Are we SURE he's Norwegian? I'm skeptical.

This lady might look like a foxy babe hubba hubba, but watch out, fellas: She will judo-chop you all up!

Maria Sharapova (I like tennis, deal w/it) was probably like "I am too rich for this sh*t."

Remember that time the whole world hassled Caster Semenya about possibly being male? That was the worst. We owe her a card or something, don't you think? Maybe a Beanie Baby? (A rare one.)

A lot of people were making fun of the Spaniards for wearing uniforms that looked like McDonald's uniforms, but come on. Nothing was as bad as the gift bows the ladies were wearing on their heads. That was ridiculous! Unless they were saying that their intelligences were like gifts to humanity. In which case, carry on, ladies. And thanks!

Not sure what was going on here.

But I AM sure what was going on here: EXCELLENT shirts.

Michelle Obama was there with Grant Hill. Body language experts: Are they doing it?

Anne Romney and an unidentified friend enjoyed the parade from the bleachers.

Then America deigned to show up! Finally, guys, jeez!

LeBron James was there. Almost all the athletes were there except for the swimmers, so for me this was kind of a NO LOCHTE NO CARE situation.

I spotted at least ONE guaranteed winner on the British team:

Great Britain definitely won the night for best uniforms. I loved those so much. Just white athletic gear with gold-leafed collars. Well done, Danny Boyle. Anyway, parade over!

Then this happened:

SRSLY?

All that went down while Arctic Monkeys played a faithful cover of "Come Together." Which, since that is a song I despise, means that I did not care for it.

The President of the Olympics came out and read his speech. Exciting stuff! "The Olympics are important and that's why we did such a great job," basically.

The Queen said her piece.

Then some humanitarians carried the Olympic flag out and allowed a noticeably diminished Muhammed Ali to inspect (?) it.

Guys, please DO NOT DO THIS. Put your damn phones away during concerts and especially Olympic Opening Ceremonies. No terrible .mp4 file on your SD card will ever compare to the memory stored in your brain. Look at this joker, he was super close to the action! Yet still choosing to watch it through an LCD screen. Ugh. THIS IS BAD DECISION-MAKING.

GOOD decision making was allowing a gaggle of young, crazy-attractive athletes to light the Olympic torch in lieu of the traditional former Olympians. There was even a sweet moment when each of the youngsters hugged their assigned mentors before proceeding to set the (very cool) torch aflame.

What began as hundreds of separate copper horns suddenly began to rise up and combine into one big torch:

It was awesome and by far the highlight of the whole ceremony. Surprising, beautiful, and moving. Genuinely great.

Then fireworks. I'm a total sucker for those.

Then a sad old lady came out and sang for a bit.

Honestly, just a tip from a know-nothing: "Hey Jude" is a great song, but wouldn't it have been more appropriate for the CLOSING ceremony? That outro is just SO outro. Going out of things. You know? It just seemed too soon for the athletes to be locking arms and singing poignantly about that hussy Jude. Just my opinion.

I loved that the Malawians totally photo-bombed the Americans though. The games have BEGUN!

Right at the end Meredith Vieira cornered Danny Boyle. Quick question: Is he a charlatan or a genius?

And so wrapped up one of the best opening ceremonies in the past 3.9 years. You know something, it was definitely memorable and almost successful. But really, what terrible idea wouldn't be when financed to the tune of NINE FIGURES? Still though, the Opening Ceremonies are the Opening Ceremonies. I'll take what I can get!


What did YOU think of the Opening Ceremony?
Comments (169)
Submit
Sort: Latest | Popular
Forrest Gump's view of the Olympic Opening Ceremony. Thanks- we all need to know what the mentally deficient thought...... Not.



It wasn't even entertaining as a satire of the 'ugly American' version as I presume you actually meant it.



You are a sad, dumb individual.
1
Reply
Flag
Not as pathetic and dumb as, say, someone who creates a profile solely for the purposes of leaving a snarky comment to make themselves feel good? I'm just throwing out a totally random example here......
Reply
Flag
lay it on 'em wind, the trolls are roaming the land, trying to convince everyone that they did a good ceremony and everything is dandy in the land of the old union Jack OFF..

No classism, no nepotism, just loyalty and nationalism and more retarded trolls on the watch:



Another example from the beautiful land of the Shire:



http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2221753/Pauline-Bailey-Law-graduate-snubbed-wedding-hotels-turns-star-adult-TV.html



And this is Ladies and Gentelmen what happens when the Trash Brits, a.k.a. middle-class Brits who weren't born into money or got educated at ivy league British Universities, reserved for Elite retards such as the Mayor of London who made an

incredible impersonation of the village idiot during one of the worst Olympics in recent memory, they happen to just be "ordinary" Brits you know the kind who had to work as an adult star to support herself through law school, and save enough money so they can have "their dream wedding" something, flat-iron face Kate did not have to worry about you know being of rich background and all, maybe get a taste of how the "royalty" felt. Unfortunately for them, they're not "royalty"-made they just happen to be "normal" " middle-class, post-modern ordinary Brits who have to work in a society running on toxic fumes of snobbery, classism and hidden costs of "not-fully-abolisehd-despotic-monarchism", the reaction to them trying to have a wedding in a place that is not of "their class" or that they're not of the "right class" to be there..they just don't happen to be of the right kind to exist...bar none. So they were told you're not of the right kind!!! The funny thing is the hotel kicked them because the man is wearing a lot of facial piercings, yet his wife to be being an adult star and all, either the PR manager didn't know who the girl was, and I don't think the piercings had anything to do with them being expelled or could it be the fact they both just looked "Ordinary"..kinda, as the trash british tabloid the Mail puts it..."middle class"!!!
More +
Reply
Flag
It's sad that you had nothing kind or good to say about the ENTIRE Ceremony ! Or about those interviewing and announcing so those around the would know details of the indivudual elements. Granted no one person has to be thrilled will every detail of each element presented. However, I you tone comes off sounding as a person not liking Mr Boyle! It seemed as if you were looking for issues with his decisions and directions for the Opening Ceremony!! How sad of you to be so petty with your picking on the Queen!! The piece was loved and her dogs being included were excellent and liked as well !! How sad you must have no life to have to look for such little details to cast tacky remarks to try to put the piece down with! Then to be so ugly to Sir Paul! If you didnt care for his voice as he has gotten older so be it. But there are kinder ways to say I didn't care for that section. Yet you chose to do it by saying ugly verbiage about him ! It didn't hurt him in the long run. It makes YOU look small and foolish for talking about him in those terms. Especially since the implication isnt correct !! How sad you failed to take the meaning of opening Ceremony Celebration meanings for what they were ! Versus making fun of Mr Boyle trying to show the World clips of The Nation's Special Historic Changes especially presented at the end by those that have gone on to perform wonderful things for others, become performers, athletes, the activist and medical providers. You sir totally missed the point of the ceremony while trying to be trite and tacky !! Well, you succeeded on being trite and tacky !! Your employer must be very proud to feel your opinion comes off making you look like a a school yard bully !! "I don't like it and you better not like it either or else you'll be outside the group"!!! You are sad! I feel sorry for someone that likes NOTHING about THE OLYMPIC OPENING CERMONY!! I wish you a better life and hope you find something to bring you joy!! We all took the Ceremony for what it was and really thought they did a great job! We loved the James Bond part and that the Quern would participate !! Yes there were a few slow parts diffetent for each of us! But NONE of us was disappointed !! So again shame on you for being so harsh ! ! May you find what you are looking for so happinesd can enter your life and you can lay off the Ceremony as well as those announcers. Because without them we wouldn't have complete understanding of the Ceremonies or games. Yes they do get on my nerves as well!! Especially MeridIth Veria. They could leave her at home and i'd be happy. She ask the most bizzare questions at the strangest times. But I do not slam her the way you do. It doesn't give one credibility. It makes you look foolish and her important. So you give facts why wrong. Then allow the person to hang themself. I wish you the best and hope you gain peace within !
More+
Reply
Flag
Please Please Price, another recap of the closing ceremony.. people if you thought the opening ceremony was crap wait till you see the ending..read all about it my friends and some of the midieval trolls around here:



"The director of the London 2012 closing ceremony has promised an extravaganza of singing, dancing and silliness at the 'biggest Olympics closing show ever" says the headline on the Telegraph today:



http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/olympics/news/9468606/Olympic-closing-ceremony-prepare-to-party-as-the-Games-end.html



And guess who's coming to the party "the Spice MILFS" formerly known as the "Spice Girls" Goodness Gracious call me Audacious that SOB is adamant on making this the worst celebration of the millenia since the creation of the London Eye, a huge Ferris wheel why they called it London's Eye beats me, (The Eye, Give Us the Eye), the Gherkin "an overside dildo" and the, I swear I don't know how to spell that, a cross between Oxygen and Dome, is that a zero or an O but they chose a more appropriate name the "Millenium Dome", also known as the "Tent", albeit a flat one.



This is a link to Project London a U.K. website on the British Cultural and Architectural aspects of the British Life:



http://www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/customs/questions/london/buildings.htm#8



Marvel at the wonderful buildings like the Monument, Buckingham palace, albeit inhabited by disgusting parasites, and the atrocities called the London Eye, and The Gherkin or Jerking and finally..."The Millenium Tent"...



Lastly, on the show Top Gear, a British tv show about cars running on the BBC, there was an episode where they hosted the inflatable Danny Boyle, and that was back in late 2010, where Jimmy Clarkson asked him about his opinion of the Chinese Olympics and what did he think of their grand opening ceremony, and the first words that came out of his mouth are a reflection of how the olympics in London would look like.."Shite":



Danny: "I heard they made those 4000 people (the opening ceremony participants) train while wearing diapers!!" (and that's the mentality of a man who is supposed of to direct a show with thousands of participants in it I hope he didn't give him gherkins)

Jimmy Clarkson: "You sure about that?! you mean 4000 people wore diapers while training.

Danny: I'm not sure about that, I HEARD they wore diapers while training.

Jimmy Clarkson: so what will you do for the London opening ceremony

Danny: it's a secret, and no I won't tell you something completely unexpected (Indeed!!)



And that was ladies and gentlemen, and midieval trolls, the words of Danny Boyle or in the description of the Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy "Grunthos the Flatulent" future/past words about the 2012 olympics..wishing you all Happy Olympics
More+
Reply
Flag
I forgot..in case you don't know who Grunthose the Flatulant is here's a good summary the resemblance is unbelievable:

http://hitchhikers.wikia.com/wiki/Grunthos_the_Flatulent
Reply
Flag
Hysterical!! You nailed it! I thought that was three hours of my life I'd never get back when I watched the ceremony. Your comments echoed my thoughts as I watched it. Never laughed so hard in my life while reading your breakdown. NOW I feel entertained by the opening ceremonies!
Reply
Flag
Dude, YOU are the maniac for writing what appears to be the longest article ever on this site about something that has NOTHING to do with Sport, outside of the athlete march. It's a disgrace that people should relate the dedication and work put in for little reward by these athletes all to what, focus on Mr.Bean, Daniel Craig, and nameless other celebrities that have no buisness being in the spotlight for the Olympics.



You are a joke of a human being. Get your priorities in order.
Reply
Flag
o_O?



Calm down there, Mr. Troll.



....."writing what appears to be the longest article ever on this site about something that has NOTHING to do with Sport, outside of the athlete march".....



Yeeeeaaahhhhh, this is TV.com, not OMGSPORTS!!!.com......so, umm....there's that to consider.....
Reply
Flag
That "sad old lady came out and sang for a bit" - was that Penelope Wilton, who plays Isobel Crawley on Downton Abbey? (yes, I know, but look her up and compare...)
Reply
Flag
I was trying to comprehend what in the hell I was watching, and all I could think of was "atrocity". Shame on us all indeed.
Reply
Flag
USA (to date): 12 gold, 8 silver, and 9 bronze medals

Great Britain (to date): 2 gold, 3 silver, and 4 bronze medals



But hey, you guys "got" what the opening ceremony was trying to display to the world. And THAT is what the Olympic games are REALLY about: the high-brow artistic quality of the spectacle that occurs before the actual sporting events. So congratulations! Hold your heads high! You've earned it, UK!
Reply
Flag
UK population: 062,641,000

US population: 311,591,917



US population/UK population = 4.97



US gold medals/4.97 = 2.41 > UK 2 US silver medal/4.97 = 1.69 < UK 3

US bronze = 1.81 < UK 4



suddenly doesn't look like you are doing a whole lot better than us given the advantage of 200000000+ more possible participants than the Brits.



Reply
Flag
o_O? Evidently, you have no idea how stats work.....it's a good thing "Competitive Mathematics" isn't part of the Olympic games.



I defer to stanking's take on the subject below.
Reply
Flag
This numbers dance is hilarious, but sure, I'll play along.



US athletes participating in 2012 games: 539

UK athletes participating in 2012 games: 564



"There are lies, damned lies, and statistics". Pick the stats that favor your argument. Personally, I'll be rooting for Andy Murray, and I hope the UK athletes do well (except where they're going head-to-head with the US, of course). The point is: the sports are a competition; the ceremonies are more of a pass/fail thing.
Reply
Flag
Not Andy Murray! He's a prick!
Reply
Flag
Interesting review.



I don't think anyone in Britain will be disappointed that half of America didn't get it. In many ways it's a great relief that we have such separate cultures. It has 80+% approval here (incredible) and we're all delighted that it was so aimed at us. It's had a transfixing effect on the country, reminding us who we are.



We really don't expect anyone in America who doesn't live by the sea or the lakes to comprehend very much about the outside world at all. Even our Conservatives see little difference between sections of the current GOP and the Axis of Evil. Yes, we'll stand by you if Romney resumes WW3 but we won't like it.



Having said that, I think we did our health section partly to support Obamacare and to clearly rebuff Tea Party lies that we don't all like our health service. We do see your lack of universal provision as barbaric and we see you as a bit Third World because of it. Anyone shot in our cinemas would be cared for without argument, they wouldn't be desperately fundraising to pay for their treatment.



It's a kind of way of looking down on you without the awkwardness of mentioning it :)
More+
Reply
Flag
I am absolutely STUNNED by the level of ignorance from some of the comments here. It is disgraceful.
Reply
Flag
Jesus guys! Calm down! I understand that Price's intention was not to offend, and most of his comments are made in jest. Why can't you?
Reply
Flag
Before posting a reply here, Price I wanna say something buddy you are vindicated on so many levels, got this atrocity of an olympic ceremony and your just gut reaction to such aberration was quiet the normal thing that anyone, whether British, American, or any other nationality would do or say when seeing a load of bollocks with no message to deliver in a ceremony about global unity and athletism not Nationalism laced with Religion. So rest assured you were right on the money from the start. First of all, CNN did an interview with Danny Boyle, the Master Defunct Mind behind the Olympics, in it he revealed his abstract expression of the rich history of the British Isles through the use of allusions and allegorical symbols from the Mary poppins to the Mini Cooper, from a pre-industrial English idyll village reminscent of the Hobbit Shire to the introduction of the Filthy Chimney Stacks of industrialisation, basically a period a millenia from a period of pre-industrialisation that was one of the most enriching, illuminating and disturbing periods of the British isles, how did it come that this period was a period of Elyssium and hobbit-like paradise to a the complexities of industrialism and to extolling the virtues of the NHS, praising the LORD for giving his anglican peasants, the gift of GOSH..OH MY GOSH well said Price, and secondly Price did not call those "Mentally Challenged kids" jerks because they were mentally challenged, and just because they're mentally challenged doesn't mean you hide behind them and use them like "rejects" by clothing them in Pijamas and making them look "foolish" cause I see no contribution in using "mentally challenged" kids wearing pijamas, a scene always associated with feeble minded people in early 20th century movie industry who represented the kind of "innocence" you get from a child who couldn't tell the difference between right and wrong, or an adult suffereing from sever mental illness where his/her judgement is challenged on every occassion rendering that person incapable of running his own life . So this is disgusting to hide any criticism behind the mentally challenged that's low, and actually it makes no sense using these children.



Now to the CNN interview, and to Price, wait till you read the commentaries, if you thought the Trolls around here are genuine in using that old accusation that Americans are thick-skulled, too young, or, this is better, NBC's broadcast was so bad that Mattlauer's falling hair follicles caused a fuzzy transmission of the Olympic that the poor american audience couldn't get the message through their thick hillbelly minds, they couldn't get the ideas of puff the magic dragon allusions and allegorical symbols coming out from the spotless mind of Danny Boyle and his fascination with combining religion and nationalism, the same poison that put them through two devastating wars.



This is the URL to the CNN article:



http://edition.cnn.com/2012/07/27/sport/decoding-olympic-opening-ceremony/index.html?iid=article_sidebar



Now marvel at the commentaries, like I said before, and how they range in judging the event from lackluster, to boring, to mediocracy, to crap...and the counter argument is NBC, thick skulled americans.



The Second piece of funny news for the day comes from straight from that midieval ceremony called the Olympics at the midieval village of London, where the Village idiot today, also known as the Mayor of London Boris Johnson who became the main spectacle of today's "Mayor in Midair" snafu, who attempted to cheer up the crowd during that county fair called the Olympics by sliding along a zipline, while waving the Union Jacks, and for the fat derrier he is, he just got stuck in midair. Here is the URL address to that incident. (Boris is known to be a simpleton of a well-bred stock of British Elitist all the way up to the Monarchs)



http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2012/08/london-mayor-zip-line-snafu-boris-johnson-stuck-in-mid-air-at-ol/
More+
Reply
Flag
i see a lot of arguing over the Americans not understanding some of the segments etc. Not trying to be anti-USA but the reason some Brits and other countries get so pissed off with America is because as a nation you are quite ignorant of the world around you. You study American history which is only a few hundreds years old but most European countries study history dating thousands of years back before most of the world even knew of America's existence. Being ignorant of these things can sometimes come across as conceited since you can be dismissive of the importance of an event because it didn't or doesn't directly involve America (like the second World War until the Japs bombed Pearl Harbor). Like I said I'm not trying to be anti-USA I'm just trying to bridge an understanding as to why some people seem to be very impatient towards Americans on boards across the net.



Take this article, although it is written as informative and a bit of fun had it been a UK website covering a USA event the writer would have done their research and got all the important facts right as well as including a bit of fun just because it comes across professional and respectful. I'm sure a TV website as big as TV.com could have gotten a hold of a copy of the BBC (main UK network) footage which was very informative and factual throughout.
More+
Reply
Flag
the singing kids in PJs you called jerks are mentally challenged.
Reply
Flag
Unbelievable. You just penned another long rant (above) in which you pull out the tripe about Americans being ignorant and not doing their research. The singing kids are NOT mentally challenged; they're physically challenged, that is, some are deaf. And Price was joking. Many of us didn't understand why they were dressed as they were because they hadn't started the whole kids-on-hospital-beds segment yet. BTW, he also knows they weren't really using gang signs. I'd say he was making a joke that required you to understand American culture, but that might sound nationalistically conceited and imply that you're thick skulled for not "getting it".
Reply
Flag
but please explain American culture to me because I would like to hear it.
Reply
Flag
But I'm not interested in presenting it. Do your own research.
Reply
Flag
ok mate i did not do my research and I hold my hands up to that but I am not a professional writer with influence on a global website. Either way he called physically challenged people jerks. As for the "long rant (above)" wasn't a rant I was just pointing out facts. You can deny them all you like but as others have stated on here "what would Americas reaction been if the UK had cut a 9/11 tribute segment?" being honest with yourselves? Now take a breather and chill because as I stated I'm not anti-US i am in fact anti-nationalism regardless of which country people are from.
Reply
Flag
Having watched recent US TV coverage of the Olympic run up which implied - no stated as fact - that Mitt Romney had "created a stir" in the UK showed how laughably insular and distorted US News coverage can be. They used an out of context sound bite of David Cameron to infer it was a major issue, when in fact the man hadn't made any news in the UK whatsoever! He got a mention at the opening ceremony as "a visiting US politician" and that was it. The opening ceremony was trying to convey British history, but in the style of a Disney Parade; that didn't really do any harm, but some of it was damn silly.

I'm more upset of the two weeks blanket coverage on every channel. There's only so much sport news I can take!
Reply
Flag
Terrible review. But it's about what I would expect from TV.com. Fortunately most of the billion people who watched it weren't saddled with the downright awful coverage NBC provided. Though, by the sound of it, that kind of fail is par for the course for NBC's Olympic coverage. The fact that you didn't understand half of what was going on and didn't enjoy the other half comes down to NBC's incompetence and your ignorance.



Listen, I get that you were trying to be funny, and no doubt many of your thick-skulled American readers will appreciate it, but you come off as more of a dick when you mock Muhammad Ali for having Parkinson's and a bunch of deaf kids for being deaf.



And, really? Suggesting Danny Boyle is a charlatan instead of labeling him the obviously brilliant director that he is? You need your head examined.
Reply
Flag
Sweet goodness! What a hungry troll you are!
Reply
Flag
What deaf kids that he mocked for being deaf?, and what kind of a moron uses deaf kids in pijamas to draw sympathy in an olympic ceremony you daft twat? what genius would do that? and who to the hell wants to know about the "GOSH" healthcare? and who wants to see the Brits as either dirty chimney sweepers, coal miners, street hustlers, or illiterate peasans, of course the overarching theme in all three sketches is "the dirtier you look the more British you are" or . So instead of blaming the Americans for not "getting it", you should blame yourself for trying to "get over it" and sweep it under a billion pound rug. That show was trash from planning to execution, probably the worst olympic opning ceremony ever. Did it come at an expense, sure it did, the most important was how our brothers and sisters on the other side of the pond wanted to show to the world how beautiful, rich and great their history and culture is, yet unfortunately cause they live in a society where you don't have a voice for not being an elitist, and the whole burden of showing who the True Brits are fell into the hands of beaurecratic, corrupt, officials who found themselves drowning in a sea of Billions of pounds, and with no overseeing committee, reminscent of that committe of jokers trying to indict Murdoch..lol..like that's gonna happen what do you think this is ...the U.S. lol, and Voille La! the Worst Olympic Ceremony ever materialized on TV. Believe me dude, not all the Wrinkles on Merideth Vierra's face or all the falling follicles from Matt Lauer's head can put that smashed "humpty dumpty" of an olympic event togehter back again.



So if NBC is crap, that's a given premise that no one can change, along with CBS..CNN..etc, but at least they have an autocorrect mechanism and open to criticism and to suggestion, yet playing this whole event on the tone of "British Nationalism" is just plain dumb and awful. the U.S. olympics, did you see them make a reenactment of the Civil War or Tom Sawyer's journey's through the Mississippi River? have they made a festival for the discovery of "KFC" and "Pizza Hutt" or the "INTERNET" dude are you for real? just saying that last word sounded awful..the INTERNET...a devilish contraption intended to deviate our anglican worshippers from the almighty "empty space" of a god. Please rethink your trash, and no Price wasn't trying to be funny, he was trying to be polite so as to not offend any British when trying to say That Show Sucked on So Many Levels, and that's not what people expected, at least not from England. So he had to lighten up things with commentaries, its enough to see the look on people's faces in the recaps above, and I guess they would tell you a lot, oh one more thing...ROFL..what's with the "independent olympic athletes" ROFL...LOL...
More +
Reply
Flag
No, let's be clear. This is a review of the opening ceremonies as presented to the American audience (tv.com reviews shows broadcast to the U.S.). NBC's coverage is part of what is being mocked here, and a review from a "world" view outside the States wouldn't be what tv.com is going for. But the "ignorance" you're whinging about is as much due to the incompetence of the producers of the show as it is to the lack of British-centric education you deplore in Americans.



Boyle may be brilliant and have more than one success on his resume (CV for the Brits), but that doesn't mean he can translate it successfully to a live show that reaches a live and televised audience with a wide variety of backgrounds and different frames of reference. And he mostly failed. There were points of brilliance, but they floated in a bog of mediocrity. That the Chinese, who Americans generally know FAR less about, successfully presented their culture four years ago makes it clear that the failure in communication was Boyle's, not that of the "dumb Americans". And when you imply that anyone who doesn't get British culture without the right frame of reference is thick-skulled, YOU come off as a dick.



I'll give you that NBC packaged it miserably. Price agrees, and if we Americans had been able to view the BBC version, I think most of us would have preferred it. But what those other billions watched isn't relevant here - that wouldn't be what this Americentric television review website would be reviewing, right? It's not a review of British culture. It's not a review of British television culture. It's not a commentary or judgment on the Brits in general or in particular. So don't get your Y-fronts in a twist.



Bottom line: Price reviewed the show as seen by Americans from an American point of view and our likely reactions based on what translated culturally and what did not. And he did a fantastic job.
More +
Reply
Flag
Self disclosure: I'm a natural born American who absolutely loves British culture. I've been to England and enjoyed the heck out of it; my sister lived there for 3 years. I love the more introverted personality that is often seen in Brits. I love the literature, the media, and the history. I download BBC shows and tend to watch British shows on PBS. I can follow some of the politics and I try. So when I say I hated the opening ceremonies, I don't mean to disparage the British people in any way. If anyone should be disappointed or upset with the show, it should be the Brits themselves. But don't worry, I won't let that travesty tarnish my love for things Britannia. And I don't think the other critics are likely to change their opinion of our staunch allies on the basis of this theatrical poo.
Reply
Flag
I had to see the ceremony, and all I can say is : My Jaw DROPPED...



What a hideous, and I mean "hideous", incoherents, and above all, to all of you Brits, Brits-wannabe, or just outright trolls around here who've been barraging Price for his recaps, this is the most "insulting" olympinc cermony ever. I can't compare this to China, cause there is nothing to compare. China, awesome, London, Crap..with a capital C. The Chinese, like the rest of many of their current and former communist comradiers, Russia, North Korea..etc, if they knew anything, they knew how to throw a big party. State festivities in former communist states were the equivalent of Gladiator Specatacles during the Roman Time. So yes my British Twat Trolls, London Sucked Big Time.



So Danny Boyle, who made slumdog millionaire what does he really know about directing live shows?, to begin with, if you thought hiring Steven Spielberg to direct the Oscars, would make the oscars any better, you're wrong. There are veteran stage and live show directors and way much better directors than Danny Boyle, but they chose a "British" as if the Olympics have been turned into a nationlist, compare this to the 1992 Barcelona Olympics, or the 96 U.S. olympics, just because China used "nationalist" element in it, doesn't make it right, Olympics is intended to give idea of Globalism, or Global unity, not Cockney and Chimney sweepers. If you're a zealot retard, like most zealots are, and want to include nationalism, then include national symbols that don't preferably bring back bad memory, such as the Tower of London and Chimney Stacks. There's nothing spectacular about Chimney stacks, and no They don't represent Industrialization they represent pollution coming from industrialization, and if they represent anything they represent a Sham that no Brit should take any pride in. I don't know if they Brit Twat Trolls around here know this piece of info or not, but during the sixties the British Children ranked among the third in the world behind india and china, not sure about the last one, in getting lung cancer and respiratory diseases especially those living in highly-industrialized demographics. And to many of the trolls around here, here is another statistic about the overall british health system inadequacy in dealing with respiratory diseases:



http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-85454/Lung-disease-toll-Britain-worst.html



Yet, we keep hearing our Trolling friends extolling the Benefits of "GOSH", and it how saved the "poor" from the clutches of "feudal industrialism", which is exactly what british industrialism is all about "feudalism" for the 20th century, with the British citizens being treated as commoners, not as citizens, and what deteremines your worth is your social class and That is it nothing else can save you from a bleak future, where disease and poverty are your constant bar buddies.



So back to where those Monty Python sketches called Olympic Ceremony, The poor dickinsian children in pijamas as if the British kids haven't heard about modern clothing styles, and the scenes of "county fair" from a traditional english midieval village, don't know how that fits in, and what looked like a "the British have found Technology" and that Technology was "the Mobile Phone" yay...something befitting the "Generation without Technology" new breed of English teens whom their greatest aspirations, according to a poll done on the BBC right after the famous 2011 street riots was to become "hair dressers" just like on "Coronation Street" and the rest of the British "Bollocks" played on BBC, so hooray everyone the Brits have found technology and its called the Cellphone..and for that they know how to tweet and send messages, tell me that's not insulting...



So from one insulting and humiliating scene to another, of course you don't see any British personalities, except the thing that supposedly "extol" the virtue of the British goverment, yet famous and globally reverred and respected personalities From Newton to Russell to Turing, who got neutered like a dog for being gay in the 50s, a towering figures in human intellectual history yet the only towering figure was Valdermort..literally, a 10 or 20 foot puppet supported on stils and wires..So that's the show, like Price stated, that cost a 9 figure money out of the "commoners" pockets. The scene I differ completely with Price on, is the rebuilding of the "highlands" and all of those layers of grass
More+
Reply
Flag
Hilarious and entertaining, as always.
Reply
Flag
no comment for the Czech Republic team's boots? I liked how the first team to walk there were the greece and they were all waving their smartphones I almost thought it was part of the whole charade
Reply
Flag
LOVED the boots. too funny. especially with the white shorts.
Reply
Flag
Hey Price! I think your photo recaps are DA BOMB! This in particular was pretty funny and I enjoyed reading it.



I thought the ceremony was brilliant and I agree it was a bit schizoid! It was basically... like a film from Dany Boyle ROFL!



I loved the 4 sec or so of the Tardis sound effect that was thrown in the mix. Loved the bit about UK pop music (& rock & other things) from the 60's on. Loved the kids & their nightmares sprouting most from children's literature (written by Brits).



In general I do agree that the ceremony might have been a bit easier to follow on the TV feed than being on site (you miss all the close ups!)



The only thing that I find more hilarious than your recap is the reaction to it!



One final thought: this was a display mainly for the Brits and that is OK. (BTW; no, sharing a language does not give you a privileged insight into a particular culture, if anything it is even stranger)



PS: not a Brit, only lived there for a while as well as in other parts of Europe.
Reply
Flag
Staff
"Three Amigos cosplay"
Reply
Flag
Yeahh that 'some dude,' who rang the bell was Bradley Wiggins who just recently won the Tour De France and is first ever Brit to do so!



Also have you seen Slumdog Millionaire? Did you know that Danny Boyle directed it and it won 8 Oscars including BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY, but I guess you're right that his films aren't anything to look at, they must have thrown that award in just for the hell.



Seriously research maybe, this was very disappointing.
Reply
Flag
who could be offended by Price's recaps, he's Price!
Reply
Flag
London's was much better than Beijing.

Any thing that has a mass air drop of Mary Poppins is an automatic classic. :)



Beijing was like a Nazi Party rally.

Impressive but dehumanizing.



It is an interesting contrast between a democracy and a police state.





Reply
Flag
Now, which one's the police state again?
Reply
Flag
In Australia Eddie Mcguire commentated. Voldemort turned into Voldemould, which was just one of the many mispronunciation. I don't think he can read.
Reply
Flag
I cracked up during the intro film whoosing down the river when I spotted the Pink Floyd pig flying from the Battersea Power Station smokestack, ala the cover of their "Animals" album. That was just funny!
Reply
Flag
I just watched the Italian parade bit....I usually find the ceremonies quite boring....Now I go put on my straight jacket!
Reply
Flag
What about him not being norwegian?:p he so is ;)
Reply
Flag
Hilarious recap, Price. Keep it up!
Reply
Flag
Srsly, this review was WAY more entertaining than most of the spectacle. About the only good bits of the show were the Queen's sporting nature in being a part of the show, WITH JAMES BOND!, the parade of nations (that part's always cool for me), and the torch lighting.



Almost everything else was scratch-your-head, what-the-heck-is-going-on-here bad. ESPECIALLY the VERY LONG paid political advertisement for socialized medicine. Did Obama's campaign pay for this show or something?
Reply
Flag
The NHS is a brilliant British institution offering healthcare to the masses. If your'e sick, you get help, not your bank balance checked. "GOSH" - Great Ormond Street Hospital has over the years helped many sick kids and done so much in research that has helped children all over the world. Your comment is flippant and in itself offensive to such a great cause. Ignorance is bliss eh!
Reply
Flag
To us Europeans, the fact that in America a persons health/life is dependant on how much money they make, is truly disgusting, any message we can send out to change it can only be a good thing. Obama is a joke. Romney is one hell of a joke. US politics are a joke.
Reply
Flag
I thought it was awesome! LOVED Paul McCartney's sing-along "Hey, Jude". (Jude is a boy, BTW). Loved the 4 decades of British music (60s & 70s British rock is my all-time favorite genre of music). Loved Mr. Bean's "Chariots of Fire" one-note performance (and I don't care that much for Mr. Bean OR Chariots of Fire....still loved it). Loved the army of Mary Poppins(es?) defeating all the literary villians. LOVED the lighting of the cauldron. High marks all around!
Reply
Flag
Don't know about he Paul McCartney bit. It felt a little to slow for that part of the evening. Maybe they should have looked at The Rolling Stones instead.
Reply
Flag
Beijing was spectacular!. You can see the history, the culture and the proud of an entire nation with an amazing organization on stage.. London was was just.. wtf!.. it was like a bad over budget play... The only interesting moments were Mr. Bean and the Queen jumping the helicopter... the kids thing was.. what?.. an orphanage play?... where were oliver and annie?.. And the worst... To rise the olympic rings from 7 polluting chimney?... oh wait.. that was the link with Mary Poppin and the childrens?... c'mon... they forgot that it was a show for the WORLD.. We didn't saw the soul, the best of U.K. across the world was not there for sure. (at least we know that they like the superficial stereotypes and the theatre). It was boring and as it was expected dissapointing in comparison to Beijing
Reply
Flag
If your european (especially British) it's easier to get the subtle refrences. By the way "7 polluting chimney", "link with Mary Poppin" WTF. Did you zone out for ten minutes or so there?
Reply
Flag
I'm really surprised this recap has touched off so much anger. I personally thought it was hilarious and as always Price managed to capture my WTF and That's Awesome moments more much eloquently than I could. To people who feel that this is somehow an indictment of British culture, the opening ceremony was an artistic representation by a film maker. You can discuss the artistic merits of the presentation without attacking the underlying premise, ie, finding the artistic value of putting giant smoke stacks in a sporting stadium to be contradictory, without implying that the industrial revolution and Britain's role in it were any less. I think that British culture has offered the world many great things over hundreds of years of history, I don't think that is typified by Harry Potter. To me that's like looking at Faulkner and saying, neh, I'm going with Twilight. To people claiming that Americans are close-minded idiots who never experienced anything outside the Walmart parking lot, opening ceremonies are entertainment, they are a way of introducing a host country's culture to the world, but if your answer to people watching is "you aren't British, you don't get it, you need to learn more about the world" then you haven't been successful at your presentation. We don't tell people who watch a movie to go home and look up major storylines. Beijing was incredible because at the end, even if there were parts you didn't quite follow or that didn't translate, you had an overwhelming feeling of the history and depth of Chinese culture. Parts of this felt like they didn't even consider how the show would play to the English-speaking world, Gosh is a slang term, so we have to override that definition to try to find an alternative meaning, which still didn't make a lot of sense. There were jumps and gaps in the storytelling. Some parts were awesome. Some parts weren't. That doesn't say anything about British culture, which is more than a 2-hour representation by Danny Boyle. The Olympics venues have looked amazing and London is being represented well. But I don't think it fair to boil British culture and history down to may poles, industrial smokestacks, cell phone meet-cutes, the NHS, and the Chariots of Fire theme song in a strange disjointed, poorly explained conglomeration, and expect viewers to not comment on the some of the great and some of the absurd moments. Hello, the Queen "jumped" out of a helicopter w/ James Bond. If we weren't supposed to have fun with that, then I completely missed the point.
More+
Reply
Flag
GOSH is Great Ormond Street Hospital - a children's hospital in London and some of the children were included in the event. The nurses you saw dancing with the children's beds were real doctors and nurses from the hospital.



I mentioned it before but it's just a shame that not everyone got the BBC commentary - it would have made more sense then.
Reply
Flag
Agreed. Price, and most of the American commenters here who agree with him, aren't insulting British culture. We're insulting this particular portrayal of British culture.
Reply
Flag
I forgot to say... I really wish the Queen would smile.

If you get to a point in your life where you can't even fake a smile (knowing your country is hosting the Olympics and your face is representing it to millions in HD) then something's really wrong. How disconnected must you be to walk into that stadium and not even smile. She should have been struggling not to smile because the whole thing was so grand.



But no.

Nothing.

Miserable old lady in a pink hat.

Welcome to Great Britain.

Carry on Smiling.
Reply
Flag
So it's obvious from the comments that if you aren't British you aren't going to understand half the things that are going on just like, in Beijing when you watched the opening ceremony and you didn't understand half the things that were going on there either (unless you were Chinese).



Let's cover some things here....



a). To the writer of this article. I completely understand that the only way you get people reading your stuff is if you make fun of everything. People aren't interesting in deep and fair view points anymore. If you don't understand it, make fun of it. It's the future. Good for you.



I like the way you referred to the amazing industrial revolution as "some chimneys". That shows how little you actually appreciate the work, time and design that went into the event. How anyone could sit and watch that whole scene and not be absolutely taken back by the size, colours and design is beyond me. I don't care if it's American, British, French..it looked amazing. It's real...it's not Avatar with some CGI that Tony the Spectrum 128 geek did on a Saturday morning because his iPod was out of battery. It's real. It needed cranes to build..lots of cranes, lots of time, thousands and thousands of people. How can you not appreciate that?



b). To those that are saying "it was just just about Great Britain". It's what the country hosting the games does. It introduces its culture and history to all other countries in whatever entertaining fashion it can. If we just happen to have a huge load of stuff to show you, that's not our fault.



Go and watch the Beijing 2008 opening ceremony and see how much of that was about China's culture. Then go and watch the Atlanta 1996 opening ceremony and see how many Chevy trucks, brass bands and Gospel singers you can count. (And no, there were no cowboys riding steaks and cheese so don't get your hopes up).



c). To the people that said it was "strange". You're saying that because you don't understand anything about the country..and why should you? Sure, we all know a tiny bit but to be expected to understand it all is a bit much. But to then comment on the fact that it was stupid because you simply did not do any research afterwards is silly. Did any of you go and look up NHS or the "Smiley Face" afterwards? - Did you really?



Next time, we'll make sure that our ceremony is just a huge collection of tea cups dancing around muffins whilst singing "Chim chim cheree" because that would be much easier to understand.



Good night.
More+
Reply
Flag
honestly, as an american, i was pretty disappointed with american ignorance about... well, everything concerning the ceremony. right down to hey jude.

if only ANY of the american athletes had been able to keep up with the words... astounding ignorance. they could barely manage the na-nana-nanananas. wow.
Reply
Flag
BAH!
Reply
Flag
The funny thing is, most Americans are more familiar with British culture and history than with Chinese, yet most of us "got it" more 4 years ago. It's too simplistic to say "You're just dumb foreigners." Beijing was simply more successful in getting their message across. And their production didn't look amateurish at all.
Reply
Flag
Be careful not to get a nose bleed all the way up there on your podium. It must be hard to be so righteous all the time, huh? Good for you.
Reply
Flag
I wasn't a fan. I thought most of it came of as corny. The child's nightmare/ hospital tribute was just weird, and the teen romance thing was nothing but a massive eye roll. Also Matt Lauer...



However, it was a nice choice of final torch bearer and the rising torch was pretty cool. I just wish it was moved to a higher local so that it can be seen outside the stadium. The beginning , although a bit boring at times, was entertaining to watch. I like the field transition to industrial wasteland.



Funny review though, I nearly died at the "died of embarrassment" part.
Reply
Flag
I usually love silly recaps, but this one was... offensive??!!

And I'm not even British!

Anyways, I watched it and loved it. I found the two previous ones boring, but this one was, I think, really good (but I actually like Boyle's style, and find Trainspotting disturbingly beautiful, so...).
Reply
Flag
Thank you for this! You've put into words what was going through my mind the whole time I was watching the ceremony. Actually, what was going through my mind was "??????????????????????????????????????????". It was insanely baffling and perplexing... I had absolutely no idea what I was watching, was this the Oscar's ceremony, the Grammy's? It was like Great Britain telling the rest of the world: "look at all the awesome things we've done through history... but let's forget about imperialism, all right?". Nothing had anything to do with the Olympics! But I loved it because it was so bizarre and weird and just plain crazy and I laughed A LOT.

My favorite moment was when the British team was parading and there was a cut to the Queen, and she was just checking her nails, she was so over this! She didn't give a damn!

I was a bit troubled that they used Gandhi's favorite song in the show, I mean, the man stood for everything that Great Britain wasn't, and here they are using his song as part of a gaudy purposeless show.

Okay, finished rant, thanks again, Price! Loved this!
Reply
Flag
I was thoroughly disappointed that the opening ceremonies didn't include david brent!
Reply
Flag
Additional thoughts after a rewatch:

- I loved that Bradley Wiggins started it off, he is a top man, I mean, have you seen his sideburns!

- The kids singing Jerusalem was nice.

- Kenneth Branagh was portraying Isambard Kingdom Brunel, one of the greatest engineers of all time. (Think he could've got away with doing Gilderoy Lockhart, though).

- I liked the women's rights bit, it showed how much we've developed over the years.

- Why does everyone seem to think that the Queen is going to drop dead at a seconds notice? She looks in perfectly good health to me!

- I'm glad they paid tribute to G.O.S.H. and the NHS, I would say that the NHS is one of the best things about the UK.

- I would've liked the Voldemort bit if Ralph Fiennes had actually come out in costume and just started shouting 'Avada Kedavra' at everyone in his path.

- I love Rowan Atkinson, truly a comic genius.

- Taking jabs at Michael Fish, got to love it.

- No Human League in the music montage? What a joke!

- I disagree with you Price, music in the 90's was awesome!

- The parade of the athletes is boring, bring back Voldemort.

- I think that the Team GB outfits were a bit too jazzy.

- It feels strange seeing them close-up on Tom Daley so much, when he's missed out on a medal in his first of two events recently.

- Getting the young athletes to light the torch was a great move.

- Paul McCartney should not have done the end, anyone else would have been better. Me doing my spectacular rendition of Copacobana would have been better. (It is excellent by the way).

Overall I liked it. In the end, it cost about 1 per person who watched it in the UK, and that seems like quite a good deal to me.
More+
Reply
Flag
The best moment was when we first saw the queen, and she was about to turn around and greet James Bond. I could totally hear John Stewart's falsetto voice in my head, going Hellooooooo...
Reply
Flag
So, are you gonna do a review of the Closing Ceremony made by the Brazilians as well? I hope so! As a Brazilian, I can't wait to see what it's gonna happen and read your sarcastic comments. Just take it easy on us, ok? hehe

I really hope it shows that Brazil is not limited to samba, carnival and naked people as some people think.



Something curious the people who were commenting it to the brazilian sports channel explained: those people in the bikes "flying" were supposed to "be" doves. Ever since 1986 it was forbidden to set doves free to fly during the ceremony. What happened was that the olympic pyre looked like a nest, and the doves went straight to that place. When it was lit, they died.
Reply
Flag
I liked some parts of the ceremony and found others to be kind of boring, but what I really don't get is your problem with the references: come on, Sufragists, Industrial Revolution, 007, The Beatles... those are universal symbols, I'm not British and I understand them ok. Or is it that only American symbols are supposed to be known worldwide? I really don't remember what Atlanta's opening ceremony was like, but I'm sure there were plenty of references to US history and pop culture and that wasn't a problem for international viewers... but of course, that's why you always call your national contests and leagues "world" or "universal" ;)
Reply
Flag
Put simply, the opening ceremony is aimed at displaying the culture of the country hosting the games. Well guess what idiots. Britain is a multicultural society, much like your precious USA is supposed to be, though your tolerance is obviously far below ours, you ignorant foolish people.
Reply
Flag
Always entertaining when someone claiming superior tolerance resorts to name calling.
Reply
Flag
What a surprise, allof the yanks whinging on about the Brits again. Bore off you pathetic morons. Your jealousy due to your lack of your own history is so clear it is hilarious.
Reply
Flag
really funny recap, enjoyed reading this as much as watching the ceremony itself!
Reply
Flag
I'm just glad I'm not alone in not jumping on the bandwagon of reviewers who think this was the holy grail of ceremonies.



I could barely watch some parts of it.
Reply
Flag
Thank you! This was absolutely hysterical! You and I had the same thoughts about everything except you put things way funnier than I would have. I know enough about English history to know what was going on but it was so disjointed and ridiculous I had to fast forward through the majority it. The torch was cool and looking at David Beckham is always enjoyable, but this was definitely a let down.
Reply
Flag
It's a rule...if you're having Paul McCartney perform, and he's only allowed one song, it will always be Hey Jude.
Reply
Flag
I found the modern musical part didn't work out well. It tended to just be dull.
Reply
Flag
Load More Comments

Like TV.com on Facebook