Since you clearly loved our last post about TV's most annoying characters (just look at those kind and praising comments!), we've decided to do another list of the television characters we just can't stand. You may disagree with us, and feel free to tell us so, but do keep it civil. We are, after all, only talking about fictional people.
Ann Perkins, Parks and Recreation
Rashida Jones is a pretty lady. We'll give her that. But she's certainly not the laugh-out-loud funniest actress out there, so we're a little puzzled as to why she's been so awkwardly and aggressively shoe-horned into a workplace comedy. The character is pretty bland—always the kind of wanly smirking straight woman to everyone else's wackier personalities—and apparently never has work. She's always just hanging around the Parks & Rec office, participating in mural-design competitions and staff retreats, even though, again, she doesn't work there. We get that having a cute girl on a show helps reel in the valuable small-headed man demographic, but couldn't they at least make the T&A; (if you can call it that on this genteel show) a bit more interesting?
Betty Suarez, Ugly Betty
We can't believe we missed this one the first time around. It's just such a no-brainer. The entirety of Ugly Betty is annoying—in a lovable sort of way—but its lead is pretty much unforgivably irksome. All of her shrill moral quandaries and needling and meddling. It's just so unpleasant and loud. It may have been a sly trick on the part of the writers to make Betty just the eensiest bit unlovable so the viewer can sympathize with her enemies a little, but they totally overshot it. There's no good reason why Betty wouldn't have been fired long ago—she's nosy, overly principled, totally sanctimonious, and clearly not only knows nothing about fashion, but makes no efforts to learn. And those braces. Oh those braces.
Ray Drecker, Hung
This is a hard choice, because we genuinely do like this peculiar little show. But! We find that we like it in spite of its lead. Ray is such a growling bore, always complaining and frowning about things, never saying anything terribly funny, and, for our money, he's a bit too wildly unsexy to be moonlighting as a gigolo. Not that Thomas Jane isn't an attractive man, of course he is. But Ray the character is just too obviously holding on by a thread, there's something so desperate about him, even when he's putting on his best suave routine. It's tough to make a down-and-out character sympathetic rather than just plain pathetic, and we fear the writers and Mr. Jane haven't quite lived up to that task yet. Oh, and the son character, he's annoying too. But Jane Adams? Simply marvelous.
Abby Sciuto, NCIS
Just kidding! Though we do stand by our opinion that Abby is super annoying, we totally forgot that Tony is way more annoying on this show than she is. What with all his smirking and mugging and constant unfunny joking. If he was supposed to be a complete douchebag, then we'd kind of forgive it. But we're pretty sure Tony is meant to be an appealing guy's guy—you know, bro, like aren't nerds weird? and don't chicks act crazy sometimes?—and in that arena he massively fails. Look, if you're coming to this show to see nuanced character study, you're clearly in the wrong place. But they could at least make the cast exist one step above the realm of cheap 'n easy stock characters. So far they haven't.
The 'T' alter, United States of Tara
We guess this is a character? Whatever it is, we don't like it. Not in the way that we're supposed to not like her—the teenage alter-ego of suburban mom Tara is brash and rude and over-sexed and unpredictable. She's annoying because she's such a cliche, such a boring excuse to say dirty words and watch Toni Collette thrust her pelvis at her teenage children. Diablo Cody is certainly not the most nuanced of writers, but this is by far one of her worst creations. Not a real human being in any way (even though it's only, like, a personality or whatever, it should still feel real) and just vulgar for the sake of being vulgar. Actually, you know what? All of the 'Alters' are sort of flat cliches. We like the bones of this show, but they should scrap those personalities and start over with new ones that feel a bit more believable.
Sure the guy isn't on that many episodes of the new, weird version of the series. But he's still annoying. All his whining and whimpering and that nasal voice. And the quirk! All the forced quirk. Scrubs has always precariously tread that line between tolerably twee and soul-crushingly cutesy (sometimes it tilts over), and JD has always been its nervous-energied avatar, the main guy we want to punch in the face when we think of how obnoxiously pleased with itself the show can be from time to time. We wish he'd just disappear into the infinite abyss already.
Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother
Judging from your comments on the previous post, none of you guys like this show, and you especially hate Barney (who we also do not like anymore.) So you'll probably agree with us that Ted is also pretty annoying too, in the same jittery self-obsessed way that JD is annoying. There's this kind of expectation hovering around that says "Oh, you're gonna find this Ted character so cute." You know, because he's our humble protagonist. But, dang it if we don't just want him off the darn screen every time he's on it. That boring blabbing about architecture, the thickly applied sarcasm. He's kind of like a relic from a '90s sitcom who just accidentally wandered onto the set of a show in the aughts. Also, Ted, if you don't meet our damn mother soon, we're just gonna walk out of the living room and you can yammer on to the cat. Also, why do you sound like Bob Saget now that you're older? It's strange and alarming. You should see a doctor. A boy's voice should only change once.
You guys said it, we agreed, and now here she is. We were trying to think of specific examples of how Claire is annoying, but then we realized. A way simpler way to do this would be to ask you guys: In what ways is Claire not annoying?
The Kids, Modern Family
Well, OK. Not all the kids. The teenager girl and the weird red-headed kid are fine. But those other two? Alex and Manny? Ughhhh. We've said it before, but something about how they're supposed to be little adults in children's bodies is just so unpleasant. Though the Alex character has become slightly more likable as the season's worn on, we're still really not digging Manny. The way he's just. so. sensitive. and all his shuffling, shambling girl-craziness. Ugh. And the ha ha crush that he has on his... step-niece? It's not cute or funny, it's gross and upsetting. We know you'll call us boring old codgers for saying it (again), but we really wish they'd just push those kids into the corner and let the adults have their fun in peace. Because most children on TV? They're just not funny.
Horatio Caine, CSI: Miami
Well, duhhhh. We can't believe we forgot this one. And you, dear commenters, couldn't believe we forgot him either. And you were totally right to chastise us for it. While we sometimes find the ridiculous whispering detective annoying in a good way—so awful it's funny, a kind of I-can't-believe-he's-making-that-acting-choice trainwreck oddity—mostly Horatio Caine is just head-thunkingly aggravating. The character has that kind of tough-as-nails rustiness that should have been swept out of the cop-show genre along with electric guitar as background music. But instead there he is, taking off those sunglasses, saying those clunky one-liners that never really hit. And yet people watch it, every week. People like us. We're not sure why. We just do.
OK! That's it. Please leave us more love letters in the comments section below. And, remember: Be respectful. We have feelings too.