What to watch on Friday, March 11.
Oh man, is it Friday yet? Hey wait a minute, it IS Friday yet! This is a joyful occasion! It was a long week, full of strife and catastrophe and humiliating disasters, but now IT'S OVER! Pizza party at my place, you guys! We are gonna eat pizza and drink pop and play Celebrity! And someone bring an extra clicker in case mine wears out from ALL OF THE TV we're gonna watch! For example:
If you don't watch Fringe, then you are in the 99 percent of the population that also doesn't. But that doesn't mean you should be proud to be part of that majority and it certainly doesn't mean we'll stop recommending it to you every week. You are missing out, sirs and gentlewomen! It's a fun show if you give it a chance. Tonight, for example, the team will investigate a group of thieves who can BREAK THE LAWS OF GRAVITY. Do you see what I'm saying?
Funny or Die Presents
In case you've run out of Sharpies to smell, this show is a good backup. Sometimes this thing is like a nightmare I get when I'm real sunburnt. But is it funny? There are definitely funny people in front of the camera and behind it, so that counts, right? Tonight's episode includes another installment of Rob Huebel's "Do You Want to See a Dead Body?" plus the FoD Movie of the Week, "Boobies." You'll be like, "Wuzza?"
The Ricky Gervais Show
On tonight's episode of America's favorite animated podcast, Ricky encourages Karl Pilkington to share his predictions for the future. Oh, Ricky!
Nothing Everything good will come of this!
On SyFy's newest magical hunky dreamboat showcase, wise old Gaius's exiled loverwoman returns and causes tons of mischief. Also featuring: goblins, black eyeballs, and Giles.
8pm, Disney Channel
Wizards of Waverly Place
If we can be honest for a minute (BUT ONLY A MINUTE), this show is kind of funny, right? Hear me out. Selena Gomez and the older male child have genuinely good comic timing. Oh, and the dumb girl in the funky clothes—she's funny too. I'm just saying, whenever I am "channel surfing" (changing channels), this show is on 100 percent of the time and I always stop on it and I usually think it's pretty charming. So judge me if you must, but tonight there's a new episode on and I MAY or MAY NOT watch it!
PLUS ALL NEW EPISODES OF...
Generator Rex, 8 p.m., Cartoon Network
Hoppus on Music, 8 p.m., Fuse
Kitchen Nightmares, 8 p.m., Fox
Supernanny, 8 p.m., ABC
The Defenders, 8 p.m., CBS
Working Class, 8 p.m., CMT
WWE Friday Night Smackdown, 8 p.m., SyFy
Fish Hooks, 8:30 p.m., Disney
My Big Redneck Wedding, 8:30 p.m.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars, 8:30 p.m.
CSI: NY, 9 p.m., CBS
Fatal Attractions, 9 p.m., Animal Planet
Flying Wild Alaska, 9 p.m., Discovery
Phineas & Ferb, 9 p.m., Disney
Say Yes to the Dress, 9 p.m., TLC
20/20, 10 p.m., ABC
American Loggers, 10 p.m., Discovery
Blue Bloods, 10 p.m., CBS
DC Cupcakes, 10 p.m. & 10:30 p.m., TLC
Mad Genius, 10 & 10:30 p.m., Fuse
Onion News Network, 10 p.m., IFC
The Soup, 10 p.m., E!
Fashion Police, 10:30 p.m., E!
What to watch on Saturday, March 12:
The Suze Orman Show
Haha, it's the second week in a row I'm recommending this lady's show. Do you know why? Because it is AWESOME. I want to be Suze Orman's friend. FACT. She makes me laugh, the way she talks, her catchphrases, her outfits, and especially the way she totally frowns at her callers for no reason sometimes. But if I can be real for a second, this is a really important time for all Americans to get their lives together financially. Sure, I spend all my money on Jolly Ranchers, but still. At least I know what I'll do with money when I get some! Do yourself a favor and tune in.
8pm, Animal Planet
Must Love Cats
What kind of maniac doesn't love cats? Seriously, if you don't like cats, then run to your tomb, because you hate life. Anyway, tonight join John Fulton (a.k.a. the hunkiest talking head from Cats 101) as he travels across the Southwest profiling cats and their owners. Or is that cats and their personal assistants?! Hahaha. The best.
PLUS ALL NEW EPISODES OF...
Cops, 8 p.m., Fox
Dear Genevieve, 8 p.m., HGTV
Sabado Gigante, 8 p.m., Univision
America's Most Wanted: America Fights Back, 9 p.m., Fox
Being Human (UK), 9 p.m., BBC America
Bobby's Ireland, 9 p.m., Food Network
Pit Boss XL, 9 p.m., Animal Planet
Rascal Flatts: Nothing Like This, 9 p.m., ABC
Secrets From a Stylist, 9 p.m., HGTV
Antonio Treatment, 9:30 p.m., HGTV
48 Hours Mystery, 10 p.m., CBS
Texas Drug Wars, 10 p.m., Discovery
The Graham Norton Show, 10 p.m., BBC America
What to watch on Sunday, March 13:
"This season of Celebrity Apprentice collects for broadcast the biggest number of strange-looking people I've seen since I Love Money 2." —FourFour, who WOULD KNOW. And I definitely agree with him! Watching this show in HD reminded me of the Halloweentown scenes from A Nightmare Before Christmas. So it's only natural that tonight the "celebrities" must write a CHILDREN'S BOOK and then read it to CHILDREN. The only question is, how many children will NOT cry?
I have to remember not to look away when this show is on, because to listen to it I might think Sterling Archer married the lady from the Christmas Tree video. Not that that would be the WORST show in the world, I am laughing no matter what! Anyway, in tonight's episode of Fox's Best Animated Show (yeah, I said it), Linda decides to open a bed and breakfast to take advantage of a tourist influx, while Louise decides to eavesdrop on their shady guests.
SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 9pm, TLC
Welcome back, weirdos! Haha, I'm so intolerant. In tonight's Season 2 premiere, the world's pastiest polygamists travel to New York for a little old-fashioned publicity blitz. Meanwhile, their poor children attend their first day of public school, an ordeal presumably made much easier by the presence of cameras. See, these people are all about family!
10pm, Animal Planet
Taking on Tyson
Are you watching television's best show about Mike Tyson and competitive pigeon racing? This is the kind of TV show that makes me so grateful to be alive in 2011. What we are in now is called a GOLDEN AGE, you guys! Hi.
PLUS ALL NEW EPISODES OF...
America's Funniest Home Videos, 7 p.m., ABC
60 Minutes, 7 p.m., CBS
America's Next Great Restaurant, 8 p.m., NBC
Brick City, 8 p.m., Sundance Channel
Good Luck Charlie, 8 p.m., Disney
Secret Millionaire, 8 p.m., ABC
The Amazing Race, 8 p.m., CBS
The Family Crews, 8 p.m., BET
The Simpsons, 8 p.m., Fox
When Vacations Attack, 8 p.m., Travel Channel
40 Most Shocking Breakups, 9 p.m., VH1
Army Wives, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Ax Men, 9 p.m., History Channel
Big Love, 9 p.m., HBO
Californication, 9 p.m., Showtime
Chopped All-Stars, 9 p.m., Food Network
Holmes Inspection, 9 p.m., HGTV
My Fair Wedding with David Tutera, 9 p.m., WE
The Wild Within, 9 p.m., Travel Channel
Undercover Boss, 9 p.m., CBS
The Cleveland Show, 9:30 p.m., Fox
Breakout Kings, 10 p.m., A&E;
Coming Home, 10 p.m., Lifetime
CSI: Miami, 10 p.m., CBS
Hoarding: Buried Alive, 10 p.m.
House Hunters, 10 p.m., HGTV
Kourtney and Kim Take New York, 10 p.m., E!
Las Vegas Jailhouse, 10 p.m., TruTV
Real Housewives of Orange County, 10 p.m., Bravo
Shameless, 10 p.m., Showtime
The Dish, 10 p.m., Style
The Real Housewives of Orange County, 10 p.m., Bravo
Holly's World, 10:30, E!
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV
What are you watching this weekend?