The Scariest Movies on Cable This Week: Family Edition! (October 18-23)

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Like a haunted house built over a Native American burial ground during a full moon on Friday the 13th, your cable lineup is nothing but trouble this week. But just because the onset of Halloween brings out the scariest movies on TV doesn't mean everything's all blood and guts and inappropriate sexual situations! This week there are a ton of macabre yet fun offerings you can show to your younger children (well, your cool younger children) in addition to your gore-hound teenagers. Check out this week's scary movie lineup!



(Sort of) Kid-Friendly:

Sleepy Hollow

Wednesday, October 19 at 1pm & Thursday, October 20 at 11am on FX
Johnny Depp appears as himself in this home video Tim Burton filmed during their 1999 vacation in a haunted forest.

Beetlejuice

Friday, October 21 at 9pm & Sunday, October 23 at 10pm on ABC Family
Think American Horror Story except imaginative and fun to watch.

Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory

Saturday, October 23 at 3pm and Sunday, October 23 at 11:30am on ABC Family
It's true that not everybody considers this movie to be horror, but do you even REMEMBER that canal scene? That's caused more nightmares than the Saw franchise.

The Haunting Hour: Don't Think About It

Saturday, October 22 at 7pm and Sunday, October 23 at 6pm on Cartoon Network
A low-budget adaptation of the noted R.L. Stine novel, the story involves children, an evil thing, and Halloween.

Fred 2: Night of the Living Fred

Saturday, October 22 at 8pm and Sunday, October 23 at 11am & 6pm on Nickelodeon
Just when you thought it was safe to watch children's programming, here comes another Fred movie! This one involves children, an evil thing, and Halloween.

The Addams Family

Saturday, October 22 at 8pm on ABC Family
This movie is a gateway drug for the potential goth in all children.

Addams Family Values

Saturday, October 22 at 10pm on ABC Family
Even better than the first movie, this one features a Thanksgiving musical number that is a must-see for every holiday season.

Death Becomes Her

Saturday, October 23 at midnight on ABC Family
Sometimes drag queens are be actually female, and sometimes they have undead shovel fights.

Tim Burton's Corpse Bride

Sunday, October 23 at 6pm on ABC Family
It's no Nightmare Before Christmas, but it's still pretty fun.

Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas

Sunday, October 23 at 4:30pm on ABC Family
This movie is as excellent as it is short.

Coraline

Sunday, October 23 at 8pm on ABC Family
Although Tim Burton wasn't really involved with this excellent stop-motion flick, its director Henry Selick also directed Nightmare Before Christmas. See it again, but without that 3D nonsense!

Grandparent-Friendly:

Blood of Dracula

Wednesday, October 19 at 9am and Sunday, October 23 at 1am on AMC
A young lady undergoes hypnosis and accidentally becomes a vampire. (Hope she left a negative Yelp review!)

The Brain Eaters

Thursday, October 20 at 4:45am and Saturday, October 22 at 6am on AMC
An invasion-from-below causes local politicians to start making good decisions FOR ONCE. Just kidding, they kill people.

The Fly (1958)

Saturday, October 22 at 7:15am on AMC
A decidedly less gross and more black-and-white version of your typical brundlefly abomination saga.

Cry of the Werewolf

Sunday, October 23 at 1am on Turner Classic Movies
What? The werewolf was VERY sad.

Anti-Social Gore-Hound Nephew-Friendly:

The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

Tuesday, October 18 at 3:30pm and Saturday, October 22 at 3:30pm on AMC
As if you needed another reason to avoid the desert: mutant cannibals!

Saw II

Tuesday, October 18 at 7pm on Syfy
Moral-based murders mixed with jittery editing and a heaping dose of Beverley Mitchell.

Saw III

Tuesday, October 18 at 9pm on Syfy
Jigsaw continues his incredibly elaborate pre-planned puppet show.

Saw IV

Tuesday, October 18 at 11:30pm on Syfy
More.

Diary of the Dead

Tuesday, October 18 at 8pm; Wednesday, October 19 at 6pm; and Sunday, October 23 at 1:30pm on AMC
George Romero deserves credit for practically inventing the zombie genre. However, he also deserves credit for being bad at mockumentaries.

House of Wax (2005)

Wednesday, October 19 at 10:15pm and Thursday, October 20 at 3:30pm on AMC
Supernatural's Jared Padalecki stars in this surprisingly good riff on The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (not so much the original House of Wax). The melting house finale has to be seen to be believed.

Saw

Thursday, October 20 at 6pm and 9:30pm on IFC
The dead guy in the middle of the floor was actually alive the whole time! [SPOILER]

Hostel Part II

Thursday, October 20 at 7pm on Syfy
This Eli Roth-directed sequel is a total bloodbath, sometimes literally.

Slither

Thursday, October 20 at 8pm and Friday, October 21 at 6pm on AMC
Remember the part where the "pregnant" lady blows up into a huge balloon like Violet from Charlie & the Chocolate Factory? It's disgusting!

The Midnight Meat Train

Thursday, October 20 at 11pm on Syfy
This is an adaptation of one of the most notorious entries in Clive Barker's Books of Blood stories collection and it's not as terrible as you'd think! It is gross, though.

Shutter (2008)

Friday, October 21 at 9am on FX
Remember that big J-horror trend from a decade ago? Here's an American remake that had the audacity to come out YEARS after the fad was over. But Fringe's Joshua Jackson is in it, so it's got that.

From Dusk Till Dawn

Friday, October 21 at 5:45pm and 11:30pm and Saturday, October 22 at 8pm on IFC
It's weird that Quentin Tarantino's screenwriting follow-up to Pulp Fiction was this thing. But so is this movie, it's completely weird! Fun though.

Resident Evil

Friday, October 21 at 6pm on Syfy and Sunday, October 23 at 5:30pm on AMC
Although I prefer Parts 2 and 3 to this one, it's definitely better than Part 4, which was a garbage jamboree.

Final Destination

Saturday, October 22 at 2pm and Sunday, October 23 at 8am on FX
God makes His slasher film debut in this film about airplane survivors who are apparently nothing more than human-shaped blood balloons.

Halloween (2007)

Saturday, October 22 at 8pm and Sunday, October 23 at 1:30am on Syfy
I bet if this Rob Zombie remake weren't called Halloween, people would have liked it a lot better. As it is, though, it's basically an abomination, and Zombie continues to serve jailtime for Halloween II.

Golden Horror:

The Omen (1976)

Tuesday, October 18 at 9am on AMC
Please take the message of this film to heart: Children all have the potential to be the spawn of Satan. Be wary of them!

The Others

Wednesday, October 19 at 10:30am on AMC
Are ghosts real? Nicole Kidman investigates.

The Fly (1986)

Friday, October 21 at 10am on AMC
This is just a classic romantic comedy starring Geena Davis, Jeff Goldblum, and several gallons of acidic vomit.

Scream

Friday, October 21 at 10pm and Saturday, October 22 at 12:30am on MTV
The first ten minutes of this movie still hold up as one of the scariest scenes in horror history, and the rest stands up pretty well too!

The Descent

Saturday, October 22 at 5pm and 7pm on IFC
A spelunking expedition goes awry in what is probably the weirdest feature-length metaphor for "female problems" ever rendered on celluloid.

The Exorcist

Sunday, October 23 at 8pm and 10:30pm on BBC America
In this William Friedkin-directed classic, a troubled little girl does unspeakable things with gourmet cooking and religious iconography.

Trash Horror:

Tales from the Darkside: The Movie

Friday, October 21 at 12:15am; Saturday, October 22 at 1:30pm; and Sunday, October 23 at 2:30am on AMC
There's a lot to like about this terrible movie, including a killer cat and Rae Dawn Chong transforming into a gargoyle. I don't know what else you need?

Venom

Tuesday, October 18 at 10:30pm on IFC
It's about time a slasher film featured voodoo as a central component. Voodoo's had too friendly a reputation for too long!

Urban Legend

Wednesday, October 19 at 11am and Thursday, October 20 at 9am on FX
One of the first post-Scream cash-ins, this one features a pretty killer cast that includes Jared Leto, Joshua Jackson, and award-winner Tara Reid.

Village of the Damned (1995)

Saturday, October 22 at 9:15am on AMC
Don't trust children, particularly not a gaggle of platinum-blond zombies who march around in lockstep.

The People Under the Stairs

Saturday, October 22 at 11:30am on AMC
My So-Called Life's A.J. Langer stars in this movie that I always assumed was just a bad fever dream I once had... wntil I found out it actually exists? Maybe Nothing But Trouble is the one I dreamt up? Still not sure.



What scary movies are YOU going to watch this week?

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