A double-helping this week of The Apprentice, to kick off season seven? Why BBC One, you're spoiling us! Last season's later-than-usual airing meant a short wait for another fix of task travesties and boardroom bust-ups. Lord Alan's exasperated facial expressions and puntastic putdowns are televisual catnip to many. Several components combine to make this show addictive: heroes, villains, schadenfreude and expert editing. They all culminate in one place--the dreaded boardroom--so we've decided to compile our favourite firings for your enjoyment!
You can go through to the boardroom now...
10. Alan Carr, Comic Relief Does The Apprentice
We all know Lord Alan is a cuddly teddy bear beneath the bluster. Here he demonstrates this with the 'mercy firing' of comedian Alan Carr.
9. Shazia Wahab, Series 4, Week 2
Shazia's firing is incidental to Sir Alan's face at the 0:40 mark, after Jenny claimed it felt like she had to breastfeed the other two candidates. This firing is a good example of the show's tendency to retain heinous participants (Jenny) who may make 'good' television, while ditching inoffensive yet ultimately unmemorable characters (Shazia).
8. Rocky Andrews, Series 5, Week 2
Ah, remember Rocky? No, we hear you cry. We barely remember him either, but this clip is a reminder of the perils of ganging up on a team's elected scapegoat. (In this case, poor James, who eventually lasted until the interview round). Watch out for a groan-inducing exit one-liner from the then Sir Alan.
7. Jennifer Maguire, Series 4, Week 7
Smart, capable, polished. Jennifer had been gliding along very well until Sir Alan (justifiably) took offence to her attack on Michael Sophocles, who he had a bit of a soft spot for. This clip is worth a watch for Jennifer's icy death stare alone.
6. Paloma Vivanco, Series 6, Week 5
The best-named candidate ever; we had high hopes for Paloma. The glossy hair, the determination and the self-belief--we thought she could go all the way. But self-assurance tipped into arrogance when she questioned her opponents' experience in the boardroom. A spectacular own goal, followed by a classic Sugar assessment.
5. Nicholas de-Lacy Brown, Series 4, Week One
Class divides rarely raise their ugly head on The Apprentice, yet we all know that a central element of Alan Sugar's story is his "East End barrow boy done good " schtick. So it was no surprise that Nicholas's attempt to portray himself as a cut above went down like the proverbial lead balloon. Watch out for Raef's "prince or pauper"misfire too.
4. Philip Taylor, Series 5, Week 7
Any firing that combines the sentences "one swallow don't make a summer"and "tell us about Pants Man" has got to be in our top 5. Here, Philip is fired because Lorraine decides to let slip about his and Kate's relationship. The unflappable Kate demonstrates why she deserved to reach the final two, while Philip just sits there in silence.
3. Melissa Cohen, Series 6, Week 4
We described Melissa as our 'early favourite' when reviewing the sixth season debut. She soon demonstrated that with Apprentice candidates, reserving judgement is best. All talk and very little action, she proved useless, except in the field of mangling her words. (She claimed there was "No room for manouvrement' and that her opponents would be 'karmically retributed'). Unsurprisingly, her exit was jaw-dropping and ungracious exit.
2. Stuart 'The Brand' Baggs, Series 6, Week 11
When critics say all Apprentice candidates are full of hot air and misguided self-belief, true fans know they're not all like that. But Herr Baggs was one person who seemed genetically bred to appear on the show. With a nice line in inane quotes ("I'm not a one-trick pony, I'm not a 10-trick pony, I'm a whole field of ponies") and a sense of importance inverse to his talents, he enraged viewers by almost lasting the distance. Dodging a bullet in Week 10 against the highly capable and polished Liz Locke was one of Lord Alan's worst decisions. He gratifyingly acknowledges his mistake at the start of this triple-firing clip.
1. Jenny Celerier, Series 4, Week 7
The supremely annoying Jenny had bullied several teammates, so her firing was ultimately satisfying. But first we had the comedy gold of Sir Alan challenging Michael to, ahem, prove his Jewishness.
"KosherGate" (as nobody called it) would prove to be Jenny's downfall, provoking smirks from the boardroom survivors. Yet their smiles are curtailed by Sir Alan's brilliantly delivered "Who's next?"
Lastly, this clip doesn't involve a firing, but it is one of the standout moments from the last series. Following an unbelievable display of boardroom squawking from several female candidates, Karren Brady rebukes them. It was so perfectly-worded and heartfelt; it demonstrates why she is a worthy successor to Margaret Mountford.
Are you looking forward to this season of The Apprentice (starting Tuesday, May 10 at 9pm on BBC1)?
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