What to watch on Wednesday, March 30.
I often wonder what kind of exciting adventures my children have been having since they ran away from home. Jumping trains, perhaps, or sharing stories with talkative tramps, or maybe stealing diamonds from haughty princes? Who knows! But then I remember that *I'm* the one having the real adventures, and I don't even have to avert my eyes from the flat-screen! I mean, check these out:
SEASON FINALE, 10pm, Bravo
Top Chef All-Stars
The early 1970s were a time of transition for America: A very badly frayed society struggled to put behind it a decade of strife, corruption, and civil unrest. Luckily, no matter how bad things got, our beleaguered citizenry were always able to retreat home on Wednesday nights and watch Top Chef, because this season definitely started SO LONG AGO. I'm not complaining though, it's been a great season! Hey, tune in tonight to see if tattooed wiseguy Mike will beat out exhausted nerd Richard Blais. Funky! ('70s slang.)
Tonight our favorite brainy investigators track a group of friends who attack someone new every night. Peer pressure, it can be a KILLER. (The reason I say that is because in this case peer pressure causes people to kill other people). But seriously, teens, when it comes to peer pressure, just say no! Drugs too.
SEASON PREMIERE, 9pm, Spike
The Ultimate Fighter
Television's manliest (?) reality show kicks off its 13th season (IN THE FACE) as 14 welterweight fighters face off for the grand prize of a six-figure UFC contract and the ability to shirtless-hug A TON of semi-naked brutes. Depending on your viewpoint, ultimate fighting is completely inappropriate.
SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, Spike
Tonight Spike throws its hat into the horrifying-workplace-docudrama ring with this offering, a new show exploring the tough, grimy lives of West Virginia's finest coal miners. FINALLY! A Deadliest Catch without the scenery.
The E! True Hollywood Story: Holly Madison
See, it makes sense that E! would finally get around to giving Holly Madison her own special. Ever since E! emptied the contents of that tiny envelope into the tiny plastic aquarium it came with, it's been very excited about growing its own celebrity from scratch! What will we learn about her that hasn't already been filmed? I'm sure Holly Madison has tons of secrets. She's very shy, you guys.
PLUS ALL NEW EPISODES OF...
America's Next Top Model, 8 p.m., CW
American Idol, 8 p.m., Fox
Minute to Win It, 8 p.m., NBC
Survivor: Redemption Island, 8 p.m., CBS
Are We There Yet?, 9 & 9:30 p.m., TBS
Ghost Hunters, 9 p.m., Syfy
Shedding for the Wedding, 9 p.m., CW
Mr. Sunshine, 9:30 p.m., ABC
Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior, 10 p.m., CBS
Hoarding: Buried Alive, 10 p.m., TLC
Justified, 10 p.m., FX
Law & Order: SVU, 10 p.m., NBC
Off the Map, 10 p.m., ABC
The Real World, 10 p.m., MTV
Tyler Perry's House of Payne, SEASON PREMIERE, 10 & 10:30 p.m., TBS,
Diary of Facebook, SPECIAL, 11 p.m., MTV
LATE NITE PICKS:
What are you watching tonight?