The TV.com Knee-jerk New Show Awards for Fall 2013

It's human nature to form an opinion of something after looking at it for only a nanosecond, whether that opinion is valid or not. For example, that shirt you're wearing is lovely now that I'm used to it, but when I first saw it, I was like, "Bleeeerrrrchhhh!" So I thought I'd dish out some extra opinion-y knee-jerk opinions on the fall's fledgling shows. 

We'll get into the real categories like Handsomest Actor Under 35 But Older Than 2 and Best Show to Make Out During later in the season, once we've had a better look at what's out there, but for now, I'm creating awards off the top of my head based on quick reactions to the new fall shows. Please make up some of your own in the comments!


Best Upside-Down Camera Angles That Whirl Around to Right-Side Up

Sleepy Hollow 

I toldja these awards would be weird! Have you seen these transition shots that Fox's cheeky new supernatural drama is using? It's like you're a bat, and then you swing up like a trapeze artist, or maybe you're on one of those scary Ferris wheels with the swiveling cages, and for what? Does this POV represent the way that Sleepy Hollow's world has been turned upside-down? Is it a metaphor for looking at things in a different way, much like Ichabod Crane's old-timey perceptions offer a new perspective to present-day cop Abbie Mills? Or was the director of photography smoking the grass (kinda redundant; everyone on this crazy show must be wasted at all times) and said, "You know what would look cool, man?" Whatever it's for, it looks cool, man. Give that stoned director of photography a raise.


Most Graceful Return to Primetime TV


Michael J. Fox, The Michael J. Fox Show

Alex P. Keaton hopped back on the sitcom wagon as if he'd never left, taking center stage on his new NBC sitcom while taking shots at his Parkinson's disease. His next order of business will be to make people laugh so hard at disease though family-oriented humor that it's eradicated from existence all together. Or at least until it can be cured by taking a pill.


Least Graceful Return to Primetime


Sean Hayes, Sean Saves the World

In the season's most difficult new show to sit through, Hayes' wacky performance makes him seem like he was possessed by the spirit of a dead Jerry Lewis impersonator. And that's an insult to dead Jerry Lewis impersonators. Robin Williams was the early favorite in this category, but Hayes snatched the trophy right out of his hands.


Best New Father/Son Relationship

Murray and Barry Goldberg, The Goldbergs

The screeching, screaming, and shouting that dominated the pilot slowed down slightly in Episode 2, giving our ears a break and letting the show's true standout act—the argumentative back-and-forth between man o' the house Murray (Jeff Garlin) and eldest son Barry (Troy Gentile)—shine through. Gentile, who's basically a copy of Garlin that was zapped with a shrink ray and dunked in the Fountain of Youth, might be the best surprise casting of the comedy season. Now if only The Goldbergs could make younger brother Adam less annoying, it'd be one of the better new sitcoms of the fall.   


Show Whose Title Most Aptly Describes How the Cast Must Be Feeling


Hostages

After reading the script, did series stars Toni Collette and Dylan McDermott look at each other and reluctantly say "I'll do it if you do it"? Because so far, this highly touted CBS thriller is a supreme dud, and all we can think about is how the two leads, especially Collette, are being held against their will. Collette and McDermott are probably hoping Keanu rules apply here: Shoot the hostages!


Best Performance in a Drama Full of Worst Performances

Henry Thomas, Betrayal

Thomas, who found insta-fame as boy Elliott in everybody's favorite alien abduction movie E.T., plays TJ, a somewhat mentally challenged, drinking, whoring murder suspect who never ceases to look as if he's just seen a ghost. But he's the only member of Betrayal's cast who's putting a little theater and distinct physicality into his role, making his performance key in turning the series into a so-bad-it's-good show instead of just a really, really, really, really, really-times-infinity bad show. 


Best New Character Who Doesn't Exist in the Current Timeline of the Show


Captain McGinley, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

One of Brooklyn Nine-Nine's recurring gags is a cutaway flashback to the precinct's previously normal state of chaos, back when the former boss, Captain McGinley, let Jake Peralta and everyone else do whatever they wanted—be it a fire-extinguisher-powered roller-chair race or tasing a melon. But the funniest part of the bit isn't seeing what high jinks Peralta used to get up to, it's McGinley, who always just strolls out of his office looking the way he does, all like, "Whatever, carry on." Here's hoping he eventually makes an appearance in the present time. Although if that happens, we'll have to storm McGinley's house and take back this award. Sorry, McGinley, rules is rules!


Worst Use of a Non-Native American Accent


TIE!!! Rebel Wilson, Super Fun Night and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, Dracula

Australian actress Rebel Wilson is saddled with a Yankee accent in Super Fun Night, destroying one of her simple charms. Her character doesn't even need to be American, making it all the more perplexing of a decision. Why is American television so scared of letting non-American people live in America as part of the premise of an American show? (Not you, Elementary, you're cool.) Maybe in a future episode she'll get hit on the head with a sharp object and develop an Australian accent, kind of like what happened to this woman. Seriously, write that in if you want to survive, Super Fun Night. And I know Dracula hasn't aired yet, but just wait until you hear Jonathan Rhys-Meyers try to talk like an American. It sounds like an American person trying to do an impression of a British person trying to speak with an American accent while his mouth is full of salt-water taffy.


Most Tolerable TV Kids

Back in the Game

Given that its comedy revolves around a Little League team, this show could've been a complete disaster; after all, child actors are one of the worst things to exist in this universe. But the little squirts and future liquor-store robbers of the new ABC comedy are so far so good, because they're smartly been used mostly as comedy props in the series' early innings. And did you catch that part when they left the prison and a few of them had pee stains on the front of their uniforms? THAT'S HOW YOU USE KIDS, SITCOMS! Pee jokes!


Hot Tub We're Most Likely to Accidentally Get Pregnant In

The hot tub in the (now-closed) We Are Men housing complex

Seriously, why would any woman even think of getting into that extra-large petri dish where horny old men like to simmer? If you raise your daughter to avoid stumbling upon the scenario pictured above, you're a great parent. If you don't warn your daughter about these predators, then you may as well throw her into the Rancor pit right now.


Best New Teen Drama


The show formerly known as Homeland

Okay so this isn't a new show, but it may as well be. Remember when Homeland was about catching terrorists? Now we're hanging out with a post-suicidal Dana Brody as she sends naked pictures to a boy she met in rehab and has sex all over previously clean sheets. No diss to actress Morgan Saylor, but is Dana smuggling Anthrax in that frown of hers? No? Then why are we spending more time with her than with her more interesting daddy?


What knee-jerk TV awards are you handing out during this early part of the season?

Comments (69)
Submit
Sort: Latest | Popular
Best Smut on Network TV:
That opening scene a few weeks ago in Betrayl where the lady is giving herself a VERY good time.
Reply
Flag
You know, the description of Jonathan Rhys-Myers' American accent in Dracula is exactly how I'd describe Brendan Gleeson's American accent in the movie Safe House. His American accent in that movie is so bad I don't know why his role wasn't recast.

Incidentally, Aussie Rachael Taylor's phony American accent was also atrocious on 666 Park Avenue last year.
Reply
Flag
ROFLMAO!!!!!!! These are awesome. Best Original Concept for an Awards show goes to Mr. Surette.

I don't know, the leads in Betrayal have pretty awful American accents too. On the plus...see my foriegn friends? Americans are not the only ones to butcher accents. And we do notice. Boy do we notice.
1
Reply
Flag
Best use of denim shorts & baseball cap: Maggie Lawson, Back in the Game
3
Reply
Flag
Homeland sold a "bill of goods"; the fact that the plot was going to be a "thrilling spy story.” The public bought into it and loved it. It is like buying an item that is on the mannequin without trying it on. When it is ready to be worn, it really does not fit. What can be done? Returned and receive a refund? We were fooled this time, we want what we were promised, or we want our money back. Since we cannot get our money back, our viewing will go elsewhere because the producers were not honest. So with that, there are others who love the way the show has developed, but as for me and my friends, if the show continues in these directions. We will be past viewers and may as well be watching "Honey Boo Boo", and sit back and watch this series commit series suicide.
.
1
Reply
Flag
Best Use of an Inflatable Raft - Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Best Short-Shorts - TIE - Back in the Game & Trophy Wife

The OMG is that Skinny Pete? Award - The Blacklist




5
Reply
Flag
Remind me never to watch tv with Tim Surette.
2
Reply
Flag
Best sideshow character in a post apocalyptic world, the last friend David schwimmer in Revolution. Would have gotten extra points if we actually got to see him
1
Reply
Flag
Best New Character Who Doesn't Exist in the Current Timeline of the Show is the best award I've ever seen, and it's well deserved by Cpt McGinley
3
Reply
Flag
Most disappointing show so far : Marvel's Agents of Shield, it's not as good as i expected.
4
Reply
Flag
The Rolling Over in His Grave Award goes to Lewis Carroll. I can't figure out who this show is aimed at, but it missed me and the wife. Should have been called Dreck.
1
Reply
Flag
Best new geeks on TV:
Fitz Simmons!!!!!
8
Reply
Flag
can u tell me which tv show character is this?
Reply
Flag
Its the scientist duo from Marvel Agents of SHIELD. The show is alright (I think episode 3 was much better than 1 and 2), but these two characters really shine each episode.
2
Reply
Flag
oh ok thanks
Reply
Flag
Murray and Barry? Heck yeah.
Reply
Flag
How dare they make Rebel Wilson ditch the Australian accent for a nasty New York one ( no offense northerners, but I can't stand the accents y'all have). Surprised the show she is on is such a dud. Her playing Fat Amy was one of the reasons Pitch Perfect was so funny, she stole every scene she was in.
Reply
Flag
I haven't seen the show yet, I'm waiting for the pilot to air before then I'll go back, but if she really a yank in the series? that does kind of make sense since I've noticed lately that all fake American accents seem to be heavily leaning toward a stall nothern accent. especially Brits.
Reply
Flag
I haven't watched the show, but skimming through the comments the majority are saying it's not good. I never understood why they make foreigners change their accents if they don't need to. I guess it's needed in shows like Revenge with Josh Bowman and Super Clyde with Rupert Grint because they are playing Americans. Josh does a good job with it, but Rupert you can tell he's faking it. But it seems like in this show she could be portrayed as foreign, like Jesse Spencer on House.
Reply
Flag
Michael J. Fox is a great show! And Capt. McGinty is hilarious, I agree that the show needs MORE of him if it's gonna make it.
Reply
Flag
This thing about American accent just confuses me: the USA are such a diverse country when it comes to accents, and 99,9% of its population doesn't originate from the USA anyway, so maybe it should be cool to let actors have their accents?
But then I remember the comments I've read about Roselyn Sanchez in Without a Trace and most of them went from "I can't understand what she's saying, speak AMERICAN" to "Go back to your country" (lol). ((You can go check, it's all on tv.com))
I'm not American, English isn't even my native language, and I never had any trouble understanding what she (or any other non-American actors) was saying. But I suppose there *is* a popular demand for American accents on American shows?
Reply
Flag
Back in the Game...uh, duh. Won't watch that anymore after two dull episodes. And why the heck is everyone beating up on Hostages? It certainly holds my interest, which is more than I can say about Agents of Shield. Now THAT is what I call bad. ......really, really bad.
Reply
Flag
Show that's playing it just a bit to safe: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Show with the best "Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink" relationship with it's audience: Sleepy Hollow

Show with that has the biggest change in its mythology and smallest change in the default dynamic of it's leads: Supernatural

(I know it's not new but I couldn't resist.)
1
Reply
Flag
Smirnoff presents the following drunken daytime scene: Trophy Wife

2
Reply
Flag
First sitcom to have an art heist: The Michael J Fox Show
Reply
Flag
Cancelled show most famous for its ironic title:

Lucky 7
18
Reply
Flag
Most Murderous (or Bitey) New Show: The Originals
1
Reply
Flag
When the British try to sound American they wind up sounding like Canadians.
Reply
Flag
and when Americans try to sound British they sound like nothing on earth !! - re Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins - not every Brit is Cockney or Royalty
3
Reply
Flag
Rebel Wilson's accent is horrible. I am not sure what geographic location she is going for but she has failed on all accounts. She could also be given the award for Most Unnecessary Accent. We live in a freaking diverse country, there is literally no reason for it.
2
Reply
Flag
The show is just bad and needs to given the axe to spare us from seeing it again!
4
Reply
Flag
Agreed.
Reply
Flag
Jonathon Rhys-Meyers is Irish btw. Just sayin; maybe his butchering of the American accent is payback for the years of butchering the Irish accent that has been done on American shows. Karma's a bitch people!
24
Reply
Flag
"Frosted Lucky Charms..."
1
Reply
Flag
"Show Whose Title Most Aptly Describes How the Cast Must Be Feeling"

Hostages


And, conversely:

Show Whose Title Most Inaccurately Describes How the Cast Must Be Feeling

We Are Men
14
Reply
Flag
Or Super Fun Night . . .
4
Reply
Flag
Best Show TV.com Suggested Sucks But Is Actually Kinda Decent:

The Blacklist.

Muderboy turned me onto this after I had avoided the first 2 episodes, but thanks to OnDemand I caught them and it's not bad. Yeah, it's another procedural, and yeah Agent Keen is kinda meh, but it's fun and interesting without being WEIIIIIIRD for no reason, and James Spader is clearly not holding back.
11
Reply
Flag
I don't know about The Blacklist as a whole but James Spader is definitely worth watching.
3
Reply
Flag
true, but im thinking its only james spader magik and not much else
2
Reply
Flag
The Blacklist is good, I actually prefer it to SHIELD at this point, but James Spader is awesome so that helps.
7
Reply
Flag
I like Blacklist, if it did not have Spader in it though I would not watch.
5
Reply
Flag
Tim is a liar, my shirt is awful at every glance!

Sleepy Hollow's transitions are to hide the fact that the show is kinda shallow overall. (That's not a knock, it's a good popcorn show, but it knows it's shallow and ridiculous.) Using camera tricks to screw with the audience helps cover that up, despite only at best hinting at atmosphere instead of creating it.

Michael J Fox's return is great, I just would like to see the surrounding characters on his show less annoying... or just LESS, there are too many ancillary characters vying for main character time on this show. Please remove eight. Not anything should be like The Middle meets Modern Family meets rich white people problems.

Ha, sorry Sean Hayes, but yeah, you are way too talented for that dreck.

Heh heh, suck it Hostages.

Like the "Best New Character Who Doesn't Exist in the Current Timeline of the Show" award, hope we get another one next season.

Sorry, you can't give Dracula an award before it's aired, maybe they'll have fixed that noise by the 2nd episode (or 5th if NBC sent you screeners with the first 4).

Back in the Game's kids weren't that tolerable in the pilot, but that prison one kinda worked.

The Rancor Pit is a euphemism for Marcia Lucas' vagina. True story! That's what you get when you divorce George Lucas, you get a metaphor for your privates splashed up on the most theater screens ever at the time.
More+
2
Reply
Flag
The Homeland one was really funny ! It kind of really sums up about the disappointing 1st 2 episodes.
2
Reply
Flag
Ah, the ol' rotating camera shot. That was a fixture of many an episode of Mission: Impossible, always used in the very last scene. Good memories.
Reply
Flag
Mission Impossible was about disorienting the villains (and the audience), so it makes sense there. Here it's just used for a vague sense of weiiiiird.
Reply
Flag
One of the things that stood out during Sleepy Hollow's Pilot was its impressive camerawork. I was amazed by how bold the camera angles were. Also, there are some American shows that allow actors to use their foreign accents such as Claire Holt and Joseph Morgan on The Originals and Tom Mison on Sleepy Hollow. Granted Claire is playing a British character even though she's Australian, it's close enough. I think more American shows should just let foreign actors use their accents since it can add to the believability of the story depending on their characters and it can distract the audience away from the story if their American accents are really bad.
4
Reply
Flag
:D nice
Reply
Flag
Hey, Procrastinatey McSlackerton, go write your Revolution review.
13
Reply
Flag
Ha ha FINE.
4
Reply
Flag
Best New Teen Drama-----The show formerly known as Homeland

Now THAT'S funny. With the exception of Homeland, which had better get its act together soon, it looks like I'm missing nothing by missing all of the above.

The Dana actor is even disgusting in a still shot. Holy crap, that's not easy to accomplish, but she does it.

Poor Zach, gets his skull sawed off in one crap show, and has to work with a crap actor in a show that had better get better. And soon.
Reply
Flag
The kids are the best part of Back in the Game. I finally watched the show last night and it was terrible. Not even the lovable Maggie Lawson could save it, much less the mostly normal kids.
3
Reply
Flag
Tim, typo alert: "What knew-jerk TV awards are you handing out during this early part of the season?"
Reply
Flag
Thanks, we fixed it.
Reply
Flag
thanks!!
Reply
Flag
While you're at it:

"...after all child, actors are one of the worst things to exist in this universe."

The misplaced comma definitely makes that sentence come out a bit differently than intended. Even so, it's not untrue as is. ;-)
5
Reply
Flag
I read that sentence with ma inner sassy black woman voice.
6
Reply
Flag
Also, it works better if you snap your fingers in a z formation after that!
6
Flag
It's a sentence that could be a rolling meme all on its own..;)
Reply
Flag
Homeland definitely does NOT need a high school drama! I am praying that the writers have a purpose of this waste of time BS, because if not, then I will quit the show.
7
Reply
Flag
I think the Most Tolerable New TV Kids are actually on Trophy Wife! That show is so surprisingly good.
17
Reply
Flag
Thats weird, because the kids are actually the reason I cant watch the show. I gave up about 5 mins into the second episode, soley due to how intolerable I found the children. Which is annoying, because I actually like the rest of the show. Ah well.
Reply
Flag
They were my runner up, but I was surprised at how funny the kids were in Ep 2 of Back in da Game so they stole the trophy.
Reply
Flag
I like the adults in and the show Trophy Wife. I like the children in Back in the Game but not the show.

Fun list.
1
Reply
Flag

Like TV.com on Facebook