The Vampire Diaries: Caroline and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

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Have you ever had one of those days? You know the kind: You wake up and you think your biggest problem is that you're in a love triangle with two hunky dreamboats, but by the end of the day, the fact that you've been shot in the head is the least of your problems? I think we've all had those kinds of days, right? Caroline DEFINITELY has. Poor Caroline!

I hate to be the bearer of good news, but last night's episode of Vampire Diaries was another winner, you guys. For the second week in a row, this show had me on the edge of my seat by putting its best characters directly in harm's way. Maybe I'm still a little raw over Rose's tragic demise, but this episode felt like a sucker punch. It was as action-packed as it was upsetting, but one thing's for sure: Vampire Diaries' hot streak CONTINUES.

Let's just jump in, you know? Rose would have wanted it that way. Life is for the living, dance like nobody's watching, etc.

Last night's episode began the morning after Tyler and Caroline's first kiss. Unbeknownst to Caroline, though, it was also the morning after Tyler discovered his uncle had been murdered by vampires. As she left the house for her day (to go to school? (haha j/k)) she found Tyler brooding on her lawn and she attempted to address the love triangle situation, explaining that she's still got a plate full of mashed potatoes on the table.

Unfortunately Tyler had bigger issues in mind. Yikes! He was MAD. Caroline admitted that she'd known all along about Mason's death, and that was it. Love triangle officially over.

Tyler is on my BAD side now. Nobody pushes Caroline against a car!

After last week's momentous unveiling of Damon's bathroom, it had a co-starring role last night.

I hadn't noticed the enormous flat-screen TV in his bedroom the day before, when Rose was vomiting blood everywhere, but then again I'm probably the only one who noticed the flat-screen TV in this scene at all. There is a flat-screen TV in Damon's room now, you guys. Trust me.

FYI, on TV was a typical Mystic Falls local news broadcast. After several dead bodies had been found THAT MORNING, it seems the authorities had decided to skip the whole homicide investigation part and gone directly into memorial service mode. Fair enough. Nothing unusual about a bunch of dead bodies turning up. More animal attacks probably. At this point the town is just like, "Well, the animals are in charge now. Moving on."

Also this shot made me laugh. The camera guy was like, "I am NOT going to zoom in." And who are those other cameras? Are you trying to tell me there's more than one news station in Mystic Falls? WHY? What exactly are journalists doing with their time in this town?

Elena was all frustrated because her biological dad wouldn't leave.

The highlight was when Jenna came downstairs (Jenna is a character who used to be on this show) and Elena casually mentioned to her that Uncle Gilbert is actually her father. Jenna was like, "OMG" (Oh my God). I was like, "Well, time to move out or start paying rent, Whatsyourface."

Stefan and Damon had their typical morning de-briefing in which they crammed as much exposition into 30 seconds as possible. This convo was about Klaus, Elijah, Uncle Gilbert, etc. But then Stefan remembered to express his condolences about Rose, and Damon shrugged it off.

Remember, Rose died, like, TWELVE hours ago. This show's timeline has always been one of its most hilarious aspects. Not only did Rose and a dozen other people die horribly the previous day, but the day before THAT was the full moon during which Tyler transformed and Jules was still hanging out in Mason's apartment in Florida. It's all so nuts.

Anyway, after Caroline alerted Stefan to the fact that Tyler knows all about them, Stefan broke into Tyler's mansion and tried to physically force him to chill out. That's not always the best way to make someone like you, in my opinion.

In the meantime, at some Winnebago in the woods, Jules met up with Brady, a new werewolf character and a stone-cold jerk. First of all, I guess Jules and Mason were not in a relationship? I should not have assumed that, I guess! I have made an ass out of U and Me, Vampire Diaries.

Cool memorial service.

Oh, hey Jeremy! Jeremy's back. Don't you like him so much better when he disappears for a while? Jeremy awkwardly offered Uncle Gilbert his immortality ring in exchange for getting out of town, but Uncle Gilbert graciously declined. Has he turned over a new leaf? Either way, Jeremy still seems a little sore about Uncle Gilbert's vampire genocide, which claimed his girlfriend back in Season 1. Understandable!

Hey look, it's a witch with low-self esteem! Bonnie was looking all right, considering she'd recently learned her new crush had scammed the moonstone off of her. I actually thought it was pretty great how we didn't even have to see the scene were she found out. She just knows Luka screwed her over, and she's already moved on.

Bonnie had a nice moment where she sort of told off Luka's dad. He'd been trying to explain to her that witches need to stick together and junk, but she was like, "Nah." A big part of this episode involved monsters being loyal to their own kind, as though supernatural entities are basically just street gangs. It's rare that I pay Bonnie a compliment, but her best personality trait (aside from occasionally setting cars on fire) is how much she doesn't trust vampires or their helpers. I am with Bonnie on this issue!

There was this weird memorial shrine INSIDE Mystic Grill. I like that the same photographs in the poster were also framed beside it. So this accounts for the blond couple and the janitor who Rose bit up, plus the lady that Damon killed. So those other two were the campers? I thought there were more campers. Maybe all the severed body parts just made it seem like there were more. Hmm, anyway. There is definitely NOTHING else interesting in this picture, especially not Jenna and Alaric eating lunch in the background.

Wasn't it weird how Uncle Gilbert was walking all around town basically begging people to be his friend? It was so awkward when he tried to have lunch with Jenna and Alaric and Jenna just stared at her menu.

Damon threatened to kill Uncle Gilbert unless he explained how to kill Klaus. Uncle Gilbert was desperate for friendship, but not THAT desperate. He assured Damon that when they start to trust each other, he'll spill the beans. (Not literally spill the beans, that would be annoying).

Aw, Matt. Matt was especially dewy-eyed last night. He's not made of steel, you guys (it's more like starch, butter, heavy cream and white pepper). All he wanted to do was be with Caroline and have tons of beige babies, but then things just got so complicated.

Luckily Caroline seemed pretty into the idea of getting back with him. It might have had something to do with one corner of her love triangle throwing her against a car that morning. Not sure. Either way, she made plans to see him later and walked back to her car.

Here's where things got upsetting. Jules snuck up behind Caroline and confronted her about being a vampire. Caroline immediately deduced that Jules was a werewolf and, when threatened, bared her fangs.

… Only to get a face full of Vervain.

After spinning around to get her bearings, Caroline turned back to face Jules…

... and got SHOT IN THE HEAD. I didn't know if I was madder at Jules' boyfriend or at Vampire Diaries, but I was MAD. Why was that necessary, Jules' boyfriend? Why was that necessary, Vampire Diaries?! Fine, we get that she's a supernatural creature who can't be killed this way, but I am just not yet desensitized to seeing people be shot in the head on television. Also, it was Caroline. CAROLINE! That is the LAST thing I ever wanted to see. I was so upset!

After the longest commercial break ever, we returned to find Caroline locked in a cage and fishing a bullet out of her skull. Phew! Torment over.

Except, WHAT? The guy is just sitting there SHOOTING HER with more bullets for no reason.

Horrible.

Vervain squirt gun? Check.

Toothpick-filled blowdart? Check.

Poor Caroline! I was so upset I couldn't breathe. To this show's credit, all this needless violence and angst actually WORKED. It was upsetting, sure, but it left me so emotionally invested in her plight, and made crystal clear that these werewolves are just four-legged garbage.

Jules threatened to have Caroline killed if Stefan didn't bring Tyler out to her Winnebago. Ugh, Jules. Jules is really starting to get on my nerves, you guys. I gave her the benefit of the doubt when she first arrived in Mystic Falls, assuming she merely meant to investigate the whereabouts of her murdered boyfriend. Well, it turned out he wasn't even her boyfriend, plus she only meant to snatch up Tyler. And NOW she's making Caroline cry! JULES MUST DIE.

Whoops. After Damon's arrival, the previously threatened werewolf army arrived. Again, last week I had assumed that this would be a more epic confrontation, maybe toward the end of the season or something. Instead it's just four guys with blow torches and crossbows who show up in the very next episode. This show!

So then a big brawl broke out. Jules did a backflip off the Winnebago.

There were flame-thrower shenanigans.

This happened.

Meanwhile, Tyler showed up and found Caroline locked up in a cage. She immediately assumed he was there to help her and begged him to open the cage. He lamely hung back, not knowing whether to let her out or not. Oh Tyler, you rotten creep! I DEFENDED YOU!

Luckily he finally came to his senses and let her out.

The fight outside took a turn for the worse, as Stefan got staked in the back and Damon got shot with a wooden bullet.

Jules looked pretty ready to shoot Caroline, too, and again Tyler just looked on like a dummy.

Brady raised the stake (haha, raised the stake) to finish off Damon…

But suddenly all the werewolves (except Tyler for some reason) grabbed their skulls and passed out. Someone's got a super strong dog whistle or something!

Oh, it was this guy. It was actually a great moment—I'm a sucker for character reversals. Daddy Warlock explained that he was merely keeping a promise to Elena. I couldn't remember what exactly the promise was, but I think it had something to do with keeping Stefan and the rest of her friends safe? Not sure. But this was still awesome.

Stefan was nice enough to walk Caroline home, but he had a feeling she wasn't doing too well.

She was starting to look like the girl in the well from Silence of the Lambs.

Meanwhile Uncle Gilbert decided that he and Damon could start trusting each other again, but only because they're on the same team when it comes to protecting Elena. To that end, he brought a dagger and a vial of White Oak ash, which Isobel claimed could murder an Original.

Incidentally, he also cryptically mentioned something about how Isobel's off trying to accomplish something that may prevent Klaus from ever setting foot in Mystic Falls. What does that MEAN? Is she trying to break the curse on her own?!? I think it's pretty clear Isobel's going to be showing up sometime soon.

Caroline's terrible day wasn't over yet. Just as she was sitting down to wipe off the stains of her torment, Matt phoned, asking why she'd stood him up.

But honestly, if you ask me, it was fine since he was just wiping down tables at Mystic Grill. Wow, what a hot date that would've been.

Caroline apologized and gave him a line about having to help Bonnie out with something, which was super sad because Bonnie was AT Mystic Grill, sitting near Matt.

So that was pretty heartbreaking for all parties. All Caroline wanted to do was have some personal time to pick the wooden splinters from her neck, but then came a knock at the door.

It was Tyler, who I GUESS came to apologize, but he was weirdly self-righteous about everything? I guess throwing the girl you like against a car and then not being that rattled by seeing her get tortured in a cage or a gun held to the back of her head is no big deal to him?

So it was really satisfying when Caroline told him off GOOD. Friends do NOT do that to each other. She even explained that she hadn't mentioned his uncle's murder because the knowledge would drive him to get himself killed, which I actually believe. Anyway, Caroline told Tyler they can't be friends anymore and slammed the door in his face. It was awesome. I think there's still hope for Tyler, but right now his thinking skills are a nightmare.

Uncle Gilbert finally broke through to Elena after giving her a bracelet that belonged to her adoptive mother and telling her that she was right, he's not her father, the people who raised her were her true parents. It was a pretty nice speech he made… FOR A LIAR. Even Elena could tell he's not trustworthy. Oh well, whatever. Truce.

Tyler swung by the Winnebago for a nightcap.

He was asking them about the werewolf lifestyle and whether it's as awful as Jules and her boyfriend's lives would suggest.

It was sort of hilarious how they perked up when he mentioned the moonstone. Ugh, that thing again? The only thing that intrigues me about this is that I have a feeling Jules was looking for the moonstone, in addition to Tyler, because she is going to give them BOTH to Klaus for sacrificial purposes, sort of like what Katherine was planning to do. Do you think I'm right about this?? Y/N?

In a rare moment of Stefan being interesting, he returned to Caroline's house in an attempt to cheer her up.

And he brought friends. Seeing Bonnie, Elena and Caroline hanging out again was a surprisingly nice moment... A moment completely ruined by Elena and Stefan mouthing "I love you" to each other.

SO GROSS.

Meanwhile Damon and the news reporter from TV were enjoying a shirtless hug in his bathtub.

It afforded us another great Somerhalder acting moment, where he once again needed to confess his sins to a compelled lady. Aw, this guy!

And once again… Sorry, lady.

This was just so nasty, I had to show you.

And we ended up in a Styrofoam tomb where the show's second-best character (#1 Caroline #1) had been roused from her bitter glare.

This guy! Uncle Gilbert was DEFINITELY up to something, as he promised Katherine he'd help free her from the tomb. Dang! Do you think he's going to help her in her plot to get a ton of people murdered by Klaus? Stay tuned!

QUESTIONS:

... What is Uncle Gilbert up to??

... Is Tyler past the point of no return?

... Does Jules have a secret agenda?

... Have you ever backflipped off a Winnebago?

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