The Vampire Diaries "Rescue Me" Review: Beware the Shadow Baby! (PHOTO RECAP)

The Vampire Diaries S05E17: "Rescue Me"


If this photo recap seems especially tense and suspenseful it's because a bee is watching me write it. I don't trust any bee, but this one especially seems like a real creep. I cannot guarantee that it won't suddenly fly over here and bite me or whatever bees do, I don't know how bees work, just that they have bad attitudes and especially this one that's watching me right now. So I apologize ahead of time for what a bee is doing to me. Just keep in mind that at any moment I might be attacked by a bee and this whole photo recap will be swept to hell or whatever happens when bees go wild on somebody. We are all just going to have to white-knuckle this situation together. 

THAT BEING SAID, I really liked "Rescue Me"! Last week's episode made me very grumpy and I stand by that, but that was because I got so tired of Damon and Elena, plus the whole thing with Caroline becoming a remorseless doppelganger-terminator didn't rub me the right way at all. But this week served to undo both of those bad impressions, PLUS it injected tons of steroids into the crazy season-long mythology involving the Travelers and also my new favorite characters the BLOND WITCH TWINS. I love the blond witch twins. They are like mayonnaise (which I realize sounds gross but please keep in mind it's one of my favorite foods) in that anytime they are present everything is better. From Liv's Gina Gershon lips and Nomi Malone hair to Luke's EVERYTHING. But also Enzo is still great, Sloan is very alluring, and even the original recipe characters are back on track as sympathetic heroes. Oh, that station wagon scene. I want to live in that scene for a while. And again, I liked how Damon and Elena's breakup proceeded this week in a thoughtful and angsty and sympathetic way. Maybe I will even start rooting for them again? BABY STEPS.

So let's talk about "Rescue Me" okay? 

We began in medias brainscan as the Travelers were yammering away in the train yard trying to get more 411 on the last remaining doppelganger.

Honestly I came into this episode feeling super bad for this doppelganger who was obviously a heroic EMT who did not deserve to get swept up in the madness of Mystic Falls, but then it turned out he was super into ironic puns about being a doppelganger and I was like, "Okay, kill him off." You know? I can only take so much of that.

Meanwhile Elena and Damon were lounging sexily in their bed the morning after their broken hearts had boned so much and Elena got an alarming text message.

As Jeremy's last remaining relative she had to go represent him at school! Except, can we talk about Elena's phone wallpaper real quick? It is a tiled image of French toast, a lady sitting at a desk, and also trees? Am I understanding this correctly? Unless this wallpaper was yet another thing Katherine did to f*ck with Elena, this is the most definitive evidence to date that Elena has mental problems.

Anyway, Elena tried to sneak out but Damon woke up and tried to stake her if you catch my drift. (My drift means 'boning'.)

Love is complicated, everybody.

At the bar Damon was humble-bragging so much about how he'd tried to break up with a lady and all she could do was jump on his broomstick if you catch my drift. (My drift also means 'boning' here. I will let you know if my drift ever does not mean boning, but just FYI it will usually mean boning.)

Then Liv the witch showed up and ordered an entire bottle of gin and I suddenly remembered how much I love this character. Oh and (sigh) the brother. (A second sigh, because it's worth it.)

When Elena showed up at the high school she quickly found out that technically Damon was Jeremy's legal guardian somehow. I am not sure how this happened, especially in light that he had attempted and occasionally succeeded in murdering Jeremy so much over the years, but oh well. Anyway, I was really relating to the guy in the background here.

Meanwhile they were informed that Jeremy is not doing great in school these days and this caused Elena to do tons of guilty soul-searching.

If I were Elena I would have at least defended myself by explaining at least two-to-three seasons' worth of backstory. Jeremy had been super busy lately!

This magazine that Caroline was reading is honestly the hardest TVD has made me laugh in a while. EFF Magazine. EFF Magazine! BRB subscribing ASAP to EFF MAGAZINE. So yeah, she and Enzo were out on their task of murdering Stefan's doppelganger, and here they were at this Atlanta hospital where he worked (which looked very similar to the Mystic Falls hospital in my opinion) and Enzo was outright flirting with her.

These two have good chemistry, just putting that out there. Just setting that hot fact on a windowsill to cool off. Go ahead and be a rascal and try and snatch it and I will slap your hand. But yeah, Caroline and Enzo are fun team for a couple of murderers! I would watch this spin-off. VAMPIRE HITMEN OF HOTLANTA.

Unfortunately they got some bad news. Not so much bad news for them as it was bad news for Tom the doppelganger: He'd been missing for FOUR MONTHS and nobody had cared enough to call the police. I barely know this character and he's already seeming so tragic. Anyway, this meant that Stefan's visions weren't in realtime so they needed to finger his brain way more. What had happened to Tom?

It turned out he was last seen getting propositioned by some lady!

But then when Caroline and Enzo showed up at her house, she was on her knees doing magic and had been doing that for like four months straight? Probably 80% of her spell involved making sure the candles lasted forever and also her knees didn't hurt. The other 20% was to hide the doppelganger.

The best was when they had to figure out how to enter the home and Enzo had a brilliant plan.

MURDER VIA DOORKNOB. Enzo is pretty much amazing. Speaking of things I'm into...

Bonnie straight up CONFRONTED Luke in the study lounge for eyeballin' her too much and he pretended he didn't know who she was or what she was talking about. But then his cover was blown when the ghost of the witch who'd been murdered by a doorknob walked up and told Bonnie to tell him that their plan had been foiled. In my opinion she was probably just super stoked to be off of her knees finally.

Meanwhile Liv was still back at Mystic Grill and guess who she was hanging out with? Jeremy! Also she was doing special magic so that nosy hybrids couldn't listen in on their convo.

This was when we finally learned what was going on with Liv, Luke and the Travelers. Liv and Luke were old-fashioned witches and they were fighting some kind of war against the Travelers, who Liv said were planning something big. Whatever big plan the Travelers had in store involved the blood of the final doppelgangers, meaning they'd been trying to keep Tom hidden. Jeremy immediately believed her especially when she started flattering him all kinds about how he's a hunter and therefore knowledgeable or whatever. I don't know. Personally I think Liv wasn't kidding a few episodes ago when she was flirting with him a ton, I hope that continues. Not that I necessarily want Jeremy and Bonnie to break up, I just like the idea of Jeremy having a storyline finally. Anyway, yeah, I am pretty sure I called this: Liv and Luke are fighting on the side of good? It's just that for now they seem ready to eff over our heroes as collateral damage in order to win. Hopefully this will all be sorted out.

Then Liv tried to leave but Tyler stepped to her and called her out for being a pro witch.

So yeah Liv's cover as a noob is definitely blown. Now everybody knows she is the most skilled witch since Fairuza Balk made all the hammerhead sharks commit suicide.

Meanwhile at school Damon and Elena were acting sexy in the hallways, moving on.

Then Caroline and Enzo discovered Tom all asleep in a coma in the basement and I'm sorry, but look at those salt trails! They were a mess! Esther would have been so ashamed. 

Then Tom woke up and realized he'd been in a magic-induced coma for four months and that's when Caroline decided it was her chance to murder him.

But she murdered Enzo instead! I am honestly not sure if this was her plan all along or if she just gazed into fake-Stefan's eyes and it made her too tingly to commit homicide against a human. Either way it was a touching turn of events (seriously I had been so disappointed that Caroline was on a murder mission, it just didn't seem like our lady's style, you know?). Next thing we knew they were eating waffles and Caroline was trying to improve Tom's life via mind-meld.

This was another really sweet moment: She compelled the h*ck out of him to go on and have a great life. What she maybe didn't consider was that if Tom went missing again, the Travelers would fry Stefan's brain again and/or use a location spell. Let's be real, this guy was screwed either way. It was almost not even sad when Enzo showed up and took care of business:

This worked out pretty well actually. Caroline didn't have to murder an innocent dude! Plus Enzo revealed that he'd been blackmailed by the Travelers into doing this dirty deed and in exchange they'd help him find his lost love. Yeah, guess we're gonna be meeting Enzo's ex pretty soon. But who knows, if she really is like Caroline then maybe she's not so bad? We'll see!

Then Damon and Elena made out in front of a skeleton.

But whoops, it was just a sexy daydream. The sexiest daydreams always involve broken Erlenmeyer flasks and skeleton pervs. Anyway Elena was embarrassed about having tawdry fantasies in front of other grownups and so she went into the wood shop and a witch threw her across the room!

It was Liv, and she was there to murder Elena so as to thwart the Travelers! But Damon ran in and conked Liv's head against a shelf before she could shank Elena with some poor kid's unfinished wood project. Man, I really hope the teacher lets him re-do it. Just kidding there are no kids or teachers left. Those grownups in the other room were just attending a support group for parents of murder victims.

Anyway, Damon stuck Liv's hand in a vice and was about to murder her!

(We've all been in Liv's situation here.) But then Jeremy ran in and stopped him!

I wasn't quite clear on why Jeremy wanted to save the life of the witch who'd just tried to murder his sister, nor why Elena trusted Jeremy in this case. I mean I know that Jeremy has faith that Liv had good intentions overall, but still, she nearly murdered his sister! Still, I liked that it gave Elena an opportunity to tell Damon not to murder somebody. This is definitely an episode about Elena rediscovering the concept of 'doing the right thing' so I was kind of hoping that would spread to Damon also. It sort of did?

Meanwhile I LOVED this part:

Jeremy agreed to help the twins (because oh yeah, THEY ARE TWINS! Did I mention that yet? This made me so happy) but only if Matt and Tyler could tag along. Now THIS is a five-some I can get behind. I want to see this spin-off! BEACH VOLLEYBALL TEAM OF JUSTICE.

Honestly in my head this concept was already coming together. First and foremost Jeremy decided to move in with the boys, thus making Lockwood manor an official LAIR.

Elena understood because she herself had been living in a villain headquarters lately, so it was only fair for Jeremy to seek out his own kind.

This scene was great. (Please check your shipper allegiances at the door because come on, it was REALLY GOOD GUYS.)

First of all, it took place in a brokedown station wagon jalopy, as most important scenes do. Second of all, it involved Stefan cheering Caroline up for not being able to murder Tom. She felt bad about not going through with it, because she'd really wanted to save Stefan from future torment. 

But he was VERY cool with it, because in a way he also wanted to save Caroline from future torment (the guilt of murdering an innocent man). Anyway, this was a moment where I really appreciated the angst that these characters feel over right vs. wrong. Oh, and then this happened:

(Siiiiiigh.) And then they fell asleep in a brokedown jalopy.

And hey, credit where credit's due: This scene was also surprisingly lovely:

It felt like it was going to be yet another scene in which Damon tried to convince Elena to put up with their damaged relationship and continue their cycle of breakups and reconciliation, but in a rare moment of maturity, she declined... AND he saw it her way.

Okay show, ya got me. Just when I was feeling especially grumpy about these characters I'm back on board. Well played.

Anyway, get ready because it's here when the show went from very poignant to EXTREMELY INSANE. 

Stefan and Caroline were spooning in the jalopy when they heard the unmistakable yammering of gypsy witches sippin' on doppelganger blood!

Which, okay, normal enough. But then Sloan lit everybody ON FIRE.

And that's when Bonnie was suddenly accosted by a whole GANG of Traveler ghosts!

They chased her around the dorm until so many of them invaded her body, her only option was to pass out on the floor and give birth to a shadow baby!

And then the shadow baby grew up and turned into this guy:

Meet MARCOS, bossman of the Travelers! He had been mentioned a few times, don't worry, it wasn't just some random dude who popped out of Bonnie out of nowhere as this photo recap might suggest. I guess the Travelers' big plot was to send so many Traveler ghosts through the anchor that Marcos was able to slip through coming the other direction? Not sure, don't quote me, that would be foolhardy to quote me. My first theory is that he's probably a bad guy, but my second theory is that he's probably very handsome, so stay tuned for that info.

Well friends, "Rescue Me" was a good one. It steered me back into a place where I could sympathize with people I grew frustrated with in previous weeks, plus it feels like the season's endgame threat is finally revealing itself. Also, you know, the twins. Love them. I don't know about you but I would like to see where the rest of this season goes! There's like 5 episodes left, right? Get ready for mayhem!

OK BYE


QUESTIONS

... Do you think Marcos will be pretty chill or total dick?

... Are Stefan and Caroline falling in love for real?

... Do you want to meet Enzo's ex?

... What spin-off would you rather watch, VAMPIRE HITMEN OF HOTLANTA or BEACH VOLLEYBALL TEAM OF JUSTICE?


Comments (387)
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Oct 05, 2014
"So yeah Liv's cover as a noob is definitely blown. Now everybody knows she is the most skilled witch since Fairuza Balk made all the hammerhead sharks commit suicide." i burst out laughing.
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May 15, 2014
"My drift also means 'boning' here. I will let you know if my drift ever does not mean boning, but just FYI it will usually mean boning."

Good to know ;)

As funny as Enzo and Caroline were together..."I've heard you have a soft spot for English guys with bad attitudes" Ha!...I am and will forever remain Team Stephan/Caroline. I know he and Lexi were just friends and I'm totally cool with that. But unless she's coming back from the other side, Caroline is far and away the best person for him and visa versa. Let's face it, Caroline's famous for getting together with bad boys who treat her like crap. And she deserves better dammit! Even if better does come with some brooding, bushy eyebrows and ridiculous hair.
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May 04, 2014
I love Caroline and Stefan's relationship. I think it has been moving towards a romantic relationship, at least from Caroline's point of view. I hope it goes there if we finally step away from the Stefan-Elena-Damon triangle... though they'd just create a Caroline-Stefan-Elena or Caroline-Stefan-Tyler triangle, haha. Bottom line: I hate love triangles, they're boring and annoying, and I wish we could focus on the real threats.

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May 02, 2014
How have I not started reading your reviews earlier! Tbh, I stopped watching TVD a few episodes ago (somewhere right after Ste and C figured out that E was actually K. Can't even be bothered to type their full names out, that's how much I cared.), but after reading the reviews you posted about subsequent episodes, I'm now tempted to start watching TVD again! Not because I hope it'll suddenly because proper exciting entertainment without someone needing to sacrifice their life for poor, sweet Elena again, but because then I get to partake in the inside jokes and hilarious side-comments you make. My favourite line by far is

'Probably 80% of her spell involved making sure the candles lasted forever and also her knees didn't hurt. The other 20% was to hide the doppelgänger.'

WAHAHA. So anyway, you probably won't read this (I get the feeling columnists on the internet try and stray from the comments section because duhhh.) but I would like to thank you anyway for bringing a ray of sunshine to my otherwise somewhat dull life.
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Apr 14, 2014
1. I know we just saw his back, but he looks like someone with jerk nails. Maybe I'm being too judgey.
2. They've been I. Love for years, they'd just didn't know it yet.
3. Hmmmmm. Don't know yet.
4. Oh, beach volleyball team of justice, definitely!
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Apr 11, 2014
I really hope Stefan and Caroline are not falling in love and I hope the writers do not go this way with the characters. Their friendship is the best on the show and I'd hate to see it ruined. I really don't want every character in this shoe to have hooked up. Let them stay friends.

I'm loving how Jeremy has moved out and moved in with the boys. That will be a great dynamic.

Hoping we can now have a break from Delena as I'm so over them. Elena looks like she's getting back on track now after lasts week ep where it looked like she was completely ignoring her morals by not being upset with Damon for having killed her friend.
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Apr 06, 2014
Marcos walking away from bonnie's body reminded me so much of Vigo, that creepy villain in Ghostbusters 2. The one in the painting? Lol

Poor bon bon.
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Apr 05, 2014
I'm nervous about where the writers are going with Stefan and Caroline's friendship. I'm not here for them as a couple at all. That said, I'm not sold on Enzo and her either... that whole dynamic is essentially Klaus all over again, except Enzo seems like he has less daddy issues. I really like these witch blondies they introduced. Everyone has storylines now! Incredible that it took the addition of MORE characters for TVD to use the ones they already had. I've been annoyed by how Bonnie's been written for years now but didn't really know what my damage was. They write her like some worthless throwaway and give characters like Aaron Whitmore and that Augustine vampire doctor/professor so much screen time, I just don't understand. She's like TVD's decor, they shit all over her constantly. She goes through so much bullshit and receives hate from fans because she isn't written properly and careless regard from the people who're supposed to be her friends in the show. It enrages me and boggles my mind simultaneously. Let's hope they give her something other than sacrificing herself to do for the rest of the season SMH
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Apr 15, 2014
I agree. I hate Bonnie, but I know it's because she's poorly written. The writer's don't do anything with her. Bringing her back was the dumbest thing. I'm sure Kat Graham could be getting better gigs by now, but she's stuck being a background prop as a character who has no substance and no plot line.
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Apr 02, 2014
Also, I guess it might not be a good way for the writers to go, since Enzo is a lot like Klaus, and also b/c it sounds like his ex will be showing up, but he and Caroline DO have some major chemistry.

I guess it's a little lame of me, but the main reason I don't want her with Stefan may be to do with Elena. . . which, ok, I should get over that.

But also, I love seeing a close male/female friendship without sexual feelings involved. It's such a nice (albeit practically non-existent, even in real life) connection. But, ok, they've been good buds for a while now, so it's not like they're just stupidly jumping into it. If the show decides to hook them up, I'll get on board.

But. . . I still think Caroline and Klaus should be together. ;)

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Apr 06, 2014
Is it possible for an attractive guy and girl to be in a platonic relationship?
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Apr 15, 2014
I think it is. I'm a girl so I'm not actually in their heads to know what they really think of me, but I have friends who are straight males and we've never made a move towards each other or made googly eyes.
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Apr 02, 2014
This was the most fun episode in a while, because THINGS were actually HAPPENING. Excited for the Traveler/Witch showdown.

Plus I did dig our protagonists not being murderers and also ending relationships that make them more evil and murderous. Ever since they killed Kol (and his entire line) and also Tyler's hybrid friend, and also Caroline with those witches. . . it has been tricky to know what to think of our main characters. I mean, they're not good people/vampires/werewolves, etc. But maybe the writers have realized it's more fun to cheer for the good guys than for the ambiguously possibly super evil guys? Maybe from here on out they won't just murder people for their own purposes? I don't know, that would be cool, in my book.

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Apr 02, 2014
*My drift also means 'boning' here. I will let you know if my drift ever does not mean boning, but just FYI it will usually mean boning.

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Apr 01, 2014
Do you think Marcos will be pretty chill or total dick?
I really hope he will be a total dick. I'd like him to be more like Klaus and less like Silas who was a complete disaster. But having seen the next episode's trailer I'm not so optimistic. I mean the guy seems as overly concerned about Elena's love life as were all the villains (Silas/Tessa) this season! Come on now Stelena sex dreams?! Give me a break!! Hopefully they're messing with us big time with this one, because I'm not sure how much more I can take of this love triangle BS! Don't care about who gets to play doctor with "Goddess" Elena anymore. Speaking of her, can't she just stay single for a while and finally get a storyline that involves her being the badass vampire I thought she would become at the end of season 4?Apparently not.
What's really sad about this, is that the other characters are now far more compelling than the leads. That's probably why, I just want the Blond twins to stay forever. I liked that Jeremy finally gets something to do thanks to Liv. Matt and Tyler joined the party too. That's how great she is! The twins give all these characters another chance to shine again. I mean even Bonnie gets to play a "small" part in this. Speaking of her, the poor girl just NEVER ever gets the attention she deserves from her "friends" and boyfriend who she literally died for. And noone ever calls her back!!! I've never really cared for her but I do wanna give her a hug right now.
Overall I feel like this character is a missed opportunity. I mean this Anchor thing had so much potential if the writers had bothered to use it properly and given her a chance to shine but instead they made her even more irrelevant than she was in the past. Even her friends seem to acknowledge that now, which is in fact even more tragic than anything that happened to Elena or to any of these characters in the past.

Are Stefan and Caroline falling in love for real?
I think they are. I'm not sure I'm totally sold on a Steroline romance because I've really loved their friendship so far and I would like for everyone to stay single on the show for once. But they're really cute together and I feel like the writers will take their time with this one and I enjoy any relationship that doesn't feel forced or out of the blue. Either way I'm invested. I've really loved these characters' dynamic for a while. Also Stefan really needs to stay away from Elena at this point. But in fairness so do most of the characters.

Do you want to meet Enzo's ex?
Nope, not interested. Also what's with this show with wanting to find everyone to have a love-interest? Can't he just stay single and continue to be the awesome character he is? Anyway, if that means he gets to have even more screen time than he does now, I'm into it.

What spin-off would you rather watch, VAMPIRE HITMEN OF HOTLANTA or BEACH VOLLEYBALL TEAM OF JUSTICE?
I would watch both spinoffs as long as they involve Carenzo's banter. They DO have amazing chemistry.
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Apr 01, 2014
Very invested in Luke, not so much in Leia. Liv. Leah. Whatever her name was. We need more Jeremy. Also more Bonnie. And more Matt and a teensie bit more pf Tyler. Everything's been Delena, which isn't necessarily bad, but it's getting annoying. Also, I hope we get some Enzo character development. Damon needs a new Alaric, so I hope Enzo turns decent. Or even better, bring Alaric back. Yes, i'm still hung up on that. Anyway, more awesome Stefan and Caroline too! Caroline had a bit of screen-time, but not enough. Also, can she just take a vacation to a certain place that is new and also Orleans?
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Mar 31, 2014
Love Liv and Luke, they are just the best!! However, I would definitely rather watch Vampire Hitmen of Hotlanta because Tyler and Jeremy are annoying, and I quite like Caroline and Enzo's chemistry.
I really like Enzo a lot actually. I'm glad he's still around. I probably wont be saying that when we meet his ex, because that storyline will no doubt suck all the awesomeness out of his character and turn him into a boring sack of Stefan-like dullness.
Please, please please PLEASE can we just leave Stefan and Caroline as friends? Caroline just went off to college. Hook up with some new boys there, and don't be that girl from the small town who goes home to her small town high school bf every weekend and misses out. PLEASE! Even Klaus knew you were destined for things bigger than Mystic Falls!
Also, the whole group needs to stop hooking up with each other. It's just too incestuous.
I used to root for Delena. Now I don't. I think Elena needs to be single, and I think her and Caroline should live it up at college, when they get this whole messy Traveller thing sorted.
I hope Bonnie's dead for real this time. (fingers crossed!)
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Mar 31, 2014
Caroline and Enzo - I ship it :)

I worry that Caroline and Stefan being romantically linked would be too weird :/
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Mar 30, 2014
I think Marcos will be a dick, kind of like Silas and Klaus in the beginning. We could use a better villain.

I absolutely love the Stefan-Caroline friendship, always have. If they get together I will approve, if they don't I will still love their friendship so for me no matter what it's a win-win. They have great chemistry & they genuinely care about each other.

I don't care about Enzo, never did, so I don't care to meet his ex. However I like looking at him. I don't want him to turn into a softy though like Damon did, I want him to stay a dick all the time and just leave it that way.

I'd rather watch the Vampire Hitmen of Hotlanta hahah. I can't stand Jeremy & I'm not onboard with the Twins & Tyler's been annoying lately. So I'll stick with the Caroline and Enzo scenes.
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Mar 30, 2014
1. Hope he is a total dick, there hasn't been an interesting villain in this show since Klaus. After Silas' fiasco, I expect a good old-fashioned total psycho.

2. Not a bad ship, but that would mean the end of Tyler, no reason to keep him on anymore.

3. Nope. What about Enzo and Tyler, though?

4. Hitmen for the story, Volleyball for the indulging.

Also, I don't really like Liv, maybe she should tone down the acting. She is Important Witch and she comes across as Crazy Bitch.
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Mar 30, 2014
Could TVD please hire someone whose ONLY job it is to keep track of TVD-lore they've created? Please? Yes, I realise this is a show about vampires, but that doesn't mean logic should go out the window!
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Mar 30, 2014
A total dick.
Yes, they are. I kind of want them to make a menage atrois with Klaus.
Is his ex a he or a she? I've missed a lot of this season (most of what I know comes from your recaps, the rest from the 3-4 episodes I've seen) so I'm not joking. I'd like to meet them, either way.
[insert gif here] Both. Both is good.
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Apr 15, 2014
I will accept your threesome idea. I'd love it actually because there would be so much banter and chemistry there your TV would probably explode LOL, however, if there's no Klaus involved, then I rather Steroline stay friends because there's is the only friendship that really exists on this show. I swear the MF gang is the worst. They all say they're watching each other's backs and are there for each other, but they're so inconsistent, I'd definitely find new friends if I was part of this crew. Stefan and Caroline are the only ones who really make you feel the strength of their friendship on a regular basis.
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Mar 30, 2014
I love your reviews more than the shows - please review more shows! They're hilarious and I've now learnt to read them in daylight hours so as not to be grumped at by sleeping husband because I woke him up with my laughter. I would love your take on Revolution.......

Now, about the bee - I feel your fear, but bees are actually pretty chill. They're also endangered, so perhaps the bee is fearful you're about to go all serial bee killer and off him? Hence why he's watching you; finds himself confronting a tense human.....usually means a rolled up newspaper or flyswatter are close behind.

But spiders - there are your insane monsters intent on world domination. Those things are evil incarnate; devil spawn from the depths of hell itself. Everyone tells me "oh they're fine; they're more scared of you than you are of them....." If that's the case why do they run towards me when discovered on their eight legged missions to kill me?

I'm terrified of them - I sure as hell don't run towards them; I run AWAY as fast as my arthritic legs will carry me (which, admittedly, is not that quick). They also do not keep the flies and other creepies out of my home as I'm assured they're supposed to. In the summer I see them happily cohabitating with flies like they're blooded gang brothers or something. All "sure, dude - go vomit on her dinner and then suck up the slop you make, s'fine."

So why are they in my home? To kill me that's why - they know I'm onto them......so leave the bee and kill the spider; it's the real threat trust me....I'm now going to go and lie down in spider free room..
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Apr 01, 2014
" If that's the case why do they run towards me when discovered on their eight legged missions to kill me?

THIS is the truest thing I have ever read!
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Apr 01, 2014
I just see them for the venom dripping monsters intent on my destruction they really are.......I'm also glad I'm not alone in noticing that for creatures supposedly afraid of me, they chase me.
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Mar 30, 2014
Uhh Caroline's hair kept going from very wavy, to kind of wavy to straigh and back again.
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Mar 30, 2014
so vampire diaries went grey's anatomy mode(we have the hospital scenes,stefan's doppelganger name was avery...and the traveler's name is sloan?com'on...)and a lil bit of peter pan in the last scene...good episode though...i liked it!
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Mar 30, 2014
Ok, I wasn't too convinced with last week's episode either, but this one was good (Although I missed the cool coats). The only thing I didn't like was Jeremy's attitude towards Liv, it felt really out of character for me, dunno... now for the questions:

1) I think he's gonna be a handsome douchebag.
2) I think they are, and I don't like it, because apparently we can't have a boy-girl proper friendship on a show.
3)I want to meet Enzo's butt.
4)I'd watch both at the same time, as long as there're shirtless hunks in them.
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Mar 30, 2014
BEACH VOLLEYBALL TEAM OF JUSTICE? its got the twins in it...n looks like the bee let you off the hook!! yeeyy
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Mar 30, 2014
Was Damon making a wry, anachronistic comment when he said "you can't even get a passing grade in penmanship"? I sure hope they don't teach that still in school still! I hope that was a call back to the 1800's-cuz I took classes in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL that were like that! And they sucked! But I thought kids don't read or write anymore. And now, I'm a 30th year college student being forced to take "logic" so I can graduate. But based on how pointless that class turned out to be, I can believe they try to teach penmanship to high school students who will never use it. Fits into my view of College.They would teach monkeys to fuck footballs if they got a thousand dollars for it.
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Mar 29, 2014
This was posted on TVD facebook page before 'Rescue Me' aired, it is a video 'tribute' to Katherine, is it me or this looked like a cheap attempt to make Katherine's fan base keep watching ? At the end of this 'tribute' there is the promo for 'Rescue me'. Considering that the episode marked a series low in ratings for the show, I guess it didn't work.
The thing is, although there were people who stopped watching the show after Katherine's death, I don't think that was the main reason for the ratings dropping, add to that the Elena/Damon crap and the triangle in general, viewers are tired of that, plus a lot of 'Klaroline' supporters don't like 'Steroline' at all.
This 3 weeks pause will be good for the show I guess, the next episode's ratings will bounce back to normal, still, I hope the show runners take this as a wake up call, they need to improve NOW.

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Mar 29, 2014
The numbers maybe low, but they are still decent (I believe) in CW standards.
The truth is this entire season has been awful.
The Silas storyline was terrible, the Augustine even worse.
Then there was the body switch which added nothing.

Maybe a decent big bad would help but I doubt it.
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Mar 29, 2014
Well, I have to say that this is the first episode I've been on board with, in a VERY long time. Better late than never?
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Mar 29, 2014
Stefan's doppelgangers = exactly Stefan. Lame acting :/
I'm not feeling Steroline... shipped them before, but now...meh.
Damon was great in this episode :)

Oh, and Beach volleyball justice all the way! :D

I gotta catch up on Reign, just for the sakes of these recaps, I love them (almost) as much as I love watching the shows :)
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Mar 29, 2014
1. Pretty chill. I hope he's not a Silas dick failure type. He was advertised as this scarry ex-wizard-turned-immortal. Hopefully Marcos can meet this creteria but more like ex-traveller-turned-shadow-man or something.

2. I'm not really sure. Their friendship feels very genuine and solid but it doesn't matter what they do as long as they keep the flow because I always liked how they accepted each other ever since Stefan taught her how to be a vampire.

3. Isn't she a human and assuming she wasn't younger than 20 in the 50s she should be at the very least 70 years old and he was never blackmailed by the travellers, they only claimed they might be able to find her. Unless they actually had her, I wouldn't have followed their orders that blindly like Enzo did.

Also, pathetic moral dilemma on Caroline's part in this scenario. Sure, it's nice that they haven't destroyed Caroline's character and all but if they Enzo wasn't there what would she have done? Let Sloan fry Stefan's brain until he goes nuts or kill an innocent man? Any intervention like Enzo destroyed an important moment for Caroline to face a moral dilemma.

I must say I've never enjoyed magic on this show, you know witches using direct magic as it seems overly complicated and it's not very efficient. To summon Marcos they needed doppelgänger blood and kill a bunch of travellers. Very inefficient. They had better have a good reason to why all that was necessary.

The assimilation with the twins and the hunks, it seems weird especially since Liv tried to kill Elena but whatever, I like it too. Hopefully it gives Matt, Jeremy and Tyler a reason to do something because these three desperately needs something to do.

As for Damon and Elena: they finally broke up! Once Damon has done some annoying return-to-serial-killer and slept with some random chick he can return to do what he do best but as a different person then when he was all over either Katherine or Elena. I think it's good for Elena too, hopefully she will have some screen time that isn't necessarily dedicated to the main story or the triangle so looking forward to that too.
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Mar 29, 2014
OMG!!! How many Big-Bad-Evils have we fought this season?
1. First Silas, his crazy-ex, his crazy-girlfriend...
2. Then, the anti-Vampire Society and its own poor version of Dr. Frankenstein
3. The venom created by the anti-Vampire society
4. The travelers as a group
5. And know a dude with XV century peasant clothes. A guy who is a mix of the spirit of many-many travelers?
Give me a break or a shot of whatever the writers are taking!!!


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Mar 29, 2014
Hilarious about Tom missing for 4 months and nobody cared enough about him to call the police LOL!
I totally loved this episode and the best love triangle on this show right now is Stefan-Caroline-Enzo! Damn that girl has chemistry with EVERYBODY! Still want Damon & Elena to eventually get to the point where they can be together and also be functional. They were for awhile. Don't know wth happened but i guess the writers were trying to make them dramatic but honestly they just made them melodramatic instead. All in all i did love them in these last two episodes from 'the i can't stop loving you' to the forehead kiss! Damon's forehead kisses *sigh*, only Pacey Witter could beat him in that department :)
Enzo Enzo Enzo....love him! love him! love him!
And this storyline with the Travellers is the 1st (and only) storyline this season that actually seems like it just might make this whole season worth watching. Very excited to find out what ALL of this is about! Let's hope it doesn't go downhill like the Silas SL that began in S4 and fell flat on it's face in S5 by making it 'about Stelena' and their 'fated' love! Please GOD let this storyline actually be about some really great supernatural mythology and not a reset of the original love triangle pleaseeeeeeeee!
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Mar 29, 2014
No way, did they really kill Tom already? Seriously? No way!
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Mar 29, 2014
Can Bonnie be dead please?
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Mar 30, 2014
She's dead already!
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Mar 29, 2014
why would you want to kill off the only POC on the show? Rude
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Apr 02, 2014
I want her to live, but have to admit it had never occurred to me that she should live just because she's not white. When people say they want Bonnie dead, it's not because she's black, it's because the writers never, ever, ever give her anything interesting to do!

Speaking of racial diversity, though, they really fucked up on that, because I liked Caroline's chemistry with the hot black guy from college and wanted it to go somewhere. . . and he wasn't a witch or related to one! But Elena just HAD to snap his neck! Bummer.
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Mar 31, 2014
-_- Nice of you to bring race into something there was no need for it to be.
Bonnie needs to be dead cos she's a shit character, not because she's a POC.
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Apr 04, 2014
And she's a shit character because.....? It's disgusting that all of poc characters ended up dead, and not all of them were shitty characters. Why not wish for the writers to give Bonnie a decent storyline instead of wishing they kill her off? Please.
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Mar 29, 2014
Before I go any further, let me state - Quite emphatically: I AM NOT A SHIPPER...Of ANY sort.

I suspect that there is one reason, and one alone, why the most significant character growth and development, of the large number of main characters, throughout this series, is that of Damon's.

Sure, he has gone back and forth, between badass and noble goody, but at the end of it all, it was for Elena. Damon TRULY LOVES Elena.

Can ANY of you females, honestly say, for the record that is the internet, that you have never fallen in love with someone, who DIDN'T have their truly bad moments? Who didn't swing back and forth between jackass and prince?

Damon, like it or not, is the central character of this series...He will be - At the end of it all, the crucial character, in this entire story, regardless of where the hell it's going.
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Mar 29, 2014
It's fine for a tv show to have one of the protagonists be something of a dick who has moments of redemption, but I'm concerned that pre-teens will watch this show and think it's ok that a boyfriend does horrible things to other people because he's upset that he can't be with you... or that a boyfriend switches between good and bad in a split second because he "loves" you... that everything the guy does is out of love for you. Nobody needs that kind of pressure. Nobody needs to feel responsible for someone else's actions. Elena keeps having to justify/defend Damon's actions and only now does she realize that it's toxic to do so. We have yet to see a mature healthy relationship between him and any character (who isn't Alaric). I'm sorry, but this is a flaw of the writers.

Having said so, I disagree with everything you say regarding Damon. I don't believe he's central and I don't believe he's gone through more growth than anyone else. If anything, this season saw Damon stagnating. He grew more in seasons 1 and 2 than recently.

Most of Damon's actions recently are unfortunately bad. He does bad things for Elena and you call that Damon TRULY LOVING Elena. Please. A real man who's in love with a woman would do things for her, while not requiring her love in return (Damon in season 1). A real man in love would love her for the good person she is and would never think to make her question her morality. If he sees that he's a bad influence he would rather remove himself and risk being alone than to corrupt his true love (Damon's reasons for breaking up with her before he chickened out). But it took how long and how many innocent people to die for Damon to realize this?

You can ask women on the internet if they've ever fallen in love with a person like that and their answer would be, "Yes. Once." More often than not, women have fallen for guys like these, but the bottom line is that it's past tense. These guys are not end game. The ones we commit to in the end do NOT ever swing back and forth between jackass and prince, because such guys do not bring us happiness. They do not deserve our love. And in retrospect when we look back, did we truly love those guys? Nope. Did those guys even know what true love was? Nope.

Damon could be the crucial character you're talking about if this was still Damon from earlier seasons who continued to grow and become good, but the writers have messed him up by writing his redemption arc/his character growth, and then going back and forth between that and his killing sprees. They couldn't decide if Damon was good or bad and that's had a negative effect on how he is perceived.
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Mar 29, 2014
Another installment of "save Elena".....blah. Another installment of the "invisible obstacle of angst" that plagues Elena and Damon from being together.....which is a bunch of crock because I really don't see anything standing in their way. And I don't even ship the couple, just put them together already so everyone else can be free of them. Another installment of "Let's relegate one of the central characters in the books, Bonnie, to sideline phone conversationalist". Seriously, I maybe in the minority, but I have yet to see anything that makes the two blonde headed witches all that great...unless one is just so enthralled by their blonde hair. Plus they seem to be another set of weak behind witches that Damon could've put down in a matter of minutes. So, did they forget to tell Bonnie that people can walk through her from the other side when she got this lame azz special power. The only good thing about this eppy was Stefan, doppelganger Stefan, Enizo and Caroline.

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Mar 29, 2014
Only thing I care about is Caroline. And I actually LIKE Stephan when he's with her, because she makes everything and anything GOOD. God I love her so much.
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Mar 29, 2014
1. A dozen people committed a suicide for this guy, he's a dick already.

2. Yes. I don't think they'll rush this one, but it'll happen.

3. No.

4. "Atlanta assassination squad" FTW!
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Mar 29, 2014
Why is Caroline's only point on this show to date people? I hope she and Stefan never get together, he and Lexi were never together and they were friends so why can't Caroline be his friend and friend only? (that will be impossible considering this is Julie Plec's show and currently she probs has hots for Paul so that translates through Caroline like everything always does, obviously)
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Mar 29, 2014
It's funny how TVD finally decided to include a gay character and of course his main trait is being gay. To prove that, they already mentioned it "casually " 3 times in the last couple of episodes...
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Mar 30, 2014
I hate him already just because of that!
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Mar 29, 2014
I'll admit I did like this episode a little more than the last few eps. I love the friendship between Stefan and Caroline but I don't want them together since it's annoying how people can't just be friends on this show, give Stefan someone else since he is so much better away from Elena. I laughed at the suggestion to set Luke up with Damon even if they were joking. The witch twins are cool and their (well Liv's) powers are so much more impressive in comparison to Bonnie's former powers. If there was anything that really bugged me it was the whole Jeremy being important due to his hunter skills since he died then came back to life and has shown no signs of his former skills so this part felt a bit like they were reaching a bit just to have Jeremy feel relevant to the plot. I could've done without the whole I am not a murderer thing from Caroline since that's not exactly true but on whole I am warming up to her again. All in all a better episode, let's hope it keeps momentum.
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Mar 29, 2014
First, the only thing Price needs to worry about is the bee flying into his mouth and the Nogi turning him into evil Price. I am a bit hazy on the difference between regular Price and evil Price - discuss.

Second, I assumed Caroline had given her blood to Tom just in case Enzo or someone else showed up to kill him. When Enzo broke his neck, I was all "you better stake him or chop his head off pal". But Caroline obviously did not plan ahead.
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TQB
Mar 29, 2014
Confession: I still occasionally YouTube up the amazing motel balcony make out scene between Elena and Damon, perfectly backed by Florence and the Machine. It's so passionate and hot, yet also emotional. Just electric. Perhaps this is why I found the clumsy use of the Arctic Monkeys song during the hallway make-out so incredible annoying. It just felt so forced - both storywise and musically it just did not go. Unusual for a show that typically nails its musical cues.
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Mar 29, 2014
I'VE GOT IT!! The reason Elena's phone wallpaper was so stupid was because Stefan just bought her a new phone! Remember? In the last episode when she was stuck in her dorm with vampire rabies? My theory is, that's like the default background that the new phone came with, and her and Damon have been boning, so she hasn't had time to change it yet.
Of all the aspects of continuity the Vampire Diaries could choose to be meticulous with, they pick ELENA'S CELL PHONE WALLPAPER!! What about Jeremy's hunter powers? Or the power level of the hybrids? Or whether or not Damon can mind control birds!? Nope, all of that is trivial compared to which background Elena would have on her cell phone throughout the course of the show.
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Mar 29, 2014
Holy mother of ... WTF? That actually makes perfect sense.
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TQB
Mar 29, 2014
This is my favorite TVD comment. Ever.
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Mar 29, 2014
so is it safe to say we are finally done with the damon elana love thing? cuz i am sick and tired of them together.
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Mar 29, 2014
Price even before i started reading your photo recaps about the actual episode I knew this was going to be a another food and funny review, just reading about your intro about Bees had me in stitches already! Nicely done mate always enjoy your work dude, keep it going. I loved this episode as well.
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Mar 29, 2014
1) Total dick of course
2) I hope not they are great as friends.
3) NO if she's going to turn Enzo into a whining copy of Damon when he's with Elena.
4) VAMPIRE HITMEN OF HOTLANTA
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Mar 29, 2014
Enzo's ex: hot, but probably dead.
Markos: evil and sexy.
Caroline/Enzo: Great!
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Mar 29, 2014
I think Marcos is going to be a useless dick. Stay for a couple of episodes and then vanish, like Silas. BTW where's Katherine?
As for Stefan and Caroline... I think the only person in that show who bought the doppelgänger thing about the two ending up together is Caroline. She is the real Stelena shipper. I think if she's getting feelings for Stefan she will do everything possible not to act on them. Because Caroline is the best. But they would make a great couple.
I don't care about Enzo's ex and I'd rather watch Vampire Hitman of Hotlanta because: Caroline ftw!!
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Mar 29, 2014
I think she's already showing signs of crushing on him but hasn't realized it yet. Two people have realized it: Katherine and Enzo. Did you see his face when he watched Caroline on the phone with Stefan and saying, "Listen to my voice. I'm here." etc. That's a face of a man who's defeated. I think Enzo will be the one to make Caroline realize her crush on Stefan. And then of course she will do everything in her power to not act on them because she thinks Stelena is end game. I find her so cute.
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Mar 29, 2014
Damon as well. He was hinting at it to Tyler with the "don't worry I'm sure they're just friends" comment in this episode so that's another reason I feel like it's being set-up but it's still so out of nowhere for me because Caroline & Stefan were like this back in Season 2 and 4 - and it seems like their friendship is still the same to me as it was in those two seasons so the whole "romance" is very out of nowhere for me so it would feel (to me) like the writers were just shoving them together because they ran out of other people to pair them with. Caroline's done with Matt, her thing with Tyler is over, and Klaus is off the show. Stefan's only man love-interest has been Elena but he had previously hooked-up with Rebekah (1922 and last season) and Katherine (1864 and this season) - so they're gone and there's no girls left to pair Stefan with.
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Mar 29, 2014
It can evolve naturally like that. Earlier they both had their love interests so it was natural that they were only friends, especially when they are the loyal type. Now they have been single for a while and even endured the same kind of situations in their love life: been dumped, having a hot onenighter with a questionable character and being judged by that like they were the only people who aren't allowed to be imperfect and just have fun sometimes.
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Mar 29, 2014
"Also, did Stefan ever bone Rebekah?"

Multiple times. They had a fling/dated after they met in 1922 and they hooked-up once in Season 4.

Stefan did tell Elena in Season 1 that Lexi was his best friend and that it had never been romantic. He also told Rebekah in Season 4 that he and Lexi were just friends when she asked if he slept with her too.
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Mar 29, 2014
I'm pretty sure only Damon boned Lexi.
Also, did Stefan ever bone Rebekah?
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Mar 29, 2014
Besides, is there a woman that only one of the brothers have boned? Just asking.
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Mar 29, 2014
I have thought that Stefan and Caroline would make a good couple since season one.
Damon threatened to kill Jeremy couple episodes back and now he's acting like a concerned parent? Right.

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Mar 29, 2014
Seriously? Season 1? When Caroline was a total B ans Stefan was drooling over Elena?
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Mar 30, 2014
Yes seriously. But it was more about how they looked together than their personalities. They have always had chemistry.
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Mar 29, 2014
Yeah, season 1 was too soon. I only started seeing their potential early in season 4, I think.
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