The Weirdest, Grossest, Bestest Moments from Netflix's Hemlock Grove, in Pictures and GIFs

Well, it's been over a month since it was released. Have you watched Netflix's sorta-new horror series Hemlock Grove yet? 

Yes! Then congratulations for surviving, and feel free to check out the items below and feel comfortable in the fact that you cannot be spoiled, since you've already suffered throu—I mean watched the show.

No! Well obviously this is up to you, but I heartily recommend writing a letter to your mother or my mother or doing something equally worthwhile instead of watching Hemlock Grove. That way you can look at all the pretty images below and not care about spoilers! But if you insist on watching the series or you're currently in the middle of devouring all 13 episodes, two things: First, I warned you, and second, there will be spoilers below. But because the show doesn't make that much sense, these spoilers are like me revealing the big twist at the end of that dream I had about wearing a waffle as underpants at a petting zoo full of furry toasters.

So now that we're in fertile spoiler territory, I should tell you this: SPOILER! Hemlock Grove is weird and gross nonsense! Maybe that's because of the guy who licked blood during sexual intercourse and preferred performing cunnilingus on ladies during their moon day? Or the eight-foot tall mutant sister with the cauliflower head and giant bug eye who has random eloquent voice-overs? Or the eager novelist-in-training who couldn't resist putting her mouth on things she found on the ground? Okay, more likely and more accurately, it's the whole damn show. I've had acid flashbacks that made more sense than Hemlock GroveHemlock Grove is guano-quality crazy bananers! 

So instead of scratching your head for 13 hours while watching Hemlock Grove, why not take a gander at some of the weirdest, grossest, and bestest moments from its first season and then use them as casual conversation topics? Good? Good! Now strap yourself in get ready for a ball of confusion...



Roman's makeup time!

File under: Weird!

In Episode 7 (congrats if you made it that far, your medal is waiting), suave steel company heir Roman did a line of the cocaine. No big deal, he'd already done that a bunch of times in other episodes and it's not like anyone in their right mind does just one line of cocaine. Cocaine is the Lay's chips of drugs. But then he cut his face with the razor blade. Again, not really a big deal, because he'd already done that a lot too (that's what this show is like). But then he wiped the blood on his fingers, applied it like lipstick, and stared into the mirror to say, "Shut up and kiss me." And that's the scene. What does it mean? You'll have to live under a bridge for 14 years huffing old spraypaint cans to figure it out.



It reminded me of this bit from Billy Madison, but Steve Buscemi's made more sense.

Later that night, Roman would rape an Asian girl and make her tell him, "You're ugly!" (seriously), and it would be the least weird thing in the episode.



Werewolf transformations!

File under: Gross and Best!

Spoiler! One of the main characters on this show is a full-on man-beast of a werewolf, as is mandated under the Young Adult Entertainment Act of 2009. I know what you're saying, "Big deal, I saw a werewolf transform the other day and I didn't even pause while eating my chicken-fried steak." But did that werewolf pop out its human eyes, let its teeth fall to the ground, and most importantly, did it EAT ITS SHREDDED HUMAN FLESH AFTER? This is Hemlock Grove's ingenious lycanthropic masterpiece that puts it up there with American Werewolf in London for best werewolf change. 



Lynda philosophizes about infantile watersport hallucinations

File under: Weird! And best.

Toward the end of the season, during a time of great stress and sadness for Peter the werewolf, his mother Lynda, played by indie darling Lily Taylor, sat him down for some parental wisdom. But instead of saying, "Buck up, kiddo, you'll do alright," she delivered this meatball (NOTE: this is 100-PERCENT ACTUAL DIALOGUE from the show):

If it were a real baby peeing on him, I'd understand, because baby urine is prophetic in many cultures. But a dream about a baby peeing? That's horse apples.



Clementine has her chest skin removed, continues chatting

File under: Weird AND gross AND best!

There's a sexy werewolf hunter on this show who belongs to a secret religious organization called the Order of the Dragon. She does a bunch of stuff but zero of it is important, and by the time she dies, you're like, "Why was she even on this show?" And then you remember, "OH she was there to have her chest skin ripped off yet still be able to talk to a mad scientist and then die when she gets smothered." 




Puking!

File under: Gross.

I hate barfing! It's gross and I can't stand seeing it, even if it's fake. So without further ado, here's some .GIFs of people hurling chunkaroonies in scenes from Hemlock Grove.






An important task interrupted by the need to feel boobs

File under: Weird (pervert optional: best)

Clementine went to see Peter's psychic cousin to get some scoop on his werewolfism but ended up tuning in Tokyo and doing her instead, because who knows why. Ladies, is this a common occurrence?



This baby

File under: Weird and a little gross even though it's a baby

Who puts a wet leaf of cabbage on a baby's face anyway? Or is that a revitalizing placenta wrap designed to keep the kiddo's skin looking youthful? Silly baby, your skin already looks youthful, you're like zero days old! But congratulations for taking the 2013 Creepy TV Baby away from Zero Hour.



Extravagant headwear!

File under: Weird, but it's a little gross too.

Famke Janssen plays Roman's scary mother with a penchant for overacting and ridiculous accents. But she certainly knows how to accessorize. Fun fact: This hat was the original prototype model for the original Los Angeles Rams football team helmets.



This girl scratching this guy's face off!

File under: Weird

Hemlock Grove's best character is Christina, a precocious teen whose approach to novel-writing involves trying everything personally. This includes kissing half-eaten rotting corpses and licking the footprint of a wolf. But she's also a bit on the crazy side (surprise!) and prone to freakouts, as seen in this GIF. Here she is doing some extreme exfoliating of some guy's face on a first date while flashbacking to the corpse she kissed. Plus maggots, of course.

I would seriously consider not going out on a second date with her.



This fro-yo, yo!

File under: Gross!

Letha is Roman's cousin. She also ended up getting impregnated by an angel (don't ask). What did she do when she experienced a craving? "Peanut butter and lime yogurt mixed together with gummi bears and extra M&Ms." This may be the grossest part of the whole series.



This illiterate graffiti!

File under: Disappointing.

C'mon, backwoods hillbillies. Learn2Contraction.



This guy's face!

File under: Gross!

Peter got his face eaten by a werewolf. But don't worry, he didn't die.

Some terrible caption ideas for this photo that didn't make the cut:

– "Who swapped my Noxema for battery acid?"
– "You told me to save face, so I cut it off and left it in a box back home!"
– "I'm a diehard fan of Face Off!"
– "Boo!"
– "How's my hair?"


So there you have it! You've seen 1/400th of all the weird, gross, and best stuff that happens in Hemlock Grove. If you'd like to see more, cough up eight bucks, get yourself a Netflix subscription, and check it out. Now stay tuned for the Weirdest, Grossest, Bestest Moments from Arrested Development!



Follow TV.com writer Tim Surette on Twitter for the Weirdest, Grossest, Bestest tweets: @TimAtTVDotCom

Comments (51)
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I can't believe that I just saw this (the article, not the show). This is sooo funny! I look forward to one for the new season. I really enjoyed the show despite having to turn away at least once per episode. And also the fact that it took a few episodes for it to really pick up (4-5). I honestly think that it was the screenwriting in the beginning mostly being done by the autohor of the book. I think I read that in the opening that it was based on a novel(s) and the person who wrote the novel(s) also wrote a few of the first episodes.

It makes absolutely no sense for a long while, but then picks up and is just a long dramatic display of weirdness right up until the end. And I was glad that the weirdness with rich boy finally culminated into something. We know he's a vampire. I mean I suspected but now we know right?!
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You forgot te part where she swallows a oversized maggot to speak with the dead!!! I mean do you have to swallow a living critter to talk to the other side, couldn't she use a crystal ball?
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Supernatural is better.
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Mary "Shelly" Frankenstein. This show should have started with a Michael Douglass disclaimer.
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I think it's the most interesting show ever.
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I loved this show to death (pause for laughter), I didn't think it was boring at all and I even loved it more than True Blood. I especially liked the darkness about this show, a lot of shows won't go there but this one does and it pays off (imho).
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M I'm the only one who thinks the show is become extremely tedious after the 2nd girl got killing?!?
I don't feel any much sympathy towards arrogant Roman or Snobbish Peter. and the young girls in the show are boring as f***.
I liked the first 4 and last 2 episodes,a ll in between episodes were extremely stretched.
PS. A total of 10 episodes would had enough.
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I would say if any previews or commercials didn't turn you away, HG is good enough to watch once, but it satisfies more like a Twinkie instead of like a Snickers. The weirdness and the freakishness were done fairly well, so that's a plus if you're into that.

The show could have been so much better, but instead relied on too much sudden stupidity and incompetence...when the show already let us know it was capable of better. Really brought things down and it was a shame.

Overall, I enjoyed it, but I wouldn't watch it again, where most shows I enjoy, I could watch again. That said, if there's a second season, I will certainly watch that, so take that as you will.
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BTW, is the actor that played Roman the brother of Starbuck from BSG? It'd make sense since two others are here from BSG. It's disturbing how much they look alike even if they are related. I'm just glad I saw her first. Kinda like that girl that would be hot...if she didn't look so much like a friend of yours. -smh
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He's Bill Skarsgard, brother of - yeah you guessed right - Alexander Skarsgard from True Blood!
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Ha! Nailed it--oh wait.

I guess I can see it around the eyes, but the guy really looks just like Starbuck.
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I loved this show. Best role that I have ever seen Famke Janssen play. I enjoyed the gypsy mysticism. This show really did have the BEST werwolf transformation I have ever seen. You had to apply a little of your own imagination to the show or else you wouldn't get it, So to those who didn't get it... sorry. Open your mind a little and realize that 13 episodes is not enough for character development AND epic detail. It was nice not knowing everything a character will do because of what they are. And I have to agree with what someone else said about it being better that anything the CW puts out. I've watched FOX shows that bored me far more than this show.
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I had so much fun reading this article, thank you Tim!
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Haha fun post!! And you're totally right! I managed to watch all 13 boring eps because the whole thing really intrigued me and the characters were pretty cryptic but i got really disappointed by the messy last ep which had me raise my eyebrows like "all of this for that???"! We didn't have a lot of answers in the end. Roman's transformation especially disppointed me since there were no real explanation about the whole thing, or I didn't understand it. Letha died delivering her baby and then Olivia told him the baby was his and that he had to eat it in order to fully become a vampire. I still don't understand why we saw young Olivia turn into a vampire if eating your first born is supposed to complete the transition. And what about that weird story she told Roman about a girl and a servant?? And then, he bit his mother and teared her tongue apart and she died. I never thought removing its tongue would kill a vampire! The fact that half the cast died in the last ep was kind of a bummer too, who the hell are we gonna see next season?! The words "beautiful and awkward mess" come in mind when I think about the show, I won't be returning for season 2. Is it renewed BTW??
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The werewolf transformation was good, the other was just insane.And not in a good way :)
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Did anyone recognize crazy face-scratcher girl from Once upon a time? I didn't. I found out when I looked her up at imdb.
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Yeah she played Wendy in the finale :)
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Ok now I definitely will not be watching Hemlock grove.
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every moment here (except fot the hat ) was everything i loved about this show. specially how roman changes to a werewolf .its seriously the best change i have ever seen, hemlock grove wasnt very coherent but i so want moreeee
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sorry i meant peter... but roman was pretty weird too
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House of Cards was awesome! Hemlock Grove I found to be quite boring.
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I love house of cards..every epi was fantastic and I can't wait for next season. But this mess OMG...and I love scary, and creepy..but this junk it just awful. I watched 4 shows and just could do anymore..surely they are not going to renew this crud...Not a good show at all....
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It has been more than a month since I've watched it... and I still ain't sure about what the fuck actually happen in "Hemlock Grove"!

Essentially, this is a highly watchable, yet very troubling, flawed and hollow series. I hate to put it this way, but really, it's as if David Lynch had control over "The Vampire Diaries" for half a season... but in a BAD WAY - we're not talking "Twin Peaks" or "Mulholland Drive" Lynch here, but something closer to "Inland Empire", where one of my favorite authors essentially made shit up just for the sake of making shit up. I defy anyone to make any sense outta THAT movie, and the same can justifiably be said about this show.

Gotta give it to this series, though: its has the best portrait of lycanthropes I've seen in a very long time - unlike the aforementioned Julie Plec-headed CW series, werewolves are genuinely scary here. From their (epic!) transformation to their overall behavior, every here rang true. And I even learn a new way to become a wolf - the explanation is quite insane (drinking from the imprint of a wolf!?), but, then again, if I compare it to Stephen King's "Cycle of the Werewolf", it still is way more plausible.

I'm really happy we can finally talk about "Hemlock Grove" here, cause I would like to mention a very disturbing fact about this series: its very subtle, yet quite evident, misogyny. Yeah, a bunch of young girls are being killed all around town, that's the main storyline, but, seriously, the body-count ratio between men versus women is ridiculous. From what I can recall, the last guy to actually die in "HS" was the crazy hobo dude who "saw the dragon", and I'm pretty sure that happen midway through the season. Even if you take out all the girl killed by the 'bad wolf', that still leaves TONS of females being brutally murder, compare to one or two guys - the season finale is especially gender-specific when it comes to that macabre fact. And I'm not even mentioning the numerous rapes perpetrated by one of the supposed heroes of this story, Roman... Cause, yes, he ended raping more than one girl here. So yes: "Hemlock Grove" hates women.

I'm not saying you shouldn't watch this series - as I said before, it's highly watchable and very well acted, although it's complete senseless. However, if you're bother by blatant misogynistic behavior, or if anything Surette wrote about it makes it unappealing to you... pass your turn. Overall, it is not worth investing 10+ hours of your life.
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Why review this instead of Orphan Black?

I liked Hemlock Grove but wouldn't recommend it to other people unless I really knew their tastes in shows, WHEREAS I would recommend ORPHAN BLACK to everyone who likes good tv shows. I guess we will have to wait until Orphan Black season ends and even then it probably won't be reviewed....*sigh*.

Oh yeah, this is about Hemlock Grove--> there are pros and cons to Hemlock Grove and it's not for everyone. I enjoyed it and look forward to season 2 but I don't see it winning any awards--lol. It's still better then anything put out by the CW so far (I took an extended break from TVD and while I enjoy Arrow it is also not an award winning show)...Nikita rocks but Hemlock Groves has some good points (sexy guys, interesting supernatural elements, good special effecs/horror, etc...).
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Omg Orphan Black is a very good show. Thats what I say review a great show like OB and forget saying anything more on this dren of a show....HG stinks....
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This is probably the worst show I've ever seen. I have always found it really irritating when people say "this was the worst movie I've ever seen" every time they've seen a movie they didn't like. So I don't use language like that lightly. I have tried to think of something that's clearly worse, but I would have to go back to the 90's, and shows that I never really watched, so it's hard to compare. I've wanted to say something about this for a while. So thank you for posting this article. These are some of the main problems with the show. 1. At least 90% of the scenes are fillers that don't move the plot forward. 2. When people talk to each other, most of what they say is nonsense. 3. They're playing some really lame background music (piano and violin) in most scenes, even while people are talking. This is not something you get used to after a while. It just gets more irritating with each scene. It's pretty loud too. 4. The plot is ridiculous, even for a monster show. But more importantly, it's boring. It's also kind of depressing. (Too many tragedies). 5. They have thrown in lots of random crap that's probably supposed to make everything feel more mysterious, but most of it is stupid and pointless. For example, Roman's mother gives him an axe. They're standing in front of a mirror on which she has drawn a wolf and painted a red heart on it. She asks him to look at the mirror. The painted heart starts beating. He asks his mom "what is this?" No reply (obviously). He then crushes the mirror with the axe. 6. The main characters' plan to deal with the crazy werewolf may be the stupidest thing I've ever seen on TV. Yes, I saw what happened at the evacuation center in The Following. 7. Episode 8 (Roman in a coma) was probably the worst episode I've seen of any show. 8. The head scientist at the Godfrey institute. Ridiculous character. Half the scenes with him end with him talking nonsense into a recording device, saying the words "comma" and "full stop" a lot. (As if he wouldn't be able to figure out where to put the commas when he listens to the recording). I'm going to explain what happened at the end. The two main characters are Roman, the rich pervert boy who doesn't know that he's not quite human, and Peter, the gypsy werewolf. There's a crazy werewolf in town who's killing young girls. Roman and Peter have been planning to kill it for weeks. It killed someone last night, when the moon wasn't full. Peter figures that to kill this thing, he's going to have to use magic to turn himself into a werewolf the wrong time of the month. But magic always comes with a price. Roman asks what the price is. Peter: My Face...my human face will be the price for doing this. Roman: Peter goes to a store and buys a long power cable. What happens at the store makes it look like the cable is absolutely essential to the plan. They find out that the crazy werewolf is the crazy face scratcher girl. Not because of their brilliant detective work, but because she comes to them and tells them. She asks if they're going to kill her, and even encourages them to do it. She's on her knees, waiting to be killed. This seems like a good opportunity to use the axe that Roman brought to the scene. So what do they do? Roman stays in his corner doing nothing. Peter ties one end of the power cord around wolf girl's neck and I guess he ties the other end to something else. Then he waits for her to turn. When she starts to turn, he smears bacon grease over his face. She attacks him and eats his face (literally and completely). So what was the point of the power cord? Peter then turns too, and the two of them fight in wolf form. Peter loses almost instantly and dies. So the crazy wolf attacks Roman. He doesn't take a single swing at it. All he manages to do is to hold the axe so that the wolf bites into the handle. He's on the ground with the wolf on top of him, and it's clear that he's losing. Then his sister shows up and snaps the wolf's neck. After a while Peter comes back to life, and his face is pretty again.
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Thank you so very very much. You've saved me the time suck of finishing the season. I came for the Famke and was bored and confused and felt like I was watching 90210 but with monsters. Stupid petty monsters. And really could the girls be more vapid? CAN THEY?!
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i totally agree with you about number 5 and 7! I liked the evacuation center Following storyline though!

Fun recap of the last ep when they fought, it was totally crazy! The ep 12 cliffhanger was quite good and when I saw what really went down in ep 13, I was filled with despair! haha! Shelly came out of nowhere, saved the day and then got shot, so we'll never know what she really was. Oh and you forgot to mention that Letha's love tears brought Peter back to life, after all, love is the most powerful magic...or some crap like that! And then Roman's transition was over the top BS and really made me think I wouldnt come back for season 2 ^^
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You guys write a lot of articles about shows that don't appeal to me, but I think that's great. I just passed into the demographic of who the hell cares what muderboy thinks anymore, he's a dinosaur - which would be cool if it didn't mean simply that I'm too old for anyone to care anymore - RAHOWWW, look out or I'll bit your head off, cool. This was article was way better than the show, and I enjoyed it , Tim - may I call you Tim, Tim?
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Yeah..I still don't understand this show, have no idea what the hell really went down, I still find it disgusting a good chunk of the time...and yet I'm hooked. I think that has to do with Roman's lanky figure and his good taste in music.
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I kept watching cause it was just there.. all the 13 eps run waiting for me... but by the end I totally changed my mind. I am so hooked now, I love this show, the finale blew the place up in here and I really wish it were renewed
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i made it to episode 4 i think it's way too creepy and thought it was just me who didn't understand it but i guess it's universe if anyone has figured out what is going on please let me know
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this show is great,i hope they have a season 2 for it,but I doubt it
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I enjoyed Hemlock Grove. I look forward to a season 2.
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I just had to see this, I deliberately decided not to watch for several reasons, primarily, I live somewhere that there is no street post delivery which means I have to go to the post office and that is a pain in the ass because I have to do it before work or during my lunch hour, I am not going to sign up for a service that requires me to actively go to my mail box - hell, I still have my previous two cell phones sitting in their recycle envelopes in my apartment. Second, I love horror, but hate gore. Then I heard that Eli Roth was behind this and my sensibilities that hate gore went flying off the handle. I like my Teen Wolf werewolves better. And I will watch AHS and Bates Motel and Hannibal for my holy crapness.
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You don't have to have a DVD subscription as part of your plan. You can have streaming only, which I had for a long while (I didn't have DVD player for a while after my first one died)
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Ah. I don't have internet either. I generally have only unreliable wi fi that isn't mine (I live on Martha's Vineyard an island off the Massachusetts coast).
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Ahh, I see. No (reliable) interweb?!! How do you live? JK But Wow! Martha's Vineyard that's so interesting. You really should look into getting your own internet connection. It's the. Best. Thing. Ever.
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the graffiti bugged the hell out of me too. Kinda loved Romans coma dream and the werewolf transformation was pretty awesome. Crazy ass show but very entertaining
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I stopped watching Hemlock Grove after the pilot, but I kinda wish I kept watching just so I could see that werewolf transformation in better context. Aside from maybe zooming in on Roman's face a bit too often, that was pretty fun to watch. His eyes popped out and he ate his own human flesh!
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More power to anyone who likes this stuff and I know it's not fair to talk about having not watched but I'd seen the guys work with HOSTEL and hated that beyond a passion. Don't understand the appeal but to each their own. :D
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It's probably just that it's supernatural and Hostel wasn't. But I feel ya on that. I couldn't watch the second Hostel. One was enough torturous suffering.
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I liked the show. It started off kind of slow but kicked butt in the end. Can't wait to see season 2. Well done Netflix.
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I can't help but wonder whether this shoe was a waste of time or not. I didn't particularly enjoy it but I always had to see the next episode. It was weird, gross and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone yet I didn't exactly dislike it.
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Dang! I'd rather watch Revolution!
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I'm not sure aout that : Revolution has twenty two episodes ...
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Well, both fall on my list after a root canal without anesthesia (where they go in through the knee and work their way up).
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Woah! Bold statement!
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