The Worst New Show Titles of the 2012-2013 Season

You wouldn't name your kid Dorkapottamus Reginald Crotch-Burns III, would you? So why do TV networks insist on giving their shows, which are essentially their version of human babies, such poor titles? Now that the major networks (and The CW) have announced their new offerings for the fall 2012-2013 season, it's time to start judging the incoming freshman class. And it is not without its Dorkapottamuses and Rudy Bumsniffers.

Let's take a look at the worst offenders and throw elementary-school-style taunts at them, because nothing says more about show than its name.



The Mindy Project (Fox)

As far as I can tell, this comedy about an awkward gynecologist named Mindy has no "projects" involved whatsoever. But it does have a Mindy in it. The word "project" should only be used in the titles of makeover shows or names of '70s-inspired psychedelic bands. Instead, I'm waiting for Mindy Kaling to be some sort of bionic human unleashed by the government to clean up the streets. The worst part of this title that it used to be better: The show's original title, It's Messy, was way, way better—but prude-y Fox thought calling a show about a gynecologist It's Messy was gross.

Our alternate title suggestion: The Vagina Mindylogues; Lady Parts; Remember That Indian Girl From The Office? Well She's Got Her Own Show Now; Newer Girl



Guys With Kids (NBC)

Exec 1: "What's this show about?" Exec 2: "Guys with kids." Exec 1: "I love it! Here's $40 million."

Our alternate title suggestion: Breastfeeding Jokes; Daddios; The Hangover Baby Times Three; Motherf*ckers



The Carrie Diaries (The CW)

Dear The CW, please limit the number of Diaries shows on your schedule to one per season. This Sex and the City prequel is set in the '80s and follows a young Carrie Bradshaw. (You'll need to know that to understand some of the "jokes" the follow.)

Our alternate title suggestion: Sex and the Schoolyard; Jailbait-ies Dance Party; Another Goddamn CW Show About Horny Teens; Hairstyles Your Mom Used to Have



Friend Me (CBS)

Everyone knows this title is a play on social networking websites, specifically Facebook. And this comedy is about two guys who work for an internet company. But to show just how out-of-touch studio execs are with the real world, the company the main characters work for is Groupon, the online discount service that keeps white-water rafting companies in business. This is like calling a show about football Slam Dunk.

Our alternate title suggestions: Two-for-One Pedicures; Web 2.0 Tweet Tumblr Comment; Myspace Is Still Cool, Right?; LOL; Every Other Buddy Comedy But Set at a Website



How To Live With Your Parents (For The Rest Of Your Life) (ABC)

Oh my god this title is so long it will take forever to type I mean there are 12 words in the title alone and even if you acronym it it becomes the unsightly HTLWYPFTROYL which looks more like some Internet speak for rolling on the floor having a seizure than a shortcut for a show about a woman who is recently divorced and moves in with her embarrassing parents and the worst part is they know it's really long because they tacked on another entire show title in the parentheses! Starring Sarah Chalke.

Our alternate title suggestion: Mom, Stop It!; I Just Want My Dad's Pants Back; Wait, Why Don't I Just Get My Own Place?; You've Already Invested Enough Time Reading the Title of the Show You May As Well Watch It!



The Mob Doctor (Fox)

Sometimes a title can be so to-the-point that it leaves nothing to the imagination. This drama is indeed about a doctor who works for the mob. Oh, Mob Doctor! M.D! Now I get it. (But I wish I hadn't.)

Our alternate title suggestions: Doc Mafia; The Italian Nose Job; Gooddoctas



Ben and Kate (Fox)

If you've named your show after your two main characters, you are the laziest person on the planet. Come on, this is the '10s! But believe it or not, Ben and Kate is actually an improvement over the show's original title, Ned Fox is My Manny.

Our alternate title suggestion: Something That Describes What This Show Is About; Bate (or Ken); Two Main Characters



Red Widow (ABC)

This is the second pilot of the season to use the word "Widow" in its title, the first being the even more horribly titled Widow Detective, which CBS passed on. The ABC drama is about a woman who takes over her assassinated husband's role in the mafia, so that explains the "Widow" part. But is she a communist? Does she honor the Lord of Light? Is she perpetually embarrassed? Red Widow was named Penoza right up until ABC ordered it to series, and while that doesn't make any sense either, at least it sounds like a pretty yummy pasta dish!

Our alternate title suggestion: Stromboli Mama; I Married a Mobster: The Show; Why Do I Always Fall For Bad Boys?; One Of These Days We'll Get a Show About an Ass-Kicking Woman Down Right!



Arrow (The CW)

What, was The Green Arrow too much description? What if Superman was just Man? Or Batman was just Man? Or Aquaman was just...

Our alternate title suggestion: Duh, The Green Arrow!


Follow TV.com writer Tim Surette on Twitter: @TimAtTVDotCom

Comments (108)
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OK, the complaint about Mob Doctor was it left too little to the imagination, but Green Arrow is OK?
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I can't tell if this article is a joke or not...
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.........and of cource the theme song for the mindy one has to be has to be the Aussie song " i come from the land down under"
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- The Mindy Project. / Down under Mindy / Down stairs Mindy



- Guys With Kids / Searching for clues / whatta hell happend?



- The Carrie Diaries / Before horse face / why she never learned



- Friend Me / Lying my ass of / life pretender



- How To Live With / Die allready!! / chilling



- The Mob Doctor / The italien job /



- Ben and Kate / whatever / 2 / 1 + 1



- Red Widow / unreal / gymnastic lady



- Arrow / Swooooooooosh!!! / whatta f*ck was that?
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"I love it! Here's $40 million." ROFLMAO!
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Will and Grace worked out OK, but I can't look at the guy from Everybody Loves Raymond without seeing Til Death.
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I really dislike the "Don't Trust the B---- in Apt 23" title. It's a mouthful, and it plays it safe. It hurts my eyes just looking at.



I love your guy's title suggestion for Red Widow: "I Married a Mobster: The Show". lol
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I have a real problem with the young Carrie character. Unless we see Carrie slip into a heavy crack or meth addiction that ravages her quickly then I don't know how they can cast an attractive girl for it.
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Any of these new series looks good...
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myspace actually was cool. facebook is just popular.
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Arrow comment actually made me Laugh out Loud, that was good. Ridiculous
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shocking, most of these shows are airing on fox! so shocking....
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Since a title can make or break a show's success, I am surprised (but not that surprised) that these show titles are lacking in imagination and attraction.
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Not nearly enough of a horseface to be a young Carrie Bradshaw.
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the douches who gave the title just made an s of themselves.imagine watchmen as men
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Aarow is the best of the worst
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I don't get why people are so mad. This is opinion journalism so of course a lot of it is going to be speculating and I speculate that all these shows look horrible. I also think a lot of these shows will fail because even if I don't think so, people do base series on their titles. But if you want some examples of shows that there were terrible with bad titles, remember "The Playboy Club", "Are You There Chelsea" or "Work It"?
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It's just the Black Widow! Whats with the Red Widow? I mean come on seriously.
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Are you guys fucking stupid! i mean seriously, you people are granted to me smart to actually write these sort of articles, and you (the people who comments)just write something that doesn't make sense at all, and you agree with it.

Clearly Arrow is much better than your freaking stupid title the green arrow.

Obviously they are creating this title because they have to have something that when search on google you wouldn't see green arrow all over again. It is much easier when you have a name like this that seperate it for it's universe. Clearly if you search on green arrow you will have comics, the character and figures all over google. At it just so boring and typical to have such title.

Second of all i think this name fits more into the series and for the third it is a title who gives you the chill and if you had you lame of a title it will probaly make the chances of me watching the show for next fall minimized.

seriously you shoud've known better.....
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I humbly apologise on behalf of everyone at tv.com, all the readers, members, and posters. We are sorry, and you are clearly right (and clearly part of their target audience).
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People, Listen!

The CW didn't cancel The Secret Circle, just to repaste it with Arrow and Beauty and the Beast at all. If you've been paying attention at all. Arrow & Beauty and the Beast were already into the production during The Secret Circle was airing. And also way before The Secret Circle gotten cancelled. So, if you people want to be upset aganist The CW Network for cancelling The Secret Circle? That's fine with me here... But don't blame the New following Tv Series, for the lost of the series from the previously year tv schedule. They've nothing to do with it what's so ever. And you people might be surprise they're 10% times better than The Secret Circle was well put itself. How can you people say, the Arrow & Beauty and the Beast looks awful out one short clip of showing? Man, how can you judge something like that short and fast into seconds. Wow! I must be on another planet or something the minds or brains works faster than humans do.
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Chicago Fire is also lame.

And Revolutions ,cool title bu doesn't describe what the show is about.
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You had me at "Another Goddamn CW Show About Horny Teens".
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They could maybe have also called the Green Arrow show "Quiver" but that probably wouldn't work as well for recognition. Obviously I'm referencing the Kevin Smith written return of Ollie back in like 2001 or so.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quiver_(comics)
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The only one I truly agree with: "The Green Arrow". That title proves, once again, that the CW have no idea how to do a proper super-hero series.



... Still gonna watch it, though.
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::sigh:: Yep.
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And in defense of Arrow, even though it looks awful and I'm not going to watch it, they've dropped the 'Green' from his name altogether. So it wouldn't make sense to call it the Green Arrow when in the show he is only going to be known as Arrow.
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I bet it does as well as "the Cape" ... can't believe they cancelled TSC for crap like this.
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In defense of "The Carrie Diaries", it is technically based on the book series of the same name.
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"Red Widow" is a deadly spider. For future reference there's a great website at "https://www.google.com/" in which you can type words and you will be information about those words. In fact, if you were to type the letters "red wid" into this website (known as a search engine), the website will automatically finish the words "red widow spider", and you can learn about this species of spider.



It works on two levels, because as a mob wife she can be deadly, and her husband was killed which makes her a widow.



See?
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Explain that one more time.
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It works on several levels. She is a widow, the red widow spider can be dangerous just as a mobster, red widow spiders are very rare just as female mobsters are, i guess. Spiders also often sits in the middle of their web waiting for food to get stuck, which makes them a perfect analogy for a mob boss who also controls a big net, of sorts. Also the Black Widow name is just kind of over-used and cliched :)
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Nope, I'm still not getting it either. One more time?
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Oh, I forgot one.



- Ben and Kate... Melissa & Joey, oh wait, is that already taken?
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My alt titles:



- The Mindy Project... The World Revolves Around Mindy; Relationships Are Hard When You're Shallow;



- Guys With Kids... Big Poppas; Irresponsible Parenting;



- The Carrie Diaries... Second-Base and the City;



- Friend Me... Website: The Show!; Generic Buddy Sitcom Formula 73; SEO: Search Engine Optimizers (it's on CBS, that'd probably be enough to give it big ratings and 2 spin-offs);



- How To Live With... ... Quirky Family; Divorced Mom with Apparently No Life Skills;



- The Mob Doctor... Bent Scalpel; Mob Doctor (heh heh, screw you, "the"!);



- Ben and Kate... Codependence Can Work; When All Else Fails; Brother, Nanny, Wacky, Canceled;



- Red Widow... Bang & Bury; Hitwoman (with very 1970s-inspired titles); Kill to Live;



- Arrow... Ollie!; Emerald Archer; Oliver Queen: Arrow-Shooting-Guy!; Zing!; Batman-but-with-Archery.
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That's awesome! I didn't even think to do this. "Second-Base and the City" is greatness!
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Heh heh, I hate to say it but Fox was right about Mindy's original title, that would be gross. "Lady Parts", that's kinda funny. I think they gave it the "Project" title just to get it out the door and falling off their schedule as fast as possible. "What is the project?" "Oh, we're planning to see how long it takes Mindy Kaling to realize that this show isn't going to work."



"Motherf*ckers", you win that round, Mr. Surette.



"Sex and the Schoolyard", you're on fire. "Another Goddamn CW Show About Horny Teens", I think that's already been on their schedule for a while.



HOLY CRAP! I can't believe I missed that "Friend Me" has a social website title and is about guys NOT working at a social website. "LOL", damn, that's what this was destined to be.



Dude, that's exactly what HTLWYPFTROYL looks like. It doesn't matter what it's called though, it'll just be canceled in 6 episodes.



Damnit, all of the ones on The Mob Doctor had me giggling.



Wait, if the show WAS going to be called "Ned Fox is My Manny", and it's about her brother, then where did they get the "Ben" from the title? Oh god, it's a mirror-flop of "ned".



I suspect he won't be green on the show.
More+
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Yeah, some of these are bad, but at least we haven't gotten yet another show where they give the main character a "virtue" name just so they can make a bad pun in the title. Raising Hope, Hope and Faith, Leap of Faith, Will and Grace.......really needs to stop. No one thinks you're clever!
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well, Tim the "Red Widow" original title "Penozo" sounds a lot like "Penoso" (with an "S") which in Italian means "sucky, awful" so if I were them I'd stick with the "Red Widow" instead :-)
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By far the most obvious is Arrow should be something else!



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hilarious! esp the Lord of Light comment :)

just hope the title quality isn't an idication on the show quality.... (actually i do not care for most of them, but still..)
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I think Arrow is alright, but your comments still made me laugh :P

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The Lord of Light. LMAO!
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They probably didn't want to call it Green Arrow because it seems they are changing a bunch of stuff. Just like how the show based on The Sword of Truth was called Legend of the Seeker.
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You mean the show with characters of the same name as TSoT.....
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Another Goddamn CW Show About Horny Teens...LOL, good one! But its true, CW is turning into a channel where all teens who have no personal life can tune in to fulfill their sexual desire fantasies by looking at the ridiculous amount of abs every male character has on that show. Yes, Vampire Diaries, you lead in that pack, pun intended! I mean, don't get me wrong, when I was in high school, I loved the CW because Gossip Girl really pushed the boundaries with its behavior, but at least in the beginning, shame still existed on that show, now practically all CW shows are the same when it comes to that topic. Its getting more boring and annoying, than hot and exciting.
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You had me at "The Vagina Mindylogues". Awesome titles :D
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Still want the secret circle to come back :) any news guys? Oh and i agree, Justin Hartley should have come back as the green arrow. But now his some doctor on some new show....really disappointed in the CW lately. ABC rocks with Revenge :D hehe
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Arrow doesn't bother me, neither does The Carrie Diaries. Honestly, I don't think anyone will care about the similarity between the titles of two of its shows, especially if they're on different nights and are completely different shows. I'm actually looking forward to it.
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Green arrow maybe better than Arrow but in that case iwould and still do see the actors from smallville. Ok i know he is booked to that other show. 3 Smallville ex for 3 new shows.
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The Green Arrow.
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Oh, you forgot 'Emily Owens MD'.....First Cut was so much better, and could be interpreted in so many ways apart from the "birth of a suicidal tendency".
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I thought the trailer was blah, but the title of 'Red Widow' is awesome! And also 'Arrow' is not bad as you make it out to be!
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Some of these -- and others are awful and off-putting. MOB DOCTOR was on my 'probably not' list on the title alone. 666 PARK AVENUE almost works. REVOLUTION just sorta sits there -- but then, so did SUPERNATURAL.



The worst, though is the inadvertently funny LAST RESORT. Maybe if it weren't going to be set on a Caribbean island I wouldn't have the picture of the submarine crew avoiding detection by disguising themselves as waiters, desk clerks, 'hospitality hostesses' and bellboys.
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Thumbs up for The Vagina Mindylogues, Tim. I got a good chuckle out of that.
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As sad as it is, "Arrow' is BY FAR the best title on this list. While it (clearly) isn't anything great, it is VERY OBVIOUSLY AND EASILY better than all of the other show titles listed on this page. And isn't that just sad. Ah, but for the days when we were given titles such as "Law & Order" (despise the procedural if you will, but admit that it is an apt title), "Miami Vice", and "The Sopranos". Maybe it's just me, but given the true intent of shows in this era, most should be named somewhere in the realm of "Network TV experiment No. XX that we honestly do not expect to succeed". Ugh, the ratings game.
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Who cares about the titles? I mean is Seinfeld less funny because the name is lazy? But you should be worried about the shows them self, what a bunch of garbage. Cable TV has shown television can be good, The Mob Doctor doesn't cut it no matter what the name. Didn't Rob Lowe already do this show? Dr. Vegas? And Friend me and Guys with kids seem like shows created by executives who sat at a table and went "what's trending today." Good shows need to be developed by people who have real and unique ideas and have a passion for what they're doing. Unfortunately, we get Whitney.
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i love how some of these titles scream "this show will be lame"... like come on Friend Me? really?

for Ben & Kate in my mind i keep wanting to add plus 8. they should really change that name.

as for Arrow its not that bad, however i didnt realise that it was a show about The Green Arrow untill i read the description for it so i guess it kind of fails on that level
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Re: "Ben & Kate"...I thought the exact same thing!
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