TLC Erases L.A. Ink

… TLC got out its lasers and removed tattoo reality series LA Ink from the small of its back yesterday. The show, which follows tattoo artist and tabloid star Kat Von D, will dry up after its fourth-season finale on September 15. Bonus news: Kat is re-engaged to Jessie James! [EW]

Breaking Bad star Bryan Cranston is getting inked for The Simpsons. Cranston will voice a superspy hallucination of Homer's named Stradivarius Cain, for an episode airing next spring. Cain's objective: to transform Homer into a man who Marge can't resist. My advice: Get her addicted to some of the purest blue meth available, which only you can provide! [EW]

… Fox has purchased three projects with major commitments (i.e. if they don't get very far in the development process, Fox has to shell out money), and at least two and a half of them sound pretty good. The first, an action comedy called Stranger Planet, is from Chuck producer Matthew Miller and centers on a cop who discovers aliens are living among us on Earth. El Jefe, from the creators of Aliens in America (love that show!), follows a thirtysomething man who gets kicked out of his parents' house and ends up living with their housekeeper and family. The last project is an untitled cop show about a pair of female officers who are also the subject of a reality show. [Deadline Hollywood]

… My good buddy Liz Tigelaar (okay, we talked once) has a new project going at ABC (she last worked on the late CW show Life Unexpected). She's adapting The Joneses, a 2009 film starring Demi Moore and David Duchovny about a family that moves to the suburbs with a secret. Best of luck, Liz. [Deadline Hollywood]

Nigel Lythgoe, the man with Britishest name in all of Britain, is pitching a new reality show to The CW. Lythgoe, an executive producer on American Idol (and a familiar face on So You Think You Can Dance), is sticking with singing competitions but making his next one into a family affair. The new show would search for the next family of singers—think The Partridge Family, but for real. [TV Guide]

Joel Gretsch, last seen by me as the good-willed priest on the alien-invasion series V, is headed for the opposite pole of the moral compass and joining The Playboy Club. He'll play the rival to lead Nick Dalton (Eddie Cibrian), the incumbent District Attorney for Chicago. [Deadline Hollywood]

Miguel Ferrer, the man who snorted cocaine off of hookers in Robocop and therefore became my idol and everything I aspire to be, is headed to ABC's Desperate Housewives. He'll play an art teacher at the local college. Local college you say!? Yup, Susan (Teri Hatcher) is headed back to school. [TV Line]

American Horror Story is adding Without a Trace alum Eric Close to its cast. Close will play a man named Hugo and be seen in flashbacks in the horror thriller. We don't yet know whether or not he'll wear a latex dominatrix suit. [TV Line]

David Letterman is beefing up security at the Ed Sullivan Theater, where he hosts CBS' Late Show with David Letterman, after a Muslim extremist threatened to go all jihad on him. The man in question wants the tongue to be cut out of "the lowly Jew and shut it forever" after ol' Gap Tooth joked about the death of Osama bin Laden's possible second-in-command. Letterman isn't Jewish. Look, I'm all for cutting the tongues out of people who make bad jokes, but at least get a person's religion right. [Boston Herald]

Follow writer Tim Surette on Twitter: @TimAtTVDotCom

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