Tom Cruise Returns to Oprah's Couch

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... Wacky alientologist Tom Cruise will return to the scene of one of his most heinous crimes pop culture history: Oprah's couch. The Cruisinator will appear on The Oprah Winfrey Show on May 14 to promote a movie he has coming out, so expect his freakouts to be at an unfortunate minimum. [Orlando Sentinel]

... All those bleeps in this week's episode of South Park weren't covering up cursewords; Comedy Central opted to censor out the words "Prophet Muhammad" after receiving threats from a militant Muslim group. Way to go, Comedy Central, the war on terror is over and we just lost. [NY Times]

... Survivor bad guy Russell Hantz—the oil man who finished second in the the recent Samoa edition—is also a bad guy off the island. Russell was arrested for battery in Louisiana after he allegedly shoved someone to the ground while attending the Festival International de Louisiane. I'd like to see someone put his torch out in jail, if you know what I mean. And if you know what I mean, consider sobering up because what I just said makes no sense at all. [TMZ]

... ABC is re-airing the (pop-up, "enhanced" version) of the pilot of Lost on May 22, the day before the Lost series finale. If you've always wanted to try the show out but haven't had the time, just watch the pilot one night and then the finale the next night. You'll totally know what's going on. [The Wrap]

... If you needed two more reasons to not watch The Marriage Ref, you've got 'em: Bette Midler and Howie Mandel. The two will appear on the marital advice show on May 13, so do yourself a favor and write "Avoid television at all costs" in the May 13 square on your calendar. [TV Guide]

... The future of Two and a Half Men apparently depends on Charlie Sheen. If Sheen opts not to return to the show (which is looking more and more likely), sources say the show won't go on. Sheen is currently in rehab for substance abuse, but his real crime is going along with that awful laugh track. [Radar Online]


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