Top 10 TV Memorabilia Monstrosities

The Only Way Is Essex is about to extend its acrylic-clawed grip on our lives. How? Extensive merchandising. Rumour has it that the ITV2 show is to get its own clothing line. It’s not the first time a network has tried to turn a TV show into a tacky brand. To prove it, here’s’s round up of the most heinous memorabilia to make it to market. Would you buy any of it?

Eastbound and Down man-child Kenny Powers rocks the curly mullet and baseball cap. Now you can too, thanks to this classy bit of HBO head kit.

Next time you open a gas bill, why not take the opportunity to recall Game of Throne’s best fights, schemes and brutalised underdogs. If you need a prop to prompt the connection (and let’s face it, you will), invest in this GOT sword-shaped letter opener. Coming soon (we hope): a teapot modelled on Sean Bean’s severed head.

Get a haemoglobin hit courtesy of this True Blood-themed red juice! Orange concentrate has never looked so menacing. Drink it wearing fangs to scare onlookers.

Top Gear isn’t just a television programme. Oh no. The macho motor show has a huge merchandising wing, supplying fans with everything from books and DVDs to, erm, sonic toothbrushes and soap-on-a-rope shaped like The Stig.

Can’t bring yourself to watch this brain-melting daytime chick-slot sober? Invest in a bottle of Loose Women Cava. It’ll deaden the urge to take your own life next time Carol McGiffin decides to flirt with some bloke off Holby.

You can’t call yourself a proper Glee fan unless you own the merchandise. Not since Star Trek has so much themed toot been released into the general population. At Fox’s shop you can pick up Puckerman’s jacket and hairpiece, and a Sue Sylvester tracksuit.

If you thought Delboy’s Peckham pad was the height of interior chic, then consider investing in a timelessly hideous Only Fools and Horses leopard skin barstool.

Ever felt the urge to demonstrate your love of Coronation Street in a new and exciting way? Sew yourself a Rovers Return tapestry and no one will dare question your dedication.

We don’t doubt that intergalactic travel is a sweaty, smelly business. But that’s no excuse for this assault on the senses by Star Trek’s prolific merchandising team. Introducing Shirtless Kirk - the scent that will drive your woman into the arms of literally anyone else.

Remember the Seinfeld episode where Kramer’s low-talking girlfriend asks Jerry to go on TV wearing a billowy white blouse? Now, you can sport a garment modelled on the original Puffy Shirt.

So, admit it, would you buy any of that? And how much TV merchandise do you actually own?

Comments (1)
Jul 21, 2011
I think I had a Brady Bunch lunchbox when I was a kid. It was way cool.