Kevin's vegetable goop medley.
Bravo calling last night's Top Chef a "finale" episode was both a good and a bad thing. It was bad because, you know, it wasn't really the finale, it was just an episode that didn't take place in Las Vegas and had a little extra urgency. So I was all geared up for a big finish and then got no payoff. So boo, Bravo. That said, I'm glad that Jennifer—our noble Lady who will one day kill us—at least gets to say that she made it to the "finale" of the season, even though, you know, she really didn't. Because I loved Jennifer, loved her pointy smarts, her no-nonsense maneuvering of a world rife with overbearing, bellowing men-types. She's definitely one of my favorite reality show people of the year; capable and humble, pleasant and funny. So it was really sad to see her go, but I guess them's the breaks. At least she got to the finale! Sorta.
There's not much to write about these competition shows once they get so close to the end. Gone are all the silly characters (hopefully), long past are the big blustering blunders. Now, for the most part, it's just sleek and dedicated professionalism, especially on this season of Top Chef. A couple of seasons back you had your annoyances like Marcel and Hung muddying up the final proceedings with their rat-faced arrogance and other villainy. But this season? Everyone's just so darned full of integrity and adultness. It's hard to find fault with any of them, really. Is Brother Michael a little bit annoying, with all of his complex food flourishes and menacing ego? Sure. But not really. Is Uncle Applewood made of bacon and a viscous pork goo I've named Slappity? Yes, absolutely. But who cares! And is Bryan just kinda... dull? Correct. But he's good at cooking, which is what this show is about. This all leaves us kind unable to really have any fun ruminating on the show. I could simply end the recap right here by saying: I hope they all do well. Which I do.
I mean, I certainly can't analyze the food. The last thing I cooked was a delicious meal I call Mom's Thanksgiving Leftovers. All you need is a microwave and, if possible, some sort of plate. I don't want to blabber on about Uncle Slappity's vegetable jamboree, which the judges loved so, because I don't know what it tasted like. To me it looked like a beet and a carrot resting on a delicate bed of baby puke. But to the judges? It tasted like natural Napa nirvana, the kind of wise and simple dish that locavores go absolutely organic apeshit over. So good for Kevin. I also can't say much about Michael's weird egg thing, other than isn't egg a slightly odd choice for a vegetarian dish? I mean, why not go whole non-hog and make it vegan, just to cover your bases? I know other folks put cheese in theirs, but it was sort of removable. Uncle Slappity did just that. Minus the cheese, there's nothin' non-vegan about two vegetables swimming in a sea of goose poop.
I was surprised that Bryan ended up winning, mostly because the judges didn't seem quite as effusive about his stuff as they were about ol' Applewood's. Though, I guess they didn't like the "ropey" texture of Slappity's rib scramble, so that was likely the nail in the meat coffin. Brother Michael didn't cook Padma's egg well enough, and you do NOT not cook an egg properly for the Zombie Queen. If she's going to choke down non-brain food, it's at least gotta be properly cooked. Also maybe eating raw egg is dangerous for the baby. I liked it when the Lady Who Will Whistle Off Wistfully Into the Sunset said that something was really "unctuous" and then added, sweetly, to Padma, "good for the baby." It was that nice kind of lady-relating that is all too rare on this sweaty, testosterone-glazed show. Jen was just great. Tear.
Something that was really funny about last night was Michael Chiarello. When I first moved to New York almost four years ago, I was lonely and homesick in a strange new city. For whatever reason I found refuge in the Food Network. I could not stop watching that damn channel (when I wasn't, you know, strolling the streets or seeing a show or doing other New Yorky things). I found it so comforting. And, oddly, most comforting of all? Michael Chiarello. There's just something so soothingly enthusiastic about the food he cooks and the way he talks about it, something golden and relaxed like the Valley he hails from. So it was a funny little throwback to see him beaming crooked-toothedly on TC last night. And his critiques! They were so hilariously long-winded and oddly metaphysical—all this talk about communing with the Californian earth, of understanding and translating the food. It was deeply silly but also just so sincere and endearing. He's a good egg, that Chiarello. I think it would be quite something to know him in private life.
Anyway, this is a silly little ramble of a recap. I'm a bit melancholy that my beloved Lady Who Will Find Success No Matter What has been given her walking papers. Now it's just boys, boys, and once again, more boys. Will Kevin sneak by the dueling brothers to take the top crown? In some ways that'd be the best outcome, as no one brother would have a victory to lord over the other. But also, where's the fun in that?
Where's the fun in this post? I don't know. Sorry guys. I actually like this show. Weird.
Comments (11)
My mouth literally dropped open when Padma sent Jen home. I wasn't expecting that at all. As people below have said, they gave her dishes mostly praise and Chiarello defended her use of that particular salt, saying even HE has difficulty using it. This elimination doesn't make sense seeing as both of the brother's dishes had several bad parts to them, be they bland or slightly uncooked. It just didn't make sense, but I guess they just wanted to keep the sibling rivalry all the way to the end. Oh well, as long as Michael doesn't win, because he's an a$$.
does anyone else think the Jen kick-off was kind of fishy? all this talk of glorious duckiness, Secret Jerk Chiarello even standing up for her as mentioned below, and then Tom spouts something about her being flustered and "second guessing" for the first time the entire show. Jen even wrinkles her brow and looks confused, like, "Uhhhhmmm, where's this coming from?".seems like Michael was the one who deserved to go based on foodly merits, but they wanted him around for the finale for that sweet bro-bro action. Richard: here's the clip of Chiarello calling lil' Dale "young man" on Masters: http://www.bravotv.com/top-chef-masters/videos/fridge-fight#self
they LOVED her duck. which makes it sad although I do agree that I wanted all of them to be in the finale. I love all 4 of them. I really thought michael was going to go. I honestly think one of the main reasons she was told to go was because she had told tom she was grilling it and then "wasnt checking the fire" and let it get too cool and then had to make it different. So she made it different than what she intended...so what? Don't they always talk about if something goes wrong part of being a good chef is knowing how to fix it. Then again, maybe it was the salt issue....they never like too much salt. Over the years if you hear them say there's too much salt in something BOOM that contestant's gone. All in all I do believe Jen will have success no matter what. She's awesome! So now it's down to Kevin and the two brothers YAY! Good for them. I hope either Kevin or Michael gets it. Don't get me wrong they're all great, professional, but they get money to START a restaurant. Hell if your going to get critical I hope michael wins. Because he is the only one out of the 3 that doesnt have his own restaurant. However, I do think it's choke time for michael. He's been cool and collected for most of the competition...someone's gotta crack. For his sake, I hope its not him....moreless
I thought that Chiarello kind of acted like an ass on Top Chef Masters when they had past contestants step in as sous chefs. He came across as very arrogant and condescending in that episode.Anyway, I was surprised by the outcome of this episode. It seemed like Jen might have been in the clear and Brian would have been in danger, but alas. Sometimes you get the feeling that the judges don't want to send home contestants who do consistently well, and between the four who were left Jen was the most inconsistent. On the other hand you have to believe that the judges don't consider the chefs' past performances when you account for the fact that Robin made it as far as she did. Same goes for Chicago's (S4) Lisa Fernandez who somehow made it into the finale despite consistently being in the bottom. I'm hoping that Kevin walks home with the title. Michael is full of himself and Brian, though likable, is indeed dull.moreless
Jen was made to pay for "hitting a wall." I really believe the competish to be cumulative, regardless of being billed otherwise. Back in Vegas, she cracked like Michael's neglected eggs. Her fate was sealed before the "finale" began.
I was surprised and disappointed too, though there really wasn't anyone in the top 4 who didn't belong there. They just seemed so happy about her duck that I thought she would make it.
This final four is kind of like the London season of the Real World, where everyone was mostly nice and many of them had actual talents and they pretty much got along in that little house of theirs before causing the producers to massively correct the formula to require the housemates to all take the same fake job and spend all of their times trying to outdo hottub permaskanks gone viral. But yes, I will miss dour rabbity Jennifer the most of all. The editing must have been terrible, since all of the judgy comments about her foods seemed to be just duckily positive, with the exception of the overdissolved salting. Maybe they did it that way so that she'd look good on her way out and not some flake flameout who didn't deserve to be there.moreless
Food looks terrible
I thought the Jen kick off came from left field. There was so much talk about the "duckiness," all hail the duckiness, of her duck dish. And as for the oversalting, Chiarello really went out of his way to explain how ridiculous the particular salt used can be, and to point out that it wasn't her fault. Im not sure who else they could've kicked off instead, especially since they kept complaining about Brian's food having no basic salt/pepper seasoning and he ended up winning.
i too love Michael Chiarello & when he became somewhat aghast at Brian's choice of the evil non-Napa Concord Grape it just made me want to hug him & to wonder if he secretly wanted to 'accidentally' push Brian into a fermenting vat of Napa grapes, close the lid, roll several heavy oak barrels over the top to secure it & walk whistlingly on his merry indigenous way.
The housewives are much more fun to make fun of than this small and talented group. You do have some material with Michael as he is a self-promoting grandiose cutthroat windsock. "Slappity" though. That is a glimmer of your genius. It was a melancholy episode and the first chef I was truly sad to see go. Also, Padma's outfits are always good fodder. Even the maternity wear.