True Blood: Addiction and Abandonment

True Blood S05E02: "Authority Always Wins"

You and me, my dears, are in a pretty pickle. Here we are, or at least I am, still in love with a show after five years, and kind of embarrassed about it (no, not because it’s a “guilty pleasure,” whatever that means, or because some critics think it’s awful—they are wrong, bless their hearts), but because I’m still addicted to a show whose own showrunner is personally sick of it. Plus the author who conceived the world of True Blood has flat-out refused to write another book about it. So when I sit bolt upright during an episode and sneer, “Oh, Pam was a MADAM in San Francisco? So Eric taught her the Swedish they used to speak in Season 1 all the time!?” I then sit back and realize my anger is actually an indictment against myself for caring so much about these characters. Characters disowned by their creators.

Which is kind of Tara’s position for now, because Pam has better things to do than teach her vampire manners. Though at least she has constrained Tara with some maker’s commands: Do not bite Sookie or Lafayette or leave the house. Which, yes, means Tara trashed Sookie’s house AGAIN, but hey, at least no swamp vines or giant egg in the bed this time. Significantly, this is a reversal of Tara’s dynamic with her real mom; Tara was the caregiver, never able to act out because her mom was drunk on Jack Daniels or evangelism. Now Tara has a proper maternal figure who (based on Pam’s Lifetime-movie snippets later in the episode) is no stranger to exploitation and sexual abuse, and who can out-sass Tara by a country mile. Tara finally gets to act out like a big spoiled child against a hard maternal boundary. She may have turned into the thing she hates most but now she finally has something she always needed: a mom. It’s actually super touching and it makes me swoon.

We also at last got into the the Authority’s inner sanctum and it’s more like an inner-SNOREtum. Instead of being bad-ass to the highest, the Authority is just a bunch of Lillith Faire-goers determined to get info on the “Sanguinista” movement (sigh) via the most boring method possible: torture.

Torture in real life: DISTURBING and TERRIBLE! Torture on TV: almost unbearably boring. I am a grown-up and I know that even if an actor shakes his face extra hard and clenches his arm muscles and goes “AAAARRRRRR!” he’s not actually in pain, he’s actually in a chair, and the other actor across from him is worried about keeping his face straight. Plus, if we MUST watch 15 solid minutes of Bill and Eric alternately writhing in pain and proving their undying love and loyalty to each other, like, make it colorful. Why not spice things up with an impish vampire Lynndie England type, toying with them psychologically while posing for pictures with a thumbs-up, and using humiliation, not pain, as her weapon?

Fake pain makes my stomach turn and my brain turn off, and anyway, we’ve seen these two buddy cops roll their eyes while being burned at the stake and just last week they exploded a car around themselves as a matter of convenience. They’re indestructible AND main characters and worrying about their well-being makes as much sense as fretting about Tom & Jerry’s injuries. So torture is just a lazy way to provide motivation for these characters. God forbid they maybe just WANTED to kill Russell Edgington, or that we see a plot line informed by their own personalities. Instead, this season will be dictated by the ridiculous ambitions of a thousand thousand maniacs...as usual.

I miss when Bill and Eric did things because they wanted to. When Bill would talk about redecorating his house with Sookie or Eric would have Pam put his hair in foils. I look back on these small moments now, when Tango and Cash have sworn to go wrangle up a real Count Dracula, and I wonder where that sense of fun and intimacy went. Also: Bill offering to “trade their lives” for turning over Russell, a risky venture that he himself admits will probably mean the true death “either way,” is the vampire equivalent of squealing, “Teacher, you forgot to assign us homework!” Like, learn to negotiate!

Chris Meloni was great, but I’m sorry, the Authority is just a vampire FOTS and sigh to that. And if you’re going to have a child vampire in the Authority, make sure the child actor can sell me on the one line you give him. What was this kid so angry about? Did someone push him and not his push pop?

And then there’s Terry and his Call of Duty flashbacks and Secretsy Secrets OH SO MANY SECRETS except I think we’ve all guessed what he’s hiding and it's BORING. Even Arlene seems more annoyed than scared by Terry’s dainty refusal to admit he pissed off a firestarter. Just spit it out, bro. Exactly who in this town are you trying to impress? Look out the window: Everybody you see has gotten naked and drank blood beside a Maenad at this point. No one is going to judge you.

I mean, look at this trampled jockey, slinking away with his life after watching werewolves eat a man he just helped Alcide track down! I DEFY you to shock Sam, Terry.

The Winter’s Bone woman showed up at Luna’s home (having left, no doubt, a ghastly trail of corpse-scented farts in her wake) and Luna shifted into a straight-up bitch, telling her to stay the hell away from Ella. Sam weirdly showed empathy for Winter’s Bone Lady, which means whoever's in charge of his storyline didn’t read the attached continuity notes because he spent last episode getting tortured under the grizzled gaze of this grammaw. Also, he comes from a family that was like if the Mansons got mashed up with Dr. Dolittle (“If I could walk and talk and squawk like the annnimaaals!”).

His ensuing fight with Luna was kind of hilariously anti-climatic, I got the sense that Sam just wanted to go back home to his trailer and do his push-up. He left without making up with Luna, which is fine with me. I’d rather see Jessica floss her teeth than see Luna and Sam penetrate each other with lubed-up gemstones.

Hoyt fans? HOOOOOYYYYT FAAANS?!?! Yeah, there are no Hoyt fans, but Hoyt and his Momma appeared this episode for the sole purpose of dispensing F-bombs to make up for the unprecedented lack of nudity this episode. (Even Jason kept his shirt on! Did Ryan Kwanten finally cave and eat some brown rice?)

Now, to leave behind my grumbling about Eric and Bill as buddy cops and Terry and Sam and Hoyt wasting the precious hours of my life by mopily groping through their issues: Let’s talk about Steve Newlin, possibly my new favorite character. Look at him go!

Nerds getting their swerve on is my favorite thing ever. Look how happy he is to be at a party! Steve is baby-faced and completely dazzled by a couple himboes playing Quarters, and yet still piquantly amoral, trying to buy Jason Stackhouse as a plaything. His jazzy combo of human awkwardness and vampire hedonism is what’s been missing from Bill and Eric these last two seasons, and it's nice to see the writers still know how to create personalities and not just one-liners. Steve is also the only character holding aloft the once-proud banner of Social Commentary that TB used to hoist on the reg: He happily admitted to being a vampire on TV and yet still pretended to be straight—telling! I can’t wait to see where else Steve goes this season, what his relationship is with Russell, and how he reacts to having a whole new set of fundamentalists to deal with. Actor Michael McMillian is TOTALLY invoking Showgirls-era Kyle Maclachlan. There IS no higher compliment.

Aside from Steve Newlin, the other highlight of the episode was Sookie walking through that weird vampire Army Surplus store. The location felt like it had been operating for decades, cluttered authentically with dusty signs and dubious weaponry. I love that Sookie is taking practical measures to defend her house against Russell while living independently of the muscled monsters who’ve ruled her life so long. Moments like this—when characters make personally motivated choices that send them out into new parts of this beloved and carefully drawn world—are the reason I watch the show. Even after four seasons, I am still excited to see a new store in Bon Temps. I would put real money down to go explore Shreveport and see Sookie’s house in real life. Is that embarrassing? If so, it’s probably the least embarrassing of my obsessions.

We are counting down to a possible Season 6, when we’ll have to face the existential paradox of whether or not a character, once rejected by his or her creator, is somehow less authentic. In this last season with Ball at the helm, I feel like an abandoned baby vampire myself, left with an overpowering addiction to a vein of imagery and themes whose pulse may be weakening, but still feeds this show. Even if True Blood’s characters are cut loose by their creators, they will always have a home in the recesses of my brain and the sprawling plains of my imagination. I’ll consume them in every form available, and if their heartbeats still, I’ll put on my sweatsuit and lay beside them in the ground until they rise again.

QUESTIONS:

1. Tara’s brain works! So she was just being rude all this time?

2. Where is Alcide headed now? Will he forcibly kidnap Sookie for her own protection?

3. Pam: madam or just a ho in Old San Francisky?

4. What did you think of the Authority?

Comments (195)
Submit
Sort: Latest | Popular
I understand what you all mean... I kinda like the Vampire religion idea though, and I still don't get why everyone universally hates Tara.



I remember when this show used to make my heart skip with its cliffhangers and just a few notes of Jace Everett's Bad Things would get me so excited.



Ah, well.
Reply
Flag
I wish Alan Ball had followed the storyline in the books more. The whole authority thing is a snooze fest. Now.....bringing in Eric's maker and lil brother for some trouble making would have been ideal. Bringing in Quinn for Sookie ( a bengal Tiger ftw)....and Crazy Debbies family kidnapping Sookie, so much more interesting. Also the Queen of Louisiana killing her consort, bombing of the hotel, having sookie riding a coffin out the window.....sounds good eh.
Reply
Flag
The memes in this review are so bad, even tumbleweeds would be embarrassed to be associated with it...



Anyone else disappointed that Tara isn't 'f*cktarded' ? Pam ftw



Reply
Flag
I thought maybe they were going to turn Tara into Bubba. That's some creative license I could support.
Reply
Flag
Just kill Tara already. Worst. Character. On. Television.
Reply
Flag
I'm having very ambivalent feelings about this series so far, I can't see any of the plot lines going in a direction I'm particularly interested in, but I will stick with for a few more episodes. I am glad that Lilly pointed out the flaws, love doesn't have to be blind. And I agree with most of the points made, especially about the authority child vampire. When he delivered his line it was so unconvincing that I just burst out laughing. What happened in the casting room? There must be a zillion child actors out there gagging to get a line in True Blood yet that was the choice?
Reply
Flag
Madam's have sex too. She even told her attacker when she'd be back into work. She also told Lafayette she was a hooker a long, long time ago.

But anyway, it's "Emma", not "Ella", as Luna's daughter. And I am with everyone here- it seems the show has just gone sooo downhill. It really bores me, especially coming the week after Game of Thrones (which in my opinion IS THE BEST show ever on tv). True Blood has gotten too campy. It's obvious all HBO's money goes to GoT- because I see more and more green screen on True Blood and crappy sets. I use to look forward to True Blood, now I'm just like "blah, blah, true blood, blah".
Reply
Flag
Pam was a madam. She didn't have the sex, she told others to do it.
Reply
Flag
So, this has been bugging me a bit.



'Here we are, or at least I am, still in love with a show after five years, and kind of embarrassed about it (no, not because it's a "guilty pleasure," whatever that means...'



Doesn't "guilty pleasure" mean something that you love and are embarrassed about pretty much? So, by definition...
Reply
Flag
Staff
a "guilty pleasure" is an asinine phrase used to shame moms out of eating Dove Moments and to insinuate you like something in spite of your better judgement. That's not me and True Blood, I love the series, but I feel embarassed that at this point I am probably more invested in Eric-Sookie-Bill sorting things out than both Alan Ball and Charlaine, combined (both of whom are moving on in their lives to other projects). It's like going through a break up. you don't call loving the person who's dumping you a "guilty pleasure." It's just shameful. To quote the Dears, "You and I, it's all so shameful you, you and I, it's all, it's a shame."
Reply
Flag
I thought "guilty pleasure" was basically:



'This is something I feel guilty about doing, but not guilty enough to stop doing even though I know I shouldn't because it's too damn pleasant. However, I've already said that I feel guilty, so lay off the guilt trips because I already feel guilty...just not enough.'



Anyway, you don't call loving a person who dumped you a guilty pleasure, but you do call enjoying a moped a guilty pleasure, and that's what I'd been doing, only the moped now goes about 10x slower than when it started. Now it's just my shameful occurrence.



I need to hear Eric say 'F**k Sookie' again. *That's* just a pleasure.
Reply
Flag
They really love Greg Garcia show cast members - when is Eddie Steeples showing up as a vampire? I'm sorry but I just can't take Patty the hooker seriously or Frank. On the other hand one particular authority member is my new favorite character - nice to see Peter Mensah back on my television so soon; from Proctore to Vampire Authority, nice landing spot for a great actor, as well as having Chris Keller back home on HBO.



Nice having Shiva still around even though her spat with Sam was a tad melodramatic. Wait that is what this show needs - Nick Kroll as a vampire! Sorry, thinking about another show that Janina Gavankar inhabits....



At least there were no fae shooting laser beams.
Reply
Flag
"from Proctore to Vampire Authority" is that like a proctologist? lol hahaha... btw its Doctore....
Reply
Flag
wow the whole Authority was zzzzzZZzzzzzz
Reply
Flag
I liked this episode, especially pam, and please kill TARA!!!!!! i don't like her storyline so put her to sleep
Reply
Flag
I understand why people are giving up on this show. After two seasons of not really going anywhere important, particulary the 4th season, people are tired of being faithful to watching a whole season of this show only to be disappointed and dissatisfied with the end result. People are led with the belief that it will get better and that stories will interwind and tie up, but they never do, and fans are fed up with it. My love for a few characters like Pam is what drives me to watch, but those few characters can't make up for the show that surrounds them. I'm enjoying this season a little more than most of you, but it still hasn't fixed it's primary problems, and I don't think it ever will. I'll keep to this season, but I won't be surprised if it all amounts to an ending with annoying cliffhangers that make the season leading up to them seem like nothing.
Reply
Flag
yeah yeah rocky rocky rocky
Reply
Flag
Here's my simple take on this show. The first two seasons were must see TV, even if Maryann was a little too much. That's all I'll say about that. Season 3, I enjoyed for the most part, but the last three episodes kind of fucked it up. Russell rips a newscaster's spine out and nothing happens. I enjoyed most of it prior to that though, but was the start of a nonfocused narrative. All season 4 had was Eric and Sookie fucking, and Pam being awesome as usual, but nothing else. Right now, this season looks like Pam will be awesome (no surprise), Steve Newlin will be fucking funny, and Russell will cause havoc upon his return. I'll see where this Authority stuff goes, but so far nothing else. With that, I think season will be better than 4, but will not reach the glory days of this show. I could be wrong, but we'll see. At least they are focusing on vampires more again, as AlexFrey1 put it.
Reply
Flag
The second season was almost the worst one (bumped off its throne by S4). The townspeople are stupid enough without something coming along and turning them into bacchanated automatons.



(It should be a word, if it's not one.)
Reply
Flag
^ This is very accurate.
Reply
Flag
I still liked this episode, so far definitely less annoying than last year. Russel better be as badass as he seems.
Reply
Flag
Pam actually have said she used to be a whore "a long long time ago" before, to Lafayette, so I don't know why you're surprised. I also don't know why you're surprised she's not Swedish. I always assumed Eric just taught her. She had 100 years to learn, it's not far fetched! So yeah, not sure why you got angry about that piece of information...



Pam, Tara's mom? No. A teacher eventually yes, but I doubt that'll ever turn in a mother-figure type or relationship. Pam wouldn't allow it.



You do realize that the child has probably been a vampire for a VERY long time, to be part of the counsel, and as such, is not actually a child, right? Why should he be childish?



btw, Luna's daughter.s name is EMMA, not Ella!



Do you even pay attention when you watch this show?



That was one hell of an irritating review.
Reply
Flag
this show has gone so downhill it's sad.
Reply
Flag
Yeah, this series lost me in its pilot with the laughable main character's name "Sookie" whom EVERYONE was in love with (of course) & the British actor playing Bill's horrible "Southern" accent. (Ya can't do it, Brits. Just sayin. You think you can, but you can't.)
Reply
Flag
Idk, Andrew Lincoln from The Walking Dead does pretty damn good :)
Reply
Flag
I'm with you on all points except that Sookie is a laughable name. It's a traditional Southern name. It's a diminutive form of Susan, the same way you might call someone Sue or Susie (only with a southern accent).
Reply
Flag
I'm just happy that the old Eric is back. That's enough incentive for me to watch; I was not at all a fan of the babe in the woods amnesiac Eric of last season at all. That was horrid, but I guess they felt it was too important in the books to ignore.
Reply
Flag
Old Eric is back?? You are kidding right? Him and Bill and this bromance thing... I just don't know.
Reply
Flag
I don't think they're too bad. It's pretty much Old Eric, just stuck with Bill and banging his sister like a champion.



That's pretty damn irredeemable, ladies, and I love it. Let's see him come back from that.
Reply
Flag
"So Eric taught her the Swedish they used to speak in Season 1 all the time!?"



That would explain her accent. To us actual Swedes, this would make more sense than if her back story makes her Swedish.

Reply
Flag
Well, accents change. A co-worker of mine has moved all over the globe living in various countries known for their accents and now lives in New Jersey, USA. His is a mish-mash of everything and his family from his home country (not the US) sometimes makes friendly fun of his accent.



So, a Swede living in America for a few hundred years (and probably elsewhere) would similarly have a really weird accent.
Reply
Flag
That's one of the things I loved about Godric. The actor is Danish, but his accent (when he spoke English) sounded neither Swedish, nor Danish, but it still sounded like something from that region. (I'd be interested in hearing from a Danish person if it sounded Danish to them).



Pam just sounds American. (Both when she's speaking English and when she's speaking Swedish).
Reply
Flag
I'm sorry but this photo recap is not funny
Reply
Flag
Fair, but it's hard to turn urine into wine.
Reply
Flag
So far the season is simply awful am really disappointed with it,i want the TB of the first 3 seasons back...They should have stuck with the books,and not add all of these stupid pointless storylines cause if it continues this way am gonna stop watching.
Reply
Flag
Yeah but problem is the book storylines also sucked shit. Even more, actually.
Reply
Flag
I haven't read the books, but really?
Reply
Flag
Love the icon! I've got a big girl-crush on Kaya.
Reply
Flag
I agree. I really can't stand when creators leave their shows to do other things. If the creator doesn't want to invest the time in it then why should we? As for the author, I guess I can understand why she's tired of writing the books. There are at least over 13 and it seems like she's running out of ideas.



This episode was a little too slow for my tastes but I'll let that slide since they need time to get the story going.



Loved Pam! I really hope she and Eric make up. Pam was definitely a madam in San Fran. If I was forced to be Tara's maker, I also would want nothing to do with her. Are the writers supposed to make it seem like this is some great big twist that Tara has become the thing she hate's the most? BORING. Tara has basically wandered the path of self-loathe since season 1. I really hope she gets killed off.



Sam, Terry, Jason and Jessica's story lines are starting to bore me. Although I was happy when Andy did the right thing and gave the V to Jason.



Eric was gorgeous as ever in that suit and top hat. *sighs dreamingly* He and Bill should have a side show called the Adventures of Bill & Eric.



I loved, loved, LOVED Chris Meloni. He nailed it in the coffin! The other Authority members were less then impressive. The authority was supposed to be badass but they're just really religious suits. And why is there a kid? Please lets not have another Claudia fiasco...
More+
Reply
Flag
It's been known for years that Charline Harris was ending her series with this next book. (And some have argued she's been dragging it out too long already so she would get more money.)



I've gotten the impression that Alan Ball was more asked to leave then that he decided to on his own. But that could be me reading too much into how for the past few seasons he would go on and on about how perfectly everything was going and how he had BIG plans for the future of the series, while critics and fans were saying unfavorable things about the direction he was taking the series more and more. Although it could have genuinely been a mutual decision between HBO and Ball for him to leave the show. (Ball's barely even talked about it so I doubt he had to fight them so he could leave.)
Reply
Flag
It seems like we've reached the point in the series where the actors start fielding options elsewhere in hopes of getting out on a high note.

The acting just seems worse than previous seasons.



I actually don't mind the vampire religion plotline but everything else is is just meh...

Sookie is as annoying as ever, LaFayette went from cool to horribly annoying, Terry and Arlene... who cares, and I liked Tara but either let her stay a lesbian MMA fighter or kill her off... And I would have been happy to let Eric and Bill burn last season and have Bon Temps taken over by witches and fairies.

The only entertaining characters are Jessica and Steve Newlin.



You know it's time to call it quits when people stop liking the main characters and wish the minor characters had more line.
Reply
Flag
It's not inconceivable that Pam, in her ~130 years of being on earth, could have learned Swedish among several other languages. I know people that can speak 4+ languages and they're not even 30.



Almost every show, once it reaches about the fifth season, starts to run dry on ideas and plot lines so we can't really be too picky. It's not as tired as House was, for example, in their fifth season.
Reply
Flag
House was quite dry by season 5, but True Blood is and has always been much drier. House just started off on a higher bar, so it's easier to see when it declined.
Reply
Flag
True, but from my (vague) memory of Season 1... my feeling was it was a first language for her. Like she was angry or muttering to herself and was doing it in a foreign language... which from family-experience I can tell you a lot of non-native English speakers do when they're emotional (revert back to their best-known language).



That being said, it's still 100% possible that she immigrated to the US from Sweden and learned English by the time we see her as a Madame. Considering a lot of people were still coming here back then it's quite likely
Reply
Flag
Ditto on the Pam comment. Ditto on the fifth season comment.



I never watched House, though I heard plenty about it's tired formula. I do think it's a little tougher on the supernatural shows, but you are right.
Reply
Flag
I luv the almost bunnicula's fangs of this show... suck it twilight!
Reply
Flag
Hey Lily - love how you captioned Arlene up there!



On to the questions:

1. When isn't she?

2. Hopefully somewhere interesting? And shirtless?

3. I don't mind other deviations from the book stories, but this one bugs me. Pam as a whore is just stupid.

4. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Reply
Flag
Is this definitely coming back for season 6? Does it have to? I'm still following whatever weirdo compulsion I have to watch the new episodes, but I don't think I've really liked it for a few seasons. Just waiting for it to get canceled at this point.

Ways to improve the show: derived from my bad attitude/lack of patience with TB

1. No Tara

2. Get rid of that weirdo (Russell?) piece of CGI/shoddy make-up job (see above photo).

3. Loose the whole "vampire religion stupidity"

4. No child actors

5. Bring back Jesus

6. Less Andy

7. Less vampire diplomacy, more vampire vampire-ing (ie shirtlessness, neck snaps, exsanguinations, de-heartings, fights)

8. Whatever this "sanguanista" crap is, just stop it now. Do not mention it again.
Reply
Flag
Again, this is why I say that adaptations and remakes are made by people that can't write. I haven't read the books (which is the only reason I can watch this show), but the second it deviates, you can see it...heading into a giant pile of crap.



Except Lafayette. I regret much of what they've done with him, but I'm very happy he's around.
Reply
Flag
I disagree that deviation HAS to mean lack of quality. Certainly it USUALLY ends up that way, but not always. "Dexter" (arguable about the last couple seasons, but I stand behind it) has been quality and they deviated away from the books after the first one, and both the books and show have been great. The "Bourne" movies, are another great example. All three of those movies were fantastic, and excepting the character of Jason Bourne those movies have almost nothing in common with the books.
Reply
Flag
I counter your "Dexter" accolades with two words:



Maria LaGuerta
Reply
Flag
Haha, I actually like her a little bit. She's so awful, that I'm thrown once in a while when she does something halfway decent.



Now Deb...f**k. I mean, WTF'NF with her. I just don't f**king get it.
Flag
I'll agree with the Bourne movies, but I specifically dislike Dexter. I think it's been weak, corny, obvious, and poorly-written from the beginning. Its decline has been normal for any show reaching 5+ seasons, but it started on a low bar for me. The voiceovers alone remind me of a(n especially) bad soap. I did miss the second season, though.



But yeah, it's fair to say that they sometimes get it right, but if anything, I can unfairly blame a success like the Bourne series for spawning the trend of crappy adaptations like most of the others...even though any success would've spawned some trend of crap.



(Thank you, Avatar and 3-D..)
Reply
Flag
Yeah, I don't wanna go after the guy from the 50's, or w/e, but I *do* blame the guy who brought it the hell back.



Sleep with one eye open, Cameron...



I'm always harder on the person that brings something back (Smurfs, Chipmunks, G.I. Joe). *They* should know better.
Flag
Whomever invented 3-D should be shot.

Or made to wear those creepy eyelid-holders from a Clockwork Orange and forced to watch nothing but 3-D adaptations for the REST OF ETERNITY.
Flag
I just realized 20 minutes later which Jesus you are talking about. This guy is so uninteresting that I have almost completely erased him from my memory. The Vampire religion is provocative in the USA anywhere else people have fun with it for that matter keep it going and annoy the "whatnot" out of the Santorum sheeples and on that subject bring on more gay priests. It's really fun to watch the pointless discussions about it. Most importantly and I fully agree, kill Tara.... I even hated her when she was not talking.
Reply
Flag
I agree with all points, except I'm pretty happy about life without Jesus, and I'd add getting rid of all story lines given to random waitresses and cooks.
Reply
Flag
Neck Snaps... ah... the true request of a solid TVDer.
Reply
Flag
That's a large list of demands, and almost none of them will probably be met. Your list may end up growing larger as the season progresses, so I guess it's best to quit now while your ahead.
Reply
Flag
Charlaine Harris has one more book to write in this series. She isn't giving up on them, it's just time for the story to come to a close.
Reply
Flag
As of the last couple seasons I have been growing to dislike most of the supporting characters on this show, and this season is only amplifying my distaste. However, Andy is my favorite of the supporting cast, and if I recall correctly didn't Ball write him his own little side-story last season? I think it was something about a run-in with a fairy in the forest. Can someone refresh my memory?
Reply
Flag
Last season mostly dealt with his V-addiction, but he supposedly fucked a fairy on the second last episode of last season. I've grown to not care about most of the supporting cast either. For me, it's Pam and Jessica that I love, but I do like Andy when he is with Jason.
Reply
Flag
Well, ok, I won't complain (much) about how far, completely far, this series got from the books. But what REALLY pissses me off are the details they are using from other vampire-related fiction. That man, the Guardian... hello guys, he is the Guardian of Lilith, who is behind that brown door over there, everybody look at it and got their knees down or something. And if some of you had read Anne Rice to the point of knowing about Marius and his part-time job, is insulting such plagiarism. And the whole Lilith myth, RPG nerds like me who played Vampire: The Masquerade and got to learn it's fiction's, knows all about that too... so it's really, really annoying. I won't say some of the changes the show made were kinda great or interesting... like Lafayette or the villain Russel became, or Jessica... but the books have an interesting background and view of the vampires, including their politics, which are amazing... but the guys from the show completely ignore that and copy ideas from other authors/sources! That really, really pisses me off. And all those uninteresting side-stories and characters... I really don't know why I still watch this...
Reply
Flag
Why is that child actors always end up being extremely annoying? Seriously, the kid had only one scene and I wanted to kill him. He can join the LKHAOACAC = Let's Kill Henry And Other Annoying Child Actors Club.

Emma you have to believeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
Reply
Flag
The kid was awful, but adults put him on camera and in front of our eyes. There's a reason why children aren't allowed to make major decisions, and the producers/casters/directors didn't help, either. Arlene's kids aren't bad.
Reply
Flag
lets kill them all except of course the children of game of throne!
Reply
Flag
No offense Lily, but you have to get your facts right. Critics don't think it's awful, they actually always recommend it and view it as a guilty pleasure. What pretty much every critic and everyone is else is saying is that with S3-5 developed a huge problem: its all over the place now, it lack focus and went off the rails with the characters and story lines. I mean there's simply too many characters and story lines that end up hurting the show.

As for Alan Ball, he has personally said he is proud of the show and not at all sick of it. He just wants to move on to other projects and that's perfectly fine. I mean why stay until the end when it will probably get really bad? Besides the show needs some fresh perspective. Another meh episode, seriously this season has been pretty bad so far. They just feel so uninspired and predictable, at least this episode was a bit more entertaining and it was an improvement over the last one.... but that's not saying much. It feels that they are just setting up things to come and that's why nothing is actually happening.

- It seems that they are finally giving Pam something to do. I really liked her flashbacks and that scene with Eric was great.

- Steve Newlin, I mean the character is sort of stupid but he end ups being funny and enjoyable. I have to agree that his entrance was hilarious.

- The great ending with Russell. That was sort of scary but badass.

- I really don't care what the story line is for Terry and Arlene. It was just filler and boring.

- It was really disappointed by the Authority. I mean they took all away all the mystery and menace of them.... plus again just BORING.

- Ugh... terrible episode
More+
Reply
Flag
i haven't read the books, so i don't know how identical the stories are... maybe this whole vampire religion stupidity isn't in the books or is more logical. i mean, if god is a vampire and created vampires, why do they have organs (which we've not only seen explode but, you know, stake through the heart?)? why isn't lilith alive if they are immortal? how did humans take over? why are humans rational (you know, sort of)? why do humans exist if they can easily eat other animals? why would vampire god make vampire food look just like vampires? why would god create other shit, like flies and ants and grass and elephants if they mean nothing to vampires?



do you see my point? as a general rule, i find religion something that borders fairy-tales and insanity but this is just plain stupid.they just replaced judaism /christianity with vampires. no. no, no, no. vampyr my ass.
Reply
Flag
"maybe this whole vampire religion stupidity isn't in the books"



Yes, exactly.



Also, Pam is from Victorian England. Not a hooker.
Reply
Flag
Montana_Katana, don't forget Pam was from an upper class merchant family in Victorian London. So yeah, deffinatly not a hooker.
Reply
Flag
I feel like everyone is so incredibly nit-picky about this episode. True Blood is so campy and crazy, it's not supposed to be taken so seriously. It's summer fun, and it's damn good summer fun! I like nearly everything going on right now. I love the dark humor of the show and the absolute ridiculousness of it all.
Reply
Flag
I completely agree with you!! It's fun and crazy.....viewers should just lighten up and enjoy the episodes as they are...to those viewers who don't like this show...please go away and watch something else and stop bothering us with your overly negative views....you're ruining it for the rest of us!
Reply
Flag
There was a time when True Blood did not set the bar so incredibly low for itself.
Reply
Flag
1. Her brain works but I think it took time to recover pieces of who is who.

2. I swear he gets dragged off later by Debbies Parents!

3. She was the owner of HO town

4. I was surprised by the Vampyr Bible Fact and was like really a Kid Vampire! I wanna know his back story!
Reply
Flag
4 - To quote Oz from Buffy the Vampire Slayer when they tried to lead up to a his big werewolf backstory...



I got bit...
Reply
Flag
Going with the sinusoidal quality of True Blood from season to season, this is fairly on the upswing I was hoping for after the pile of last year. Sure, a lot of things don't interest me, but that's to be expected as uninteresting characters develop into things that still don't interest me.



Still, does anyone think Tara's hotter when she can sthu for two minutes? I also liked the giant loophole Pam left Tara that Tara didn't use. "Don't bite them." Tara could've broken their necks, torn their heads off and drank them like Capri Suns, anything. Eh, whatever.



Anyway, Pam already said she was a ho back in the day. Lafayette kept calling her 'hooker' in S2 and she took issue with it.



So the Authority is lame overall. The kid could've sold his role, but he was pretty much one of Arlene's kids in a suit. I like Chris Meloni overall, but he doesn't sell this role to me. He's a poor man's Magister, at best. The main woman is pretty much the exact same one they had with Godric in Texas, the other one's an older Nan Flanigan, the Black guy...hasn't really done anything here yet, but it's pretty much going to involve getting killed by someone much weaker than he is. They are sad and boring, and they need to step it up a mile.



And how many friggin' vampires is the guy from Sanctuary gonna play? He's at least up to three that I know about. He's great, but aren't 90% of actors out of work? They couldn't have found one other person to play this guy?



As for Terry, unless he gets some kind of pyro super powers from this crap, I don't care. And then...I don't care.



Still, Angel just might be alive, which is nice. Sookie isn't doing anything important, which is always cool. She could really just stay in a corner with Alcide, and that'd be great. Eric isn't an automaton, and he now says things like, "F**k Sookie," which is my anthem. I just wish True Blood realized that we don't need the entire town involved in every damn thing every damn year. I want the peanut butter jelly beans out of my damn bowl already so I can enjoy the red ones, if that makes any kind of sense.



(But ftr, I prefer the orange and pink jelly beans. That's just me.)
More+
Reply
Flag
I thought the Magister ended up being a pussy. Tough guy on the out, but screamed like a little bitch once Russell came. Who knows though, maybe Roman will be the same. Don't really agree with your comparisons though, except the one about the kid.
Reply
Flag
Sure, but that was at the very end, and let's face it: it was Russell. At some point in his unlife, The Magister realized that the Almighty Hand of God wasn't going to save him every time he got himself into trouble, unlike Sookie, Bill, and Eric...and the guys from Lost.



Jason's on this list, too...he's just too stupid to realize it.
Reply
Flag
Good point Dean Winchester, I mean Acrobit. Even if it was the end, it showed he was a bit of a coward, not being able to take the pain he dishes out to others. By the way, do you recommend Supernatural?
Reply
Flag
Supernatural? Demons, hunters, badly-mangled latin, '67 Impalas, and Kansas playing during recaps, so only if you're into that.



It's certainly had an off year or three, and a slow first season, but it's a supernatural show a guy can watch without the need to blame a GF.



Also, if you're into yaoi-incest shipping, there's always room for hope.
Flag
I dunno who Chris Meloni is, but "the Black guy" played Oenomaus in Spartacus, so I'm expecting something significant with him.
Reply
Flag
And the 'THIS IS MADNESS" guy from 300. I don't know what he did in the later two years of Spartacus, but as Doctore, his talents were used as a side dish, at best. He could easily be wasted even further here. I'll hope for your version.



And Chris Meloni is the main cop from Law and Order: SVU. Honestly, if they'd just put a little damn powder on his face and a vein or two, it would've done wonders. Bill's supposed to be about 170; there's no damn reason for him to be pale if the leader of the Authority's going to look like he just came back from Tahiti. Even with the coexistence angle, he needs to look pale and terrifying off-camera.
Reply
Flag
The commentary and pictures littered throughout this review (I mean, whinefest) are about as inexplicable as the themes the complaints touch on....Aside from the fact that the random Tango and Cash picture was awesome (if not rather poorly explained), this review was far more agonizing to read than this episode. And I seem to recall reading articles like this that dated back as far as the 2nd season. This is not a fun writing style to read. It makes everything sound like a disappointment no matter what it is.
Reply
Flag
1. who cares? I was wishing she would be f-tarded.

2. Alcide, will find out about Debbie brood for an episode then go on a rampage.

3. Pam is awesome, even as a ho in Olden Times.

4. Authority is awesome, when Lt. Stabler walked in the room; I cheered.

Please stop calling Martha the Winter's Bone woman and start calling her the Daytime Hooker (My Name is Earl), it's just cooler. I don't think too many people watched Winter's Bone

Steve Newlin dancing was great.
Reply
Flag
You do realize Winter's Bone won an Oscar and was widely acclaimed as fantastic.
Reply
Flag
I saw it and fell asleep. I could give a rat's what Oscar thinks.
Reply
Flag
Heh, Oscar...that guy's been f-tarded for years.
Reply
Flag
So? That doesn't mean people saw it. I didn't.
Reply
Flag
One big problem I had with this episode was the speed. Or more precisely lack of it. I didn't find Tara's tantrum that interesting and think it should've been resolved much faster. No need to drag that out for multiple episodes. Same went for the "torture" scene (which in all honesty was pretty lame). It really didn't add much and just felt repetitive for the sake of padding the running time. The torture scene could easily have been combined with the council room scene to get the ball moving. They could've been thrown in their cells, tanned a bit during the night to soften 'em up for the council. All in all this episode could've been condensed to maybe 40 minutes.

I hope they won't drag things out like the last season. Maybe Uwe Boll, I mean Alan Ball, should've left/been forced out before this to get some fresh ideas?
Reply
Flag
All I'm saying is Steve Newlin should dance his way into every scene he's ever featured in for the rest of the series' run.
Reply
Flag
Staff
He's got some moves, no question.
Reply
Flag
Seriously, that was hilarious/awesome.
Reply
Flag
Hoyt and Mom, Terry and Family, Belfleur and most certainly Tara should go. They should be nothing more than food, their story lines have been and will always be pointless. However the difference to the excruciating Season 4 is that these scenes are way shorter now and the focus is back where it should be... on the vampires
Reply
Flag
This right here. Even though I understand people's problems with The Authority, at least it is focusing on the vampires again. Some people I know stopped watching because of the lack of vampire stories on a vampire show.
Reply
Flag
I'd like to point out it's very much possible for a Swede to have migrated to the US.. ;)

I thought it was fairly obvious Pam was the madam and not just one of the whores. She is without a doubt my favourite character on the show!
Reply
Flag
lol reviving Tara was a BAD idea and they paid for it. For the record Sam can stay hes always had plot lines but leave whinny ass Hoyt and his mom alone I don't care for them at all they're a waste of screen time.
Reply
Flag
Thank you, you pretty much expressed all of what I was feeling about last night's episode. First, THANK YOU SO MUCH about he whole non-Swedish Pam. I was like- "What the heck?" I thought that was their whole bonded Swedish thing. Oh well.. Also, why would Sam EVER defend the "Winter's Bone" (LOL) lady after she tortured and wanted to kill him? Okay... Maybe...



I was pretty upset with Eric and Bill last season after they stopped being awesome and getting what they wanted, as you say, when they were willing to commit suicide just for Sookie. Sigh. That seems to be their turning point. More lame than badass starting from that scene...



Oh well, I will still watch--because it IS True Blood, and you never really know what is going to surprise you and be AWESOME! Here's hoping it's coming up soon!



And PS-- Newlin is the new fav! Woo!
Reply
Flag
Sam understands why they were torturing him, they thought he killed her son. She is still family...she wasn't doing it just to do it, she had a reason. I understand where he is coming from. I never thought Pam was Swedish...I just thought he taught it to her so they could talk, which is what I guess he did.
Reply
Flag
Except the only reason they captured Sam was because they threatened Luna and her daughter. I'm sorry but werewolves in this shows are pathetic and one step away from the HotShot panthers (Alcide is the exception). The woman and her "pack" threatened the life of their pack master's kid (so much for family) and then ate his corpse because it was the law (someone really needs to re-draft their constitution). Luna had it right I wouldn't want my kid anywhere near them either.
Reply
Flag
Luna may've been fair game to the packmaster's mom, but her threatening to kill her granddaughter was just a bluff that worked. The werewolves do suck on True Blood, overall, but...good. I'd rather they just be gone, anyway.
Reply
Flag
I have a huge problem with this recap because on one hand I totally accept your opinion but on the other hand I'm so excited for Russell to come back and for stuff to actually happen that's not all 'Sookie is mine'.. I've had my issues with this episode as well but I don't want to read about how boring it was, I know, I'm contradicting myself here.

I thought it was a solid episode because if you want to tell a new story, you gotta feed facts to the viewers first and introduce characters and stuff like that.

Did anybody else think they made a huge mistake with Eric's short hair in those flashbacks? I think they forgot all about Season 1..
Reply
Flag
It depends on what they do with Russell. If he's still weepy and psychotic, then no, but he's back to powerful and fabulous, then that sounds great.
Reply
Flag
Staff
I am actually with you about Russell being back- I can't wait to see O'hare work more magic, and now he's got a whole Voldemort thing going. I think I've still got residual angst from the corny way the love triangle was dealt with in season 4. It was more of a joke than given the gravity of say, Jessica-Hoyt-Jason, which was handled in a very meaningful and I think accurate way...this episode did bore me though because soooo much torture. I have to kind of just bank it out to deal with it and its time lost that could be spent on things that make me think- like dialogue, plot, and character development....all of which t his writing staff can do so well when they want to.
Reply
Flag
This show needed to purge several recurring cast members that are far more annoying than contributing long ago. Now is a good time to start taking them out. Sadly this show has gone and likely will go the Heroes route. Lots of potential and ultimately a dud.
Reply
Flag
This is the 5th fucking season though. Heroes had only one great season, and three horrible seasons. This show had two great seasons, followed by two hit and miss seasons, ranging from bad to ok to great. It still gets good ratings and high sales, while the other show was on life support by it's 4th season. So even if it can't redeem itself, it's not the dud that Heroes was. But I do understand the comparisons, as I bailed out of Heroes halfway through season three.
Reply
Flag
Let's keep Andy though.
Reply
Flag
You want originality, bring back Goderich and square him off against Russell!



Goderich, pro-human, pro-evolution in vampires.

Russell, pro eating people.



They're both great characters and have previously established conflicting viewpoints, so their conflict will be a natural extension of their beliefs. You just need to figure out how to bring back Goderich in a reasonably believable manner. I'm thinking a ritual with Lillith's blood.
Reply
Flag
It's Godric.
Reply
Flag
It's the Canadian spelling.
Reply
Flag
Well then my bad.
Reply
Flag
Spoken like a true american Erin, why don't you go not put "U's" in words like colour and labour. And spell Gray with an 'E' instead of an 'A'. Wait, maybe that's us? Gray? Grey? I can't remember, eh?
Flag
hehehehehehehehehehe
Flag
Dude, there's no 'Canadian spelling'. There's only 'the way Alan Ball chooses to spell it'.
Flag
This show. I don't even know. I would say they focus too much on vampires, but they seem to really suck at doing any of the other supernaturals justice.

Maenad, awful.

Werewolves, I don't care for werewolf mythology where they're just vampire's bitches.

Werepanthers, super dumb.

Shifters, regular dumb.

Fae, poorly done. Had way more potential than what was used.

Witches, storyline dragged way to long.



So we are left with vampires being the only tolerable storylines available. And half of their storylines still suck. Like how about werewolves rising up against vampires, underworld is an awesome movie!, or a vampire hunter, Blade is an awesome movie.

Being original doesn't do you any good if you have terrible ideas.

Reply
Flag
I wouldn't mind a vampire hunter arc. Some guys with a grudge against Eric, or something. There's a way for humans to hold their own: long Castlevania-type bloodline of hunters, genetic experimentation, etc.



Odysseus wasn't super-strong like Hercules, but he had his smarts, and he made it work. They could do that.
Reply
Flag
It's called True Blood for a reason. The original premise of the show: Vampire finally came out of the coffin and work on being integrated into society (which was a pretty good premise it just hit a 5th season slump).

If you want a werewolf show: Teen Wolf is on MTV. If you want a show about the lives of supernatural beings: Being Human is on syfy. But this is True Blood, vampire's are the focus, deal with it.
Reply
Flag
That'd be great if vampires were the actual focus, but they're really just the meat in a stew with too many vegetables (or vice-versa if you're into that). They're just the best available storylines. I'm content right now with mediocre expectations, but 'best' isn't automatically good.
Reply
Flag
Ugh. That was probably the worst episode of the show I have seen or at least top 5. I don't really have much more to say. It was just kind of lame. There was no further progression, just random dumbness tossed in their and shook. Tara, ugh. Pam, meh, Eric and Bill, seriously? Hoyt, stupid, Jason, Zzzzz (one of his lays kids comes and punches him), Sam and Luna? WTF was that? Jessica, Vampire rebel without a cause. Authority? overly dramatic lameness with every cliche in the book as a member. The only funny part was Rev. Steve. The rest was just kind of blah.
Reply
Flag
Eh, even Rev. Steve is looking to get old, fast.
Reply
Flag
I guess you changed your mind about Newlin being one your most hateable characters? It seems filler episodes attempt to do character work, but character work has NEVER been that good on this show. I guess with True Blood you better hope there is some kind of progression in the story because if there isn't, it's the most boring show. Tits, ass, blood and fucking sure do seem to increase the quality too.
Reply
Flag
I wouldn't even call this a filler episode. Because the characters haven't changed in the least. Just the same things are happening to them again just from coming from different characters.



Tara is sill going to be Tara just with vamp powers. Sookie is still probably the dumbest heroine that has ever been. Terry and Arlene are battling another unknown that my guess since they did't burn to death last season is going to be another lame something (burning and ghosts were a thing last season right?) And basically everything is the same. The exception is that Steve is a vampire and gay, and kind of funny. he had the best lines of the show that weren't Pam's.



And honestly I can't conceive a plot this season that would be able to hold my interest.
Reply
Flag
I understand completely Mate. So are you done with it then?
Reply
Flag
I will give it one more episode like I did last season and if nothing seems to be progressing in an interesting way. I will skip the majority of the episodes until the finale. But as of this episode, it isn't looking promising.



However, it could be because this and the previous episode was largely Tara, Arlene and Terry centric. They, at least to me, have been the worst characters in their 1 dimensionality.



The only thing that has been good thus far is that there has been no Bill and Sookie thus far. Though, I feel that is going to be short lived due to he and Eric needing bait for Edgington. So then it goes back to that mess.



So I am not really sure they can bring anything new and worth watching this season. I caught the first 3 and the last 2 episodes of last season. And I felt like I didn't miss much in between. This doesn't seem like it will be any different.
Flag
Load More Comments

Like TV.com on Facebook