Every once in a while a formerly useful and important television character is infected with a disease known as CompletelyAndTotallyUselessAndAlsoReallyTerribleAndAnnoyingitis. Symptoms can be sudden or gradual and include, but are not limited to: writers struggling to find storylines for them, heinous acts of douche-baggery and/or bitchiness, being bad at their assigned job, and disappearing for long periods of time only to resurface to remind viewers just how terrible they are. There is no cure for this disease, and killing characters infected with it is actually considered a kindness. Just a swift chop of the mighty sword of destiny and the problem is solved. To keep this disease from spreading (yes, it's contagious), we've compiled a list of characters we believe are infected with the virus so you can avoid them at all costs while the TV Gods figure out the best way to dispose of them.
Bonnie Bennett, The Vampire Diaries
Portrayed by: Kat Graham
Reasoning behind this choice: The Vampire Diaries has never been kind to characters not played by Nina Dobrev, least of all Mystic Falls' resident witchy-woman-turned-anchor Bonnie. For four seasons she was only ever pulled out when the series had painted itself into a corner and required a magical fix to reset the balance of power. Since she died in Season 4, she can't even practice magic, which means she spends most of her time looking like she has diarrhea whenever supernaturals pass through her to the other side, or staring daggers at the new blonde witch who has the hots for Jeremy's biceps. And I didn't want to have to bring this up, but Bonnie is actually really bad at her job. When she was a witch, her magic only worked correctly a small percentage of time, and now she is suspiciously negligent as the anchor, too. She didn't tell her friends that Katherine's spirit had disappeared and was too "busy" at college to notice her best friend's human suit was being occupied by Katherine. Bye, Bonnie. You're fired.
Teddy Conrad, Nashville
Portrayed by: Eric Close
Reasoning behind this choice: Nashville is a repeat offender when it comes to having too many characters who aren't directly involved in any of the main storylines. Any other day, I'd argue that a series needs its secondary characters and their corresponding arcs, but Teddy's sole purpose when the show began was to act as an impediment to the obvious coupling of Rayna and Deacon. He was involved in a subplot involving Lamar, embezzlement, and running for mayor, but it quickly became obvious that literally no one cared about Teddy or his personal struggles. No one cared about Lamar either, and now he's six feet under because it was a waste of time trying to make him an interesting character. Nashville would be better off if Teddy went the way of Peggy and Lamar. He's no longer married to Rayna, the secret about Maddie's paternity is out, and no one cares about the fact Peggy lied to him about the pregnancy. Furthermore, I sure as hell don't care who he sleeps with in the backseat of a car. It's time to cut the cord and let Teddy fly, guys.
Gemma Teller-Morrow, Sons of Anarchy
Portrayed by: Katey Sagal
Reasoning behind this choice: There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to say it: Gemma is the literal worst. We all thought Clay was the problem, but you know that saying about how behind every great man there's a great woman? Well behind every horrible waste-of-space man who would kill his best friend (among others) and then marry the friend's widow is that widow, and she's a b*tch. Gemma has always been a hard woman to love. She's manipulative, she's overbearing, and she's way more involved in her son's life than any mother should be. There've always been plenty of reasons to hate Gemma, but after this past season, there's no way we (or Jax) can—or should—forgive her. Always one to jump too quickly to the (wrong) conclusions, Gemma murdered Tara believing she'd turned rat. Straight. Up. Murdered. Her. Daughter-In-Law. With. A. Barbecue Fork. To. The. Head. Who does that? TV characters who deserve to die, that's who.
Coach, New Girl
Portrayed by: Damon Wayans, Jr.
Reasoning behind this choice: This particular case can probably be a solved by Coach simply moving to Texas and becoming a personal trainer alongside Taylor Kitsch. There's probably no need for the guy to end up pinned beneath a dumbbell or strangled by a jumprope—New Girl is a comedy, after all—but there's also no denying that Coach's return to the loft and the show hasn't caused a disturbance within the group dynamic this season. The writers still haven't found a way to integrate the character without it feeling like a bad cut-and-paste job. Not only that, but they have enough difficulty writing Winston as a real boy with real dreams and aspirations without also needing to find storylines for Coach. As much as I enjoy Damon Wayans, Jr. and wish this new arrangement had worked out, cutting Coach loose would be doing him a favor. He deserves a series where he can be the star, anyway.
Aiden Mathis, Revenge
Portrayed by: Barry Sloane
Reasoning behind this choice: I have to be honest, the selection of Revenge characters to include in this list was limited, but now that Patrick has run away to Italy to paint daisies or whatever, Aiden was an easy choice. All shipping aside, Aiden hasn't felt like an integral character for awhile now, only popping up when the writers think we need reminding that he "just gets" Emily because they're "so alike" and stuff. But he's kind of a shitty person who can't be trusted, to be honest. He killed Takeda, lied to Niko about killing her father as she nursed him back to health, then slept with and carried on a relationship with her, all the while still carrying a torch for our heroine. Aiden might love Emily, but I don't love him. He's a loose cannon, poised to go off at any time. As long as he's around, he'll always be a liability, and he'll probably also get in Emily's way. The ocean is vast and wide, and I'm pretty sure Fauxmanda could use a little company down there.
Ava Crowder, Justified
Portrayed by: Joelle Carter
Reasoning behind this choice: Writing Ava out of Justified would be a mercy killing at this point. I once wanted Boyd and Ava to get their happily-ever-after up there on Clover Hill, but with Ava in prison and Boyd waylaid in his own separate storyline with the Crowes, she no longer feels like an important part of the series. And if I'm being honest, for a long time now, she hasn't been quite as good as she was in the first two seasons. Ava's remained relevant because she's been a constant presence in Boyd's orbit, but she hasn't really had a storyline to herself in a long time. I'd hate to see Joelle Carter go—I've enjoyed her work on Justified, and few things in life give me more pleasure than watching Ava take a frying pan to Devil's face—but there's a reason the series has pulled Boyd out of prison so quickly every time he's gone in, and there's a reason Arlo died there. It's because prison on TV is as soul-killing as it is in real life. And I'm sorry, Ava, but your time is up.
Dr. Sarah Jordan, Helix
Portrayed by: Jordan Hayes
Reasoning behind this choice: Sarah has a very specific role on Helix: She's supposedly a genius virologist who was hand-picked by Alan to accompany him on this incredibly dangerous trip to the arctic. But that's not who she turned out to be, and that's no longer her role in the show. All she is now is the adorable doe-eyed girl who Alan bones, making her a rickety leg in the Alan-Julia-Sarah love triangle. But the real reason this lady needs to go is that she isn't, in fact, a brilliant doctor. Nope, she totally botched a screening test that ended up quarantining healthy subjects with infected subjects, she harbored an infected patient IN HER ROOM for no real good reason, and she has a form of cancer that makes her shake so badly that she can barely hold a tray of deadly tissue samples. This is a character who sounded like a good idea in the pitch meeting, but ultimately hasn't been of much use. And since no main character has died on Helix since Doreen, Sarah's the perfect mark to give the show some teeth again. Off with her head!
Ethan and Aiden, Teen Wolf
Portrayed by: Max and Charlie Carver
Reasoning behind this choice: This one is actually quite simple: Ethan and Aiden joined Teen Wolf in Season 3A as alphas in Deucalion's pack. Their purpose was to ruin the lives of our favorite Beacon Hill residents, and they were pretty successful in that regard becuase they murdered Boyd using Derek's own claws. Boyd! And who hated Boyd? No one hated Boyd! After Ethan and Aiden were nearly killed by the Darach, and after Deucalion skedaddled away with his tail between his legs and his eyesight restored, the twins were left without a pack. They were weak, they were no longer alphas, and they could no longer merge into a mega-werewolf. On their own, they're merely omegas, and while they might be pretty and have really great abs, I'm with Isaac and I can't forgive them for murdering Boyd. This week's episode was SO CLOSE to getting rid of them, what with all those wolfsbane-laced bullets... come on, Teen Wolf, now finish 'em off!
Which TV characters would YOU add to this list?