Dr. House is ready to insult you now.
Viewers can watch House for a variety of reasons: award-winning acting, the bizarre rare diseases and equally bizarre remedies, or the relationships between the employees of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. But we watch it for the delicious venom that Dr. Gregory House (played by the incomparable Hugh Laurie) spits forth.
House celebrates its 100th episode (syndication, baby!) on Monday, and to celebrate, we've compiled 10 of our favorite quotes that perfectly embody our favorite curmudgeonly medical genius.
10. "I thought I'd get your theories, mock them, then embrace my own. The usual."
Season three, "Merry Little Christmas"
9. "Only way to confirm this, inject the rat with her blood and wait for it to get all botulistic on your ass. In the meantime, I'm going downstairs to browbeat a scared, dying teenage girl until she breaks down like a scared, dying teenage girl."
Season two, "Safe"
8. "I like you better now that you're dying."
Season five, "Dying Changes Everything"
7. "If your life's no more important than anyone else's, sign your donor card and kill yourself."
Season five, "Last Resort"
6. Bill: "His name's Joey. He's my only brother."
House: "He's important to you. Got it. No placebos for him. We'll use real medicine."
Season, one, "Control"
You have seven minutes left to live...
in dog years nyuk nyuk.
5. "I had a heart attack this morning. I can't do any more drugs 'til at least lunch."
Season four, "Wilson's Heart"
4. "Could have just left the scarf at home and just told him you'd be wearing a look of desperation."
Season three, "Insensitive"
3. "Thirteen, go stick a needle in your girlfriend's pelvis--and no, that one's not a metaphor. Suck out some marrow. That one was."
Season five, "Lucky Thirteen"
2. "Thing is, hope's for sissies."
Season four, "Living the Dream"
1. "Is it still illegal to perform an autopsy on a living person?"
Season two, "Autopsy"
Got any more quotes to add? Let's see them below! House's 100th episode, "The Greater Good," airs Monday, February 2 at 8 p.m. on Fox.
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Comments (70)
Some more quotes from House (about love)...http://tv.yahoo.com/news/article/ustv.associatedcontent.com/ustv.associatedcontent.com-house-md-quotes-about-love
From the episode 'The Softer Side'Best quote: 'I think my penis stopped breathing...does anyone know CPR?' Made me laugh so much =p
The Softer Side, Season Five. House asks Wilson if he is gonna eat that, half a bagel on table, then he takes with Wilson's permission. Wilson then asks "Did you just ask my permission before you took my food?" House responds "Yes we can."
Good Lines but my favourite has to be from It's a Wonderfull Lie WILSON:The angels of christmas have finally given House a present he can apreciate.
HOUSE: Oh dont pin this on Christ he's got enough nails in him
From the episode "Sleeping Dogs Lie"- "she's not the sharpest chopstick in the drawer, is she?"
lol, the 'top 10' aren't really the best IMO but they're still funny. it's hilarious reading through the comments to see other quotes :D
"Every minute we refuse to love one another, another puppy cries another tear"
And there are so many more......
I dont miss House love the show hes a mess sometime i would like to wash his mouth out with soap,,,,still hes great
I love House, but there are times I want to wash his mouth out with soap. What a brilliant little brat.
So many great House-isms, one of the many reasons to watch.
My all time favorite House quote-"Wanna go for a spin?"
I have lots of fun watching House, I just love the guy and the show...of course so much of the funny result of the house-ism is due to the impressive talent of Hugh Laurie...One house-ism that cracks me up is when house question Cuddy about the play and the hour she went back home in S 3 he says "panty hamster got a spin on its wheel" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LMAO
"I think her head is gonna explode and I don't want to get any on me.""I feel like a koala crapped a rainbow in my brain.""We all formulate questions for the answers we want to hear."
lol my fave is "yet another live saved by girl-on-girl action" hahaha
Wanna go for a spin
My favorite? "There's no I in team... there's a me though, if you jumble the letters up a bit."
Role Model - "This could leave you buh-buh-buh-brain damaged"
Number 7 was the one I found to be most profoundly true. "If your life's no more important than anyone else's, sign your donor card and kill yourself." -- zing. But yeah, really.
wow 100 eps.
I gotta say hands down the best one was House: What are those? Cameron: They're Candy Canes House Candy Canes? What are you mocking me?
wow can't believe its been that long 100 eps woohooo
hope heres 100 more
Of the ones I've read, I have to agree with Skeeter291, although I think it's "bored, certified..."! ___ LOL ___ "House: Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interests of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chit-chat later, I'm Dr. Gregory House. You can call me Greg. I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning. This ray of sunshine is Dr. Lisa Cuddy. Dr. Cuddy runs this whole hospital so unfortunately she's much too busy to deal with you... "
My favorite House comment was when he had a cold and as he walked down the Hospital Corridor with his Staff he received medical advise from his Doctor Staff and Doctor Wilson. Suddenly he turns to a stranger and says "Suddenly, Everybody thinks they are a Doctor".
I'm not sure if this is an actual quote, but I remember him saying something along the lines of "Humanity is overrated." And that's my favorite.
House-isms, here are two of my favourites. House: "Hey, I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am THAT good." House: "I teach you to lie, cheat, and steal, and as soon as my back's turned you wait in line?!"
pretty sure quote 6 was on 'mob rules'
I like this one...
Dr. House: Bring me the thong of Lisa Cuddy. [the fellows stare at him in disbelief] Dr. House: Not kidding. [the fellows continue staring] Dr. House: Thong. Cuddy. Go. [the fellows turn to Foreman] Dr. Foreman: [resigned] That's how I got hired. _____________________________________________________________________
and this one...
Dr. House: Why don't you take that thing off that hat! Dr. Wilson: It's Christmas...it's a reindeer. Dr. House: It's a moose on a Jew. Dr. Wilson: Who cares? [He makes the hat's left antler flap.] _________________________________________________________________
and this one...
Dr. House: Do you spell "homie" with a y? [Foreman looks at him questioningly] Dr. House: I want to be respectful. ___________________________________________________________________
Dr. House: [Not remembering the names of Taub and Thirteen] Lesbian. Find out if anybody on that bus was taken to other hospitals. Thirteen: He just forgot mine. Dr. House: No, 13, I just wanted to call you a lesbian. Thirteen: I’m not a lesbian. Dr. House: I was rounding up from 50%. _________________________________________________________________________
I love House!!! I can't wait for episode 100!!moreless
He's brilliant, isn't he?
WHAT SONG WAS HOUSE LISTENING TO WHEN VOGLER WALKED IN THE OFFICE ON THE EPISODE: CONTROL--THANKS NEW1MAN9@YAHOO.COM
from these 10 my most favorites are 2 - "Is it still illegal to perform an autopsy on a living person?" and "Thirteen, go stick a needle in your girlfriend's pelvis--and no, that one's not a metaphor. Suck out some marrow. That one was." House is so adorable. and I totally can't imagine anyone else, but Hugh Laurie as Dr. House.
My personnal best: "Like I always say, there's no "I" in team. There's a "me" though, if you jumble it up."
Ha ha! I love House!
I love House!
He's hysterical,briliant,funny......I just love the guy
My favourite was: "Muscles and curves? My penis is so confused."
you can't beat "Everybody lies, the only variable is about what!"
Hard to narrow it down to just 10. These were good but there are better ones! Now they have to do the top 10 Emerson Codd quotes! In memorium of Pushing Daisies:'-(
haha hope is for sissies.... SO TRUE!! I love House and his crazy quotes!
I agree with moviebuff82 any line during the conversations between house and the 'pregnant virgin' are the best.
I love these quotes! :D
The best show ever made, the best character and the best team! #1 SHOW!!
My favorite, from Mob RulesHouse: There is one chemical, that if ingested, can cause a person's estrogen level to increase dramatically.Bill: What is it?House: It's called estrogen.
IMO those quotes are not the best. But there are too many great lines in the show. Much more than 10.
I love house!! god he's hysterical
House: You know how it is with nuns - take out their IUDs and they bounce right back.
House: Here's how life works: you either get to ask for an apology or you get to shoot people. Not both.
"Is it still illegal to perform an autopsy on a living person?" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HOUSE: the BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
omg moviebuff82 i love that quote! i think i almost died on the floor laughing when he said that