It's the Fourth of July weekend, everyone! Woo-hoo! I don’t know what you have planned, but I’ll be spending a good chunk of it wandering around sketchy Chinatown back alleys, looking for the kinds of explosives-grade fireworks that really make a patriotic impact (or blow off your forearms). If you’re looking for less hazardous/illegal ways to spend the holiday, how about watching one of the dozens of marathons airing on cable TV? Here’s a smattering of some of the best:
FRIDAY, JULY 1
Star Trek: The Next Generation
BBC America, 8 am – Saturday, 7 am
Can’t get away to the beach this weekend? Not a problem! You can splash around on the holodeck, with 23 hours of classic TNG episodes.
SATURDAY, JULY 2
James Bond Movie Marathon
Sleuth, 6 am – Tuesday, 5:30 am
This Bond movie marathon runs for 48 hours, and includes back-to-back airings of classic 007 films. Every bond is represented! Even George Lazenby. All you need now is to figure out what channel the Sleuth network is on.
VH1, 2 pm – midnight
Badabing, badaboom! Did you miss the first run of the reality show that makes Real Housewives of New Jersey look like Pride and Prejudice? Good news: VH1 is airing the whole series again.
MTV, 4 pm – Sunday, 12:30 am
The Citizen Kane of reality shows about 15-year-olds getting knocked up will air all day on MTV. Nothing quite says “Happy Birthday, America” quite like Justin Bieber-edition Pampers! Baby, baby, baby, ohhhhhh....
SUNDAY, JULY 3
IFC, 11:45 am – 3:15 pm
Remember when Michael Cera was still an awkward, smooth-faced kid best known for playing a geek who couldn’t get up the courage to tell the girl that he loved how he truly felt? Oh wait–he’s still that. Anyway, catch up with the Lucilles and the gang on this marathon of the cult-classic sitcom.
The Twilight Zone
Syfy, 9 am – Monday, 5 am
Every July 4th weekend, Syfy unspools 40 solid hours of Rod Serling’s sci-fi anthology masterpiece. Which one’s your favorite?
MONDAY, JULY 4
Oxygen, 6 am – 6 pm
The chemistry of this brilliant, working-class American sitcom from the ‘80s will likely never be replicated. Luckily, it lives on in re-runs. Gorge yourself on 12 hours of the Connors.
Science Channel, 8 am - Tuesday 2 am
Starting with the film Serenity, Science Channel airs the entire run of the cherished sci-fi western from Joss Whedon and gives fans more reason to complain about it getting canceled.
TV Land, 11:21 am – 8 pm
Everybody, now: Bewitched theme song sing-along! “Da da! Da da! Da da da da da da!”
The Golden Girls
Hallmark Channel, 3 pm – Tuesday, 2 am
Okay, fine. So it’s hard to sing-along to a song with no lyrics. Let’s try this again, with Dorothy, Rose, Blanche and Sophia on backup.
Have a great long weekend, everyone! God bless America, cheap beer, and BBQ'd hot dogs! What will you be watching this weekend?