What to Watch This Weekend: Star Wars: The Clone Wars' "Lost Missions" Hit Netflix, Lena Dunham Hosts SNL, Revenge and OUAT Return, and True Detective Closes Its First Case

What to watch on Friday, March 7...

SEASON 6 PREMIERE, 12am, Netflix
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
The animated adventures series, late of Cartoon Network, returns for a 13-episode final season.

8:25pm, Disney
Mickey Mouse
Mickey and Minnie are on a mission to buoy their friends’ spirits in “The Adorable Couple.” And Mickey knows just how to do it: With a story of how they met that takes nine years to tell and spends the bulk of its time on his on-again-off-again romance with another woman altogether.

8:30, ABC
The Neighbors
To celebrate the nuptials of Larry’s co-worker, the Bird-Kersees bust out their Bollywood musical bag of tricks in “Balle Balle.” Also possibly with some sort of Grease tinge, based on the promo stills.

9pm, NBC
In “Mommy Dearest,” Nick and Hank combat a gruesome new beastie that’s targeted a young couple—who happen to be friends with Sgt. Wu. Elsewhere, Adalind prepares to pop out her baby even with her adversaries in hot pursuit.

9pm, CBS
Hawaii Five-0
Melanie Griffith and Jorge Garcia return for “Hōkū Welowelo,” which finds the squad looking into a triple homicide and its ties to a top-secret Chinese satellite that’s fallen back to Earth.

9pm, Fox
The platoon is on “Parade Duty,” and Derrick repeatedly undercuts Pete's best efforts at stoking morale. Wacky mishaps, as they are wont to do in these situations, ensue.

9:30pm, Fox
Raising Hope
Burt and Virginia treat themselves to some much-needed downtime in “Baby Phat,” but the fancy resort Barney suggests is far from what they anticipated. Back home, Jimmy and Sabrina consider expanding their family.

10pm, NBC
A morbid clue may provide a big break in the team’s investigation, and Hannibal’s distinctive skill set may come in handy as well. Also on the menu in “Sakizuki”: Will sets the next phase of his plan in motion and receives moral support from a surprising visitor, while a guilt-ridden Jack enters therapy.

10pm, Syfy
In “Fushigi,” a defunct satellite station may provide Alan and Julia with clues about Hatake’s scheme—and with the key to Jordan’s condition. Less important but no less welcome discoveries include a cappuccino machine that remains in surprisingly adequate working order.

10pm, Cinemax
On a trip to New York, Job calls on a priest who’s connected to Rabbit. Meanwhile in “Homecoming,” Carrie and Gordon’s relationship takes another hit, Burton has mixed success dealing with a pair of traitors, and Lucas and Carrie confront an NYPD captain.

– The cast of Son of God, Jeff Perry, David Banner, and Animal & Fozzie Bear on The Arsenio Hall Show, Syndicated, check local listings
– Stephen Colbert, Keri Russell, and Broken Bells on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, 11:35pm, NBC
– Lenny Marcus and Joan Jett & the Blackhearts on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Kenan Thompson, Johnny Weir & Tara Lipinski, and author Sarah Lewis on Late Night with Seth Meyers, 12:35pm, NBC
– Aaron Paul and Andi Osho on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS


What to watch on Saturday, March 8...

10:30am, The Hub
My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
Apple Bloom asserts her independence in “Somepony to Watch Over Me,” but Applejack is far from convinced that her kid sister is ready to be free from adult supervision.

9pm, BBC America
Ripper Street
In “Become Man,” a string of abductions seems to be the handiwork of a female gang straight out of an MRA’s fevered nightmares. The case leads Drake to reconnect with former flame Rose, and introduces Reid to trailblazing councilor Jane Cobden.

9pm, Starz
Black Sails
Vane faces a dangerous showdown while Max gives Rackham a hand. Elsewhere, Flint 'fesses up, Randall messes up, and… dammit, “dresses up” is about the only way to finish that line, but there’s nothing in the episode summary about a costume ball. You’ve screwed me again, Black Sails.

11:30pm, NBC
Saturday Night Live
Lena Dunham hosts an episode that’s bound to be thoroughly uncontroversial and in no way divisive. Still, musical guest The National has already vowed to stay off Twitter until Tuesday, just to be safe.

Burning Love
Like stale pizzas going out for third-shift delivery, the web series’ entire latest season is shoved off the shelf from midnight to 4am, a scheduling move that’s the early frontrunner for 2014 Burnoff Dis of the Year. This time, returning contestants from the first two seasons compete not for romance but for cold, hard cash.


What to watch on Sunday, March 9...

7pm, Fox
Bob’s Burgers
“The Frond Files” shines a light on the Belcher kids’ skewed views of Wagstaff School, including Tina’s zombie romance wonderland and Louise’s evil-robot-menaced hellscape.

7:30pm & 8pm, Fox
The Simpsons
Daniel Radcliffe guest-stars as “Diggs,” a transfer student with a knack for falconry who befriends Bart. Then in “The Man Who Grew Too Much,” Lisa finds herself developing an intellectual bond with Sideshow Bob, while Marge raps about the birds and the bees with a teen church group.

8pm, ABC
Once Upon a Time
“New York City Serenade” finds Emma and Henry living in the Big Apple, blissfully unaware that Storybrooke ever existed in the wake of Regina shattering the curse. But when a crisis in Fairy-Tale Land requires Emma’s assistance, it’s up to Hook (and his trusty first mate, Netflix) to remind her of the past two and half seasons of series mythology.

NEW TIME PERIOD, 8:30pm, Fox
Family Guy
Peter’s mother passes away in “Mom’s the Word,” prompting him to connect with her old friend Evelyn (Lauren Bacall) and forcing Stewie to confront the nature of mortality, both with that characteristic Family Guy grace.

SERIES PREMIERE, 9pm, Fox, FX, and others
Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey
Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson helms this reboot of Carl Sagan’s classic 1980s PBS series, which examines life, the universe, and everything. “Standing Up in the Milky Way” commences the journey with a glance at the Cosmic Calendar, which charts the history of existence, and a chronicle of Renaissance thinker Giordano Bruno’s work.

9pm, CBS
The Good Wife
The arrest of Lemond Bishop, which may have stemmed from a leak at Florrick Agos, sends both firms scrambling to keep the client in the fold. Elsewhere in “Parallel Construction, Bitches,” the Office of Public Integrity takes a hand in the voter fraud probe.

A small Missouri town is shaken by the reappearances of deceased residents in this new drama adapted from the novel The Returned by Jason Mott (not related to the French series of that name). The mysterious developments begin in “The Returned” as an eight-year-old boy awakens in rural China some 30 years after his apparent death. I expect this show to do well, as The Walking Dead has proven there’s a sizable audience for zombie stories, brain-eating or not. Say, remind me when that show airs?

9pm, AMC
The Walking Dead
Oh, right. Hm. Well anyway, the unusually upbeat logline for “Alone” promises that one group will “realize that the best protection comes from those around them.” Well, except for that guy, who’s clearly a zombie. And that lady too. Oh, and those three over th—okay, pretty much that whole side of the street, actually.

True Detective
Reexamining their old case leads Hart and Cohle to a new clue that could change everything in “Form and Void.” But with their scores deadlocked, only the final obstacle-course round will determine who is crowned this season’s True Detective. I’m pretty sure that’s correct, anyway.

9pm, Showtime
With her probation officer due for a visit, Fiona must clear the Gallagher homestead of anything the least bit shady, presumably including Carl. Meanwhile in “Hope Springs Paternal,” Svetlana makes it clear that Ian’s persona is no longer grata at Mickey’s place.

A new reality series following Lindsay Lohan as she settles in New York City and works to redeem her career and her health post-rehab.

Emily’s blackouts continue to pose problems in “Payback,” leading her to do weird things like call an episode of her series “Payback” when the show is already called Revenge. Victoria will issue a formal and icily catty complaint just as soon as she’s rid of the pair of ghosts bedeviling her.

10pm, CBS
The Mentalist
When a U.S. attorney turns up dead south of the border in “Black Helicopters,” Jane must infiltrate a separatist commune in search of clues. And also in search of a fine vegan spread they make that tastes just heavenly on rye toast. Say what you will about their politics, but those separatists are absolute wizards with okra.

10pm, Showtime
House of Lies
In “Brinkmanship,” Marty and the crew help Marissa wrest the family media company out of her siblings’ clutches. Elsewhere, Doug and Sarah’s relationship is run through the wringer while Jeannie prods Marty to cut Clyde some slack.

10pm, HBO
Adam’s apparent insouciance troubles Hannah, who decides to test his affections. Meanwhile in “Role-Play,” Shosh drops a surprise on Jessa and Jasper, and Marnie returns to the art gallery world.

10:30pm, Showtime
Pucks! ceases filming, sending the cast and crew off to figure out their futures. TV Land would like to remind Matt LeBlanc that NBC sitcom stars of the ‘80s and ‘90s will always have a lukewarm, prefab home there.

As Patrick tries to patch things up with Richie in “Looking Glass,” Agustin and Frank’s own relationship is on the rocks. In happier developments, Dom’s pop-up restaurant officially pops up—but Lynn’s date for the opening raises eyebrows.


And now, let’s all vote to crown the What to Watch Tonight Episode Title of the Week!

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Here come da Yellow King!
time to work some magic on my DVR...
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