What to watch on Thursday, March 13...
SEASON 12 PREMIERE, 8pm, Fox
Gordon Ramsay divides this season’s crop of 20 culinary contestants in half, though he does so by splitting them into two teams rather than by dividing each individual chef in half with a humongous broadsword, as would be his preference. Tensions roil the teams right away as the chefs present their signature dishes in a dinner service.
Abed’s maybe-girlfriend Rachel (Brie Larson) and a slick-talking schemer (Vince Gilligan) are among the candidates when Abed and Annie seek a new third roomie. Meanwhile in “VCR Maintenance and Educational Publishing,” Jeff, Shirley, and Prof. Hickey hit the jackpot when they find a treasure trove of textbooks.
The Big Bang Theory
Sheldon messes with Texas when “The Mommy Observation” sends him to visit his mother in Houston. Back home, Raj throws a murder mystery party that has the gang bringing out the knives for real. (Well, okay, metaphorically real. Like, Bernadette’s not just gonna start shanking everyone. I mean, I assume she’s not. I have no reason to believe so, at least. Let’s just move on.)
Once Upon a Time in Wonderland
It’s a frabjous day, callooh, callay, when the Red Queen and the Knave meet the Jabberwocky in “Dirty Little Secrets.” In flashbacks, Cyrus’s actions bring a host of hardships down upon his family.
Parks and Recreation
Crazy Ira and the Douche (Matt Besser and Nick Kroll) take umbrage with Leslie’s rebranding plans in “New Slogan.” Meanwhile, Andy books talent for the Unity Concert and learns a tidbit about Ron in the process. Could this signal the triumphant return of Mr. Duke Silver?
9pm, The CW
The honeymoon’s over in “Dirty Laundry,” and Mary has barely had a chance to toss her luggage in the corner before a sinister secret comes to light. Around court, Bash seeks Nostradamus’s counsel when Olivia loses her marbles, and Henry turns to Catherine for assistance.
The Red Road
With Jean’s emotions still plenty wobbly, Harold ships his daughters off to her parents’ place. Elsewhere in “The Woman Who Fell from the Sky,” Junior grows ever more ensorcelled by Kopus’s charms.
Callie’s getting clobbered on multiple fronts in “Throwing it All Away,” as Derek reneges on a promise to her and Arizona gives one of her patients some advice that may fall short of insightful. But at least she isn’t catching any flack from the abandoned baby that Jo and Stephanie find outside the hospital… unless the kid’s just waiting for the right moment to strike, of course. Babies are sneaky that way.
Flummoxed by recent events, both Mike and Jessica rely on Harvey for moral support in “Yesterday’s Gone.” You’re never going to believe this, but it turns out that each of their problems can be elucidated by a classic Michael Jordan performance from the ‘90s.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that “Rachel McAdams Topless” is over-promising something it plain cannot deliver for any number of reasons. What it can deliver is Johnny hoping to rid his iPad of its more scandalous content after the guys help a patient clear his browser history.
SEASON 2 FINALE, 10pm, TBS
King of the Nerds
One last series of challenges awaits the final two claimants to the throne.
“The Hound of the Cancer Cells” finds a prestigious cancer researcher pushing up the daisies, and Holmes wondering if the man’s groundbreaking innovation inspired his offing. At the NYPD, Bell receives the all-clear to resume field duty.
One critical aspect of Aida’s upbringing sets Jasmine and Crosby at odds, because the decision to raise a child in an Xbox home or a Playstation one is always contentious. Elsewhere in “Limbo,” Julia discovers a troubling fact about Joel, and Max throws a wrench into Sarah and Hank’s workflow, prompting Kristina and Adam to mediate.
“Celery Guy” pushes his favored veggie hard, the Order Grill launches lunch service, and Carrie dubs herself socially bankrupt. Steve Buscemi, Jeff Goldblum, Silas Weir Mitchell, and Kumail Nanjiani guest-star.
Fitz is fired up and ready to go as the first debate approaches in “No Sun on the Horizon,” but he’s immediately knocked for a loop because Fitz is uniformly crappy at everything ever. At Pope & Associates, a CEO facing murder charges requires damage control.
In “Treachery,” King Ecbert grapples with an enemy like none he’s ever seen as the Wessex Viking raid cuts its swath of destruction. Meanwhile, Jarl Borg schemes to make his own mark on Kattegat.
– Omar Epps, Alison Teal & Jonathan Klay, Misty Copeland, and DJ Vicious-Lee on The Arsenio Hall Show, Syndicated, check local listings
– Tyler Perry on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Professor and activist Anita Hill on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Simon Schama on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Julianna Margulies, Patton Oswalt, and Nate Bargatze on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, 11:35pm, NBC
– Bryan Cranston, Melissa Rauch, and Le1f on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– From South by Southwest, Lady Gaga, Darby Stanchfield, and The Preatures on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Tilda Swinton, Warren Buffett & Dan Gilbert, Carrie Brownstein, and Lo-Fang on Late Night with Seth Meyers, 12:35pm, NBC
– Kristen Bell, Michael McMillan, and Adam Ray on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS
WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING TONIGHT?