's Swell-o-vision vs. Hell-o-vision: (April 1st)

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Here's what we thought was out of sight and just not right on television this week.


...Richard Blais's Foie Gras Ice Cream on the Top Chef Finale
It looked more like a foie gras snow cone. Mmm... Gritty, icy granules of fatted goose liver. BARF. What was wrong with the Cap'n Crunch ice cream he had originally planned? That sounded delicious! (But we're happy he won, as is any other person with a beating heart.)

...A phallic monument goes limp on The Event
It only took 15 episodes, but now we finally know that the aliens are a threat thank to them blowing up The Washington Monument, one of our third-tier most-cherished treasures. How about that!?

...Being Human going all excorcist.
It was a great week for Sally. We can't wait till she finally avenges her death.

...Two more seasons of Mad Men
Thank god. We need to see if Betty Draper could possibly get any bitchier!

...Judge Judy's All Right!
After babbling incoherently in front of rolling cameras, Judy Sheindlin was rushed to Cedars-Sinai complaining of "intestinal discomfort," better known by its clinical term, "shpilkis in your genechtagazoink." Happily, Judy was back on the bench the very next day, screaming, "BUP BUP BUP! DON'T CRAP ON MY FEET AND TELL ME IT'S HERSHEY KISSES!" at a shady plaintiff.


...Grey Anatomy's musical episode.
We need doctors to undo the damage we did when we stuck pencils in our eyes while watching it.

...Fox's Mobbed
When the worst part of a show that has Howie Mandel isn't the fact that it has Howie Mandel, we have a problem.

...MTV will butcher The Inbetweeners next
First it was Skins, soon it will be the delightful comedy The Inbetweeners that's eviscerated by the one-time music channel.

...James Durbin's Flaming Piano on Idol's Elton Week
Indeed, this performance is exactly how I picture Hell to look -- with Ryan Seacrest cackling manically to himself in a red suit. Plus: That Pepsi joke. Nice going, Durbin. Now the Jacksons hate you.

...FX Cancels Lights Out
After such a strong first season, that's hitting below the belt.

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