TV.com's Swell-o-vision vs. Hell-o-vision (February 11)

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Hey, did you know Valentine's Day is on Tuesday? Because TV does! Love-themed episodes (and terrible jewelry commercials) monopolized our screens this week; here's what made us swoon and scowl.


SWELL


These Portlandia-inspired "Put a Burt on It" stickers



Well, now we know what we're getting Sterling Archer for Valentine's Day.



Happy Endings' happy ending


As Penny would say, the last few minutes of this week's episode were totes adorbs (guest-star James Wolk made us feel a bit faint—go Max!). Also, Penny made a pretty compelling point when she observed, "No one has ever had a friend in town."



Suburgatory's Tess and Dallas workout montage


Working off the fat and working out the relationship issues while "popping it low."



The Bachelor contestant Emily's rappin' skills


We rarely vote "swell" on this show, but Emily finally has her head on straight and is making near-legitimate jokes with Ben. As this week's credits rolled, she dropped another white-girl rap about the animal kingdom that really got us rooting for her. Not to win, that'd be horrible because Ben's a moron and she's too good for him. But for her to at least have a shot at being on Bachelor Pad.



Woody Paige's 400th win on Around the Horn


The ESPN talk show features a wide range of personalities, but none of them are as endearing and creative as Woodrow Paige, who notched his milestone 400th win on the show this week. Keep the chalkboard humor coming, Woody!



The implications of Fringe's "Welcome to Westfield"


The episode turned the crazy dial up about 10 notches, and we really like where the show is headed.



Jeffrey Wright's appearance on House


And as usual, he was mesmerizing. Someone please cast him as a series regular already!



NCIS's choice of music for its 200th episode


We couldn't stop singing Hank Williams' "I'll Never Get Out of This World Alive" (also the theme song for The Life & Times of Tim!) as Gibbs relived his life in a dreamlike state.



Archer's "Drift Problem"


The episode became a Dodge Challenger commercial after Archer received one for his birthday, which the show cleverly acknowledged:

Lana: "How much did Dodge kick in?"
Malory: "Not as much as you'd think."



These incredible Downton Abbey valentines


Comic artist Chad Thomas created these cheeky cards for the upcoming Hallmark holiday, and if you click through to his website you can download, print, and distribute them to the Matthews, Lady Marys, Mr. Bateses, and Thomases in your life.



The almost three-way on New Girl


Nick, Jess, and... Remy the Creepy Landlord? Hilarious.


HELL


The almost three-way on Happy Endings


Dave, Lindsay, and Lindsay's hot friend? The low point in an otherwise strong episode.



This year's Super Bowl ads


As usual, there were a few highlights, but this year's batch was generally underwhelming for commercials that cost around $4 million each.



The American Idol contestant who fell off the stage


Well that was awkward. Better luck next time, Symone!



Kim Kardashian on Last Man Standing


The promos for this week's episode of Last Man Standing had the voice over, "Your prayers have been answered! Another episode of Last Man Standing with an appearance by Kim Kardashian!" Those two things would be the answer to our prayers only if we were praying to Satan.



The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion episodes


After Brandi insinuated that Taylor was in poor taste to write a book about her abuse "a hot minute" after her husband's suicide, Kyle tried to diffuse the tensions by tossing her hoops and saying, "You are Angry Spice." Yowch, that's awkward. Note to self: Spice Girl references will date you like nothing else.


What made your list of TV loves and hates this week?

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