Before we honor America with explosives, domestic beer-water, and pig parts mixed with rat feces all stuffed into tubes made out of intestine, let's take a gander at all the things that were out of sight and just not right on television this week.
... Love in the Wild's Cruel Elimination Ceremony
Nobody likes you, everybody hates you. Guess you'll eat some worms! Guilty pleasure or just straight-up please? We're still deciding.
... Louis C.K. Breaking Down the Comedy of Farts on The Daily Show
Well when you put it that way, Louis, we WILL have another bowl of three-bean chili.
... Cee-lo's fashion range on The Voice
We all know that winner Javier Colon has a ridiculously amazing voice, but we have to award the real winner of NBC's singing competition: Cee-lo's magnificent wardrobe ensembles. Our favorites were his spiky warrior tribal armor and Minnie the Moocher suit (pictured). Lady Gaga, take note.
... The Voice Winner Really Deserved It
Between Dia Frampton and Javier Colon it came down to two distinctly good singers but Javier was a knockout from his first performance.
... Conan Books Two Comics
This brilliant twist on stand-up comics had us peeing our pants in laughter. We're huge fans of Canadian TV's Jon Dore (the man on the left, check out The Jon Dore Show when you have time) and can't wait for him to get a new show.
... Poor Ambush Skills in Falling Skies
Mike, you kind of lose the element of surprise when you run out into the open screaming. We give you two more episodes before you're dead.
... Sam B's performance on America's Got Talent
When will the trend of making fun of genuinely earnest (albeit slightly out of touch with reality) people become a thing of the past? This performance epitomizes the cruel nature of this show.
... Glenn Beck's gratuitous ending to his show
He wandered through the set of his show, reflected on all the good times and all the great interviews and historical moments over the last... two and a half years? Dude, you ain't Oprah. How did your head fit through the front door?