TV.com's Swell-o-vision vs. Hell-o-vision
(March 10)

If television could be traded as a currency, we'd be makin' it RAIN right now. Here are the best and worst moments our laptops and TV sets subjected us to over the past seven days:


SWELL


Cartier's Batsh*t Crazy Three-Minute Diamond Commercial


It involves a biplane, a diamond leopard, a giant elephant, a dragon rising up from a snowy mountain, and an affair between a woman and a leopard. It's way too awesome for any sober person to have imagined and pitched, not to mention produced.



Bob Odenkirk's New Adult Swim Short


The Breaking Bad star returns to his weirdo-comedy roots with this new series about a Hollywood hack making a fake Harry Potter movie for a Ugandan prince, plus other flicks like Goooooal, Spiderbat, and Ex-Terminator. Hey, we said "weirdo," didn't we?



Person of Interest's Grenade Pacifier


This week's episode was full of fantastic cheap laughs thanks to Reese and Finch having a baby on board, but the best one involved the wee tyke gnawing on a grenade. "It's just a tear gas grenade," said new daddy Reese. Awwww!



Justified's Marshal Tim


Raylan Givens' best co-worker was in perfect form this week, verbally sparring with Raylan blow-for-blow and talking about Victoria's Secret models without breaking a sweat. Excellent work by Jacob Pitts; Tim is definitely the Justified character most deserving of a spin-off.



Portlandia's Generally Strong Second Season


Sure, it had its misses, as all sketch comedy does, but it also had a ton of highlights—including BSG Addiction, Sanitation Twins, the DJ takeover sketch embedded above, and so many more...



Paleyfest's Embracing of the Internet


The annual Los Angeles-based event gathers the casts and creators of some of the best shows on TV, which is why it's so awesome that this year the panels are streaming live as they happen, plus many of them will be posted to Hulu beginning on March 15.



Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart Take on Rush Limbaugh


This week in ridiculous politics news, the conservative radio host called birth-control advocate Sandra Fluke a “slut” and a “prostitute.” Thankfully we have The Daily Show and The Colbert Report to put Rush’s insane logic regarding the sensitive subject in perspective.



Mary J. Blige on American Idol


National treasure Mary J. Blige served as a guest mentor and then performed during the live show. Not only did she have a ton of great criticisms for the kids (alongside the increasingly essential Jimmy Iovine), she still worked the stage like it was the early '90s. Come back soon?



The Walking Dead's Literally Stomach-Churning Ending


We won't say which character was ripped apart by zombies this week, but it was as shocking as it was necessary: Stakes, they be raisin'!


HELL


Netflix Pretending It's Interested in Saving Terra Nova


No you're not, Netflix. Stop lying.



Television's Rush on Reality Singing Competitions


The CW and ABC both announced American Idol and The Voice knock-offs, bringing the total number of singing shows on television to 8 billion. Someone please stop the insanity!



Top Chef's Sarah and Heather Continue to be Awful


During this week's Top Chef reunion special we learned one tantalizing piece of information: Andy Cohen asked Sarah if it was true that, shortly after Paul was crowned Top Chef, she told Emeril Lagasse to "F*** Off." Her answer was teary-eyed and wishy-washy (confirmation!), but then she had the audacity to tell Cohen it was "sh*tty" of him to bring it up. Then later, Beverly acknowledged that she'd been treated poorly by both Sarah and Heather, but Heather decided she'd hold her ground by not only refusing to a make amends but digging in deep with her original (and wrong!) criticisms of Beverly's "work ethic." Just great behavior on national TV, basically. Can't wait to NOT go to your restaurants, ladies!



Survivor: One World's Colton Outs Himself as a Despicable Nightmare


The episode began as one for the record books when, even though the men won the immunity challenge, they GAVE UP immunity just so they could go to Tribal Council and vote someone out. The ringleader in all this was Colton, the 21-year-old gay Republican, who throughout the episode revealed the depth of his bigotry by referring to black stand-up comedian Bill as "ghetto trash" and little person Leif as "an Oompah Loompah." At Tribal Council the proudly pampered Alabaman went on to brag that he goes to an "all white school" but denied being racist, seeing as there is one important black person in his life: His housekeeper. The most depressing thing about Colton's idiocy was how the rest of his tribe gladly went along with every terrible aspect of his plan. This episode was just an ugly, outrageous bit of television that made Survivor absolutely unpleasant to watch.



The Bachelor's "Women Tell All" Episode


Talk about two hours of "gag me." These filler episodes are the WORST. At the very least, they don't have to be two hours long. There are too many "OMG I'm looking at the girl next to me and laughing because I'm on camera!" and "Yay! I was the one who was almost picked, but wasn't! Glorify me!" moments. Courtney's breakdown was confusing at best, though truly tragic if it was sincere (we'll never know!). And Ben's failed attempt at humorous banter with Chris Harrison during his brief and very underwhelming stay in the hot seat was disappointing.


What made your list of TV loves and hates this week?

Comments (27)
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That Cartier commercial was beautiful, other good points in the article too!
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Well, you can add SNL to the Hell list next week. Holy crap was that bad. Technically it's this week, but... you know, too late and all.
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Swell: Big Bang Theory, Ron wearing his Tiger Woods outfit on Parks and Rec, Person of Interest being hilarious, and of course Marshal Tim

Hell: Colton being a complete ass on Survivor, though I did enjoy the men tribe's stupidity when they gave the idol away and went to tribal. It was surprising and highly entertaining Like who does that?
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The Cartier ad might have been impressive five or ten years ago, but there' s just too much CG being done now. And they seem to be marketing to an audience that doesn't even watch TV.



Netflix seems to think running repeats of a show means keeping a show alive. That might have at once time been true with movies but once the DVDs come out nobody's going to care about the show anymore.

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Cartier is marketing to an audience who wish they were the type of people who didn't watch tv.
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agreed. My copy is going in the hall of shame. Right next to Cop Rock!!
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Swell: Grimm's ability to move the storyline along with remarkable clarity and purpose.

Hell:OUaT inability to move the storyline along, and instead laying a dwarf egg!!
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Swell...every single week...Spartacus.



Why do we get reviews of shows like Top Chef and Survivor when a brilliantly forged show like Spartacus is dancing in the shadows? I understand they have higher ratings, but if you don't talk about something, you don't raise its awareness. It's self-defeating, and you only supply the demand; you don't create it. Also, you reserve a swell spot for a non-sequitur LSD-induced commercial (credit where credit's due, but c'mon) and not general badassery?
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What are you talking about? Seth reviews Spartacus each week: http://www.tv.com/news/spartacus-vengeance-bring-on-the-bavarian-barbarians-28054/
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Apparently you don't scroll all the way down to the comment area of Seth's "reviews." It was recently learned that only Seth watches the show. That, in itself, is disheartening. Regardless, I was more referring to its absence on the Hell-or-Swell list. When compared to a grandiose drug-dream of a commercial (again, not knocking the originality of it), I think Spartacus should get more awareness. I'm coming from a place that hasn't seen the show listed on here once. But I could be wrong, and probably am. Spartacus season finales are usually epic.
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Swell: The Big Bang Theory, particularly for not ending like 90 percent of sitcoms would have with that storyline; Person of Interest, particularly the last 15 minutes; the Key & Peel sketch on ultimate fighters; Archer's Graduate ending. Hell: Rachel Maddow continually interrupting Chris Matthews in the middle of asking a question to inform the audience of a primary result (because projections can't wait); Ed Shultz continually bringing up his incident with Laura Ingram in discussing the Rush Limbaugh story; any time past the second or third I heard someone joke about Mitt Romney probably opting for old-fashioned words like trollop or harlot.

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Ugh. I don't know who disgusted me more...Colton or the idiots who actually went along with him.



POI playing Daddy Daycare was fab!



Hell: "A King falling" on Breakout Kings. Apparently for no sound reason other than...they had it in their power to knock off a character for shock value. : (
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What the f*ck was that commercial about?? The actual Cartier products appeared for an overall 5 seconds or so and I am only assuming that's what they were. What program's ad space did they buy for this? The French.. what are ya' gonna do?
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George Takei getting kicked off of Celebrity Apprentice was pretty terrible.
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That commercial was AWESOME! The music and visuals were so great, I just sat in awe for the entire three and a half minutes. I'm in love with this commercial.

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Please how can you not mention the Epic Community trailer that was on The Soup, plus the rest of the hilarious promos and NBC for actually giving a damn about it too!



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Wow, horrible week, huh? None of those "swells" were that swell aside from Colbert / Rush and Tim being really handy for Raylan. Odenkirk's video was unbearable, falling into all the traps his comedy ends up writing - he's a funny guy, but he either doesn't self-edit enough or he has MUCH worse ideas that he cuts. There was an earnest, funny concept buried deep within the ludicrousness of that, but the junk it vomited out wasted a significant portion of my life.
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the Cartier thing is pretty epic I guess, it's nice to look at and I like it, but has nothing to do with the brand lol



ABC already had a singing competition and it bombed and was canceled after, what? the second week? so that's stupid. I won't watch either, just like I don't watch American Idol anymore (just The Voice and The X Factor)
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SWELL:



Archer: Krieger, thank you! This is the -- why do you have an erection?

Krieger: I'm *cry* happy. (wipes a tear from his eye)

---

Cheryl/Carol: Hey!! Wait, or do I mean sploosh?

---

Archer: Baby, I was emotionally shattered which turns out to be kind of a panty dropper.

---

Katya: Da? And what do you see in my eyes?

Archer: Mostly those insane boobs.

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Woodhouse: I took the liberty of poaching you an egg.

Katya: It's not much of a liberty considering that you are going to polish my vagina.



And so many more

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SWELL: Marshal Tim on Justified.
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Swell: The Simpsons introduction paying tribute to Game of Thrones!!!

Swell: The Big Bang Theory's Stuart using Excalibur with a tennis ball to make a cane as a 93rd birthday present!!!

Swell: NBC's trailer video for the rest of Season 3 Community!!!

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I think my biggest swell this week was the episode of Psych. Not only was it a great homage to The Shinning as well as a couple nods to Hitchcock, but also just a great performance by Timothy Omundson. The show just keeps getting better and better.



Also the on demand preview of Fairly Legal. There is just something swell about Sarah Shahi on TV, or on anything for that matter.
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i <3 Bob Odenkirk
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POI was fantastic this week!
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wish Netflix was actually interested in Terra Nova...yeah the first season had its faults, and I mean a lot of faults. Yet...it was still a pretty good show that had potential into becoming better! Why doesn't the SYFY channel actually live to its name and pick it up and stop bringing reality to a science fiction channel! Although (Face/Off is a good show shout out to RJ!)
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Swell --- the Grimm episode. Campy funny and jealous!

Hell -- No Community this week
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Hell: No Community this week.

Swell: Community is back next week!
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