Well, internet, this is it: the very last installment of Swell-o-Vision vs. Hell-o-Vision. Kind of. We'll still be publishing this "week in review" feature every seven days, but starting next week, it'll don a different name! Dun dun dunnn... the new title finalists are currently being discussed in a secret underground bunker, but when you check back next week, ALL WILL BE REVEALED! Rest in peace, swelly-helly, you sure looked good up there while you lasted.
Okay, that's enough sap for one intro—let's take one last, longing look at the SWELLs and the HELLs of television this week.
Arsenio Hall's commentary on The Celebrity Apprentice
His words (in reference to Aubrey O'Day): "She is so self righteous—I can see why Diddy fired her." Ouch! You got burrrrrned, Aubs.
Brianna Brown's guest appearance on Awake
The actress previously known as "Carrie Matheson's whore friend" on Homeland played the same woman in two lives—one a successful investment banker and the other a washed-up junkie—and nailed 'em both. It was a solid performance that really sold the lesson that sometimes we need a little help to get through tough times.
Celebrities reading mean tweets about themselves on Jimmy Kimmel Live
While R.E.M’s “Everybody’s Hurts” played in the background, famous folks like Joel McHale, Will Ferrell, Kristen Bell, and David Cross shared the most hateful tweets about themselves in celebration of Twitter’s birthday. Gotta love Twitter (or not).
The Walking Dead's hooded stranger
We'd waited so patiently to see the katana-wielding zombie-imprisoning comic fave Michonne, and her brief appearance didn't disappoint.
America's Next Top Model's "British Invasion" season
It's kind of amazing in a completely horrifying way? All the typical crazy is still there, but with the bonus of additional competition (and screaming!) between the American girls and the British girls. Turns out trash-talking is even more entertaining when the person doing it has an accent.
Joe Perry serenading Steven Tyler on American Idol
Despite rumors that bad blood among bandmates may be preventing future Aerosmith reunions, Steven Tyler seemed thrilled when his old pal came out and played "Happy Birthday" for him during this week's result show. Add to that a beaming Liv Tyler in the audience, and it was a truly fun and surprising moment for a show increasingly in need of them.
A villain escapes Survivor: One World
[Spoiler alert!] The wretched Colton had to bail on competing because of health issues. The downside is he wasn't technically voted out in the righteous comeuppance he so dearly deserved, but we'll take what we can get.
Favorite TV, back again
Community is once again settling into Thursdays. Fringe ended its hiatus last night. TVD and TSC were both new this week. Even though we usually can't have all our favorite shows on the schedule at once (C U SOON, P&R;!), you can't deny it's awesome to have so many of our old pals back. Plus Mad Men tomorrow! GoT next week! Hooray!
The Secret Circle ramps it up
This week's episode was officially great: A sinister reveal, an epic betrayal, a genuinely emotional climax, a Chris Zylka underwear scene, and a couple hundred dead crows. What more could anybody want from a teen drama?
The ending of The River's first (and probably last) season
It just stopped so abruptly! That's kind of thoughtless to the viewers, don'tcha think?
The entire premise from this week's episode of Are You There, Chelsea?
First, no super-hot French chef is going to get pleasure out of fattening up an American girl. Second, as soon as she started eating his soup off the floor they'd be finished. And third, gross! We don't really see the humor in watching a character eat cake for 30 minutes. The whole episode was just really weird and un-relatable.
Neal McDonough's ass on Justified
The scene was already disturbing enough—Quarles (McDonough) snorted some Oxy, said some loony-tunes self-confidence-building lines into a mirror like Stuart Smalley, and walked into a bathroom to do who-knows-what with a male prostitute he tied up. But did he really have to strip naked and moon us? Let's hope Natalie Zea returns the favor.
American Idol song selections continue to underwhelm
Each week the contestants have been presented with ostensibly huge catalogs to pick from (including this week's Billy Joel night) yet the contestants routinely pick second- or third-tier songs. No "River of Dreams"? No "We Didn't Start the Fire" or "Uptown Girl"? What's the point of reaching back that far if you're going to pick obscure non-classics?
What made your list of TV loves and hates this week?