TV.com's Swell-o-vision vs. Hell-o-vision
(March 3)

The Oscars celebrated the best of film on Sunday, but we've gone one step further to celebrate the best and the worst of television this week. Behold:


SWELL


The Downton Abbey rap


The finest rhymes about fancy English people you'll hear all day. Probably.



Jermaine Jones and Ryan Seacrest standing next to each other on the Idol stage


It was just a really funny image when they were facing one another and talking and Jermaine was, like, three feet taller. Don't hurt your neck there, Seacrest.



The latest Game of Thrones trailer


Any bad memories of the Oscars were erased as soon as this trailer aired on HBO afterward. Between the Depeche Mode-ish background music and Renly telling Stannis, "No one wants you for their king, Brother," it got us very ready for war.



Fred's goatee on Suburgatory


To impress his wife, who he thought had a crush on the goatee'd George, Fred let his chin fuzz grow out. But what sprouted from his face was as patchy as an inner-city Little League field.



30 Rock namechecks Deadline Hollywood's Nikki Finke


The notoriously cantankerous Hollywood blogger whose catchphrase is "Toldja!" became a hilarious punchline for Jack. She has been immortalized.



The Oscars' Christopher Guest "test audience" bit



cgo by RoninKengo

The Oscars got one thing right with this bit from Christopher Guest (Waiting for Guffman) about focus-group testing for The Wizard of Oz.



Happy Endings' Dave-centric sex dreams


They were all pretty special, but the line, "He's Freddy Krueger-ing us in our dreams with sex!" followed by Dave's appearance in the trademark mass-murderer's getup was the icing on the cake.



Happy Endings' new webisodes


Speaking of Happy Endings, there's also this! Sure, it's all about Subaru branding, but it's also pretty good. Yay semi-subliminal advertising! (More installments will be released in the coming weeks.)



Parenthood's season finale


For once, a rushed wedding made sense, and didn't just feel like a ratings ploy.



White Collar's premise-rattling finale


After Neal [SPOILER ALERT] snapped off his ankle bracelet and hopped a plane to Hawaii, his future as an FBI informant got a lot murkier... and so did most of his personal relationships. It was a surprising and gutsy turn of events for an otherwise breezy procedural, and we know one thing is true: Until the series returns this summer, we're really gonna miss that face!


HELL


This week's episode of Modern Family


PERIOD HUMOR? Really? We know Modern Family is wearing its flannel pajamas to bed instead of sexy nighties these days, but having a whole plot revolve around the three Dunphy women gettin' crazy because their cycles had synced was like the show had swung by Goodwill to drop off the sexy nighties and stock up on secondhand sweatpants.



Day-ruining Walking Dead spoilers


An ad for the DVDs contained a major spoiler from an upcoming scene, and several web sites made things worse by posting said spoiler all over the internet. We're not saying what it is because we're trying to keep this thing contained like a zombie virus outbreak!



Lisa Lampanelli on The Celebrity Apprentice


We used to think of Lisa Lampanelli as a bawdy but cheerful insult comic; now, thanks to The Celebrity Apprentice, she's nothing short of an insecure bully. Watching her tell Miss Universe to shut up and look pretty was bad enough, but seeing her tear up in the board room about always being the butt of (her own) jokes was a season lowpoint, and we're only on Episode 2.



The River's magical camera


Since it began, The River has been an exercise in the suspension of disbelief, but this week it actually made up a technology: The kidnapped cameraman's footage was transmitted wirelessly to the editing room where the crew was able to somehow triangulate its exact position and go after him. Sorry, WHAT? Cut it out, The River.



Billy Crystal's ninth turn as host of the Academy Awards


Sorry, we're just going to say it: Billy Crystal should not be asked back to host the Oscars next year. His watered-down Catskills schtick might've worked better in another time, but not when so many other incredible comedians were available. Chris Rock (again), Louis C.K., Amy Poehler, Steve Carrell, Danny McBride. Come on, Oscar, get with it.



Matt Lauer asked Zac Efron about the condom he dropped on the red carpet at the premiere of The Lorax


Matt, why? Just, why? How would you like it if someone asked you about your weekly coke binges in the '90s on national TV?


What made your list of TV loves and hates this week?

Comments (24)
Submit
Sort: Latest | Popular
The oscars bit was hilarious. Not to mention less than a month til' GoT!!!! Can't wait!
Reply
Flag
a friend's sister makes $70 an hour on the internet. She has been without a job for 10 months but last month her pay check was $13471 just working on the internet for a few hours. Read more on this site NuttyRich.com
Reply
Flag
SWELL: The (above) picture of Lisa Lampanelli showing us which nostril she uses to snort coke. Also, all of Happy Endings and Suburgatory.
Reply
Flag
Swell: The author of a book on Vladimir Putin playing straight man to Jon Stewart instead of trying to play along and Stewart acknowledging it; the Daily Show's ridicule of CNN's election night coverage; Peter Tork on The Rachel Maddow Show.



Hell: Andrew Britbart dying; the Andrew Britbart/movie mash-ups were gone from Current TV's website the day he died and I hadn't seen the last one.
Reply
Flag
I must say Fred's goatee on Suburgatory... Was sooooo creepy!
Reply
Flag
The funeral scene from Psych

Gus:(crying after shawn said he was going to die) Everyone is gonna miss me so much LMAO!!!!!
Reply
Flag
Really?!? Again with the Modern Family shot? You already had a feature about this, it wasn't that unfunny, you just sound like you're soap-boxing now.



Ugh, Danny McBride hosting the Oscars would be UNBEARABLE. He's funny in very small, pre-chewed bites, and even then it's debatable at best, but 3 hours of him? No thank you. You need a Bob Hope type, someone who can play high or low jokes, who can pander to the crowd or remind them why they're all phonies without just crapping on them, who can roll with the punches but still read from the prompter, and someone who isn't 10 or 100. Oh, and perhaps there doesn't need to be a musical number -- if they want to be hip and edgy for the youth crowd then it's time to let those ugly little things go.
Reply
Flag
Fringe not being on should be in the Hell section.
Reply
Flag
Modern Family was waaaaaaaaaaaaay too funny!
Reply
Flag
Swell: Grimm'S Outstanding episode "Three Coins in a Fuchsbau" , very well produced and an interesting arch. I hope this is a trend for the rest of the season.



Reply
Flag
I agree that this was a really good episode. The Fight Club episode a week before was pretty good too... two weeks in a row that I really enjoyed Grimm. Hopefully it continues.
Reply
Flag
Super Swell indeed. Judging from the trailer, it's going to be awesome next week too !
Reply
Flag
I agree that episode was the best of the season so far
Reply
Flag
at least zac practices safe sex. good for him.
Reply
Flag
Woo! Downton abbey rap!! And the focus group bit was my favorite part of the Oscars!



And while we're on Oscar hosts, what if Neil Patrick Harris hosted instead? He did well hosting the Tonys and the Emmys - why not the Oscars, too?
Reply
Flag
That Downton Abbey rap was fantastic!
Reply
Flag
Damn it, haven't heard about the Walking Dead spoiler. Now I won't be able to google about the series anymore until I know I already have seen the episode! That's sucks.....I always google everything!
Reply
Flag
This article was amazing! I love the Downtown Abbey remix the most, and the other information was intriguing!
Reply
Flag
I thought the Awake premiere was going to be on this list, but it's not a shame or anything that it's not.



Happy Endings was totes hilarious.
Reply
Flag
Did you cover the Awake pilot when it first hit the web? Because if not, what are you doing? Also, Awake not bombing in the ratings should make the swell list. Oh, and Andre Braugher back on SVU. Hell: no Fringe.
Reply
Flag
Yea, who didn't know that.
Reply
Flag
Modern Family's episode wasn't that bad, it was still fun (I think the reviewer who put this on here is probably a woman, and might have been on her period herself =)?) But the problem I had with the episode was the fact that they hired a GERMAN guy to play a DUTCH guy, and that the guy was wearing red, even though they obviously knew (from people in the background) that dutch people wear ORANGE to a national soccer game.
Reply
Flag
I feel that way always with the Italian characters...come on, we have enough emigrants...find some Italian guy to play an Italian guy..not a random European to play with an awful accent any nationality that you need at the moment
Reply
Flag
Swell: Happy Endings.

(Jane wakes up in a gasp after her sex dream about Dave, waking Brad up)

Brad: B--ch, it is 5:30!

(Ten minutes, Brad wakes up in a gasp after his sex dream about Dave, waking Jane up)

Jane: B--ch, it is 5:40.
Reply
Flag

Like TV.com on Facebook