's Swell-o-vision vs. Hell-o-vision (September 2)

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Swell: Three-day weekend! Unless you have to hurry back from fishing trip to write about Breaking Bad and Sons of Anarchy story on Monday (poor Tim, but he does it all for you)—then it's just a normal weekend. And for those of you in the Hurricane Beltway, it could be a wet one, which means lots of opportunities to curl up with your favorite television and make ga-ga eyes at it. Just make sure it's unplugged before you try for second base, because electrocution is no laughing matter! Anyway, here's what we liked and didn't like about TV this week.


... It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia's family photo
Mac (Rob McElhenney) is already killing it this season, and we've yet to see a single episode. (click the image for a larger version of the shot, with a cat in Kitten Mittens and Danny DeVito)

... Gidget and Jackie on TLC's Livin' For the Apocalypse
The story of how one older woman and one older transgendered woman met and became best friends or possibly more (at one point they discovered they were both dating the same man) is even better than watching them farm guinea pigs, can bacon, and shop for gigantic guns. When 2012 rolls around and chaos rules, we'll be begging them to protect us from each other.

... Tobias Funke meets the Dunphys
David Cross (Arrested Development's analrapist and Blue Man fan) has landed a recurring role on the new season of ABC's Modern Family, where he'll play a councilman who battles against Claire. This could not have gone better!

... Hot chicks fighting and getting wet
ABC's upcoming Charlie's Angels remake is utterly ridiculous, but if you're going to be utterly ridiculous, you may as well go all out. Also: Why don't Minka's teeth move?

... Don Cheadle as Captain Planet
The star of Showtime's upcoming House of Lies plays the eco-friendly superhero whose newfound crankiness makes the world a greener place. And oh look! It's Community's Gillian Jacobs cowering in fear!


... Controversy over Heather Morris' black-eyed photoshoot
The Glee star donned a shiner for photographer Tyler Shields, and a few stick-up-their-asses are complaining that it glorifies domestic violence. We think it glorifies hockey.

Glee Heather Morris Black Eye

... Matthew Fox (allegedly) gets drunk, punchy
The Lost star is being charged with punching a female party-bus driver in the crotch in Cleveland. We're so disappointed! What was he doing in Cleveland!?!?

... Brenda's Education Connection commercials
Talk about a new low for Shannen Doherty. This is the same sham that airs this horrible jingle and this annoying "go to college in your pajamas" crap. Lies, she's feeding us lies!

... Jake getting voted off Bachelor Pad
Along with Vienna, he was the show's money maker with his desperate (and completely idiotic) attempts to repair things with his ex. Now that he's gone all we have to look forward to is ABC's inventive ways of humiliating these vapid individuals.

... TLC's Big Sexy
The cable sideshow thought plus-sized models would make for compelling television, but these five nice, normal chicks without any sense of crazy are people I'd want to hang out with. Who wants to watch a reality show about people they'd be friends with? Seriously, these are normal people. Nothing to see here.

TLC Big Sexy

What made your list of TV loves and hates this week?

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