Whew, what a week! So many new shows! So much DVR overload! So much Swell-o-vision and so much Hell-o-vision!
... Ted Danson on CSI
Say what you want about the show, the guy was a breath of fresh air. Can't wait to see him discover his first semen stain with a blacklight.
... Death from a Rose
Charlie Harper killed off by Rose. Brilliantly plausible. "His body just exploded like a balloon full of meat."
... This Cake cake!
Someone already made a cake out of the newest Adventure Time characters, Cake the Cat and Fionna!
... Up All Night keeps us laughing all night
The second episode what could be the season's best new comedy was a positive sign that NBC is up to something good here. Even the parts with Nick Cannon were funny! But Will Arnett's "Hey Soul Sister" ringtone was the highlight.
... The Vampire Diaries firing on all cylinders
We're only two episodes into the season and already everything's super intense and important. This show does not hold back—it's as insanely entertaining and photogenic as ever.
... Parks and Recreation was hilarious and heartfelt
We really wanted Leslie and Ben to be a forever thing, but man, what a sweet break-up! Also Patricia Clarkson as Tammy #1 is great.
... Uncomfortable love gets a reality show
Controversial couple Courtney Stodden (age 17) and former Lost actor Doug Hutchinson (age 51) are pitching a reality show. We also have a reality show in development; it's called We Vomit While Watching Courtney Stodden's Reality Show!
... Whitney's executive producer badmouths our taste in comedy
The new multi-cam sitcom is an acquired taste to say the least, but have you ever wanted to taste something LESS after some lady calls you a snob for enjoying NBC's Thursday-night comedies?
... Michael Scott leaves the Emmys empty-handed
With all due respect to the talented Jim Parsons, the award for Best Actor in a Comedy really should have gone to Steve Carell this year (and not just 'cause it was his last season on the show—he acted the hell out of those final episodes). After seven years of nothing, he's like The Wire of comedy actors.
... Survivor's Brandon Hantz
This week the devout 19-year-old attempted to oust a female tribe mate because she turned him on too much; he referred to her as an untrustworthy temptress. Way to embody everything that's wrong about religion-based misogyny, guy.
... The X Factor's delight in delusion
The X Factor digs up the most shockingly deluded people in the U.S. Did that guy from Kentucky really sell his truck to audition? If so, he listens to way too much Colt Ford while doing meth. And did that girl who arrived in the Porsche SUV really think she had talent?
... Victor Garber joining Charlie's Angels
HE DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER.
What made your list of TV loves and hates this week?