Let's say you consider yourself a pretty big TV fan. A big-enough TV fan that you'd be happy to host a Lost party with Dharma-branded cupcakes. Maybe you go online from time to time to check message boards for NCIS chatter. Or perhaps you once spent an entire weekend tearing through a whole season of Supernatural.
But all that stuff is child's play compared to off-screen pursuits of TV's most hardcore fans. It's difficult to say why, but some shows simply attract a different breed of supporters. Creepy, scary, insane supporters. And so we present TV's craziest fans, who've taken their love of TV to the next, sick level. Note: these do not represent the entire fan base for a particular show, just the extremes
BonesInsanity Level: 4 out of 10, uncomfortably eccentric
Part forensics drama, part forbidden-romance novel, Bones has attracted a fan base that places solving murders behind the "will they or won't they boink?" question. Bones fans aren't willing to wait until the show's producers come up with new storylines about Bones and Booth's love... so they write their own fan fiction. I know what you're thinking: "Big deal, everyone writes fan fiction." But do they also make Hollywood-style movie trailers for said fan fiction?
LostInsanity Level: 8 out of 10, lock the door
We've covered the five types of Lost fans, but it's the cream of the crop that we feature here. When they're not redoing the credits '60s-style, constructing the plane crash 24-style, or making side-by-side comparison videos of the side-flash and "real" timelines, they're making Hurley goof-off videos set to Miley Cyrus tunes. The Lost crazies are a peculiar bunch.
ChuckInsanity Level: 7 out of 10, intervention time
Combine a good-looking underdog with the world's most valuable spy resource, then add sexy women in their underwear, big-time action, and some laughs, and you get a recipe for some hardcore fans. They seem reasonable and intelligent on the outside, but have you ever talked to a Chuck fan (when they're not wolfing down a Subway sandwich, that is)? They're like Scientology recruiters! They even brainwash their own young!
True BloodInsanity Level: 9 out of 10, in need of a padded cell
True Blood is one of the most entertaining social commentaries on television today. It's loaded with sex and violence. It's an award-winner. But let's face it, it's about vampires, so it's bound to attract some real creeps. Hardcore True Blood fans will say this is a much brainier blood-sucking tale than Twilight, but they're not afraid to cross the lines of appropriate obsession like their "Twi-hards" brethren.
NCISInsanity Level: 5 out of 10, a little over the top
It's television's most-watched show, so NCIS is going to have a fair share of lunatic fans just by statistical probability. Writing fan fiction about this procedural is a requirement to be a card-carrying NCIS nutjob, but it takes a special someone to write fanfic, make a video trailer for it, and then cut in fake guest-star scenes of Claire Danes from an entirely different movie. Extra points for the stuttering subtitles!
SmallvilleInsanity Level: 7 out of 10, don't look them in the eye
Smallville hasn't been around for almost a decade simply because Tom Welling is a superstud. The show combines two genres known for unbridled geekdom: comic-book superheroes and teenage drama. The result is a passionate fan base that's a glorious hybrid of swooning girls and sweaty nerds—not to mention at least one amateur film student who wants to know what things would've been like if Kal-El had gotten to Earth a bit earlier. This one's actually quite impressive... impressively insane!
Mad MenInsanity Level: 2 out of 10, just kind of annoying
When they're not blowing cigar smoke in your face, drinking Manhattans at lunch, or slicking back their hair and wearing the '60s fashion of their TV idols, Mad Men fans spend their time regurgitating their pseudo-intellectual rhetoric about how Mad Men is the most amazing thing in the world. And apparently when they're finished with that, they stay busy by combining Mad Men fan fiction with that other
Proof: "The Sins of the Fathers" (language is NSFW)
SupernaturalInsanity Level: 10 out of 10, call the National Guard
Listen, I love Supernatural, I really do. But some fans out there really love Supernatural, to almost clinical levels. Ahem: The show's weirdest fans are known for writing tales about a little something called "Wincest," a play on the main characters' surname (they're known as the Winchester brothers) and that taboo where siblings get it on. And as much as I enjoy watching Sam and Dean Winchester battle demons, I do not have any inclination to see them (or read about them) having sex with each other.
Proof: Nor do I care to read about what the angel Castiel, with a crab claw for a hand, does with Dean. I'm not providing the link, because it's really quite perverse (even for me) and X-rated, and I don't want to be responsible for you gouging you eyes out or developing an aversion to crab cake. But if you really want to see it, a Google search will do the trick. Just don't say I didn't warn you. In the meantime, please enjoy this Supernatural drinking game video, which should provide a better idea of what the show's "normal" fans are like. And by normal I mean completely bats*** insane.
HeroesInsanity Level: 9 out of 10, prepare to be trampled
Heroes is all about ordinary people with extraordinary abilities. Heroes fans are all about weird people with the extraordinary ability to make my ears bleed. I've been to the superhero drama's last few panels at Comic-Con, and none of the other show panels come anywhere near the decibel level reached at these screech fests. It's like a Harrier Jet made of screaming Siamese cats in heat taking off in my brain.
Follow TV.com writer Tim Surette on Twitter: @TimAtTVDotCom