Warehouse 13 "No Pain, No Gain" Review: Baby on Board

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Warehouse 13 S04E05: “No Pain, No Gain”

So Pete knocked Myka up, but not in the way a man and woman traditionally go about it. No, there were no test tubes involved either. In fact, it was entirely accidental and not at all consensual. It was one of those storylines that you’re better off not thinking too deeply about otherwise it gets creepy and weird.

Pete and Myka were sent to Toronto to investigate an aging hockey player who suddenly found himself in the middle of the season of a lifetime. Injuries that plagued him were suddenly gone, he was skating faster, hitting harder, and scoring more goals than he had before in his career. Understandably, Myka and Pete initially assumed that the artifact at hand belonged to Mike, the hockey player, and though they eventually figured out that it had to be one of his dedicated fans who was enabling his impressive performance, they didn’t realize that the fan was working with a wish-granting artifact—her grandfather’s World War II dog tags.

So, rifling through a purse in search of the possible culprit, Pete’s hand lingered on the dog tags, kept on a keyring by Judy the Batshit Crazy Fan, and he thought, ever so briefly, about Myka’s news earlier in the episode that her younger sister was expecting a baby. He felt bad for Myka, because remember ladies, our lives are not complete until we reproduce, and hoped that one day she too could experience the joy of swollen ankles, back pain, and frequent urination.


It’s better not to think too hard about the implications of this one. The questions that must be asked just kind of make my skin crawl:

1. Does the fact that Pete wished Myka preggers mean that he's the father?

2. What about the fact that Pete basically got Myka pregnant against her will?

It's kind of like that Raising Hope episode from last season where Burt told Virginia that he poked a hole in their condom on prom night because he knew that the only way to keep her in his life was to knock her up... and she thought it was romantic. I SEE what Warehouse 13's writers are trying to do, I KNOW it’s supposed to be lighthearted, but at the same time, it’s really kind of awful if you dwell on it too much.

So let’s just sit back and enjoy the hilariously hormonal Myka and try not to think too hard about the mechanics of how she came to be a weepy mess in the first place.

Wise to the warehouse agents on her tail, Judy decided to just kidnap Mike and show him what true love is, Misery-style. Pete and Myka eventually caught up and neutralized the dogtags, giving Myka her sweet figure back and Mike his crappy knees.

Meanwhile, Artie enlisted Zombie Jinks’ help to track down the artifacts that have been mysteriously liberated from the warehouse. Citing the warehouse’s formidable security, Jinks pointed out that Claudia would have been better suited for the job, but Artie, who is starting to appear more and more obvious about his big secret every week, was adamant that Claudia not be involved. He made up some flimsy excuse that Jinks called him out on. I’m glad that we suddenly remembered Jinks’ uncanny lie-detector skills this season. Remember those? I feel like investigations would go so much smoother if that particular skill was utilized more often.

In Minneapolis, Mrs. Frederic took Claudia to lunch, then on a field trip to watch an artifact be born. It was babies, babies, everywhere this week, wasn’t it? A woman took a bullet to the shoulder to save a baby during a robbery and the emotion behind the motivation infused her bracelet with artifact magic. Claudia said that she thought only people with Wikipedia pages could make artifacts. So did I, but hey, four seasons in, we should probably branch out a little. I’m guessing that’s why Myka and Pete ended up confiscating a rather anonymous artifact, too: the wish-granting dog tags of Judy’s not-at-all famous grandfather.

Claudia asked Mrs. Frederic if they were there to confiscate the newborn artifact, but Mrs. Frederic said that they only worried about the ones that misbehaved. This opens up quite a can of worms when it comes to the Warehouse 13 mythology that we’ve adhered to for so long. Despite the often-repeated warning that all artifacts have a downside, does this mean that artifacts are actually NOT inherently bad? What then, is the thing that distinguishes a “good” artifact from a “bad” one? It is like The Force? Is it all about how you use it or what emotions go into making it? If it all boils down to emotion, then HOW do we make an artifact—how REALLY? Is it science or magic?

It’s also important to note that, as cool as it was to learn where baby artifacts come from, the real interesting point on that field trip was the fact that Claudia could sense the creation of the artifact before it happened. Back in Season 2, we learned that Claudia was meant to take Mrs. Frederic’s place as the caretaker of the warehouse upon her death. Claudia was not at all down with the idea at the time, but maybe she doesn’t really have a say in the matter. Maybe it’s like being a Jedi, which again, begs the question, is this magic or science?

Maybe it would be better if we never found out. After all, The Force was a way cooler concept before the Star Wars prequels explained that it’s basically a glorified bacterial infection. What do YOU think?

Additional Notes from the “Library of Crazy”

– Myka and Claudia as undercover Geisha in this week’s opening scene might just have been the most random one yet. What do you think?

– Okay, that scene with Mrs. Frederic and her grandson with that song from Crash playing over it all was really freaking sad.

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